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Some organisations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appearance. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some organisations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appearance.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people argue that staff members ought to have good appearances. However, others claim that the advantages that these people create to the company is more significant than their dresses. Personally, I still believe that people should pay attention at their capacity instead of their outfit.
On the one hand, it is understandable that businesses require their employees to dress formally since it plays a vital role in attracting customer's attention. Therefore, it will create memorable image of the business in their minds. Wearing attractive clothes in space where staff members can interact with the customers can also enhance their experiences as well as affect their decision to consume more than normal. In addition, formal clothes in the workplace give customers a sense of professional and raise brand's recognition. For example, employees in Dien May Xanh stores all wear blue uniforms, which create a strong impression on customers and make residents to remember their company first whenever they want to buy electronic devices.
On the other hand, I still argue that the quality of work outweigh the significance of the outfits. It is true that employees can still work effectively and bring benefits to their companies regardless of wearing informal clothes. It is their problem-solving skill, communication abilities and creative that help them to achieve their goal, not their clothes. Furthermore, it is undoubted that choosing clothes to wear at the workplace is a time-consuming activity and some people even prioritize their styles rather than work productivity. Google, for instances, is the company where employees are allowed to dress freely at the workplace but still have significant achievements.
In conclusion, it is undeniable that formal clothes play an importance role in some company's aspects, but people should put priority on their work productivity in lieu of their clothes.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "staff members ought to have good appearances" -> "staff members should maintain a professional appearance"
    Explanation: The phrase "good appearances" is vague and informal. "Maintain a professional appearance" is more specific and appropriate for an academic context, emphasizing the expected standard of dress in a workplace setting.

  2. "the advantages that these people create to the company" -> "the benefits these individuals bring to the company"
    Explanation: "Create to" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Bring" is the correct verb to use in this context, and "individuals" is more formal than "people."

  3. "people should pay attention at their capacity" -> "individuals should focus on their capabilities"
    Explanation: "Pay attention at" is incorrect; "focus on" is the correct preposition and verb combination. "Capabilities" is a more precise term than "capacity" in this context, referring to the skills and abilities of individuals.

  4. "it plays a vital role in attracting customer’s attention" -> "it plays a crucial role in attracting customers’ attention"
    Explanation: "Customer’s" should be plural "customers" to agree with the plural subject "customers." "Crucial" is a more formal synonym for "vital."

  5. "it will create memorable image of the business" -> "it will create a memorable image of the business"
    Explanation: "Memorable image" should be "a memorable image" to use the correct article before a singular noun.

  6. "Wearing attractive clothes in space where staff members can interact with the customers" -> "Wearing attractive attire in areas where staff members interact with customers"
    Explanation: "Space" is too vague; "areas" is more specific and appropriate. "Attire" is a more formal term than "clothes."

  7. "enhance their experiences as well as affect their decision to consume more than normal" -> "enhance their experiences and influence their purchasing decisions"
    Explanation: "Consume more than normal" is awkward and unclear. "Influence their purchasing decisions" is more precise and formal.

  8. "formal clothes in the workplace give customers a sense of professional and raise brand’s recognition" -> "formal attire in the workplace conveys professionalism and enhances brand recognition"
    Explanation: "Give customers a sense of professional" is awkward and grammatically incorrect. "Conveys professionalism" is grammatically correct and more formal. "Raise brand’s recognition" should be "enhances brand recognition" for grammatical correctness.

  9. "employees can still work effectively and bring benefits to their companies regardless of wearing informal clothes" -> "employees can still work effectively and contribute to their companies’ success regardless of their attire"
    Explanation: "Wearing informal clothes" is awkward; "their attire" is more formal and precise. "Bring benefits" is vague; "contribute to their companies’ success" is more specific and formal.

  10. "It is their problem-solving skill, communication abilities and creative that help them to achieve their goal" -> "their problem-solving skills, communication abilities, and creativity help them achieve their goals"
    Explanation: "Problem-solving skill, communication abilities and creative" should be "problem-solving skills, communication abilities, and creativity" for grammatical correctness and clarity. "Achieve their goal" should be "achieve their goals" for consistency in plural form.

