Some people argue that it is more important to have an enjoyable job than to earn a lot of money. Others disagree and think that a good salary leads to a better life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays, the people are facing to the pressure of money, so they cannot decide to choose a job which it is suitable for them. Therefore, there is a argument between having a job which you are interested than earning some money and the life is better when you can receive good salary. In this essay, I am going to show my opinion about this problem.
It is clear that you will be excited when you can do things which you like than ones make you are bored. Particularly, when the job which you are doing is your dream, it will always makes you feel happy. Besides, because it is your hobby, you will debate the youn, time, etc of you instead of earning money. However, if you want to do this, you must have enough economy to live and continue your job. For example, when you want to become a singer and perform in the stage for viewers and the turn-over are not important, you onley devote all career for singing. However, you also have enough money to do it, may be family are rich or you saved a lot of money to do the enjoyable job.
This is a reason why others say that a good salary leads to a better life. In my opinion, when you earn a lot of money, you can do everything which you want. Particularly, you cannot carry out your dream if you are poor and you job donot have ability earn money to survival. At that time, you are not only failed but also not enough money to live. I remain to dicuss about becoming a singer, when you wnat to make your music product, you must use a lot of money, you must earn some money before. You must have a strong economy, after that you can do an enjoyable easily.
In conclusion, I think you should choose a job which makes more money than the job that you are interesed. If this job can have both advantages, your life will better and better. Because in the era now, money is a important part of life.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Nowadays, the people are facing to the pressure of money" -> "Currently, individuals are facing financial pressures"
Explanation: "Currently" is a more precise temporal indicator than "Nowadays," and "individuals" is a more formal term than "the people." Additionally, "facing to the pressure of money" is awkward and incorrect; "facing financial pressures" is grammatically correct and clearer.
"they cannot decide to choose a job which it is suitable for them" -> "they are unable to choose a job that is suitable for them"
Explanation: "Are unable to" is a more formal expression than "cannot," and "that is suitable for them" corrects the grammatical error in the original phrase.
"there is a argument between having a job which you are interested than earning some money" -> "there is a debate between pursuing a job that aligns with one’s interests and earning a salary"
Explanation: "Pursuing a job that aligns with one’s interests" is more precise and formal than "having a job which you are interested," and "earning a salary" is more specific than "earning some money."
"the life is better when you can receive good salary" -> "life is improved when one receives a good salary"
Explanation: "Life is improved" is a more formal and precise expression than "the life is better," and "one receives a good salary" is grammatically correct.
"I am going to show my opinion about this problem" -> "I will present my perspective on this issue"
Explanation: "Present my perspective" is more formal and academically appropriate than "show my opinion," and "issue" is a more formal term than "problem."
"you will be excited when you can do things which you like than ones make you are bored" -> "one is more likely to be excited when engaging in activities one enjoys rather than those that are tedious"
Explanation: This revision corrects grammatical errors and uses more formal vocabulary ("engaging in activities one enjoys" and "tedious" instead of "ones make you are bored").
"it will always makes you feel happy" -> "it always makes one feel happy"
Explanation: "One" is a more formal pronoun than "you" in this context, and "always" should not be separated from "makes."
"you will debate the youn, time, etc of you" -> "one will allocate time, etc., to these activities"
Explanation: "Allocate time, etc., to these activities" is clearer and more formal than "debate the youn, time, etc of you," which is grammatically incorrect and unclear.
"you must have enough economy to live and continue your job" -> "one must have sufficient financial resources to sustain oneself and continue one’s profession"
Explanation: "Sufficient financial resources" is more precise and formal than "enough economy," and "sustain oneself and continue one’s profession" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing.
"you onley devote all career for singing" -> "one devotes one’s entire career to singing"
Explanation: "Devotes one’s entire career to singing" is grammatically correct and more formal than "devote all career for singing."
"you also have enough money to do it, may be family are rich or you saved a lot of money to do the enjoyable job" -> "one may also have sufficient funds, either through family wealth or personal savings, to pursue the enjoyable profession"
Explanation: This revision corrects grammatical errors and uses more formal language ("sufficient funds," "family wealth," and "personal savings").
"a good salary leads to a better life" -> "a good salary contributes to a better life"
Explanation: "Contributes to" is a more precise and formal verb choice than "leads to" in this context.
"you cannot carry out your dream if you are poor and you job donot have ability earn money to survival" -> "one cannot pursue one’s dreams if one is impoverished and the job lacks the ability to generate sufficient income"
Explanation: This revision corrects grammatical errors and uses more formal vocabulary ("impoverished," "generate sufficient income").
"I remain to dicuss about becoming a singer" -> "I will continue to discuss the topic of becoming a singer"
Explanation: "Will continue to discuss" is grammatically correct and more formal than "remain to dicuss."
"when you wnat to make your music product" -> "when one wishes to produce music products"
Explanation: "Wishes to produce music products" is grammatically correct and more formal than "wnat to make your music product."
"you must earn some money before" -> "one must earn sufficient funds beforehand"
Explanation: "Earn sufficient funds beforehand" is more formal and precise than "earn some money before."
"you must have a strong economy" -> "one must have a strong financial foundation"
Explanation: "Strong financial foundation" is a more precise and formal expression than "strong economy," which is not typically used in this context.
"you can do an enjoyable easily" -> "one can pursue enjoyable activities easily"
Explanation: "Pursue enjoyable activities" is grammatically correct and more formal than "do an enjoyable easily."

