Some people believe that children should be banned from using their phones during the school day. Others believe that children should be allowed to use their phones. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Some people believe that children should be banned from using their phones during the school day. Others believe that children should be allowed to use their phones.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
While many individuals say that children should not be permitted to use their phone whilst they are at school, others consider that children should be able to use their phones. I think the better option is to give children permission to use their phones on school days.
In some circumstances, it is understandable to ban students from using their phones due to their lacks of self-discipline. The first problem is students prefer surfing the Internet to listenning to their teachers or they are using their phones as a way to escape some tedious lessons. Furthermore, some rebellious students utilize their mobile phones to cheat on their examinations this is extremely lethal to their future and break the justice among educational environment. According to a survey by Queens University, 34% students had cheated on the tests and 23% of them said that they had used their phones without their teachers ' permission.
Banning phones during school day is a reasonable method, however, this can not fully ameliorate any problems. Giving students the ability to use phones in some restricted periods of time is much more wiser. In teriary level, students need theirs mobile devices in order to take notes or finish their projects. In highschool, books do not always contain all the essential information, hence students need to look them up on some websites such as Wikipedia and HistoryBlog. An innovative teaching method also requires phones involement. For instance, Kahoot is an useful website for children to make revision before examinations, this website can help them memorising more fomulas than some papers.
In conclusion, banning phones during school is not a bad choice but to effectively tackle the long lasting problems we allow children to use phones while they are at school
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"many individuals say" -> "many argue"
Explanation: "Argue" is more precise and academically appropriate than "say" in this context, as it implies a more formal and reasoned discussion. -
"children should not be permitted" -> "children should be prohibited"
Explanation: "Prohibited" is a more formal and precise term than "not permitted," aligning better with academic language. -
"the better option is" -> "the preferable option is"
Explanation: "Preferable" is a more formal synonym for "better," enhancing the academic tone of the statement. -
"due to their lacks of self-discipline" -> "due to their lack of self-discipline"
Explanation: "Lack of" is the correct phrase, not "lacks of," which is grammatically incorrect. -
"surfing the Internet" -> "surfing the internet"
Explanation: "Internet" should be lowercase as it is a common noun in this context, following standard capitalization rules. -
"listenning" -> "listening"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error from "listenning" to "listening." -
"using their phones as a way to escape some tedious lessons" -> "using their phones as a means of avoiding tedious lessons"
Explanation: "Means of avoiding" is more formal and precise than "way to escape," which is somewhat colloquial. -
"this is extremely lethal to their future" -> "this poses a significant threat to their future"
Explanation: "Poses a significant threat" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "is extremely lethal," which is overly dramatic and informal. -
"break the justice among educational environment" -> "violate the integrity of the educational environment"
Explanation: "Violate the integrity" is a more precise and formal expression than "break the justice," which is unclear and incorrect. -
"Banning phones during school day" -> "Banning phones during the school day"
Explanation: Adding "the" before "school day" corrects the grammatical structure and enhances readability. -
"this can not fully ameliorate any problems" -> "this cannot fully address these issues"
Explanation: "Cannot" is the correct form of "can not," and "address these issues" is more specific and formal than "ameliorate any problems." -
"much more wiser" -> "much wiser"
Explanation: "Wiser" is an adjective and does not need "more" before it, as it is already comparative in nature. -
"In teriary level" -> "In tertiary level"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error from "In teriary" to "In tertiary," which is the correct term for higher education levels. -
"theirs mobile devices" -> "their mobile devices"
Explanation: Corrects the possessive form from "theirs" to "their," which is the correct form for the singular possessive of "they." -
"look them up on some websites" -> "research on certain websites"
Explanation: "Research on certain websites" is more formal and precise than "look them up on some websites," which is too casual. -
"HistoryBlog" -> "historical blogs"
Explanation: "Historical blogs" is a more formal and accurate term than "HistoryBlog," which appears to be a colloquial or proprietary name. -
"involement" -> "involvement"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error from "involement" to "involvement." -
"useful website" -> "useful websites"
Explanation: "Websites" is plural, as Kahoot is likely referring to multiple websites, not just one. -
