Some people argue that the best way to reduce crime is to increase the number of police officers. Others believe that improving social conditions and education is more effective. Discuss both views and give your opinion

The issue has sparked a debate regarding how to lower lawbreaking. While some claim that raising the number of policemen is the optimal tactic to weaken the crime rates, the opposite makes a statement that improving social factors and the academic system is more impactful. This essay is dedicated to weighing up the pros and cons of both sides and presenting my viewpoint.
Granted, one might argue that there are no better solutions to reduce criminal activities than enlarging the police workforce. This is predicated on the fact that police occupy a significant role in preventing illegal activities. This, according to this theory, ultimately results in the level of prohibited acts will be less severe. However, this reasoning is not sound because even with an increase of police officers, the rate of offenses still exists, not making any difference in the seriousness of the problems. Instead, the government should pay an attention to social statuses.
A second more effective alternative would be for dwellers to be invested in society or education by the government . There are good reasons that when citizens are actively taking part in both mentioned equivalents, they are more likely to thrive a sense of responsibility and commitment to the community. This can be seen in the way that the state should have a provision for a wealth of courses such as knitting, engineering and cooking, which give someone a chance to become a productive member of society, reducing the possibility of turning to crime.
In conclusion, while hiking the number of police officers may not be the most effective method to make crime decrease, improving social conditions and providing education for settlers offer.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The issue has sparked a debate" -> "The issue has generated a debate"
Explanation: "Generated" is a more precise term in academic writing, suggesting the origin of the debate rather than the more colloquial "sparked."
"lower lawbreaking" -> "reduce crime"
Explanation: "Lower lawbreaking" is awkward and unclear. "Reduce crime" is a more direct and commonly accepted term in academic discourse.
"raising the number of policemen" -> "increasing the number of police officers"
Explanation: "Policemen" is an outdated term and less formal. "Police officers" is the preferred term in modern English and is more appropriate for formal writing.
"the optimal tactic" -> "the most effective strategy"
Explanation: "Tactic" is a less formal term and can imply a short-term approach. "Strategy" is more formal and suggests a long-term plan, which is more suitable for academic discussions.
"makes a statement" -> "asserts"
Explanation: "Makes a statement" is somewhat informal and vague. "Asserts" is more precise and formal, fitting the academic style.
"weighing up the pros and cons" -> "evaluating the advantages and disadvantages"
Explanation: "Weighing up" is informal and can be seen as colloquial. "Evaluating" is more formal and academically appropriate.
"enlarging the police workforce" -> "expanding the police force"
Explanation: "Enlarging" is less specific and can be vague. "Expanding" is more precise and commonly used in formal contexts.
"the level of prohibited acts will be less severe" -> "the severity of prohibited acts will decrease"
Explanation: "The level of prohibited acts will be less severe" is awkward and unclear. "The severity of prohibited acts will decrease" is clearer and more direct.
"pay an attention to" -> "pay attention to"
Explanation: "Pay an attention to" is grammatically incorrect. "Pay attention to" is the correct form.
"dwellers to be invested in society or education" -> "citizens to be invested in society or education"
Explanation: "Dwellers" is an unusual and less precise term for "citizens," which is the standard term in formal writing.
"thrive a sense of responsibility" -> "develop a sense of responsibility"
Explanation: "Thrive" is incorrectly used here; "develop" is the correct verb to describe the growth of a sense of responsibility.
"the state should have a provision for a wealth of courses" -> "the government should provide a wide range of courses"
Explanation: "A wealth of courses" is an idiom and less formal. "A wide range of courses" is more precise and formal.
"give someone a chance to become a productive member of society" -> "offer individuals opportunities to become productive members of society"
Explanation: "Give someone a chance" is informal and vague. "Offer individuals opportunities" is more formal and precise.
"hiking the number of police officers" -> "increasing the number of police officers"
Explanation: "Hiking" is an informal term and not commonly used in formal writing. "Increasing" is the standard term.
"settlers offer" -> "citizens offer"
Explanation: "Settlers" is an outdated and less precise term. "Citizens" is the appropriate term for discussing the general population in a formal context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding crime reduction, discussing the argument for increasing police presence and the counterargument for improving social conditions and education. The introduction clearly outlines the two perspectives, and the body paragraphs provide a brief exploration of each. However, the conclusion lacks a definitive statement on the author’s opinion, which is crucial for fully addressing the prompt.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, ensure that the conclusion explicitly states your opinion on which method is more effective. This could involve summarizing the key points made in the body paragraphs and clearly indicating your stance, thereby ensuring that all parts of the question are thoroughly answered.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that leans towards improving social conditions as a more effective crime reduction strategy. However, this position is not consistently reinforced throughout the essay. For instance, while the first body paragraph discusses the limitations of increasing police numbers, it does not strongly advocate for the alternative solution until the second body paragraph.
- How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, consider stating your opinion more explicitly in the introduction and reiterating it throughout the essay. Use transitional phrases to connect your arguments back to your main stance, ensuring that the reader understands your viewpoint consistently.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to both perspectives, but the support for these ideas is somewhat limited. For example, the argument for increasing police presence is not backed by specific examples or data, and the discussion on social investment lacks depth. The mention of courses like knitting and cooking is relevant but could be expanded to illustrate how education directly correlates with crime reduction.
- How to improve: To strengthen your ideas, provide more detailed examples and evidence to support your claims. This could include statistics on crime rates in relation to police presence versus educational initiatives, or case studies that demonstrate the effectiveness of community programs. This will help to extend and substantiate your arguments more effectively.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt’s focus on crime reduction strategies. However, there are moments where the argument could be more tightly focused. For instance, the phrase "the level of prohibited acts will be less severe" is somewhat vague and could benefit from clearer language that directly relates to crime rates.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that each point made directly relates back to the question of crime reduction. Avoid vague statements and instead use precise language that clearly connects your arguments to the topic. Additionally, ensure that every example and argument serves to reinforce the main discussion of the essay.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay could achieve a higher band score in the Task Response criteria.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the debate and the writer’s intention to discuss both sides. The first body paragraph addresses the argument for increasing police presence, while the second body paragraph shifts to the opposing view of improving social conditions and education. However, the logical flow is somewhat disrupted by the abrupt transition between ideas, particularly in the second body paragraph where the connection between community involvement and crime reduction could be more explicitly articulated.