Some people argue that all experimentation on animals is bad and should be outlawed. However, others believe that important scientific discoveries can be made from animal experiments. Can experimentation on animals be justified? Are there any alternatives?

Some people argue that all experimentation on animals is bad and should be outlawed. However, others believe that important scientific discoveries can be made from animal experiments.

Can experimentation on animals be justified? Are there any alternatives?

Some people are of the idea that experimenting on animals is inappropriate and should be outlawed. In contrast, others belive that these experiments can bring about crucial scientific discoveries. This controversy has raised the question whether experimentation on animals should be justified and if there are any other approach to science. In this essay, I will disuss relevant information and give the answer to this question.
On the one hand, experiments carried out on animals can be justified if they satisfy certain requirements. The majority of species plays an important role in food industry, agriculture and biodiversity. Unfortunately, some wild faunas whose habitats are in jungles could pose threat to the local people and species in the same habitat. Due to the increasing number of these animals and the potential hazards, it is nearly impossible for the scientists to control. As a result, experimenting on these species allow scientists to bring about innovative discoveries and reduce its effects on the environment and the public.
In this day and age, scientists have come up with several other ways to experiments their findings. With the innovation of technology, scientific proffessionals now can take advantages of machines to recreate the properties of animals without having to actually use one. For example, from the DNA which was taken from a cow, scientists can create a piece of leather with the same functions, allow cosmetic products to be tested on it. As a reult, the outcomes of the research are the same of that from animal experiments, without any actual animal.
In conclusion, I believe that due to the innovation of technology, people don't have to use animals to produce important discoveries. However, in certain experiments, wild animals can also be used in order to enhance the accuracy.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Some people are of the idea" -> "Some individuals hold the view"
   Explanation: "Some individuals hold the view" is more formal and precise, avoiding the awkward phrasing of "are of the idea."

2. "others belive" -> "others believe"
   Explanation: Correcting the spelling error from "belive" to "believe" ensures grammatical accuracy.

3. "bring about crucial scientific discoveries" -> "yield crucial scientific discoveries"
   Explanation: "Yield" is a more formal and precise term than "bring about" in academic writing, emphasizing the outcome of the experiments.

4. "disuss" -> "discuss"
   Explanation: Correcting the spelling error from "disuss" to "discuss" maintains the professionalism of the text.

5. "give the answer to this question" -> "provide an answer to this question"
   Explanation: "Provide an answer" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing than "give the answer."

6. "plays an important role in food industry" -> "plays a crucial role in the food industry"
   Explanation: Adding "the" before "food industry" corrects the article usage, and "crucial" enhances the formality and emphasis.

7. "wild faunas" -> "wild fauna"
   Explanation: "Fauna" is a singular noun, so "wild fauna" should be "wild fauna" to maintain grammatical accuracy.

8. "whose habitats are in jungles" -> "whose habitats are in jungles"
   Explanation: The phrase "whose habitats are in jungles" is grammatically correct and avoids redundancy.

9. "pose threat" -> "pose a threat"
   Explanation: Adding "a" before "threat" corrects the grammatical structure.

10. "it is nearly impossible for the scientists to control" -> "it is nearly impossible for scientists to control"
    Explanation: Removing "the" before "scientists" corrects the article usage, as "scientists" is a general term.

11. "allow scientists to bring about" -> "enable scientists to achieve"
    Explanation: "Enable" is more precise and formal than "allow," and "achieve" is more specific than "bring about" in this context.

12. "innovation of technology" -> "advancements in technology"
    Explanation: "Advancements" is a more precise term than "innovation" in this context, referring to the progress made in technology.

13. "scientific proffessionals" -> "scientific professionals"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling error from "proffessionals" to "professionals" maintains the professionalism of the text.

14. "take advantages of machines" -> "utilize machines"
    Explanation: "Utilize" is more formal and precise than "take advantages of," which is colloquial and vague.

15. "allow cosmetic products to be tested on it" -> "allow cosmetic products to be tested on this"
    Explanation: Adding "this" clarifies the reference to the leather created from the DNA.