"memorising more fomulas" -> "memorizing more formulas"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling errors from "memorising" to "memorizing" and "fomulas" to "formulas," and adjusts the verb form to "memorizing" for consistency with American English usage in academic texts.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively discusses both views regarding the use of phones in schools. The first paragraph outlines the argument for banning phones, citing issues like lack of self-discipline and cheating. The second paragraph presents the counterargument, advocating for limited phone use, particularly in higher education. However, while both perspectives are mentioned, the discussion could be more balanced. The argument for allowing phone use is less developed compared to the argument against it.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that both sides are given equal weight in terms of development. This could involve providing more examples or evidence supporting the argument for allowing phone use, as well as addressing potential counterarguments to strengthen the overall discussion.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer clearly states their position in favor of allowing phone use in schools, particularly in the introduction and conclusion. However, the position could be reinforced throughout the essay. For instance, the transition between discussing the ban and advocating for phone use could be smoother, as the current structure may lead to confusion about the writer’s stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should consistently refer back to their main argument throughout the essay. This can be achieved by using transitional phrases that link back to their opinion after discussing each point, ensuring that the reader is reminded of the writer’s stance on the issue.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the potential for cheating and the need for phones in educational contexts. However, some ideas are not fully extended or supported. For example, the mention of Kahoot as a beneficial tool is a good point, but it could be elaborated with more detail on how it enhances learning.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more depth and examples for each point made. This could include additional statistics, specific studies, or personal anecdotes that illustrate the benefits of phone use in educational settings, thereby strengthening the argument.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt effectively. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, particularly in the discussion of cheating, which could be more directly tied back to the overall argument about phone usage rather than just the negative implications of banning them.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the central question of whether phones should be allowed in schools. This can be achieved by explicitly linking each argument back to the implications of phone use, ensuring that all points contribute to the overall discussion.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents a clear argument, it can be improved by balancing the discussion of both viewpoints, reinforcing the writer’s position throughout, providing more detailed support for ideas, and maintaining a tighter focus on the topic.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the use of phones in schools, with an introduction that outlines the two opposing views and a personal opinion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the reasons for banning phones to advocating for their use is somewhat abrupt. The essay does not clearly delineate the two perspectives before presenting the author’s opinion, which can confuse the reader about the structure of the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that explicitly state the main idea of each paragraph. For example, start the second paragraph with a sentence that clearly indicates it will discuss the reasons for banning phones, followed by a separate paragraph that presents the reasons for allowing them. This will help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but the division of ideas is not entirely effective. The first paragraph combines multiple ideas about the reasons for banning phones without a clear separation of thoughts. The second paragraph also mixes points about the necessity of phones for academic purposes without a distinct transition from the previous argument.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. For instance, the first paragraph could be split into two: one discussing the negative impacts of phone use in school and the other addressing the potential benefits of allowing phones. This will create a clearer structure and make it easier for the reader to follow the argument.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "however" and "for instance," but the range is limited. There are instances where the connections between ideas are not clearly articulated, which can disrupt the flow of the essay. For example, the transition from discussing the negative aspects of phone use to the benefits is not smooth, making it difficult for readers to see how these ideas relate.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, use "on the other hand" to introduce contrasting ideas, or "additionally" to introduce supporting points. Additionally, consider using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas, which can help create a more cohesive narrative throughout the essay.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, improving the logical organization, paragraph structure, and use of cohesive devices will enhance clarity and coherence, potentially raising the band score.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "permitted," "self-discipline," "rebellious," and "innovative teaching method." However, the range is somewhat limited, and there are instances of repetition, particularly with the word "phones." The use of phrases like "students prefer surfing the Internet" and "utilize their mobile phones" shows some variety, but the overall vocabulary could be more diverse to enhance the essay’s quality.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "phones," alternatives like "mobile devices," "smartphones," or "digital tools" could be employed. Additionally, using more advanced vocabulary related to education and technology could strengthen the essay.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "lacks of self-discipline" which should be "lack of self-discipline." The phrase "this is extremely lethal to their future" is also overly dramatic and not the best choice of words in an academic context; "detrimental" would be more appropriate. Furthermore, "involement" is a misspelling and should be "involvement," which detracts from the precision of the vocabulary used.
