Some feel that movies and tv shows are a good way to study history despite their lack of historical accuracy at times. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many people are of the opinion that learning history through entertainment platforms such as movies and tv shows is reasonable and should be encouraged regardless of their insufficient historical clarity and accuracy at times. From my perspective, I partly agree with this school of thought due to many reasons discussed below.
Admittedly, there are some benefits associated with the application of these means entertainment in learning history. Specifically, when people expose to film using historical materials, they may have the opportunities to witness the historical events and individuals that they have never interacted before. For example, Mui Co Chay, which is a well-known Vietnamese film, offers audiences some insights into the war between Vietnam and America. This can foster a wider awareness for learners towards the notable events occurring in the past. Furthermore, movies and tv shows can regarded as an essential resource for learners, especially those who have the basic foundation about history, to broaden their horizons and analyze an historical phenomenon through various perspectives. When people expose to cinematic platforms, they may have the opportunity to perceive the point of view of directors towards a historical event, fostering assessing and evaluating process, which plays a crucial role in learning history. Therefore, films and tv shows may foster deeper understanding of history for learners.
On the other hands, there are myriad of reasons as to why I claim that these entertainment platforms should not be regarded as a appropriate resource for learning history. With the flourishing of cinematic industry, it is arduous to guarantee films specializing in history not to contain misleading and inaccurate information, which can be exposed widely by mass population. The implication of this the misperception of some individuals about historical events, which can generate the negative attitude towards a nation or some specific races. For example, Striking, which is a film about Vietnam war produced by American director, contains inappropriate scenes, making many young people believe in a false scenario about this event. For that reason, movies and tv shows should not be applied in learning history due to the possible lack of precise information, leading to many undesired ramifications for learners
In conclusion, while learning history through entertainment platforms such as movies and TV shows can offer engaging and diverse perspectives that enhance understanding, it is important to be cautious of their potential inaccuracies and biases. Although these mediums can serve as valuable supplementary resources, they should not replace more reliable and factual historical sources. Therefore, while these platforms should be encouraged as a way to spark interest in history, it is crucial for learners to critically assess the information presented and seek out more accurate references to develop a well-rounded understanding of historical events.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Many people are of the opinion" -> "Many individuals hold the view"
Explanation: "Hold the view" is a more formal and precise expression than "are of the opinion," which is somewhat colloquial and vague in an academic context.
"reasonable and should be encouraged" -> "justifiable and deserving of encouragement"
Explanation: "Justifiable and deserving of encouragement" provides a more formal and academically appropriate tone than "reasonable and should be encouraged," which is somewhat informal and lacks specificity.
"due to many reasons discussed below" -> "for several reasons discussed below"
Explanation: "For several reasons" is more concise and formal than "due to many reasons," which is somewhat redundant and informal.
"expose to film using historical materials" -> "expose themselves to films based on historical materials"
Explanation: "Expose themselves to films based on historical materials" corrects the grammatical error and clarifies the meaning, making it more precise and formal.
"they may have the opportunities" -> "they may have opportunities"
Explanation: Removing "the" before "opportunities" simplifies the sentence and aligns better with formal academic style, which often avoids unnecessary articles when referring to abstract concepts.
"regarded as an essential resource" -> "regarded as essential resources"
Explanation: "Resources" should be plural to match the plural subject "learners," enhancing grammatical accuracy and formality.
"broaden their horizons and analyze an historical phenomenon" -> "broaden their horizons and analyze historical phenomena"
Explanation: "Historical phenomena" should be plural to match the plural subject "learners," and "an" before "historical phenomenon" is incorrect as it implies a singular noun, which is not appropriate here.
"fostering assessing and evaluating process" -> "fostering the assessment and evaluation process"
Explanation: Adding "the" before "assessment and evaluation process" corrects the grammatical structure and clarifies the noun phrase, making it more formal and precise.
"On the other hands" -> "On the other hand"
Explanation: "On the other hand" is the correct idiomatic expression, not "On the other hands," which is grammatically incorrect.
"myriad of reasons" -> "myriad reasons"
Explanation: "Myriad reasons" is the correct form, eliminating the unnecessary article "of" for a more formal and concise expression.
"not to contain misleading and inaccurate information" -> "not to contain misleading or inaccurate information"
Explanation: Using "or" instead of "and" correctly represents the alternative possibilities of misleading or inaccurate information, enhancing clarity and formality.
"exposed widely by mass population" -> "exposed widely to the general public"
Explanation: "Exposed widely to the general public" is more precise and formal than "exposed widely by mass population," which is awkward and unclear.
"generate the negative attitude" -> "generate negative attitudes"
Explanation: "Negative attitudes" should be plural to match the plural subject "some individuals," aligning with grammatical correctness and formality.
"leading to many undesired ramifications for learners" -> "leading to numerous undesirable consequences for learners"
Explanation: "Numerous undesirable consequences" is more formal and precise than "many undesired ramifications," which is somewhat informal and vague.
"should not replace more reliable and factual historical sources" -> "should not supplant more reliable and factual historical sources"
Explanation: "Supplant" is a more formal synonym for "replace," enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.

