Some Organizations believed that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Nowadays, different companies require their workers to dress differently. Certain companies insist that their employee differently wear smart clothes at work .Orther business put more importance on productivity than what their staff wear.
The reason that some companies regard appearance highly is that they believe their workers’look considerablely affect their profit. When their employee have great outfit , the organisation’ image will interesting.So business might get income from customer It will expression people and attact customers, they will pay attention of this company. For example , there was an entertainment companies and their staff wear uniform , their celebrities allways extraordinary outfit. Customers think that this companies is professional and they was interested by this organisations . Customers spending time and money to support this companies, support their idol who are employee of this companies.
On the other than, some business value productivity of work than what their workers where. They believe that if employee dress freely their performance will gradually boost. Workers feel comfortable when they migt wear what they like so their mental state is good. Exspecially , the designers of statement ,developers or engineers hardly interact with the client face-to-face this is one reason for the organizations not to be aware about the way they dress . For instance,google employee can wear in the way they want and work with high efficiency.
In addition, I think entertainment or service companies should put importance on appearance. Technology and digitall business value performance highly rather than what their workers wear.
To sum up, concention at their members outfit which help employee to be more comfortable and have good mental and quality of work is important with different companies. Finally, the reason that business might focus on appearance or productivity depend on their’field .

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"Nowadays" -> "Currently" or "In contemporary times"
Explanation: "Nowadays" is somewhat informal for academic writing. "Currently" or "In contemporary times" maintain formality and precision.
"differently" -> "differently"
Explanation: This word is used redundantly. It should be removed to enhance clarity and conciseness.
"Certain companies insist that their employee differently wear smart clothes at work." -> "Certain companies require their employees to adhere to a dress code, often favoring smart attire."
Explanation: "Differently wear" is awkward phrasing. "Adhere to a dress code, often favoring smart attire" is a more precise and formal expression.
"Orther business" -> "Other businesses"
Explanation: "Orther" is a misspelling. "Other businesses" is the correct term.
"look considerablely affect" -> "considerably affect"
Explanation: "Look" is incorrectly used here. "Considerably affect" is more precise and grammatically correct.
"will interesting" -> "will be interesting"
Explanation: "Will interesting" lacks the auxiliary verb "be." Adding "be" corrects the grammatical structure.
"expression people" -> "attract people"
Explanation: "Expression" is the wrong word here. "Attract" better conveys the intended meaning.
"they was interested by this organisations" -> "they were intrigued by these organizations"
Explanation: "Was interested" should be "were intrigued" for subject-verb agreement, and "organisations" should be "organizations" for American English.
"Exspecially" -> "Especially"
Explanation: "Exspecially" is a misspelling. "Especially" is the correct term.
"the designers of statement" -> "designers of fashion"
Explanation: "Designers of statement" is unclear. "Designers of fashion" specifies the field more accurately.
"migt" -> "might"
Explanation: "Migt" is a typographical error. "Might" is the correct spelling.
"on the other than" -> "on the other hand"
Explanation: "On the other than" is incorrect. "On the other hand" introduces a contrast more effectively.
"rather than what their workers where" -> "rather than what their workers wear"
Explanation: "Where" should be "wear" for grammatical accuracy.
"concention" -> "Consideration"
Explanation: "Concention" is a misspelling. "Consideration" is a more appropriate term for academic writing.
"depend on their’field" -> "depend on their field"
Explanation: The apostrophe in "their’field" is unnecessary. "Field" should be written as one word.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both perspectives presented in the prompt. It discusses the viewpoint of organizations emphasizing smart dressing for employees as well as those prioritizing work quality. However, the discussion lacks depth and clarity in certain areas.
- How to improve: To enhance the comprehensiveness of the response, the essay should provide more detailed analysis and examples for each perspective. Additionally, explicitly addressing the prompt’s instruction to "give your opinion" would strengthen the essay’s coherence and fulfillment of the task.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a discernible position throughout, advocating for a balanced consideration of appearance and productivity depending on the nature of the business. However, the presentation of this stance could be more explicit and effectively woven into the essay’s structure.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, the essay could introduce a thesis statement early on that clearly states the author’s position on the issue. Additionally, reinforcing this position through more consistent and explicit language throughout the essay would strengthen its coherence.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas regarding the importance of appearance and productivity in the workplace but lacks sufficient development and support. Examples provided are somewhat vague and do not effectively illustrate the points made.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should offer more detailed and relevant examples to support each argument. Additionally, elaborating on how appearance and productivity directly impact organizational success would strengthen the argumentation.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally remains focused on the topic of workplace dress code and productivity, there are instances of tangential discussion and unclear connections between ideas.
- How to improve: To maintain better focus, the essay should ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the prompt and supports the central argument. Additionally, clearly signaling transitions between different aspects of the discussion would enhance coherence and relevance.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the prompt and presents relevant arguments, there is room for improvement in terms of depth of analysis, clarity of position, development of ideas, and coherence of discussion. Incorporating these suggestions would enhance the overall effectiveness and coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate level of logical organization. The introduction sets up the discussion of the two viewpoints, but the body paragraphs could be more clearly structured to present arguments for each perspective. Additionally, transitions between ideas and paragraphs could be smoother to enhance coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider structuring the body paragraphs more clearly, with one paragraph dedicated to discussing the viewpoint that values employee appearance and another for the viewpoint that prioritizes productivity. Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supports its main idea with relevant examples. Use transitional phrases to guide the reader through the essay and create a smoother flow between ideas.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs, but their effectiveness varies. While there is an attempt to separate different ideas into paragraphs, the structure within paragraphs could be improved for clarity and coherence. Some paragraphs contain multiple ideas without clear delineation.
- How to improve: Focus on structuring paragraphs to address one main idea or argument each. Begin each paragraph with a topic sentence that introduces the main point, and then provide supporting details or examples. Ensure there is a clear transition between paragraphs to maintain coherence and guide the reader through the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay makes limited use of cohesive devices, resulting in some disjointedness between ideas and paragraphs. While there are some attempts to use cohesive devices such as pronouns ("they," "their"), there is a lack of consistent use of transitional phrases or linking words to connect ideas.
- How to improve: Increase the variety and frequency of cohesive devices throughout the essay to improve coherence. Incorporate transitional phrases such as "however," "on the other hand," "in addition," etc., to signal shifts between ideas and paragraphs. Additionally, consider using cohesive devices within paragraphs to connect sentences and reinforce the relationship between ideas.