16. "the outcomes of the research are the same of that from animal experiments" -> "the outcomes of the research are comparable to those from animal experiments"
    Explanation: "Comparable to those from" is grammatically correct and more precise than "the same of that from."

17. "people don’t have to use animals" -> "there is no need to use animals"
    Explanation: "There is no need to use animals" is a more formal and academically appropriate way to express the idea.

18. "wild animals can also be used" -> "wild animals may also be employed"
    Explanation: "May also be employed" suggests possibility and permission, which is more appropriate in an academic context than "can also be used," which implies capability but not necessarily permission.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt, discussing the justification for animal experimentation and mentioning alternatives. The introduction outlines the controversy well, and the body paragraphs provide arguments for both sides. However, the discussion on alternatives is somewhat limited and could be expanded. The mention of technological innovations is relevant, but the explanation lacks depth and specific examples that would strengthen the argument.
  • How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the writer should provide more detailed examples of alternatives to animal experimentation, such as in vitro testing or computer modeling. Additionally, discussing the ethical implications of both animal experimentation and alternatives would provide a more balanced view.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that favors technological alternatives to animal experimentation, particularly in the conclusion. However, the stance could be more consistently reinforced throughout the essay. For instance, while the first body paragraph discusses the justification for animal experimentation, it does not strongly connect back to the writer’s overall position against it.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should explicitly link each argument back to their main thesis. This could involve stating how each point supports the idea that alternatives are preferable or how animal experimentation can be justified only in specific circumstances.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to both animal experimentation and alternatives, but the development of these ideas is uneven. The first body paragraph introduces the justification for animal experimentation but lacks sufficient evidence or examples to support the claims made. The second body paragraph discusses alternatives but does not elaborate on how these alternatives are effective or widely accepted in the scientific community.
  • How to improve: To effectively present, extend, and substantiate ideas, the writer should include more specific examples and evidence. For instance, citing studies that demonstrate the effectiveness of alternatives or providing statistics on the success rates of animal experiments versus technological methods would strengthen the arguments.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the main question of whether animal experimentation can be justified and discussing alternatives. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly in the first body paragraph, where the discussion of wild animals and their potential threats seems somewhat tangential to the main argument about scientific discovery.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance to the topic, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates to the justification of animal experimentation or the proposed alternatives. It may be helpful to outline the main points before writing to ensure that each paragraph contributes to the overall argument.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, it could benefit from more detailed examples, a stronger connection between ideas, and a more consistent focus on the main question. By addressing these areas, the writer could enhance the overall effectiveness of the essay and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the justification of animal experimentation, with a balanced view on both sides of the debate. The introduction effectively sets up the discussion, and the body paragraphs are structured to address the justification of animal experimentation and the alternatives available. However, the logical flow could be improved; for instance, the transition between the justification of animal experimentation and the introduction of alternatives feels abrupt. The argument about the role of certain species in the food industry and biodiversity could be better connected to the overall justification for animal experimentation.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer topic sentences that explicitly state the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, ensure that each point logically leads to the next. For example, after discussing the justification for animal experimentation, a smoother transition could be made by explicitly linking the need for alternatives to the limitations of animal testing.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument. However, the second paragraph could be further divided to enhance clarity, as it contains multiple ideas that could benefit from more focused discussion. The conclusion summarizes the main points but could be more impactful if it briefly revisited the key arguments made in the body paragraphs.
  • How to improve: Consider breaking down complex paragraphs into smaller ones that focus on a single idea or argument. This will help maintain clarity and allow the reader to follow the argument more easily. In the conclusion, reiterate the main points succinctly to reinforce the argument and provide a stronger closing statement.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "In contrast," which help to signal the structure of the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences and ideas could be clearer. For example, the phrase "As a result" is used, but the cause-and-effect relationship it indicates is not always clearly established.
  • How to improve: To improve the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "Moreover," "In addition," and "Conversely." This will help clarify relationships between ideas and enhance the overall flow of the essay. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device used accurately reflects the relationship between the ideas being connected.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately leading to a stronger overall argument and a potential increase in the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "experimentation," "crucial scientific discoveries," and "innovative discoveries." However, there are instances of repetition, such as using "experiments" and "experimenting" multiple times without variation. Additionally, phrases like "the majority of species" and "certain requirements" could be more specific or varied to enhance the richness of the vocabulary.
