SOME PEOPLE ARGUE THAT THE BEST WAY TO REDUCE CRIME IS TO INCREASE THE NUMBER OF POLICE OFICERS. OTHERS BELIEVE THAT IMPROVING SOCIAL CONDITIONS AND EDUCATION IS MORE EFFECTIVE. DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OPINIONS.

There is an ongoing debate regarding making the number of crime deteriorate. While some claim that there are no other solutions to lower crime rate than raising the police number, the opposite makes a statement that another more effective way is enhancing the quality of social conditions and education. From my point of view, while the former is valid to some extent, I would consider myself an advocate of the latter.
Without a shadow of a doubt, to make the number of criminals decrease, the government should increase police officers. This is predicated on the fact that the numerous appearances of policemen on the road will create a sense of fear in perpetrators . This, according to this theory, ultimately results in the criminals may think more wisely before commiting the crime. Additionally, employing greater officers on the streets aslo helps to reassure the public and enhance the feeling of safety and security in communities.
While the effectiveness of raising the number of the police is widely acknowledged, another far-reaching alternative would be enhancing the life quality of residents, along with legal education. This is because individuals driven by their low quality of life and lack of legal knowledge, often decide to convict crimes . To be specific, dwellers of some countries in Afica can be cited as outstanding instances, which is living in poverty and commiting considerable crime to earn more income and support their families. Due to this, the government should allocate money to support poor situations as well as hold more programs educating people on legal insights.
In conclusion, an increase in police officers is not the best to deal with crime prolems as there are two effective alternatives which are improving the life quality and educational level of citizens.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"making the number of crime deteriorate" -> "reducing the crime rate"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "Reducing the crime rate" is a more precise and commonly used term in academic and formal contexts, accurately conveying the intended meaning of decreasing the frequency of crimes.
"raising the police number" -> "increasing the number of police officers"
Explanation: "Raising the police number" is an awkward and unclear expression. "Increasing the number of police officers" is more formal and clearly communicates the intended action of adding more personnel to the police force.
"the opposite makes a statement" -> "others argue"
Explanation: "The opposite makes a statement" is informal and vague. "Others argue" is a more precise and academically appropriate way to introduce an opposing viewpoint.
"enhancing the quality of social conditions and education" -> "improving social conditions and educational standards"
Explanation: "Enhancing the quality of social conditions and education" is somewhat redundant and verbose. "Improving social conditions and educational standards" is more concise and maintains the formal tone required for academic writing.
"the former is valid to some extent" -> "the former has some validity"
Explanation: "The former is valid to some extent" is a bit informal and awkward. "The former has some validity" is more formal and flows better in academic discourse.
"the numerous appearances of policemen on the road" -> "the increased visibility of police officers on the streets"
Explanation: "The numerous appearances of policemen on the road" is awkward and informal. "The increased visibility of police officers on the streets" is more precise and appropriate for formal writing.
"the criminals may think more wisely" -> "criminals may think more carefully"
Explanation: "Think more wisely" is somewhat colloquial and vague. "Think more carefully" is more precise and suitable for academic contexts.
"aslo" -> "also"
Explanation: "Aslo" is a typographical error. Correcting it to "also" maintains professionalism and accuracy in the text.
"the life quality of residents" -> "the quality of life for residents"
Explanation: "The life quality of residents" is grammatically incorrect. "The quality of life for residents" is grammatically correct and clearer.
"Afica" -> "Africa"
Explanation: "Afica" is a typographical error. Correcting it to "Africa" ensures accuracy and professionalism in the text.
"commiting considerable crime" -> "committing significant crimes"
Explanation: "Commiting considerable crime" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Committing significant crimes" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"to earn more income and support their families" -> "to earn a living and support their families"
Explanation: "To earn more income" is somewhat redundant as "income" implies earning money. "To earn a living" is more precise and commonly used in formal writing.
"crime prolems" -> "crime problems"
Explanation: "Crime prolems" is a typographical error. Correcting it to "crime problems" maintains the professionalism and accuracy of the text.
"improving the life quality and educational level of citizens" -> "improving the quality of life and educational standards for citizens"
Explanation: "Improving the life quality and educational level of citizens" is slightly awkward and informal. "Improving the quality of life and educational standards for citizens" is more formal and precise, aligning better with academic style.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views presented in the prompt, discussing the merits of increasing the number of police officers and improving social conditions and education. The first paragraph introduces the debate, while the second and third paragraphs delve into each perspective. However, the discussion of the first view lacks depth, as it primarily focuses on the deterrent effect of police presence without exploring potential drawbacks or limitations. The second view is more thoroughly examined, providing a clearer rationale for why improving social conditions and education may be more effective.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay should provide a more balanced discussion of both viewpoints. This could involve acknowledging potential criticisms of increasing police numbers, such as issues related to over-policing or community relations. Additionally, offering more examples or evidence to support both sides would strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer clearly states their position in the introduction and reiterates it in the conclusion, advocating for improving social conditions and education over simply increasing police numbers. However, the transition between discussing the two views could be smoother to reinforce the writer’s stance. The phrase "while the former is valid to some extent" suggests some ambiguity, which could confuse readers about the writer’s true position.