Overall, to improve coherence and cohesion, focus on clearer organization of ideas, effective paragraph structure, and increased use of cohesive devices to create a more cohesive and logically structured essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some attempts to vary word choice. For instance, synonyms like "considerablely" instead of "considerably" and "attact" instead of "attract" show an attempt at diversity. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied and sophisticated. For example, phrases like "great outfit" and "consideration at their members outfit" could be replaced with more precise language.
- How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, try incorporating a wider variety of vocabulary, including synonyms and more advanced terminology relevant to the topic. Additionally, focus on using words and phrases in appropriate contexts to convey nuanced meanings effectively.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some imprecise vocabulary usage. For instance, phrases like "differently wear smart clothes" could be more precisely expressed as "require their employees to dress smartly". Additionally, there are instances where word choice could be more accurate, such as "convention at their members outfit" which could be clarified to convey the intended meaning more effectively.
- How to improve: Aim for more precise vocabulary usage by selecting words that accurately convey the intended meaning. Avoid ambiguous or vague language and opt for terms that clearly articulate your ideas. Proofreading and revising can help identify areas where vocabulary could be more precise.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "Orther" instead of "Other", "income from customer" instead of "income from customers", "attact" instead of "attract", "considerablely" instead of "considerably", and "digitall" instead of "digital". These errors impact the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spell-checking tools and proofreading your writing carefully before submission. Additionally, practice spelling commonly misspelled words to strengthen your spelling skills. Developing a habit of reviewing and correcting spelling errors can significantly enhance the quality of your written work.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. However, there is room for improvement in the variety and sophistication of structures used. Simple sentences dominate the essay, which impacts its flow and readability. Complex sentences are occasionally attempted but are not always executed effectively, leading to clarity issues.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentence constructions such as compound-complex sentences and varying sentence lengths. Additionally, pay attention to the coherence and cohesion of complex sentences to ensure clarity and readability.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits several grammatical errors and punctuation inaccuracies throughout its entirety. Errors include subject-verb agreement issues, tense inconsistencies, incorrect word choices, and punctuation misuse. For instance, "Orther business put more importance on productivity than what their staff wear" contains subject-verb agreement errors ("business" should be "businesses," and "put" should be "puts"). Moreover, punctuation marks such as commas and apostrophes are often misused or omitted, affecting the clarity and coherence of sentences.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy and punctuation skills, it is essential to review and practice basic grammar rules, particularly focusing on subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and punctuation usage. Additionally, proofreading the essay carefully after writing can help identify and correct errors. Consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-checking tools to enhance accuracy further.

Bài sửa mẫu

Nowadays, various companies have different expectations regarding their employees’ attire. Certain companies insist that their employees wear smart clothes at work, while others prioritize the quality of work over appearance.

Some organizations believe that appearance significantly affects their profitability. When employees are well-dressed, it positively impacts the organization’s image, attracting customers and generating income. For example, entertainment companies often require their staff to wear uniforms, and their celebrities are known for their exceptional outfits. Customers perceive such companies as professional, becoming interested in their offerings and supporting them financially.

Conversely, some businesses prioritize work productivity over dress code. They argue that allowing employees to dress comfortably enhances their performance. For instance, designers, developers, or engineers, who seldom interact with clients face-to-face, find comfort in dressing as they please. Google, for example, permits its employees to dress freely, promoting a conducive work environment and high efficiency.

In conclusion, different companies have varying priorities regarding employee attire, depending on their field. While entertainment or service-oriented businesses may focus on appearance, technology and digital companies prioritize performance. Ultimately, striking a balance between employee comfort, mental well-being, and work quality is crucial for organizational success.