Some of the methods used in advertising are unethical and unacceptable in today’s society. To what extent do you agree with this view?

Nowadays in worldwide nations, every moment, we are displayed advertisements on TV shows, magazines or huge LED boards situated on intersections. In what methods they are produced or how much producers care about ethical trend to making them? I believe they intent to have more watcher to earn more money regardless to its consequences.

In first point of view, some families my does not need something that is displaying on tv, but as home wife see the advertisement will feel that is a good idea to have it and decide to buy it immediately. In another case, there is families who have young offspring who mentally is not wise enough to perceive everything in family situation. Therefore, they will have high demand while they are watching a new toy advertisement. Begging his parent to purchase it and crying all time. As a result his poor father will be finally obliged to buy the toy.

In second point, they may use psychological weaknesses; for example, by displaying a young lady with fitness body who is using some stuff on show to attract people for the good. It may apparently not so bad, but if we go deep in down will understand that how it may have an effect of youth brain and corrupt it.

Or by using a charming sentences on cigarette box "the ideal of a manhood" as a person see this advertisement on the box, will feel himself on his dreams and will buy it.

In conclusion, the advertisement makers, regardless to the bad effects the advertise may cause on people, will made them due to make their customers satisfying. But it may have bad consequences on society which due to avoiding this trend i suggest authorities make some plans for the circumstance to check and control advertisements before showing up.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Nowadays in worldwide nations" -> "In many countries today"
Explanation: "Nowadays" is somewhat informal and vague. "In many countries today" is more precise and formal, suitable for academic writing.
"every moment" -> "every day"
Explanation: "Every moment" is overly dramatic and informal. "Every day" is more appropriate for describing a frequent occurrence in a formal context.
"we are displayed advertisements" -> "we are shown advertisements"
Explanation: "Displayed" is not the correct verb in this context. "Shown" is the correct term for presenting advertisements.
"huge LED boards situated on intersections" -> "large LED boards at intersections"
Explanation: "Huge" is an informal adjective. "Large" is more formal and precise. Also, "situated on" is slightly awkward; "at" is more direct and appropriate.
"In what methods they are produced" -> "How they are produced"
Explanation: "In what methods" is awkward and verbose. "How" is simpler and more direct, improving clarity and formality.
"how much producers care about ethical trend to making them" -> "how much producers consider ethical trends in their production"
Explanation: "Ethical trend to making them" is unclear and grammatically incorrect. "Ethical trends in their production" is grammatically correct and clearer.
"they intent to have more watcher to earn more money" -> "they aim to attract more viewers to increase revenue"
Explanation: "Intent" is not the correct verb here; "aim" is more appropriate. "Watcher" is incorrect; "viewers" is the correct term. "Earn more money" is informal; "increase revenue" is more formal and precise.
"regardless to its consequences" -> "regardless of its consequences"
Explanation: "Regardless to" is grammatically incorrect. "Regardless of" is the correct prepositional phrase.
"some families my does not need" -> "some families may not need"
Explanation: "My" is incorrectly used here. "May" is the correct modal verb for expressing possibility.
"as home wife see the advertisement" -> "as a homemaker sees the advertisement"
Explanation: "Home wife" is incorrect and informal. "Homemaker" is the correct term, and "sees" is the correct verb form.
"will feel that is a good idea" -> "will consider it a good idea"
Explanation: "Will feel that is" is awkward and informal. "Will consider it" is more direct and formal.
"Begging his parent" -> "pleading with their parents"
Explanation: "Begging" is informal and somewhat harsh. "Pleading with" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing.
"will be finally obliged to buy the toy" -> "will eventually be compelled to purchase the toy"
Explanation: "Will be finally obliged" is redundant and informal. "Will eventually be compelled" is more precise and formal.
"they may use psychological weaknesses" -> "they may exploit psychological vulnerabilities"
Explanation: "Use" is too broad and informal; "exploit" is more specific and appropriate for describing manipulative tactics.
"displaying a young lady with fitness body" -> "featuring a fit young woman"
Explanation: "Displaying a young lady with fitness body" is awkward and informal. "Featuring a fit young woman" is more concise and formal.
"charming sentences on cigarette box" -> "appealing phrases on cigarette packaging"
Explanation: "Charming sentences" is informal and unclear. "Appealing phrases" is more precise and appropriate for formal writing.
"will made them due to make their customers satisfying" -> "will create them to satisfy their customers"
Explanation: "Will made them due to make their customers satisfying" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Will create them to satisfy their customers" is grammatically correct and clearer.
"But it may have bad consequences on society" -> "However, this may have adverse effects on society"
Explanation: "But" is too informal for academic writing; "However" is more formal. "Bad consequences" is vague; "adverse effects" is more precise and formal.
"due to avoiding this trend i suggest" -> "to mitigate this trend, I suggest"
Explanation: "Due to avoiding" is grammatically incorrect. "To mitigate" is the correct verb form, and "I suggest" should be capitalized as it begins a sentence.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing the unethical nature of advertising methods. However, it does not clearly delineate the extent to which the author agrees with the statement. The introduction hints at a belief that advertising is primarily profit-driven, but it lacks a definitive stance on whether the author agrees or disagrees with the notion that these methods are unethical. The body paragraphs present examples of unethical advertising practices but do not explicitly connect these examples back to the main question of extent.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author should clearly state their position in the introduction and reiterate it throughout the essay. A more structured approach could involve explicitly stating "I agree to a large extent" or "I partially agree" and then providing a balanced discussion that reflects this stance.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a somewhat unclear position. While the author expresses concerns about unethical advertising, the lack of a clear, consistent viewpoint throughout the essay leads to confusion. For instance, the mention of families being influenced by advertisements suggests a negative impact, but the overall agreement with the prompt is not firmly established.
- How to improve: The author should maintain a clear position by using phrases that indicate agreement or disagreement consistently. Each paragraph should relate back to this position, reinforcing it with examples and explanations that support the stated viewpoint.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding unethical advertising, such as the influence on families and the use of psychological tactics. However, these ideas are not fully developed or supported with sufficient depth. For example, the discussion about children being influenced by toy advertisements is relevant but lacks specific examples or evidence to strengthen the argument. Additionally, the transition between ideas is sometimes abrupt, which affects the overall coherence.
- How to improve: To improve this aspect, the author should aim to elaborate on each point with more detailed examples, statistics, or studies that illustrate the impact of unethical advertising. Each idea should be clearly linked to the main argument, and transitions between points should be smoother to enhance the flow of the essay.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing various aspects of unethical advertising. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly in the second body paragraph where the discussion about cigarette advertisements could be more tightly connected to the overall argument about ethics in advertising. The phrasing and structure sometimes lead to ambiguity, making it difficult to follow the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that each point directly relates back to the central question of the extent of agreement with the prompt. Using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can help to establish the main idea and keep the discussion aligned with the topic. Additionally, avoiding overly complex sentences can help clarify the argument and keep the reader engaged.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic and presents relevant examples, it requires clearer articulation of the author’s position, more developed supporting arguments, and improved coherence to achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 5