These changes aim to refine the vocabulary and grammar to meet the standards of academic writing, ensuring clarity, precision, and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of using movies and TV shows as educational tools for studying history. The writer acknowledges the benefits of engagement and perspective offered by these mediums while also highlighting the risks of misinformation. However, the response could be more explicit in stating the extent of agreement or disagreement with the prompt. The phrase "I partly agree" is somewhat vague and does not clearly indicate the writer’s position.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should clearly articulate the extent of their agreement or disagreement in the introduction and conclusion. For instance, they could specify whether they believe the benefits outweigh the drawbacks or vice versa. This clarity will help ensure that all parts of the question are fully addressed.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that is somewhat clear but lacks consistency in the degree of agreement. The introduction states a partial agreement, but the body paragraphs oscillate between supporting and criticizing the use of films and TV shows for learning history. This inconsistency can confuse the reader regarding the writer’s true stance.
- How to improve: The writer should maintain a consistent position throughout the essay. This can be achieved by clearly stating their main argument in each paragraph and ensuring that all supporting points align with this argument. Using phrases like "I believe" or "In my view" can help reinforce the writer’s stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the benefits of engagement and the risks of misinformation. However, some points lack depth and could be better supported with more specific examples or evidence. For instance, while the mention of the film "Mui Co Chay" is relevant, additional context about its impact on viewers or its historical accuracy would strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations. This could include discussing specific historical inaccuracies in films or providing statistics or studies that highlight the impact of cinematic portrayals on public perception of history. Additionally, linking back to the main argument more explicitly will help reinforce the points made.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the role of movies and TV shows in learning history. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more focused. For example, the mention of "negative attitudes towards a nation or specific races" could be elaborated upon to clarify how this relates to the main argument about historical learning.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point directly relates back to the prompt. They can do this by consistently linking their examples and arguments back to the central question of whether movies and TV shows are effective for studying history. Additionally, avoiding overly broad statements will help keep the discussion relevant.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, improvements in clarity, consistency, and depth of analysis could elevate the score further.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both sides of the argument, and a conclusion. Each paragraph begins with a topic sentence that outlines the main idea, which helps guide the reader through the argument. For example, the first body paragraph discusses the benefits of using movies and TV shows for learning history, while the second body paragraph addresses the drawbacks. However, the transition between the two paragraphs could be smoother. The phrase "On the other hands" is slightly awkward and could be improved to enhance the logical flow.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer transitional phrases such as "Conversely" or "In contrast" to signal a shift in perspective. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph maintains a consistent focus on the main idea, and consider using subheadings or bullet points for complex arguments to improve clarity.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is essential for coherence. Each paragraph is focused on a specific aspect of the argument, making it easier for the reader to follow. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from clearer internal structure. For instance, the discussion of the negative implications of inaccurate historical representations could be broken down into smaller, more digestible points.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, consider breaking longer paragraphs into smaller ones, especially when introducing new ideas or examples. Each paragraph should ideally contain a single main idea supported by evidence or examples. This will enhance readability and make the argument more compelling.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "for example," "on the other hand," and "therefore," which help connect ideas within and between sentences. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some phrases are used repetitively. For instance, the phrase "historical events" appears multiple times, which can detract from the overall cohesion of the essay.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider using synonyms or related phrases to avoid repetition. Additionally, incorporate a wider variety of cohesive devices, such as "furthermore," "in addition," or "consequently," to enhance the flow of ideas. Using linking words effectively can also help clarify relationships between different points and improve overall coherence.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion principles, there are areas for improvement. By focusing on smoother transitions, clearer paragraph structures, and a wider range of cohesive devices, the essay can achieve a higher level of clarity and effectiveness in presenting its arguments.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms such as "insufficient historical clarity," "broaden their horizons," and "misleading and inaccurate information." These phrases show an ability to convey complex ideas effectively. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more varied or sophisticated. For example, the phrase "the application of these means entertainment" is awkward and could be expressed more fluidly.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider incorporating more synonyms and varied expressions. Instead of repeating "movies and TV shows," you might use "cinematic works" or "visual narratives." Additionally, using more advanced adjectives and adverbs could elevate the overall lexical quality.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments of imprecision. For instance, the phrase "the flourishing of cinematic industry" lacks an article and should read "the flourishing of the cinematic industry." Additionally, "the application of these means entertainment" is unclear and could confuse readers regarding its intended meaning.
- How to improve: Focus on clarity and precision in word choice. When expressing complex ideas, ensure that phrases are grammatically correct and clearly convey the intended meaning. For example, rephrasing "the application of these means entertainment" to "the use of entertainment mediums" would clarify your point and improve readability.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "an historical phenomenon" (should be "a historical phenomenon") and "On the other hands" (should be "On the other hand"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse readers.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After writing, take a break before reviewing your work to approach it with fresh eyes. Additionally, using spell-check tools or writing software can help catch errors before submission. Regular practice with spelling exercises can also reinforce correct spelling habits.