These changes enhance the formality, clarity, and precision of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both sides of the argument regarding job satisfaction versus salary. However, the discussion is somewhat imbalanced. The first part, which discusses the importance of enjoying one’s job, is less developed than the second part, which emphasizes the necessity of a good salary. The essay introduces the idea of pursuing a passion (e.g., becoming a singer) but does not fully explore the implications of this choice in relation to financial stability. Additionally, the conclusion leans heavily towards the salary side without adequately summarizing the points made for job satisfaction.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, ensure that both perspectives are given equal weight. Devote a paragraph to each viewpoint, providing specific examples and elaborating on the consequences of each choice. This will create a more balanced discussion and fulfill the requirement to discuss both views comprehensively.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that leans towards the importance of a good salary, particularly in the conclusion. However, the position is not consistently clear throughout the essay. The initial paragraphs suggest a recognition of the value of enjoyable work, but this is overshadowed by the later emphasis on financial necessity. Phrases like “I remain to discuss” and “in my opinion” indicate an attempt to clarify the author’s stance, but the overall flow lacks coherence.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, explicitly state your opinion in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. Use transitional phrases to connect ideas and reinforce your stance throughout the essay. This will help ensure that readers can easily follow your argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas, such as the joy of pursuing a passion and the necessity of financial security, but these ideas are not well-developed. For instance, the example of becoming a singer is introduced but lacks depth and clarity. The reasoning behind why a good salary is essential is also somewhat vague and repetitive, which detracts from the overall argument.
- How to improve: Focus on developing each idea with clear examples and explanations. Instead of repeating points, aim to extend your arguments by providing additional details or contrasting examples. For instance, discuss specific scenarios where job satisfaction leads to better performance or mental health, and contrast that with situations where financial stress impacts one’s quality of life.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the importance of job satisfaction and salary. However, there are moments where the writing becomes convoluted, such as the phrase “you will debate the youn, time, etc of you instead of earning money,” which is unclear and distracts from the main argument. Additionally, some sentences are awkwardly constructed, making it difficult to follow the writer’s thoughts.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that each sentence contributes directly to the argument. Avoid vague phrases and strive for clarity in your writing. Proofreading for grammatical accuracy and coherence will help keep the essay on track and enhance overall readability.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher band score in the Task Response criteria.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 5

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a basic structure, but the organization of ideas lacks clarity and logical progression. For instance, the introduction mentions the debate between job satisfaction and salary but does not clearly outline the points that will be discussed. The body paragraphs do not consistently follow a clear line of reasoning, leading to confusion. For example, the transition from discussing the enjoyment of a job to the necessity of a good salary is abrupt and lacks a clear connection.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, start with a clear thesis statement in the introduction that outlines the main arguments. Each paragraph should begin with a topic sentence that indicates the main idea, followed by supporting details. Consider using a more structured approach, such as discussing one viewpoint in one paragraph and the opposing viewpoint in the next, followed by a conclusion that synthesizes both perspectives.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs, but the structure is inconsistent. The first paragraph introduces the topic but does not effectively separate the two views. The second and third paragraphs mix ideas about job satisfaction and salary without clear delineation. This can confuse readers about the main points being made.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear focus. For instance, dedicate one paragraph to discussing the benefits of job satisfaction and another to the advantages of a high salary. Use clear transitions between paragraphs to guide the reader through the argument. Additionally, consider using more paragraphs to break up ideas, which can help improve clarity and flow.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as "however" and "besides," but these are limited and often misused. For example, "however" is used to introduce contrasting ideas, but the connection between the ideas is not always clear. The use of pronouns and conjunctions is also inconsistent, leading to ambiguity in references.
- How to improve: To improve the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "on the one hand" and "on the other hand" to clearly contrast the two viewpoints. Additionally, ensure that pronouns clearly refer back to their antecedents to avoid confusion. Practice using cohesive devices in context to enhance the flow of ideas and improve overall coherence.