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks a clear and logical progression. For instance, the transition from discussing the impact of advertisements on families to the psychological manipulation used in advertising is abrupt. The first paragraph introduces the topic but does not effectively set up the arguments that follow. Additionally, the points made in the body paragraphs do not build upon each other or connect logically, which can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should create a clear outline before writing. Each paragraph should begin with a topic sentence that states the main idea, followed by supporting details that logically connect to that idea. For example, the essay could be structured to first discuss the impact on families, then move to psychological manipulation, and finally address the broader societal implications.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but they are not effectively structured. The first body paragraph mixes different ideas about family dynamics and consumer behavior without clear separation. The second body paragraph introduces psychological manipulation but lacks a clear focus and coherence. The conclusion attempts to summarize the points but does not effectively tie back to the main argument.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea. The writer should use clear topic sentences and ensure that all supporting sentences relate to that topic. For instance, the first body paragraph could focus solely on how advertisements affect family decisions, while the second could explore the psychological tactics used in advertising. This will help create a more organized and coherent essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates limited use of cohesive devices. Phrases like "in first point of view" and "in second point" are awkward and do not effectively guide the reader through the argument. Additionally, there is a lack of varied cohesive devices, which makes the writing feel repetitive and disjointed.
- How to improve: To improve the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases such as "firstly," "additionally," "for example," and "on the other hand." These devices can help clarify the relationships between ideas and improve the overall flow of the essay. Practicing the use of cohesive devices in different contexts can also enhance the writer’s ability to connect ideas smoothly.

