Some feel that individuals todaySome feel that individuals today spend too much time following political news while others feel politics deserves greater attention. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.
Some feel that individuals todaySome feel that individuals today spend too much time following political news while others feel politics deserves greater attention.
Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.
The extensive media coverage nowadays has paved the way for such a wide exposure to news on an unprecedented scale; henceforth, there are those who contend that the public is being bombarded with a plethora of political news among other varieties of news types. However, it is imperative that politics is any citizen’s responsibility to understand their country. This essay will give an insight on both views along with justifications.
Critics of political news would point out an impractical application on individuals’ daily life. To explain, one of the primary reason for getting news is to stay informed with latest events, and thus make adjustments to one’s life. If viewers were to receive an excessive amount of political news, which mainly cover political figures, elections, campaigns to inform governmental activities; then they would overlook issues and incidents, which directly influence their decisions and routines. Futhermore, the implication of political news on people’s mental health and well-being is reported to be an increasing concern since the majority of political content tend to evoke negative emotions. This could be explained that meida outlets will be financially benefited when advertisers are paying for clicks, so negative content such as corruptions tend to draw more attention from the public interest. Therefore, it is logical to decry political news, and viewers should restrict their exposure to a certain extent.
Turning to an alternative viewpoint, political journalism is supposed to be worth-reading since it is deemed to be an indispensable resource for citizens on a regular basis to accquire knowledge about political systems, parties, which implicitly casts a profound impact on the national economy and social stability. In other words, government mostly take control of all foreign investment streams. If citizens keep themselves updated with the international relashipship between their nation and other countries, they are more likely to seize financial opportunities in a long term. In addition, some political propagandas being disseminated to the public may influence the process of future election. Taking western countries as an example, the citizens’ votes partly contribute to the win of a cerntain political party, who will then lead the whole country and bring either success or failure of a nation. This adds credence to the point that political news is as fundamental as other types of news.
In conclusion, regardless of some drawbacks, political news is playing an intrinsic role in people’s life and should be sufficiently accessed. Thus, the public should judge political news on its own merits, not the disadvantages alone.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"paved the way for such a wide exposure" -> "facilitated such extensive exposure"
Explanation: "Facilitated" is a more precise and formal term than "paved the way for," which sounds overly dramatic and less academic in this context. -
"henceforth" -> "therefore"
Explanation: "Henceforth" is somewhat archaic and less commonly used in modern academic writing. "Therefore" is more straightforward and appropriate for formal essays. -
"it is imperative that politics is any citizen’s responsibility" -> "it is imperative that understanding politics is a responsibility of every citizen"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revised version corrects the grammar and clarifies the meaning. -
"give an insight on both views" -> "provide insights into both perspectives"
Explanation: "Provide insights into" is a more formal and precise phrase than "give an insight on," which is less commonly used in academic writing. -
"an impractical application on individuals’ daily life" -> "an impractical application in individuals’ daily lives"
Explanation: "In" is the correct preposition for indicating the location of application, and "lives" should be plural to match the generalization. -
"stay informed with latest events" -> "remain informed about the latest events"
Explanation: "Remain informed about" is more formal and grammatically correct than "stay informed with." -
"Futhermore" -> "Furthermore"
Explanation: "Furthermore" is the correct spelling, not "Futhermore." -
"the implication of political news on people’s mental health and well-being" -> "the implications of political news on individuals’ mental health and well-being"
Explanation: "Implications" should be plural to match the generalization, and "individuals’" is more formal than "people’s." -
"meida" -> "media"
Explanation: Corrects a spelling error. -
"tend to evoke negative emotions" -> "often evoke negative emotions"
Explanation: "Often" is more precise and academically appropriate than "tend to," which is vague. -
"worth-reading" -> "worth reading"
Explanation: "Worth reading" is a more natural and grammatically correct phrase. -
"accquire" -> "acquire"
Explanation: Corrects a spelling error. -
"relashipship" -> "relationship"
Explanation: Corrects a spelling error. -
"cerntain" -> "certain"
Explanation: Corrects a spelling error. -
"in a long term" -> "in the long term"
Explanation: "In the long term" is the correct idiomatic expression. -
"partly contribute to the win of a cerntain political party" -> "partly contribute to the election of a certain political party"
Explanation: "Contribute to the election" is more specific and grammatically correct than "contribute to the win." -
"playing an intrinsic role in people’s life" -> "playing an intrinsic role in people’s lives"
Explanation: "Lives" should be plural to match the generalization. -
"should be sufficiently accessed" -> "should be accessed sufficiently"
Explanation: "Should be accessed sufficiently" is grammatically correct and clearer.