Overall, while the essay showcases a solid command of vocabulary, there is room for improvement in precision, range, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future assessments.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and some use of passive voice. For instance, phrases like "when people expose to film using historical materials" and "the implication of this the misperception of some individuals about historical events" show attempts to create more intricate sentence forms. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and grammatical errors that detract from the overall effectiveness, such as "the application of these means entertainment" which should be "these means of entertainment."
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating more conditional sentences and varied conjunctions to connect ideas. For example, using structures like "If films are used as educational tools, they should be critically evaluated" can add complexity. Additionally, revisiting sentence fragments and ensuring that all sentences are complete and grammatically correct will improve clarity and sophistication.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a mix of grammatical accuracy and errors. While the overall meaning is conveyed, there are notable mistakes such as "there are myriad of reasons" (should be "myriad reasons") and "should not be regarded as a appropriate resource" (should be "an appropriate resource"). Punctuation is generally correct, but some sentences are overly long and could benefit from clearer separation to enhance readability.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and article usage. Regular practice with grammar exercises and reviewing common pitfalls can be beneficial. For punctuation, breaking down longer sentences into shorter, clearer ones can help. For instance, the sentence "With the flourishing of cinematic industry, it is arduous to guarantee films specializing in history not to contain misleading and inaccurate information" could be revised for clarity and conciseness: "As the cinematic industry flourishes, it is difficult to guarantee that films specializing in history do not contain misleading information." This not only clarifies the message but also improves the overall flow of the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced argument, focusing on grammatical precision and diversifying sentence structures will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Many individuals hold the view that learning history through entertainment platforms such as movies and TV shows is reasonable and should be encouraged, regardless of their insufficient historical clarity and accuracy at times. From my perspective, I partly agree with this school of thought for several reasons discussed below.

Admittedly, there are some benefits associated with the application of these means of entertainment in learning history. Specifically, when people expose themselves to films based on historical materials, they may have the opportunities to witness historical events and individuals that they have never interacted with before. For example, Mui Co Chay, which is a well-known Vietnamese film, offers audiences insights into the war between Vietnam and America. This can foster a wider awareness for learners regarding the notable events occurring in the past. Furthermore, movies and TV shows can be regarded as essential resources for learners, especially those who have a basic foundation in history, to broaden their horizons and analyze a historical phenomenon through various perspectives. When people are exposed to cinematic platforms, they may have the opportunity to perceive the point of view of directors towards a historical event, fostering the assessment and evaluation process, which plays a crucial role in learning history. Therefore, films and TV shows may foster a deeper understanding of history for learners.

On the other hand, there are myriad reasons why I claim that these entertainment platforms should not be regarded as appropriate resources for learning history. With the flourishing of the cinematic industry, it is arduous to guarantee that films specializing in history do not contain misleading or inaccurate information, which can be exposed widely to the general public. The implication of this is the misperception of some individuals about historical events, which can generate negative attitudes towards a nation or specific races. For example, Striking, which is a film about the Vietnam War produced by an American director, contains inappropriate scenes, leading many young people to believe in a false scenario about this event. For that reason, movies and TV shows should not be applied in learning history due to the possible lack of precise information, leading to numerous undesirable consequences for learners.

In conclusion, while learning history through entertainment platforms such as movies and TV shows can offer engaging and diverse perspectives that enhance understanding, it is important to be cautious of their potential inaccuracies and biases. Although these mediums can serve as valuable supplementary resources, they should not replace more reliable and factual historical sources. Therefore, while these platforms should be encouraged as a way to spark interest in history, it is crucial for learners to critically assess the information presented and seek out more accurate references to develop a well-rounded understanding of historical events.