Some people believe that crime is a result of social problems and poverty, others think that crime is a result of a bad person's nature. Discuss both views.

There is a standpoint that crime is ascribed to social issues and imprisonment while others believe that it is due to inherent qualities. The aim of this essay is to address arguments for two different, and personal, sides of the aforementioned point.

On the one hand, the assumption that people getting involved in criminal activities on account of bad characteristics is not entirely baseless. Taken, an aggressive or impulsive individual who lacks self-control may be more vulnerable to illicit actions than a person having a strong sense of self-discipline. Likewise, an individual with great diligence is more likely to obey legislation than a slothful one lacking motivations and often seeking shortcuts.

On the other hand, I contend that social problems and poverty are factors leading to crime. First, individuals facing economic hardships, limited access to education, and job opportunities are more likely to commit crime to alleviate financial difficulties and enjoy better lives. On the contrary, affluent people with monetary security have less reasons to have criminal behavior. By the same token, those born in countries with a multitude of political conflicts and corruptions may probably become offenders because of external problems driving them to unhealthy environments.

To reiterate, criminal involvement is attributed to both hereditary personality traits including impulsiveness, aggressiveness as well as under privilege and social headaches such as political contradictions and corruptions. Personally, I reckon that socio-economic factors have greater contributions to illegal activities.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"There is a standpoint that" -> "There is a perspective that"
Explanation: "Standpoint" is somewhat informal and less precise than "perspective," which is more commonly used in academic writing to refer to a point of view or an opinion.
"ascribed to" -> "attributed to"
Explanation: "Ascribed to" is correct but can be vague; "attributed to" is more direct and precise in academic contexts, indicating the assignment of a cause or origin.
"getting involved in" -> "engaging in"
Explanation: "Getting involved in" is colloquial; "engaging in" is more formal and suitable for academic writing.
"bad characteristics" -> "negative traits"
Explanation: "Bad" is too informal and vague; "negative traits" is more specific and appropriate for academic discourse.
"Taken, an aggressive or impulsive individual" -> "For example, an aggressive or impulsive individual"
Explanation: "Taken" is incorrect in this context; "For example" is the correct introductory phrase for providing an illustration.
"a person having a strong sense of self-discipline" -> "an individual with strong self-discipline"
Explanation: "A person having" is awkward and verbose; "an individual with" is more concise and formal.
"slothful one" -> "indolent individual"
Explanation: "Slothful one" is informal and less precise; "indolent individual" is more formal and academically suitable.
"lacking motivations and often seeking shortcuts" -> "lacking motivation and frequently seeking shortcuts"
Explanation: "Lacking motivations" is grammatically incorrect; "lacking motivation" is the correct form. Also, "often" is less formal than "frequently."
"I contend that" -> "I argue that"
Explanation: "Contend" can imply a more personal or emotional stance; "argue" is more neutral and appropriate for academic arguments.
"facing economic hardships" -> "facing economic hardship"
Explanation: "Hardships" is plural, but "hardship" is the correct singular form when referring to a general condition.
"limited access to education, and job opportunities" -> "limited access to education and job opportunities"
Explanation: Removing the comma after "education" improves the grammatical structure of the list.
"have less reasons to have criminal behavior" -> "have fewer reasons to engage in criminal behavior"
Explanation: "Less reasons" is grammatically incorrect; "fewer reasons" is the correct form. Also, "engage in" is more formal than "have."
"multitude of political conflicts and corruptions" -> "multiplicity of political conflicts and corruption"
Explanation: "Multitude" is less precise; "multiplicity" is more formal and suitable for academic writing. Also, "corruptions" is plural, but "corruption" is the correct singular form when referring to the general concept.
"may probably become offenders" -> "may become offenders"
Explanation: "Probably" is redundant when used with "may," as it does not add clarity or precision. Removing it improves the sentence’s formality and clarity.
"under privilege" -> "underprivileged"
Explanation: "Under privilege" is incorrect; "underprivileged" is the correct term used to describe individuals who lack privileges or are disadvantaged.
"social headaches" -> "social challenges"
Explanation: "Headaches" is an informal metaphor; "challenges" is a more formal and academically appropriate term.
"Personally, I reckon" -> "Personally, I believe"
Explanation: "Reckon" is informal and less precise; "believe" is more formal and suitable for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both views regarding the causes of crime, mentioning both social problems and individual characteristics. However, it does not fully explore the implications of each perspective. For instance, while it mentions social issues and poverty, it lacks specific examples or evidence to substantiate the claims made. The discussion of "bad characteristics" is also superficial and does not delve into how these traits manifest in criminal behavior.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay should provide more detailed examples and evidence for both viewpoints. For instance, citing studies or statistics that link poverty to crime rates or discussing psychological studies on criminal behavior could strengthen the argument. Additionally, ensuring that both sides are given equal weight and depth will help to comprehensively address all parts of the question.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a personal stance that socio-economic factors contribute more significantly to crime than individual traits. However, this position is not consistently reinforced throughout the essay. The conclusion reiterates this stance but does not effectively summarize the arguments made in the body paragraphs, which can lead to confusion about the overall position.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should consistently refer back to their main argument in each paragraph. Using phrases like "In support of my view" or "This reinforces my belief that…" can help tie the arguments back to the central thesis. Additionally, summarizing the main points in the conclusion while reiterating the position can provide clarity.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are somewhat limited and lack depth. While there are attempts to discuss both sides, the arguments are not fully developed. For example, the mention of "aggressive or impulsive individuals" lacks a deeper exploration of how these traits lead to crime. Similarly, the discussion on social issues does not extend into potential solutions or further implications.
- How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point made. This could involve discussing specific case studies, providing statistics, or exploring the psychological aspects of criminal behavior. Additionally, linking the ideas back to the main argument more effectively will help in presenting a cohesive discussion.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, but there are moments where the focus wavers. For instance, the phrase "under privilege and social headaches" introduces vague terminology that could detract from the clarity of the argument. Moreover, the term "political contradictions and corruptions" is not clearly defined, which may confuse readers about its relevance to the discussion of crime.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should use clear and precise language throughout the essay. Avoiding vague terminology and ensuring that every term used is relevant to the topic will help maintain clarity. Additionally, regularly revisiting the essay prompt while writing can help ensure that all content remains relevant to the main question.