These changes enhance the formal tone and precision of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument regarding the consumption of political news. The first body paragraph discusses the viewpoint that excessive political news can detract from individuals’ daily lives and mental well-being, while the second paragraph argues for the importance of political news in understanding governance and its implications on society. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit mention of the author’s own opinion, which is somewhat buried in the conclusion rather than being clearly articulated throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance the response to all parts of the question, the writer should clearly state their opinion in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. Additionally, integrating personal viewpoints within the body paragraphs would strengthen the argument and provide a more balanced discussion.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that acknowledges both sides of the argument, but the author’s stance is not consistently clear throughout the essay. The conclusion states that political news plays an intrinsic role in people’s lives, yet this opinion is not explicitly stated earlier in the essay. The lack of a clear position can lead to confusion about the writer’s true stance on the issue.
- How to improve: The writer should ensure that their opinion is clearly articulated in the introduction and consistently referenced throughout the essay. Using phrases such as "In my opinion" or "I believe" can help clarify the author’s position and make it more prominent.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the negative impact of excessive political news on mental health and the importance of political awareness for informed citizenship. However, some points could be further developed. For instance, the mention of mental health concerns is a strong point but lacks specific examples or evidence to substantiate it. Similarly, the discussion on the influence of political news on elections could be expanded with more detailed examples.
- How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the writer should provide specific examples, statistics, or studies that back up their claims. This not only adds credibility but also helps to engage the reader more effectively.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the pros and cons of political news. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, such as when discussing the financial motivations of media outlets. While relevant, this point could be more directly tied back to the main argument regarding the consumption of political news.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the central question of whether individuals spend too much time on political news. Clarifying how each argument supports or counters the main thesis will help keep the essay on track.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, improvements can be made in articulating a clear position, providing more substantial support for ideas, and ensuring that all points remain tightly focused on the prompt.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the two opposing views. Each paragraph addresses a specific viewpoint, which helps in maintaining a logical flow. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the criticisms of excessive political news, while the second body paragraph presents the argument for the importance of political news. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother, particularly when moving from the discussion of the drawbacks to the benefits of political news. The use of phrases like "Turning to an alternative viewpoint" is a good start, but it could be enhanced with more explicit connections to the previous paragraph.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that summarize the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, incorporating transitional phrases that explicitly relate the ideas from one paragraph to the next can improve the overall flow. For example, after discussing the drawbacks of political news, you might say, "Despite these concerns, it is crucial to recognize the significant role political news plays in an informed society."
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is essential for clarity. Each paragraph has a distinct focus, which aids in understanding. However, the first body paragraph could benefit from a clearer conclusion or summary statement that reinforces the main argument before transitioning to the next paragraph. This would help in solidifying the reader’s understanding of the point being made.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph concludes with a summarizing sentence that encapsulates the main point discussed. This not only reinforces the argument but also prepares the reader for the next point. For instance, after discussing the negative impacts of political news, a concluding sentence could emphasize the need for balance in media consumption.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices such as "however," "in addition," and "therefore," which help to connect ideas and arguments. However, there is a tendency to rely on a limited range of cohesive devices, which can make the writing feel repetitive. For example, the phrase "this could be explained that" is used in a somewhat awkward manner and could be replaced with more varied expressions.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "in addition," you could use alternatives like "furthermore," "moreover," or "besides." Additionally, varying sentence structures can also enhance cohesion; for example, using relative clauses or participial phrases can create more complex and engaging sentences.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, focusing on enhancing logical transitions, summarizing points effectively, and diversifying cohesive devices will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, with phrases such as "paved the way," "plethora of political news," and "indispensable resource" showcasing the writer’s ability to utilize varied expressions. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more diverse or sophisticated. For example, the repeated use of "political news" could be varied with synonyms or related terms such as "political coverage," "political discourse," or "political reporting."