  11. "choosing clothes to wear at the workplace is a time-consuming activity" -> "selecting attire for the workplace is a time-consuming process"
    Explanation: "Choosing clothes" is informal; "selecting attire" is more formal. "Activity" is less formal than "process," which is commonly used in academic contexts to describe complex actions.

  12. "people should put priority on their work productivity" -> "individuals should prioritize their work productivity"
    Explanation: "Put priority on" is informal and awkward; "prioritize" is the correct verb form. "Individuals" is more formal than "people."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views regarding the importance of employee appearance versus the quality of work. The first paragraph discusses the perspective that smart dressing is important for creating a positive impression on customers, providing relevant examples such as the uniform policy at Dien May Xanh. The second paragraph counters this view by emphasizing the significance of work quality, citing Google as an example of a successful company that prioritizes productivity over formal attire. However, the essay could benefit from a more balanced exploration of both viewpoints, as the argument in favor of dressing smartly is somewhat more developed than the counterargument.
    • How to improve: To enhance the balance, the writer could include more specific examples or evidence supporting the argument that quality of work is paramount. Additionally, a more explicit acknowledgment of the potential downsides of prioritizing appearance could strengthen the discussion.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear personal opinion that prioritizes work quality over appearance. This position is maintained throughout the essay, particularly in the concluding statement. However, the phrasing in some areas, such as "I still believe that people should pay attention at their capacity instead of their outfit," could be clearer and more assertive in expressing the stance.
    • How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer should strive for more precise language and stronger transitions that reinforce their opinion. For instance, using phrases like "I firmly believe" or "My view is that" can help solidify the position and make it more emphatic.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding both perspectives, such as the role of formal attire in customer perception and the importance of skills like problem-solving and creativity. However, some points lack depth of explanation or supporting evidence. For example, the mention of Google could be expanded with more details about how their dress policy correlates with their success.
    • How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on key points with additional examples, statistics, or real-world implications. This could involve discussing how employee satisfaction and comfort in dress can lead to improved productivity, thereby linking back to the central argument more effectively.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the two views and providing a personal opinion. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly in the second paragraph where the discussion about informal clothing could be more tightly connected to the main argument about work quality.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central question of the prompt. This can be achieved by explicitly linking examples back to the main argument and avoiding tangential discussions that do not serve the overall thesis. For instance, when discussing Google, the writer could directly connect how the freedom of dress contributes to employee satisfaction and productivity, reinforcing the main argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with distinct sections for both viewpoints followed by the author’s opinion. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, while the body paragraphs are logically organized, addressing one perspective before countering it with the opposing view. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the importance of formal attire in attracting customers and enhancing brand recognition, while the second body paragraph argues for the primacy of work quality over appearance. However, transitions between ideas could be smoother, as some sentences feel abrupt or disconnected from the preceding thought.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer transition phrases between sentences and paragraphs. For example, phrases like "In addition," "Conversely," or "On the contrary" can help guide the reader through the argument more fluidly. Additionally, ensuring that each point directly relates back to the main thesis will strengthen the overall coherence.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is crucial for readability. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, making it easier for the reader to follow. However, the paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph. For instance, the first body paragraph could start with a sentence that explicitly states the importance of appearance in a business context before delving into supporting details.
    • How to improve: Strengthen paragraph structure by beginning each one with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. This will provide a roadmap for the reader and reinforce the focus of each paragraph. Additionally, ensure that the concluding sentences of each paragraph summarize the key points discussed, reinforcing the argument made.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand" and "on the other hand," which effectively signal contrasting viewpoints. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between ideas could be more explicit. For example, the phrase "it is their problem-solving skill, communication abilities and creative that help them to achieve their goal" could be better connected to the preceding discussion about the importance of work quality.
    • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "moreover," "in contrast," and "consequently." This will not only enhance the flow of ideas but also demonstrate a higher level of linguistic proficiency. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device used is relevant and effectively connects the ideas being discussed.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, enhancing the logical flow, paragraph structure, and variety of cohesive devices will contribute to achieving a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "vital role," "memorable image," and "problem-solving skill." However, there are instances where the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive or lacks variety, such as the repeated use of "employees" and "clothes." Additionally, phrases like "good appearances" and "significance of the outfits" could be expressed with more sophisticated synonyms or varied constructions.
    • How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "employees," alternatives like "staff," "team members," or "workforce" could be employed. Similarly, instead of "clothes," terms like "attire," "apparel," or "dress code" could be used to diversify the language.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains some imprecise vocabulary choices. For instance, the phrase "the advantages that these people create to the company" is awkward and unclear; it would be more precise to say "the contributions that employees make to the company." Additionally, the phrase "raise brand’s recognition" should be corrected to "raise the brand’s recognition" for grammatical accuracy.
    • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and correctness in their word choices. It is advisable to review phrases for grammatical accuracy and ensure that the intended meaning is conveyed clearly. Using a thesaurus can help find more precise terms, but the writer should also ensure they understand the context in which these terms are used.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "dresses" instead of "dress," "create to the company" instead of "contribute to the company," and "instances" instead of "instance." These errors detract from the overall quality of the writing and may confuse the reader.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular practice, such as writing short paragraphs and using spell-check tools. Additionally, reviewing common spelling rules and frequently misspelled words can be beneficial. Reading extensively can also help reinforce correct spelling through exposure to well-written texts.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "However, others claim that the advantages that these people create to the company is more significant than their dresses" shows an attempt to convey nuanced ideas. However, there are instances where sentence structures could be more varied. For example, the phrase "it is understandable that businesses require their employees to dress formally" could be rephrased for variety, such as "Many businesses find it essential for their employees to maintain a formal dress code."
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences with subordinate clauses or using different sentence beginnings. For instance, instead of starting multiple sentences with "It is," try using participial phrases or adverbial clauses. Additionally, employing a mix of declarative, interrogative, and conditional sentences can also add variety and keep the reader engaged.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from the overall quality. For example, the phrase "the advantages that these people create to the company is more significant than their dresses" contains a subject-verb agreement error; it should be "the advantages that these people create for the company are more significant than their dress." Additionally, punctuation issues arise, such as the lack of commas in compound sentences, which can lead to run-on sentences and confusion. For instance, "Wearing attractive clothes in space where staff members can interact with the customers can also enhance their experiences as well as affect their decision to consume more than normal" could benefit from clearer punctuation.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on subject-verb agreement and ensure that singular and plural forms are used correctly. Additionally, pay attention to the use of prepositions; for example, "create to the company" should be "create for the company." For punctuation, practice using commas to separate clauses and items in a list, which will help clarify your ideas. Reading the essay aloud can also help identify areas where punctuation may be lacking or where sentences may need restructuring for clarity.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some people argue that staff members ought to have good appearances. However, others claim that the benefits these individuals bring to the company are more significant than their attire. Personally, I still believe that individuals should focus on their capabilities instead of their outfits.

On the one hand, it is understandable that businesses require their employees to dress formally since it plays a crucial role in attracting customers’ attention. Therefore, it will create a memorable image of the business in their minds. Wearing attractive attire in areas where staff members interact with customers can also enhance their experiences and influence their purchasing decisions. In addition, formal attire in the workplace conveys professionalism and enhances brand recognition. For example, employees in Dien May Xanh stores all wear blue uniforms, which create a strong impression on customers and make residents remember their company first whenever they want to buy electronic devices.

On the other hand, I still argue that the quality of work outweighs the significance of the outfits. It is true that employees can still work effectively and contribute to their companies’ success regardless of wearing informal clothes. It is their problem-solving skills, communication abilities, and creativity that help them achieve their goals, not their clothes. Furthermore, it is undoubted that selecting attire for the workplace is a time-consuming process, and some people even prioritize their styles rather than work productivity. Google, for instance, is a company where employees are allowed to dress freely at the workplace but still achieve significant success.

In conclusion, it is undeniable that formal clothes play an important role in some aspects of a company, but people should prioritize their work productivity instead of their clothes.

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