Some people believe that certain old buildings should be preserved more than others. What type of old buildings should be preserved? Do you think the advantages of preserving buildings outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people believe that certain old buildings should be preserved more than others.
What type of old buildings should be preserved?

Do you think the advantages of preserving buildings outweigh the disadvantages?

People claim that the necessity of the preservation of certain historical constructions is more crucial than others. In this essay, I am going to name some categories of old buildings that need to be preserved and explain why the benefits of this activity can overcome the drawbacks.

There are two types of historical buildings, which require conservation and restoration from expertise, which are those ancient constructions being highly damaged to possibly harming the local civilians and some old buildings demanding further upgrading in space or innovating functions while expected to keep the cultural architectural significance.

On one hand, it is hard to deny that there might exist some architectural preservation financial faults. For example, a lack of precise planning can lead to the climbing of maintenance costs, which could result in considerable debt if the raised money passed the prediction budget. Moreover, the preserving activities can face failure when the low-cost alternative materials do not meet the requirement of the origin and cause a downgrade in the quality of the old buildings.

On the other hand, I hold a belief that the fruits from antique building maintenance considerably exceed its downside. First of all, in long-term merit, old building conserving practices contribute not only to the contemporary period but also to the future. When fully passing on our legacy to the next generation, our society teaches the youth to respect the former values and develop from them. Furthermore, the burden of paying costs should boost the development of materials and techniques for old building preservation. As a result, a variety of new solutions can be introduced with greater improvement and more reasonable prices.

To conclude, there are objective and subjective causes to the preservation request for heritage-listed buildings. I staunchly believe that the advantages of this activity have the prior crucialness compared to its disadvantages due to its profit in the young’s education and the advance of preservation progress.

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Errors and Improvements:

"People claim that" -> "It is argued that"
Explanation: "People claim that" is overly informal for academic writing. "It is argued that" maintains a formal tone while expressing a similar idea.
"In this essay, I am going to name some categories" -> "This essay will delineate several categories"
Explanation: "In this essay, I am going to" is unnecessarily wordy and informal. "This essay will delineate" is a more concise and formal expression.
"ancient constructions" -> "historical structures"
Explanation: "Ancient constructions" is somewhat vague and lacks precision. "Historical structures" is a more specific term suitable for academic writing.
"being highly damaged to possibly harming" -> "that are severely damaged and potentially pose a threat to"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkwardly constructed. By using clearer language, the sentence becomes more precise and easier to understand.
"some old buildings demanding further upgrading" -> "certain older buildings requiring additional renovation"
Explanation: "Some old buildings demanding further upgrading" is a bit informal. "Certain older buildings requiring additional renovation" maintains formality and clarity.
"it is hard to deny that there might exist" -> "it is undeniable that"
Explanation: The original phrase is overly wordy and lacks conciseness. "It is undeniable that" is a more direct and formal expression.
"financial faults" -> "financial challenges"
Explanation: "Faults" is somewhat informal in this context. "Challenges" is a more suitable term for academic writing.
"considerable debt if the raised money passed" -> "significant debt if expenditures exceed"
Explanation: The original phrase is convoluted. Simplifying it makes the sentence clearer and more direct.
"Furthermore, the burden of paying costs should boost" -> "Additionally, the financial burden should stimulate"
Explanation: "Furthermore, the burden of paying costs should boost" is awkwardly phrased. Replacing it with "Additionally, the financial burden should stimulate" maintains formality and clarity.
"young’s education" -> "education of the youth"
Explanation: "Young’s education" is not the most natural expression. "Education of the youth" is clearer and more commonly used in academic writing.