By addressing these areas—logical organization, effective paragraphing, and a diverse range of cohesive devices—the essay can significantly improve in coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some appropriate word choices like "enjoyable job," "good salary," and "better life." However, there are instances of repetitive phrasing, such as "you must have enough economy" and "you must earn some money," which detracts from the overall lexical variety. The use of phrases like "the pressure of money" and "the argument between having a job" shows an attempt to engage with the topic, but the vocabulary could be more varied and sophisticated.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical range, consider incorporating synonyms and more complex phrases. For example, instead of repeating "must have enough economy," you could use "financial stability" or "sufficient resources." Additionally, using phrases like "financial security" or "monetary compensation" can add depth to the discussion.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that could lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "the life is better when you can receive good salary" lacks clarity and should be rephrased for precision. Additionally, terms like "the youn, time, etc of you" are vague and unclear, making it difficult for the reader to understand the intended meaning.
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys your ideas. For instance, instead of "the life is better," you could say "a higher income can enhance one’s quality of life." Ensure that every term used is appropriate for the context. Clarifying vague phrases will also improve precision; for example, replace "the youn, time, etc of you" with "the time and energy you invest in your passions."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "onley" (only), "dicuss" (discuss), "wnat" (want), and "donot" (do not). These errors can distract the reader and undermine the overall quality of the writing. While the meaning can often be inferred, consistent spelling mistakes can lead to misunderstandings.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, practice writing regularly and utilize spell-check tools. Additionally, reviewing common spelling rules and creating a list of frequently misspelled words can be beneficial. Reading more extensively can also help reinforce correct spelling through exposure to well-written texts. Consider proofreading your work or asking someone else to review it for errors before submission.

By addressing these areas, you can enhance your lexical resource and overall writing quality, potentially raising your band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited variety of sentence structures. For instance, many sentences are simple or compound, such as "It is clear that you will be excited when you can do things which you like than ones make you are bored." This sentence lacks complexity and contains awkward phrasing. Additionally, the use of relative clauses is minimal, and there are few examples of more advanced structures, such as conditional sentences or passive voice. The overall lack of variety in sentence structures contributes to a lower band score.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex sentences. For example, using conditional clauses (e.g., "If you choose a job you love, you may find greater satisfaction") or varying sentence beginnings (e.g., starting with adverbial phrases) can add depth. Engaging with more complex grammatical forms, such as participial phrases or inversion, will also help diversify the writing style.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains numerous grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For example, phrases like "the people are facing to the pressure of money" should be "people are facing the pressure of money," and "there is a argument" should be "there is an argument." Additionally, the use of articles is inconsistent, and subject-verb agreement errors appear, such as "you job donot have ability earn money to survival," which should be "your job does not have the ability to earn money for survival." Punctuation errors, such as missing commas and periods, further detract from clarity.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on reviewing basic grammar rules, particularly subject-verb agreement, article usage, and sentence structure. Regular practice with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on written work can help identify and correct persistent errors. Additionally, proofreading for punctuation errors before submission can enhance overall clarity and coherence.

In summary, while the essay presents a relevant discussion on the topic, significant improvements in grammatical range and accuracy are necessary to achieve a higher band score. Focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical and punctuation skills will lead to a more polished and effective essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

**Improved Essay:**

Nowadays, individuals are facing financial pressures, which makes it difficult for them to choose a job that is suitable for their interests. Therefore, there is a debate between pursuing a job that aligns with one’s passions and earning a good salary, as life is often improved when one receives a good income. In this essay, I will present my perspective on this issue.

It is clear that one is more likely to feel excited when engaging in activities one enjoys rather than those that are tedious. Particularly, when the job you are doing is your dream, it always makes you feel happy. Additionally, because it is your hobby, you may allocate your time and energy to it instead of solely focusing on earning money. However, to pursue this path, one must have sufficient financial resources to sustain oneself and continue in that profession. For example, if you wish to become a singer and perform on stage for an audience, the financial returns may not be significant. In this case, one might devote their entire career to singing, but it is essential to have enough funds, whether through family wealth or personal savings, to support this enjoyable profession.

This is why others argue that a good salary contributes to a better life. In my opinion, when you earn a lot of money, you can do everything you want. Specifically, you cannot pursue your dreams if you are impoverished and your job lacks the ability to generate sufficient income for survival. At that point, not only do you risk failure, but you also may not have enough money to live comfortably. Continuing with the example of becoming a singer, when one wishes to produce music products, one must earn sufficient funds beforehand. Thus, having a strong financial foundation is crucial; only then can one pursue enjoyable activities with ease.

In conclusion, I believe you should choose a job that offers a good salary rather than one solely based on your interests. If this job can provide both financial stability and personal satisfaction, your life will undoubtedly improve. In today’s world, money is an important part of life.