Some people believe that children should be banned from using their phones during the school day. Others believe that children should be allowed to use their phones. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some people believe that children should be banned from using their phones during the school day. Others believe that children should be allowed to use their phones.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In this ever-evolving landscape of technology, a number of people state that children must be dissuaded from ultilizing their phones at school while others argued that the children should be permitted to use their phones. In my opinion, phones need to be authorized at school because it can enhance the study results of students and also facilitate them in terms of communication.
In the beginning, Using phones at school can influence negatively to students regard of study time. This can be explained that the phone is one of the most paramount factors distracting students during a lesson. Besides that, accessing technological devices at school also imposes some problems related to cyberbullying. To elucidate further, the Internet possesses a plethora of issues and cyberbullying these days is appeared prevalently at school in the USA. Therefore, using phones at school can exacerbate this issue and pose more challenges for principal and teachers in handling cyberbullying.
On the other hand, Phones have seveal pessimistic impacts on students in terms of study results. They can access in a profusion of variable knowledge resources that is more professional and comprises a great deal of academic while the common curriculums presumably do not include. Besides that, contemporary phones also facilitates students in respect of communication. Phones can help students whose houses are far away from the school contact with family members more conveniently and easily. This is also prevalent in boarding schools where students rarely visit their households so phones are drastic essential to them.
In conclusion, Ultilizing phones at school can obtain drawbacks to some students regard of distraction and cyberbullying. Nevertheless, the majority of using smart phones at school affects optimistically to students about their academic outcomes and method of communication.

---

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

1. "ultilizing" -> "utilizing"
   Explanation: "Utilizing" is the correct spelling of the word, aligning with standard English usage.
2. "phones need to be authorized" -> "phones should be permitted"
   Explanation: "Authorized" implies official permission, which might not be the intended meaning. "Permitted" is a clearer and more appropriate term in this context.
3. "In the beginning," -> "Firstly,"
   Explanation: "Firstly," is a more formal and concise transition to introduce a new point.
4. "negatively to students regard of study time" -> "negatively on students’ study time"
   Explanation: "Negatively on students’ study time" is a more grammatically correct and clear expression.
5. "can influence negatively to students regard of study time" -> "can have a negative influence on students’ study time"
   Explanation: This change improves the clarity and formality of the sentence.
6. "paramount" -> "paramountly"
   Explanation: "Paramountly" is not a standard adverb form. Instead, consider using "significantly" or "greatly" for better flow.
7. "accessing technological devices at school also imposes some problems related to cyberbullying" -> "accessing technological devices at school can also lead to problems related to cyberbullying"
   Explanation: This change improves the clarity and formal tone of the sentence.
8. "To elucidate further," -> "Furthermore,"
   Explanation: "Furthermore," is a more concise and formal transition.
9. "prevalently" -> "prevalent"
   Explanation: "Prevalent" is the correct adjective form to describe the occurrence of cyberbullying.
10. "seveal" -> "several"
    Explanation: "Several" is the correct spelling of the word.
11. "pessimistic impacts on students in terms of study results" -> "negative impacts on students’ academic performance"
    Explanation: This change clarifies and improves the expression of the negative effects on students.
12. "access in a profusion of variable knowledge resources that is more professional" -> "access to a wide range of professional knowledge resources"