In summary, to achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion, the writer should focus on organizing information logically, structuring paragraphs effectively, and using a variety of cohesive devices. This will lead to a clearer and more persuasive argument in future essays.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some attempts to use varied expressions. Phrases like "psychological weaknesses" and "fitness body" show an effort to incorporate specific terms related to the topic. However, there are instances of repetition and limited variation, such as the frequent use of "advertisement" and "buy."
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should explore synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "advertisement," alternatives like "commercial," "promotion," or "marketing campaign" could be employed. Additionally, incorporating more descriptive adjectives and adverbs would enrich the language.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "intent to have more watcher" is unclear and awkward; "watcher" should be replaced with "viewers" or "audience." Similarly, "home wife" is not a standard term; "housewife" would be more appropriate. The phrase "high demand while they are watching a new toy advertisement" could be more clearly expressed as "they may develop a strong desire for a new toy after seeing the advertisement."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on selecting words that accurately convey their intended meaning. This can be achieved by revising sentences for clarity and ensuring that the vocabulary fits the context. Reading more academic or formal texts can also help in understanding how to use vocabulary more effectively.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that detract from its overall quality. For instance, "my does not need" should be "may not need," and "home wife" should be "housewife." Additionally, "Begging his parent" should be "Begging his parents." These errors can lead to confusion and disrupt the flow of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Moreover, practicing spelling through writing exercises or using flashcards for commonly misspelled words can be beneficial.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic and attempts to engage with complex ideas, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. For instance, simple sentences such as "I believe they intent to have more watcher to earn more money regardless to its consequences" are prevalent. There are attempts at complex structures, such as "In what methods they are produced or how much producers care about ethical trend to making them?" However, these attempts often contain grammatical errors that detract from clarity. The use of phrases like "In first point of view" and "In second point" suggests a lack of variety in transitional phrases, which could enhance coherence.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should practice combining simple sentences into more complex ones, using conjunctions and relative clauses. For example, instead of saying "some families my does not need something that is displaying on tv," a more complex structure could be "Some families may not need the products displayed on television, yet they feel compelled to buy them after seeing the advertisements." Additionally, incorporating a wider range of transitional phrases (e.g., "Firstly," "Moreover," "Conversely") can improve the flow of ideas.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains numerous grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For example, "my does not need" should be "may not need," and "home wife" should be "housewife." The phrase "high demand while they are watching a new toy advertisement" lacks clarity and could be better expressed. Punctuation is also inconsistent; for instance, commas are often missing before conjunctions in compound sentences, which can lead to run-on sentences and confusion. The use of "Begging his parent to purchase it and crying all time" is a fragment and lacks a subject.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and verb forms. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those focusing on common errors, would be beneficial. For punctuation, the writer should review rules regarding the use of commas in complex sentences and practice identifying sentence fragments. Reading more academic essays can also help the writer internalize correct grammatical structures and punctuation usage.

In summary, while the essay presents a relevant argument, it requires significant improvement in both grammatical range and accuracy to achieve a higher band score. Focusing on diversifying sentence structures and enhancing grammatical precision will be key to advancing the writer’s proficiency.

Bài sửa mẫu

Nowadays, in many countries, every day, we are shown advertisements on TV shows, in magazines, or on huge LED boards situated at intersections. In what methods they are produced or how much producers care about ethical trends in their production is questionable. I believe they intend to have more viewers to earn more money, regardless of its consequences.

From one point of view, some families may not need what is displayed on TV, but as a homemaker sees the advertisement, she may feel that it is a good idea to have it and decide to buy it immediately. In another case, there are families who have young children who are not mentally wise enough to perceive everything in the family situation. Therefore, they will have high demand while watching a new toy advertisement, pleading with their parents to purchase it and crying all the time. As a result, their poor father will be eventually compelled to buy the toy.

From another perspective, advertisers may exploit psychological vulnerabilities; for example, by featuring a fit young woman using a product to attract people to it. It may apparently not seem so bad, but if we look deeper, we will understand how it may affect the youth’s minds and corrupt them.

Or by using appealing phrases on cigarette packaging, such as “the ideal of manhood,” a person who sees this advertisement on the box will feel connected to his dreams and will buy it.

In conclusion, advertisement makers, regardless of the bad effects the advertisements may cause on people, will create them to satisfy their customers. However, this may have adverse effects on society, and to mitigate this trend, I suggest authorities make some plans to check and control advertisements before they are shown.