Some people argue that the best way to reduce crime is to increase the number of police officers. Others believe that improving social conditions and education is more effective. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

The issue has sparked a debate regarding how to make offence decrease. While some people say that raising the number of policemen is the optimal way to lower the rate of crime, the opposite people make the statement that there are more effective ways including the enhancement of social conditions and education to reduce this situation. This essay is devoted to analysing both sides and presenting my viewpoint.

Granted, one might argue that no solutions are better than raising the figure for police officers to make violations deteriorate. Chief of this is that it has more workforce to prevent illegal activities. However, this reasoning is not practical due to the fact that even with the rise of police officers, the rate of crime still exists. Instead, a more reasonable resolution is that the state should improve social conditions, to be specific, job opportunities, which can deter people from engaging in illegal activities.

A second more efficient alternative would be bringing residents for . A chief of this is that it will raise the public ‘s awareness of the consequences of criminal. For instance, it is necessary for parents and teachers to teach children about legislation from a young age. As a result, they do not engage in illegal activities when becoming mature . Thus, education is an effective way to reduce crime.

In conclusion, raising the number of police officers is not the optimal solution to make crime decrease. In my opinion, improving social conditions and providing education for residents are better alternative ways.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The issue has sparked a debate regarding how to make offence decrease." -> "The issue has sparked a debate on how to reduce offenses."
Explanation: "Offence" is typically used as a noun referring to an act or instance of wrongdoing, whereas "decrease" is not the correct verb form in this context. "Reduce" is more appropriate and aligns with formal academic language.
"the opposite people make the statement" -> "others argue"
Explanation: "The opposite people" is awkward and unclear. "Others argue" is more direct and appropriate for academic writing.
"This essay is devoted to analysing" -> "This essay will analyze"
Explanation: "Is devoted to" is less formal and slightly awkward in this context. "Will analyze" is more direct and suitable for academic writing.
"raising the figure for police officers" -> "increasing the number of police officers"
Explanation: "Raising the figure" is vague and less precise. "Increasing the number" is clearer and more specific.
"make violations deteriorate" -> "reduce crime"
Explanation: "Make violations deteriorate" is an awkward and unclear phrase. "Reduce crime" is straightforward and commonly used in formal discussions about law enforcement.
"Chief of this is that" -> "This is primarily because"
Explanation: "Chief of this is that" is informal and unclear. "This is primarily because" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing.
"it has more workforce to prevent illegal activities" -> "it provides additional personnel to prevent illegal activities"
Explanation: "It has more workforce" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "It provides additional personnel" is grammatically correct and formal.
"the rate of crime still exists" -> "crime rates persist"
Explanation: "The rate of crime still exists" is awkward and redundant. "Crime rates persist" is concise and more formal.
"the state should improve social conditions, to be specific, job opportunities" -> "the state should improve specific social conditions, such as job opportunities"
Explanation: "To be specific" is informal and can be replaced with "such as" for a more formal tone.
"bringing residents for" -> "engaging residents"
Explanation: "Bringing residents for" is unclear and grammatically incorrect. "Engaging residents" is clear and grammatically correct.
"A chief of this is that" -> "A key aspect of this is that"
Explanation: "A chief of this is that" is incorrect and unclear. "A key aspect of this is that" is grammatically correct and formal.
"the public ‘s awareness" -> "public awareness"
Explanation: The possessive form "public ‘s" is incorrect. "Public awareness" is the correct form.
"it is necessary for parents and teachers to teach children about legislation from a young age" -> "it is essential for parents and teachers to educate children about legislation from an early age"
Explanation: "It is necessary" is somewhat informal; "it is essential" is more formal. Also, "from a young age" is less formal than "from an early age."
"they do not engage in illegal activities when becoming mature" -> "they refrain from engaging in illegal activities as they mature"
Explanation: "Do not engage in illegal activities when becoming mature" is awkward and informal. "Refrain from engaging in illegal activities as they mature" is more formal and flows better.
"raising the number of police officers is not the optimal solution to make crime decrease" -> "increasing the number of police officers is not the optimal solution to reducing crime"
Explanation: "Make crime decrease" is awkward and informal. "Reducing crime" is more direct and formal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both sides of the argument regarding crime reduction strategies. The first paragraph introduces the two viewpoints effectively, stating that increasing police presence and improving social conditions and education are both considered. However, the discussion of the first viewpoint lacks depth, as it primarily focuses on the argument that more police officers may not be effective without providing substantial evidence or examples to support this claim. The second viewpoint is better developed, with a clear argument about the importance of social conditions and education.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should provide more detailed examples and evidence for both viewpoints. For instance, citing studies or statistics that show the effectiveness of increased police presence or successful social programs could strengthen the argument. Additionally, a more balanced discussion of both perspectives would demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the issue.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position in favor of improving social conditions and education as the more effective means of reducing crime. This stance is maintained throughout the essay, particularly in the conclusion. However, the transition between discussing the two viewpoints could be smoother, as the shift from one argument to another feels abrupt at times.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and consistency, the writer should use transitional phrases to guide the reader through the argument. For example, phrases like "On the other hand" or "Conversely" can help signal shifts in perspective. Additionally, reiterating the main argument at the beginning of the second body paragraph could reinforce the writer’s position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to both viewpoints, but the support for these ideas is somewhat limited. The first body paragraph mentions that increasing police presence may not be practical without elaborating on why this is the case. The second body paragraph provides a clearer example of how education can prevent crime, but it could benefit from further development and additional examples.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to elaborate on each point made. For instance, when discussing the role of education, the essay could include specific programs or initiatives that have successfully reduced crime rates. Providing more detailed examples and exploring the implications of each argument would enhance the overall quality of the essay.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt directly. However, there are moments where the language becomes unclear, such as in the phrase "bringing residents for," which seems incomplete and distracts from the main argument. Additionally, some sentences are awkwardly constructed, which may lead to confusion about the intended message.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and clarity, the writer should ensure that all sentences are complete and clearly articulated. Revising awkward phrases and ensuring that each sentence contributes directly to the argument will help keep the essay on track. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical errors and clarity can significantly improve the overall coherence of the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, there is room for improvement in the depth of analysis, clarity of expression, and the development of ideas. By addressing these areas, the writer can enhance the effectiveness of their argument and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the debate on crime reduction methods. Each paragraph addresses a specific viewpoint, with the first discussing the argument for increasing police presence and the second advocating for improved social conditions and education. However, the logical flow could be enhanced. For instance, the transition between the first and second arguments is somewhat abrupt, and the second paragraph lacks a clear topic sentence that directly relates to the main argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that summarize the main point of each paragraph. Additionally, ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs by using linking phrases such as "On the other hand" or "Conversely" to indicate a shift in perspective. This will help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively to separate different viewpoints, which is crucial for clarity. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct argument, which aids in understanding. However, the second paragraph lacks a clear structure, as it begins with a vague reference to "a second more efficient alternative" without explicitly stating that it refers to education and social conditions.
- How to improve: Strengthen paragraph structure by ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. For example, the second paragraph could start with a sentence like, "Another effective approach to reducing crime is through education and community engagement." This would clarify the focus of the paragraph and improve coherence.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "however," "granted," and "for instance," which help connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some sentences feel disjointed. For example, the phrase "Chief of this is that it has more workforce" is awkward and lacks clarity, which detracts from the overall cohesion of the argument.
- How to improve: To improve the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "Furthermore," "Moreover," or "In addition" to introduce supporting points. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used correctly and appropriately to enhance clarity. Revising awkward phrases for clarity will also strengthen cohesion, such as changing "Chief of this is that" to "A key reason for this is that."