    Explanation: This revision improves the clarity and flow of the sentence.
13. "comprises a great deal of academic while the common curriculums presumably do not include" -> "contains a significant amount of academic content that may not be covered in the standard curriculum"
    Explanation: This change provides a clearer and more precise description.
14. "contemporary phones also facilitates students in respect of communication" -> "contemporary phones also facilitate communication for students"
    Explanation: This change corrects the subject-verb agreement and improves the sentence structure.
15. "Phones can help students whose houses are far away from the school contact with family members more conveniently and easily." -> "Phones can help students whose homes are far from school to contact family members more conveniently and easily."
    Explanation: This revision corrects the grammar and improves the clarity of the sentence.
16. "This is also prevalent in boarding schools where students rarely visit their households so phones are drastic essential to them." -> "This is particularly prevalent in boarding schools where students rarely visit home, making phones essential for them."
    Explanation: This revision improves the clarity and flow of the sentence.
17. "Ultilizing phones at school can obtain drawbacks to some students regard of distraction and cyberbullying." -> "Using phones at school can lead to drawbacks for some students in terms of distraction and cyberbullying."
    Explanation: This change improves the clarity and formal tone of the sentence.
18. "Nevertheless, the majority of using smart phones at school affects optimistically to students about their academic outcomes and method of communication." -> "Nevertheless, the majority of students using smartphones at school experience positive effects on their academic outcomes and communication methods."
    Explanation: This revision improves the clarity and formal tone of the sentence.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both sides of the argument regarding the use of phones in schools. It discusses the perspectives of those who advocate for banning phones during school hours and those who support allowing their use. However, the analysis could be more thorough, with specific examples or counterarguments to further substantiate the discussion.
  • How to improve: To enhance the depth of analysis, consider providing more detailed examples or counterarguments for each viewpoint. This could involve citing research studies or real-life scenarios to support the claims made.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position advocating for the allowance of phones in schools. The stance is consistent throughout the essay, with the author arguing that phones can enhance study results and facilitate communication for students.
  • How to improve: To further strengthen the clarity of the position, ensure that each paragraph consistently supports the central argument. Additionally, provide a concise thesis statement in the introduction to clearly outline the author’s stance.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks sufficient development and support. While it mentions potential negative impacts of phone use, such as distraction and cyberbullying, it does not elaborate on these points or provide evidence to support them. Additionally, the positive impacts mentioned, such as academic resource access and communication facilitation, could be further expanded with concrete examples or studies.
  • How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, provide specific examples, statistics, or studies to back up claims. Additionally, ensure that each idea is fully developed and explained to enhance the coherence and persuasiveness of the argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic by discussing the use of phones in schools and its implications for students. However, there are some instances where the focus could be tighter, such as when discussing the negative impacts of phone use. The mention of cyberbullying, while related, could be more directly tied to the use of phones in schools to maintain relevance.
  • How to improve: To stay more closely on topic, ensure that each point made directly relates to the use of phones in schools and its effects on students. Avoid tangential discussions that detract from the central argument.