Overall, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the writer should focus on providing more detailed support for their arguments, maintaining a clear and consistent position, and ensuring that all parts of the prompt are thoroughly addressed.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction that outlines the two perspectives on crime. Each viewpoint is addressed in separate paragraphs, which helps maintain clarity. However, the transition between the two sides could be smoother. For instance, the phrase "On the one hand" is effectively used, but the connection to the opposing view could be more explicit to enhance logical flow.
- How to improve: To improve logical organization, consider using more transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing the first viewpoint, a sentence summarizing the key points before introducing the second perspective could help reinforce the logical progression.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is essential for coherence. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument. However, the concluding paragraph feels somewhat abrupt and could benefit from a clearer summary of the main points discussed.
- How to improve: Enhance paragraph effectiveness by ensuring that each one not only introduces a new idea but also ties back to the thesis statement. In the conclusion, summarize the key arguments presented in both sides before stating your personal opinion, which will provide a more rounded closure to the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand," "Likewise," and "By the same token." These help to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded. For example, the use of more varied linking phrases could enhance the flow of ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating phrases such as "In contrast," "Furthermore," and "Consequently." This will not only improve the flow but also demonstrate a wider range of vocabulary and grammatical structures. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately to avoid redundancy.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion principles, enhancing the logical flow between paragraphs, refining the conclusion, and diversifying cohesive devices will elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "ascribed," "illicit actions," "diligence," and "affluent." However, the range is somewhat limited, as certain phrases are repeated or lack variation. For example, the phrase "social problems and poverty" appears multiple times, which could be diversified with synonyms or related terms to enhance the lexical variety.
- How to improve: To improve, consider incorporating synonyms or related expressions for key terms. For instance, instead of repeating "poverty," you could use "financial hardship," "economic disadvantage," or "lack of resources." This will not only enhance the range but also demonstrate a more sophisticated command of vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay contains some precise vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "lack self-control" is appropriate, but the term "slothful" may not be the best choice to describe someone who is merely unmotivated; it carries a stronger connotation of laziness. Additionally, "political contradictions" is vague and could be more clearly articulated.
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys the intended meaning. Instead of "slothful," consider "unmotivated" or "apathetic." For "political contradictions," you might use "political instability" or "government corruption" to clarify your point. Engaging with a thesaurus or vocabulary-building exercises can also help refine your word choice.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, with only a few minor errors. However, the term "under privilege" should be corrected to "underprivileged," which is the standard form. Additionally, "motivations" should be singular as "motivation" in this context, as it refers to the general concept rather than multiple motivations.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After completing your essay, take a moment to read through it carefully, focusing specifically on spelling. Utilizing spell-check tools or apps can also help catch errors before submission. Regular practice with spelling exercises can further reinforce correct spelling habits.