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that directly relate to the main argument of each paragraph. Additionally, incorporating transitional phrases (e.g., "On the other hand," "Furthermore," "In contrast") can help guide the reader through the argument more smoothly. For instance, explicitly stating how increased community involvement can lead to lower crime rates would strengthen the connection between ideas.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is essential for clarity. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the argument. However, the second body paragraph is slightly convoluted and could benefit from clearer delineation of ideas. The conclusion is also somewhat vague and does not effectively summarize the main points discussed in the essay.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea supported by specific examples. For the conclusion, reiterate the main arguments presented in the body paragraphs and clearly state your opinion to reinforce the essay’s overall message. For example, restating the importance of social conditions and education in reducing crime would provide a stronger closing argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "granted" and "however," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some sentences feel disjointed. For instance, the transition between the argument for police presence and the counterargument lacks a cohesive link, making it harder for the reader to follow the progression of thought.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a variety of linking words and phrases (e.g., "Moreover," "In addition," "Conversely") to enhance the flow of ideas. Additionally, consider using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts, which can help maintain coherence throughout the essay. For example, instead of repeating "the government" in the second body paragraph, you could use "it" or "this approach" to create a smoother reading experience.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, there are areas for improvement in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices. By refining these aspects, the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay can be significantly enhanced.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "lawbreaking," "optimal tactic," "criminal activities," and "social factors." However, the vocabulary used is sometimes repetitive and lacks variation. For example, the phrases "improving social factors" and "social conditions" could be expressed using synonyms or related terms to enhance lexical diversity. Additionally, the term "dwellers" is somewhat unusual in this context and could be replaced with more common alternatives like "residents" or "citizens."
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms throughout the essay. For instance, instead of repeating "social factors," they could use "community welfare," "socioeconomic conditions," or "public services." Reading a variety of texts and noting diverse vocabulary can help in expanding one’s lexical resource.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay contains some precise vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "the level of prohibited acts will be less severe" is awkwardly constructed and could be more clearly expressed as "the incidence of crime will decrease." Additionally, the phrase "the opposite makes a statement" is vague and could be replaced with "the opposing view argues." Such imprecision can lead to confusion and detracts from the clarity of the argument.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and conciseness. They can practice rephrasing sentences to eliminate ambiguity. For example, instead of saying "the opposite makes a statement," they could say "the opposing view asserts." Engaging in exercises that emphasize precise language use, such as rewriting sentences for clarity, can also be beneficial.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "enlarging" instead of "enlarging," "pay an attention" instead of "pay attention," and "settlers" instead of "citizens." These errors can distract the reader and undermine the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy. This could involve reading the essay aloud to catch errors or using spell-check tools. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can help improve spelling skills over time.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, there are areas for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as the use of complex sentences ("This is predicated on the fact that police occupy a significant role in preventing illegal activities.") and compound sentences ("However, this reasoning is not sound because even with an increase of police officers, the rate of offenses still exists, not making any difference in the seriousness of the problems."). However, there is a tendency to rely on simpler structures, which limits the overall complexity and sophistication of the writing. For instance, phrases like "the opposite makes a statement that…" could be rephrased for clarity and variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should incorporate more varied sentence beginnings and use different types of clauses (e.g., relative clauses, adverbial clauses). Practicing sentence transformation exercises and reading a variety of academic texts can help in recognizing and employing more complex structures.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity. For example, the phrase "the level of prohibited acts will be less severe" is awkwardly constructed and should be rephrased for clarity. Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as the missing comma in "for dwellers to be invested in society or education by the government .", where the period should not have a space before it. The phrase "the government should pay an attention to social statuses" should be corrected to "the government should pay attention to social issues" for grammatical accuracy.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, proper article usage, and sentence clarity. Regular grammar practice, such as completing exercises on common grammatical errors, and proofreading essays for punctuation mistakes can significantly enhance accuracy. Additionally, reading more academic essays can help in understanding proper sentence structure and punctuation usage.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument and engages with the prompt, addressing the identified weaknesses in grammatical range and accuracy will help elevate the score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The issue has sparked a debate regarding how to lower lawbreaking. While some claim that raising the number of police officers is the optimal tactic to weaken crime rates, others assert that improving social conditions and the education system is more effective. This essay is dedicated to evaluating the advantages and disadvantages of both sides and presenting my viewpoint.

Granted, one might argue that there are no better solutions to reduce criminal activities than expanding the police force. This is predicated on the fact that police occupy a significant role in preventing illegal activities. According to this theory, this ultimately results in the severity of prohibited acts being lessened. However, this reasoning is not sound because even with an increase in police officers, the rate of offenses still exists, making no difference in the seriousness of the problems. Instead, the government should pay attention to social conditions.

A second, more effective alternative would be for citizens to be invested in society or education by the government. There are good reasons to believe that when citizens actively participate in both areas, they are more likely to develop a sense of responsibility and commitment to the community. This can be seen in the way that the state should provide a wide range of courses such as knitting, engineering, and cooking, which offer individuals opportunities to become productive members of society, thereby reducing the possibility of turning to crime.

In conclusion, while increasing the number of police officers may not be the most effective method to reduce crime, improving social conditions and providing education for citizens is a more promising approach.