Overall, while the essay effectively presents arguments for allowing phones in schools, there is room for improvement in the depth of analysis, development of ideas, and relevance to the topic. By providing more detailed examples, evidence, and maintaining a tighter focus on the prompt, the essay could further strengthen its argumentation and coherence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic level of logical organization. It presents two contrasting views in the introduction and then elaborates on each view in separate body paragraphs. However, there are instances of repetition and some ideas could be more clearly connected to improve the overall flow.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider creating a stronger thesis statement that clearly outlines the main points to be discussed in the body paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and transitions smoothly to the next point to maintain coherence.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, but there are areas where paragraph structure can be improved. For instance, the second body paragraph could be split into two paragraphs to separate the discussion on negative impacts and positive impacts of phone usage at school.
  • How to improve: Review each paragraph to ensure it contains a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea of the paragraph. Consider breaking longer paragraphs into smaller ones to improve readability and organization.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices such as transition words (e.g., "In the beginning," "On the other hand," "In conclusion"), but there is room for improvement in using a wider variety of cohesive devices. Additionally, some transitions could be more effective in connecting ideas logically.
  • How to improve: Incorporate a broader range of cohesive devices such as pronouns (e.g., "this," "these"), conjunctions (e.g., "however," "therefore"), and parallel structures to strengthen the coherence between sentences and paragraphs. Ensure that transitions are used consistently and appropriately to guide the reader through the essay’s argument.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a coherent structure and presents ideas in a logical sequence, there are areas where improvements in organization, paragraphing, and cohesive devices could enhance the clarity and effectiveness of the essay’s argument. Taking these suggestions into account can help raise the Coherence and Cohesion score in future essays.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. It utilizes words such as "evolving landscape," "ultilizing," "paramount," "profusion," and "prevalently," albeit with occasional errors in word choice and phrasing. However, there’s room for improvement in the diversity and precision of vocabulary usage. For instance, instead of repeating phrases like "using phones at school," the essay could employ synonyms or varied expressions to enrich the vocabulary.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, strive to incorporate more diverse synonyms and expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "phones," consider alternatives such as "mobile devices," "handheld gadgets," or "smart devices." Additionally, aim for more precise and contextually appropriate word choices to convey ideas effectively.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "pessimistic impacts" could be replaced with "negative effects," and "profusion of variable knowledge resources" could be simplified to "a variety of educational resources." While the essay attempts to convey ideas, there are opportunities to refine the language for greater precision and clarity.
  • How to improve: To improve precision in vocabulary usage, carefully select words that accurately convey the intended meaning. Avoid overly complex or convoluted phrases when simpler alternatives suffice. Additionally, consider the context in which vocabulary is used to ensure alignment with the message being conveyed.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits several spelling errors, such as "ultilizing" instead of "utilizing," "seveal" instead of "several," and "drastic" instead of "drastically." While some errors may be typos, consistent attention to spelling accuracy is essential for maintaining clarity and professionalism in written communication.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spell-check tools or proofreading techniques to identify and correct errors before finalizing the essay. Additionally, practice spelling commonly used words to reinforce correct spelling conventions and minimize errors in future writing endeavors.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair variety of sentence structures, including simple and complex sentences. There is an attempt to use a range of vocabulary, though some phrases are repeated, such as "in terms of" and "phones at school." However, the sentence structures could be more varied to enhance coherence and engagement.
  • How to improve: To improve sentence variety, try incorporating more complex structures such as compound and compound-complex sentences. Additionally, expand your vocabulary to avoid repetition and add depth to your arguments. Consider using transitions to improve the flow between ideas.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: While the essay demonstrates an attempt at grammatical accuracy, there are several errors throughout. For instance, there are issues with subject-verb agreement ("Phones have seveal pessimistic impacts"), article usage ("a plethora of issues and cyberbullying these days is appeared prevalently"), and awkward phrasing ("the majority of using smart phones at school affects optimistically to students about their academic outcomes"). Additionally, punctuation errors, such as missing commas and inconsistent capitalization, detract from clarity.
  • How to improve: Focus on improving grammar accuracy by reviewing basic grammar rules, particularly regarding subject-verb agreement and article usage. Proofread your essay carefully to identify and correct punctuation errors. Consider seeking feedback from peers or using grammar-checking tools to improve accuracy.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear position and attempts to support it with reasons and examples, enhancing grammatical accuracy and sentence variety would strengthen the overall clarity and effectiveness of the argument.

Bài sửa mẫu

In today’s rapidly evolving technological era, there is a divide in opinions regarding whether children should be prohibited from using their phones during school hours or allowed to do so. While some advocate for restricting phone usage, others argue in favor of permitting it. In my perspective, phones should be permitted in schools because they can enhance students’ academic performance and facilitate communication.

To commence, the use of phones during school hours can negatively impact students’ focus on their studies. Phones are recognized as one of the primary distractions for students in the classroom. Moreover, allowing access to technological devices at school can also lead to issues related to cyberbullying. The internet, which is easily accessible through phones, presents various cyberbullying challenges, particularly prevalent in schools across the USA. Consequently, permitting phone usage at school could exacerbate these issues and present additional challenges for school administrators and teachers in managing cyberbullying incidents.

On the contrary, phones offer several beneficial impacts on students’ academic performance. They provide access to a wide array of educational resources that may not be covered in traditional curricula. Furthermore, modern phones facilitate communication, particularly for students who reside far from school or attend boarding schools. In such cases, phones serve as a vital tool for maintaining contact with family members, offering convenience and ease of communication.

In conclusion, while allowing phone usage at school may introduce distractions and cyberbullying risks for some students, the overall impact is positive, benefiting academic performance and communication methods.