  • How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to diversify their vocabulary by using synonyms or related terms. For example, instead of repeating "experiment," they could use "research," "study," or "trial." Additionally, incorporating more advanced vocabulary related to the topic, such as "ethical considerations," "alternative methodologies," or "animal welfare," would enhance the range.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains some imprecise vocabulary choices that can lead to confusion. For instance, the phrase "some wild faunas whose habitats are in jungles" is awkward; "fauna" should be used in a different context, as it refers to all animal life in a particular region, not individual species. The phrase "approach to science" is also vague and could be more specific, such as "approaches to scientific research."
  • How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should ensure that the vocabulary accurately reflects the intended meaning. For example, instead of "approach to science," they could specify "alternative research methods." Furthermore, reviewing the definitions and contexts of words before use can help avoid misapplication.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "belive" (should be "believe"), "proffessionals" (should be "professionals"), "disuss" (should be "discuss"), and "reult" (should be "result"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy. This could include reading the essay aloud to catch errors or using spell-check tools before submission. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can help reinforce correct spelling in future writing.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of lexical resource, there are clear areas for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can enhance their overall performance in the Lexical Resource criterion of the IELTS Task 2 essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the opening sentence, "Some people are of the idea that experimenting on animals is inappropriate and should be outlawed," is a complex structure that effectively introduces the topic. However, the essay tends to rely on similar sentence patterns, which limits the overall range. For example, phrases such as "experiments carried out on animals can be justified" and "scientists have come up with several other ways to experiments their findings" show a tendency to repeat certain structures without much variation.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences with subordinate clauses and varied introductory phrases. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "scientists," the writer could use phrases like "In recent years, researchers have discovered…" or "While some argue that…" to introduce new ideas. Additionally, using a mix of active and passive voice can also add diversity to the writing.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity and coherence. For instance, "belive" should be "believe," and "disuss" should be "discuss." Additionally, the phrase "other approach to science" should be "other approaches to science," indicating a subject-verb agreement error. Punctuation errors are also present, such as the lack of a comma before "and" in compound sentences, which can lead to run-on sentences. For example, "As a result, experimenting on these species allow scientists to bring about innovative discoveries and reduce its effects on the environment and the public" should be "As a result, experimenting on these species allows scientists to bring about innovative discoveries and reduce their effects on the environment and the public."
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for spelling errors and ensuring subject-verb agreement throughout the essay. Additionally, practicing the use of commas in complex sentences and compound sentences can enhance clarity. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can also help identify and correct these common mistakes. Engaging in targeted grammar exercises, particularly focusing on verb forms and agreement, will further strengthen the writer’s skills.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument and addresses the prompt, enhancing grammatical range and accuracy will significantly improve the overall quality and coherence of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some people are of the idea that experimenting on animals is inappropriate and should be outlawed. In contrast, others believe that these experiments can bring about crucial scientific discoveries. This controversy has raised the question of whether experimentation on animals can be justified and if there are any other approaches to science. In this essay, I will discuss relevant information and provide an answer to this question.

On the one hand, experiments carried out on animals can be justified if they satisfy certain requirements. The majority of species play an important role in the food industry, agriculture, and biodiversity. Unfortunately, some wild fauna whose habitats are in jungles could pose a threat to the local people and species in the same habitat. Due to the increasing number of these animals and the potential hazards, it is nearly impossible for scientists to control them. As a result, experimenting on these species enables scientists to achieve innovative discoveries and reduce their effects on the environment and the public.

In this day and age, scientists have come up with several other ways to experiment with their findings. With the advancements in technology, scientific professionals can now take advantage of machines to recreate the properties of animals without having to actually use one. For example, from the DNA taken from a cow, scientists can create a piece of leather with the same functions, allowing cosmetic products to be tested on it. As a result, the outcomes of the research are comparable to those from animal experiments, without any actual animals.

In conclusion, I believe that due to the advancements in technology, people do not have to use animals to produce important discoveries. However, in certain experiments, wild animals may also be employed in order to enhance accuracy.