- How to improve: The writer should focus on ensuring that the vocabulary used accurately conveys the intended meaning. This can be achieved by reviewing word choices and considering their connotations. Using a thesaurus to find more suitable synonyms can also help in achieving greater precision.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "listenning" (should be "listening"), "teritary" (should be "tertiary"), "theirs" (should be "their"), "fomulas" (should be "formulas"), and "useful" (should be "useful"). These errors can distract the reader and undermine the overall quality of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy. This could include reading the essay aloud to catch mistakes or using spell-check tools available in word processing software. Additionally, practicing spelling through exercises or flashcards can help reinforce correct spelling of commonly used words.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of the topic and presents a clear opinion, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling will be essential for achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the opening sentence effectively contrasts the two viewpoints with a compound structure: "While many individuals say that children should not be permitted to use their phone whilst they are at school, others consider that children should be able to use their phones." However, the essay relies heavily on straightforward sentence forms, which limits the overall complexity and sophistication. Phrases like "the first problem is" and "this can not fully ameliorate any problems" are somewhat repetitive and could be expressed in more varied ways.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses and varied conjunctions. For example, instead of saying "the first problem is students prefer," they could say, "One significant issue arises from the fact that students often prefer surfing the Internet." Additionally, using more varied introductory phrases and transitions can help create a more engaging flow in the writing.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity. For instance, "due to their lacks of self-discipline" should be corrected to "due to their lack of self-discipline." The phrase "this is extremely lethal to their future and break the justice among educational environment" contains a subject-verb agreement error; it should read "this is extremely lethal to their future and breaks the justice within the educational environment." Additionally, punctuation issues arise, such as the lack of a comma before "this is extremely lethal" and the incorrect placement of the apostrophe in "teachers ‘ permission."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should carefully proofread their work to catch errors in subject-verb agreement, pluralization, and punctuation. It may be beneficial to practice writing sentences that require careful attention to these rules. Furthermore, using grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can help identify and correct mistakes before finalizing the essay. Focusing on common grammatical structures and practicing their correct usage in context will also enhance overall accuracy.
By addressing these areas of improvement, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy for future IELTS essays.
Bài sửa mẫu
While many individuals say that children should not be permitted to use their phones while they are at school, others consider that children should be able to use their phones. I think the preferable option is to give children permission to use their phones on school days.
In some circumstances, it is understandable to ban students from using their phones due to their lack of self-discipline. The first problem is that students prefer surfing the internet to listening to their teachers, or they are using their phones as a way to escape some tedious lessons. Furthermore, some rebellious students utilize their mobile phones to cheat on their examinations; this is extremely harmful to their future and violates the integrity of the educational environment. According to a survey by Queens University, 34% of students had cheated on tests, and 23% of them said that they had used their phones without their teachers’ permission.
Banning phones during the school day is a reasonable method; however, this cannot fully address these issues. Giving students the ability to use phones during some restricted periods of time is much wiser. In tertiary level, students need their mobile devices in order to take notes or finish their projects. In high school, books do not always contain all the essential information; hence, students need to look it up on some websites such as Wikipedia and historical blogs. An innovative teaching method also requires phone involvement. For instance, Kahoot is a useful website for children to revise before examinations; this website can help them memorize more formulas than some papers.
In conclusion, banning phones during school is not a bad choice, but to effectively tackle the long-lasting problems, we should allow children to use phones while they are at school.