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, the writer should actively seek synonyms and related phrases when revising their work. Creating a list of alternative terms for commonly used phrases can be beneficial. Additionally, reading a wider range of texts can expose the writer to new vocabulary that can be incorporated into their writing.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay includes some precise vocabulary, such as "impractical application" and "financially benefited," which effectively convey the intended meaning. However, there are areas where the vocabulary is imprecise or awkward. For instance, the phrase "the implication of political news on people’s mental health" could be more clearly articulated as "the impact of political news on people’s mental health." Additionally, "acquire knowledge about political systems, parties" lacks clarity; it would be more precise to say "acquire knowledge about political systems and parties."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and coherence in their word choices. Reading sentences aloud can help identify awkward phrasing. Furthermore, using a thesaurus judiciously can assist in finding more precise words that fit the context better.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "Futhermore" (should be "Furthermore"), "meida" (should be "media"), "relashipship" (should be "relationship"), and "cerntain" (should be "certain"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and may confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy, such as reading the essay backward or using spell-check tools. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can help improve spelling skills over time. Regular writing practice, coupled with careful review, will also aid in minimizing such errors in future essays.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary with a score of 7, there are clear areas for improvement in terms of vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future writing tasks.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For instance, phrases like "the public is being bombarded with a plethora of political news among other varieties of news types" and "political journalism is supposed to be worth-reading since it is deemed to be an indispensable resource for citizens" show an ability to construct longer, more intricate sentences. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and run-on sentences that detract from clarity, such as "If viewers were to receive an excessive amount of political news, which mainly cover political figures, elections, campaigns to inform governmental activities; then they would overlook issues and incidents, which directly influence their decisions and routines." This sentence is convoluted and could be broken down for better readability.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied sentence beginnings and using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "If," try varying the structure by using introductory phrases or clauses. Additionally, ensure that complex sentences are clear and concise to avoid confusion.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect its overall clarity and professionalism. For example, "one of the primary reason" should be "one of the primary reasons," indicating a subject-verb agreement error. Additionally, the phrase "which mainly cover political figures" should be "which mainly covers political figures" to maintain subject-verb agreement. There are also punctuation errors, such as the misuse of semicolons in "governmental activities; then they would overlook," where a comma would be more appropriate. Furthermore, spelling errors like "Futhermore" (should be "Furthermore") and "meida" (should be "media") detract from the overall quality of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay carefully for subject-verb agreement and other grammatical structures. Consider using grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers to identify and correct errors. Additionally, pay attention to punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas and semicolons, to enhance the clarity of your writing. Regular practice with writing exercises focused on grammar can also help solidify these skills.
Bài sửa mẫu
The extensive media coverage nowadays has paved the way for such wide exposure to news on an unprecedented scale; therefore, there are those who contend that the public is being bombarded with a plethora of political news among other varieties of news types. However, it is imperative that understanding politics is a responsibility of every citizen to comprehend their country. This essay will provide insights into both perspectives along with justifications.
Critics of political news would point out its impractical application in individuals’ daily lives. To explain, one of the primary reasons for getting news is to remain informed about the latest events, and thus make adjustments to one’s life. If viewers were to receive an excessive amount of political news, which mainly covers political figures, elections, and campaigns to inform governmental activities, then they would overlook issues and incidents that directly influence their decisions and routines. Furthermore, the implications of political news on people’s mental health and well-being are reported to be an increasing concern since the majority of political content tends to evoke negative emotions. This could be explained by the fact that media outlets will financially benefit when advertisers pay for clicks, so negative content such as corruption tends to draw more attention from the public. Therefore, it is logical to decry political news, and viewers should restrict their exposure to a certain extent.
Turning to an alternative viewpoint, political journalism is worth reading since it is deemed to be an indispensable resource for citizens on a regular basis to acquire knowledge about political systems and parties, which implicitly cast a profound impact on the national economy and social stability. In other words, the government mostly takes control of all foreign investment streams. If citizens keep themselves updated with the international relationship between their nation and other countries, they are more likely to seize financial opportunities in the long term. In addition, some political propaganda being disseminated to the public may influence the process of future elections. Taking Western countries as an example, the citizens’ votes partly contribute to the win of a certain political party, which will then lead the whole country and determine either the success or failure of a nation. This adds credence to the point that political news is as fundamental as other types of news.
In conclusion, regardless of some drawbacks, political news plays an intrinsic role in people’s lives and should be accessed sufficiently. Thus, the public should judge political news on its own merits, not just the disadvantages alone.