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments. By focusing on improving logical organization, enhancing paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices, the essay can achieve an even higher level of coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "offence," "violations," "illegal activities," and "enhancement of social conditions." However, the vocabulary is somewhat limited and repetitive, particularly in phrases like "raise the number of police officers" and "reduce crime." The use of "the opposite people" is awkward and lacks sophistication, which detracts from the overall lexical variety.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "raise" or "increase," alternatives like "augment," "boost," or "expand" could be employed. Additionally, using more advanced phrases such as "law enforcement personnel" instead of "policemen" would elevate the lexical quality.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "make offence decrease" is awkward and unclear; a more precise way to express this could be "reduce the incidence of crime." The term "the opposite people" is also vague and does not accurately convey the opposing viewpoint. Furthermore, "bringing residents for" is incomplete and lacks clarity.
- How to improve: Writers should focus on using vocabulary that accurately reflects their intended meaning. It would be beneficial to revise phrases for clarity and precision. For example, instead of "the opposite people," the writer could say "those who advocate for social improvements." Additionally, ensuring that phrases are complete and coherent will improve overall precision, such as changing "bringing residents for" to "engaging residents in community programs."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "offence" (which is correct in British English but could be considered less common in American English), "deteriorate" (should be "deter"), and "public ‘s awareness" (should be "public’s awareness"). These errors can distract the reader and detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, perhaps reading it aloud to catch errors. Utilizing spell-check tools and maintaining a list of commonly misspelled words can also be beneficial. Regular practice with vocabulary exercises can help reinforce correct spelling and enhance overall writing quality.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, there is significant room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By diversifying vocabulary, ensuring precise word choice, and focusing on spelling, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases like "While some people say that raising the number of policemen is the optimal way to lower the rate of crime, the opposite people make the statement that there are more effective ways…" However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and repetitive structures, such as "the state should improve social conditions" and "bringing residents for." These phrases lack variety and can detract from the overall effectiveness of the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more compound and complex sentences. For example, instead of repeating "the state should improve social conditions," you could rephrase it as "One effective approach could involve the government enhancing social conditions." Additionally, using different introductory phrases for sentences can help diversify the writing style, such as starting with an adverbial clause or a contrasting phrase.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For example, phrases like "the opposite people make the statement" are awkward and could be simplified to "others argue." There are also punctuation errors, such as the missing punctuation in "bringing residents for ." This incomplete thought leaves the reader confused. Additionally, the phrase "the public ‘s awareness of the consequences of criminal" should be corrected to "the public’s awareness of the consequences of crime."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and proper noun usage. Practicing sentence restructuring can also help clarify meaning. For punctuation, ensure that all sentences are complete and correctly punctuated. Reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrasing and punctuation mistakes, as it allows the writer to hear how the sentences flow and where corrections are needed.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument and addresses the prompt, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will enhance the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The issue has sparked a debate regarding how to reduce offenses. While some people say that increasing the number of police officers is the optimal way to lower the rate of crime, others argue that there are more effective methods, including the enhancement of social conditions and education to address this situation. This essay will analyze both sides and present my viewpoint.

Granted, one might argue that no solution is better than raising the number of police officers to reduce violations. A key aspect of this is that it provides additional personnel to prevent illegal activities. However, this reasoning is not practical due to the fact that even with the rise in police officers, crime rates persist. Instead, a more reasonable resolution is that the state should improve specific social conditions, such as job opportunities, which can deter people from engaging in illegal activities.

A second, more efficient alternative would be engaging residents in community programs. A key aspect of this is that it will raise the public’s awareness of the consequences of crime. For instance, it is essential for parents and teachers to educate children about legislation from an early age. As a result, they refrain from engaging in illegal activities as they mature. Thus, education is an effective way to reduce crime.

In conclusion, increasing the number of police officers is not the optimal solution to reduce crime. In my opinion, improving social conditions and providing education for residents are better alternative ways.