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should consistently emphasize their viewpoint throughout the essay. This can be achieved by using transitional phrases that clearly indicate shifts in perspective while reiterating their stance. For example, after discussing the police perspective, the writer could explicitly state why they believe the alternative is more effective.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, particularly in the discussion of improving social conditions and education. The mention of poverty in Africa as a specific example adds depth to the argument. However, the support for the first viewpoint is weaker, with less elaboration on how increased police presence might effectively reduce crime beyond creating fear. Additionally, some ideas are not fully developed, such as the connection between education and crime reduction.
- How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the writer should provide more detailed examples and explanations. For instance, they could elaborate on specific educational programs that have successfully reduced crime rates in certain areas. Additionally, integrating statistics or studies that support the claims made would enhance the credibility of the arguments.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt’s requirements. However, there are moments where the language becomes somewhat convoluted, such as "to make the number of criminals decrease," which could distract from the main argument. The phrase "the numerous appearances of policemen on the road" could also be simplified for clarity.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and clarity, the writer should aim for straightforward language and avoid overly complex constructions. Ensuring that each sentence directly contributes to the argument will help keep the essay on topic. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing will improve overall coherence.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the prompt and presents a clear position, there are areas for improvement in depth of analysis, clarity of argument, and support for ideas. By addressing these aspects, the writer can enhance their Task Response score in future essays.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, introducing the topic and outlining two opposing views effectively. The first body paragraph discusses the argument for increasing police presence, while the second body paragraph presents the counterargument regarding social conditions and education. However, the logical flow could be enhanced by providing clearer connections between ideas. For instance, the transition from discussing police presence to social conditions could be more explicit, perhaps by summarizing the first argument before moving to the second.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing the police argument, a sentence like "Conversely, there are compelling reasons to believe that addressing social issues may yield more sustainable results" could serve as a smoother transition.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct viewpoint. However, the paragraphs could be more balanced in length and depth. The first paragraph is slightly longer and more developed than the second, which may give the impression that the argument for police presence is more significant than the alternative view.
- How to improve: Aim for a more balanced approach by ensuring each paragraph is of similar length and depth. Consider expanding the second paragraph with additional examples or elaboration on how improving social conditions can specifically reduce crime rates. This could involve discussing successful case studies or statistics that support the argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "this is predicated on the fact that" and "to be specific," which help clarify the relationships between ideas. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited and could be more varied. For instance, the phrase "this, according to this theory" is repetitive and could be replaced with more diverse connectors.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, instead of repeating "this," consider using "for instance," "furthermore," or "in addition" to introduce new ideas or examples. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device used is appropriate for the context, enhancing clarity and flow.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately leading to a better overall score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "deteriorate," "perpetrators," and "enhancing." However, the use of phrases like "the number of crime deteriorate" and "the numerous appearances of policemen" indicates a lack of variety and precision. The phrase "the number of criminals decrease" also suggests a limited vocabulary range, as it could have been expressed more effectively.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "increase" and "enhance," alternatives such as "boost," "augment," or "improve" could be employed. Additionally, exploring more sophisticated terms related to crime and social issues, such as "criminal activity," "law enforcement," or "socioeconomic factors," would elevate the essay’s lexical resource.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "the number of crime deteriorate," which is grammatically incorrect and confusing. The phrase "the criminals may think more wisely" is also vague; "think wisely" could be replaced with a more specific term like "consider their actions carefully." Furthermore, "the life quality of residents" is awkward and could be better expressed as "the quality of life for residents."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. This can be achieved by reviewing phrases for clarity and correctness. For example, changing "the number of crime deteriorate" to "the crime rate deteriorates" would clarify the statement. Additionally, utilizing a thesaurus to find more precise alternatives can help refine vocabulary choices.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "oficers" instead of "officers," "aslo" instead of "also," "commiting" instead of "committing," and "Afica" instead of "Africa." These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and may confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy. This could include reading the essay aloud to catch errors or using spell-check tools before finalizing the text. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises or flashcards can help reinforce correct spelling of commonly used words, particularly those relevant to the topic of crime and social issues.