By addressing these areas—expanding vocabulary range, ensuring precise usage, and maintaining spelling accuracy—you can enhance your lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For instance, phrases like "individuals facing economic hardships, limited access to education, and job opportunities are more likely to commit crime" showcase the use of a compound structure effectively. However, there are instances of less varied structures, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which are repeated without much variation in phrasing. Additionally, the use of phrases like "I contend that" and "To reiterate" adds some complexity but could be further diversified.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For example, instead of repeatedly using "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," you could use alternatives like "Conversely" or "In contrast." Additionally, integrating more subordinate clauses and varying sentence lengths could add depth and complexity to your writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are some noticeable errors. For instance, the phrase "the assumption that people getting involved in criminal activities on account of bad characteristics is not entirely baseless" could be improved for clarity and grammatical correctness. The use of "getting" should be revised to "get" to maintain parallel structure. Additionally, the sentence "By the same token, those born in countries with a multitude of political conflicts and corruptions may probably become offenders" contains awkward phrasing; "may probably" is redundant and should be simplified to "may." Punctuation is mostly accurate, but there are instances where commas could enhance clarity, such as before "and often seeking shortcuts."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on reviewing subject-verb agreement and ensuring parallel structure in lists. Regular practice with grammar exercises, especially on common pitfalls like verb forms and redundancy, can be beneficial. For punctuation, consider reading your sentences aloud to identify natural pauses where commas may be needed for clarity. Additionally, proofreading for awkward phrasing can help refine your writing style.

By addressing these areas, you can work towards achieving a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is a perspective that crime is attributed to social issues and poverty, while others believe that it is due to inherent qualities. The aim of this essay is to address arguments for both sides of the aforementioned point, as well as my personal view.

On the one hand, the assumption that people engage in criminal activities because of negative traits is not entirely baseless. For example, an aggressive or impulsive individual who lacks self-control may be more vulnerable to illicit actions than a person with a strong sense of self-discipline. Likewise, an individual with great diligence is more likely to obey the law than an indolent individual lacking motivation and frequently seeking shortcuts.

On the other hand, I argue that social problems and poverty are significant factors leading to crime. First, individuals facing economic hardship and limited access to education and job opportunities are more likely to commit crimes to alleviate financial difficulties and improve their lives. In contrast, affluent people with monetary security have fewer reasons to engage in criminal behavior. By the same token, those born in countries with a multiplicity of political conflicts and corruption may become offenders due to external problems driving them into unhealthy environments.

To reiterate, criminal involvement is attributed to both hereditary personality traits, including impulsiveness and aggressiveness, as well as social challenges such as political conflicts and corruption. Personally, I believe that socio-economic factors have a greater contribution to illegal activities.