Overall, these changes enhance the formal tone and clarity of the essay, making it more suitable for academic purposes.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the question by identifying categories of old buildings that should be preserved and discussing the advantages of preservation outweighing the disadvantages.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, provide more specific examples of types of old buildings that warrant preservation and delve deeper into the advantages and disadvantages.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, arguing that the benefits of preserving old buildings outweigh the drawbacks.
- How to improve: Strengthen the clarity of the position by explicitly stating it in the introduction and conclusion, and reinforcing it with supporting evidence and analysis throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas about the types of old buildings that should be preserved and supports them with examples and arguments. However, some ideas could be further extended and elaborated upon for greater depth.
- How to improve: Extend ideas by providing more detailed explanations, offering additional examples, and connecting them to the central argument more explicitly.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the preservation of old buildings and weighing the advantages against the disadvantages. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharper.
- How to improve: Maintain focus by ensuring that every point made directly relates to the preservation of old buildings and the comparison of advantages and disadvantages. Avoid tangential discussions that do not contribute to the main argument.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a clear argument, there is room for improvement in providing more specific examples, strengthening the clarity of the position, extending ideas for greater depth, and maintaining focus throughout. By enhancing these aspects, the essay could achieve a higher band score for task response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally logical organization by introducing the topic in the introduction, presenting arguments in the body paragraphs, and concluding with a summary. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the topic, discussing types of old buildings that should be preserved and weighing the advantages against the disadvantages. However, there are instances of unclear transitions between ideas, particularly in the second paragraph, where the distinction between the two types of historical buildings could be clarified for better coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure that transitions between ideas are smooth and explicit. In the second paragraph, clearly delineate between the two types of historical buildings needing preservation to avoid confusion for the reader. Additionally, consider providing a roadmap of the essay’s structure in the introduction to guide the reader through the main points.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively employs paragraphs to structure ideas and separate different arguments. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the topic, such as types of old buildings that require preservation or the advantages and disadvantages of preservation efforts. However, some paragraphs could be more cohesive internally, with clearer topic sentences and supporting details.
- How to improve: Improve paragraph cohesion by ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that previews the main idea of the paragraph. Provide sufficient supporting details and examples to reinforce the main argument of each paragraph. Consider revising paragraph structures to maintain focus and coherence throughout the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, including transitional phrases like "on one hand" and "on the other hand," which help to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. Additionally, cohesive devices such as pronouns ("this activity," "its disadvantages") aid in maintaining coherence by referring back to previously mentioned concepts. However, there is room for improvement in the use of more diverse cohesive devices to enhance coherence further.
- How to improve: Expand the range of cohesive devices used to include a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "however," "consequently," etc. This will create smoother transitions between ideas and improve overall coherence. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently and appropriately throughout the essay to reinforce the logical flow of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, incorporating terms such as "preservation," "conservation," "heritage-listed," "financial faults," "legacy," and "innovating functions," among others. These varied lexical choices contribute to the clarity and richness of the essay’s expression.
- How to improve: While the essay displays a broad vocabulary, there is still room for enhancement by integrating more nuanced or sophisticated vocabulary where appropriate. For instance, instead of "ancient constructions," consider employing terms like "historical edifices" or "architectural landmarks" for greater precision and eloquence.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with reasonable precision, effectively conveying the intended meanings. For instance, phrases such as "ancient constructions being highly damaged" and "innovating functions" are clear and aptly used in context. However, there are instances where the wording could be more precise to avoid ambiguity or vagueness.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, strive to select words that precisely convey the intended nuances of meaning. For example, instead of "considerable debt," consider using "substantial financial burden" for a clearer indication of the economic challenges associated with preservation efforts.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates generally correct spelling throughout, with only minor errors or inconsistencies. Notable instances of correct spelling include "preservation," "conservation," and "heritage-listed." However, there are occasional misspellings, such as "climbing" instead of "climbing up" and "preservation" instead of "preserving," which could detract slightly from the overall clarity and professionalism of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider implementing strategies such as thorough proofreading, utilizing spell-checking tools, and reviewing commonly misspelled words. Additionally, practicing spelling exercises and maintaining awareness of common spelling pitfalls can contribute to improved accuracy in written expression.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable attempt to employ various sentence structures, including complex sentences, compound sentences, and conditional constructions. For instance, complex sentences like "There are two types of historical buildings, which require conservation and restoration from expertise, which are those ancient constructions being highly damaged to possibly harming the local civilians and some old buildings demanding further upgrading in space or innovating functions while expected to keep the cultural architectural significance" showcase a blend of dependent and independent clauses, contributing to sentence diversity. Additionally, the essay utilizes conditional constructions such as "if the raised money passed the prediction budget," enhancing the complexity of the argumentation.
- How to improve: While the essay displays a satisfactory range of structures, enhancing the fluency and coherence of sentences could further elevate the quality of expression. Strive to incorporate more varied sentence beginnings and lengths to add dynamism to the writing. Additionally, consider experimenting with rhetorical devices like parallelism or inversion to add sophistication and clarity to the prose.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammatical structures and punctuation conventions. However, there are instances of grammatical inaccuracies and punctuation errors that slightly impede clarity and coherence. For example, the phrase "which are those ancient constructions being highly damaged to possibly harming the local civilians" contains a redundancy and lacks clarity in its structure. Additionally, there are minor punctuation errors throughout the essay, such as missing commas after introductory phrases ("First of all, in long-term merit…") and inconsistent comma usage in compound sentences.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, focus on refining sentence structure to ensure clarity and conciseness. Review each sentence for unnecessary repetition or ambiguity, aiming for precision and coherence. Additionally, pay close attention to punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas to separate clauses and phrases. Consistent application of punctuation guidelines will bolster the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some argue that certain historical structures should be preserved more than others. This essay will delineate several categories of old buildings that are severely damaged and potentially pose a threat to local communities, as well as certain older buildings requiring additional renovation to maintain their cultural significance.

It is undeniable that there are financial challenges associated with preserving historical buildings. For instance, a lack of precise planning can lead to increased maintenance costs, potentially resulting in significant debt if expenditures exceed the predicted budget. Additionally, using low-cost alternative materials may compromise the quality of the old buildings.

However, the benefits of preserving these buildings outweigh the drawbacks. Old building conservation practices contribute not only to the present but also to the future. By passing on our legacy to the next generation, we teach the youth to respect past values and build upon them. Additionally, the financial burden should stimulate the development of materials and techniques for old building preservation. This, in turn, can lead to the introduction of new solutions with greater improvement and more reasonable prices.

In conclusion, while there are challenges associated with preserving historical buildings, the advantages of this activity, such as its impact on youth education and the advancement of preservation progress, outweigh the disadvantages.