By addressing these areas, the writer can improve their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. For instance, the writer employs complex sentences such as "While some claim that there are no other solutions to lower crime rate than raising the police number, the opposite makes a statement that another more effective way is enhancing the quality of social conditions and education." However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the use of "to make the number of criminals decrease" and "the government should increase police officers." The essay could benefit from more varied sentence beginnings and the incorporation of conditional structures or participial phrases to enhance complexity.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should practice using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, instead of starting sentences with "The government should" repeatedly, they could use introductory phrases or clauses, such as "In order to effectively reduce crime, the government could…" or "By increasing the number of police officers, it is possible to…". Additionally, incorporating more varied conjunctions and transitions would help in creating a smoother flow and enhancing the overall complexity of the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical inaccuracies and punctuation errors that detract from clarity. For example, phrases like "the numerous appearances of policemen on the road will create a sense of fear in perpetrators" could be rephrased for clarity, as "the numerous appearances of policemen" is somewhat awkward. Furthermore, the phrase "the criminals may think more wisely before commiting the crime" contains a grammatical error; "commiting" should be "committing." Additionally, there are punctuation issues, such as the unnecessary space before the period in "perpetrators ."
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading their work for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and spelling mistakes. Utilizing grammar-checking tools could also help identify and correct these issues. Furthermore, practicing punctuation rules, particularly regarding the placement of commas and periods, will improve the overall readability of the essay. For instance, ensuring that there are no spaces before punctuation marks and using commas to separate clauses appropriately will enhance clarity.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable attempt at addressing the prompt, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical and punctuation accuracy will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is an ongoing debate regarding how to reduce crime. While some claim that there are no other solutions to lower the crime rate than increasing the number of police officers, others argue that a more effective way is to enhance the quality of social conditions and education. From my point of view, while the former has some validity, I would consider myself an advocate of the latter.

Without a shadow of a doubt, to decrease the number of criminals, the government should increase the number of police officers. This is predicated on the fact that the increased visibility of police officers on the streets will create a sense of fear in perpetrators. According to this theory, this ultimately results in criminals thinking more carefully before committing a crime. Additionally, employing more officers on the streets also helps to reassure the public and enhance the feeling of safety and security in communities.

While the effectiveness of raising the number of police is widely acknowledged, another far-reaching alternative would be improving the quality of life for residents, along with legal education. This is because individuals driven by their low quality of life and lack of legal knowledge often decide to commit crimes. To be specific, residents of some countries in Africa can be cited as outstanding instances, as they live in poverty and commit significant crimes to earn a living and support their families. Due to this, the government should allocate money to support poor conditions as well as hold more programs educating people on legal insights.

In conclusion, an increase in police officers is not the best way to deal with crime problems, as there are two effective alternatives: improving the quality of life and educational standards for citizens.