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Some people believe that governments should pay full course fees for students who want to study in universities. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people believe that governments should pay full course fees for students who want to study in universities. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Financial issues are invariably enormous challenges to every high-school graduates. Governments, therefore, are widely asserted to take initiatives to make assistance to this segment of students, particularly by paying tertiary tuition fees. This essay will present the author’s perspective on the idea that
To begin with, the reasons why a number of individuals hold a view that authorities must hold the responsibility for paying students’ course fees are attributed to several factors. Foremost among these is the uptick in the amount of yearly fees of university students. Due to certain causes, including economic crisis, and education alteration, some national universities made decisions relating to students’ tuition fees, culminating in increasing the total amount of money that students pay. Therefore, government’ assistance is cited as a must to address this unexpected issue to students. Another reason supporting the view that governmental support is of indispensable importance in today’s era is that this initiative can be considered as student’s motivation. To specify, if authorities are responsible for paying full tution fees, students are not put into a dilemma, particularly financial strain, thus incentivizing them to study and foster the quality of graduated students from universities.
Despite acknowledging the aforementioned merits, I still believe that governments should not pay full course expenses for students. The first justification is that the tution fees of university students are indisputably overwhelmingly massive, causing a significant burden on governmental finance. More severely, governments may stand the possibility of facing several economic strains as striking the balance of 100% students’ course fees and improving the national economy forces them to distribute their budgets prudently, coupled with the certainty of making no mistakes. The second negative implication on students if they depend on governmental assistance is that they have less tendency to seek for occupations to make their livelihood while studying in universities. Specifically, thanks to the considerable support from authorities, students’ focal tasks is only on their academic goals. This impedes students from gaining experience in balancing their expenditures and earnings, which can be acquired via their taking part in part-time jobs, thereby causing some seemingly troublesome issues to students in their future, particularly when living independently.
To sum up, even though government support to pay course fees may be regarded as not only an optimal method to mitigate the increase in students’ fees and motivation for students, there are still some potentially hazardous threats. Therefore, this initiative, in my opinion, should not be allowed to come in handy due to its detrimental impact on governmental assets and students’ cognition of money.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Financial issues are invariably enormous challenges to every high-school graduates." -> "Financial challenges invariably pose significant obstacles for every high school graduate."
    Explanation: Replacing "enormous challenges" with "significant obstacles" and adjusting the structure of the sentence improves formality and clarity.

  2. "Governments, therefore, are widely asserted to take initiatives to make assistance to this segment of students, particularly by paying tertiary tuition fees." -> "Governments are widely urged to take initiatives to provide assistance to this segment of students, particularly by covering tertiary tuition fees."
    Explanation: "Widely asserted" is replaced with "widely urged" for a more formal tone. The phrase "make assistance" is changed to "provide assistance," and "paying" is replaced with "covering" for precision.

  3. "This essay will present the author’s perspective on the idea that" -> "This essay will expound upon the author’s perspective regarding the notion that"
    Explanation: Replacing "present" with "expound upon" enhances formality, and "idea" is substituted with "notion" for a more refined expression.

  4. "Foremost among these is the uptick in the amount of yearly fees of university students." -> "Primary among these factors is the increase in the annual fees for university students."
    Explanation: "Uptick" is replaced with "increase," and the sentence is rephrased for better flow and formality.

  5. "Due to certain causes, including economic crisis, and education alteration, some national universities made decisions relating to students’ tuition fees, culminating in increasing the total amount of money that students pay." -> "Owing to various factors such as economic crises and educational reforms, certain national universities have made decisions regarding students’ tuition fees, resulting in an overall increase in the financial burden on students."
    Explanation: The phrase "due to certain causes" is refined to "owing to various factors," and the sentence is restructured for clarity and formality.

  6. "Therefore, government’ assistance is cited as a must to address this unexpected issue to students." -> "Therefore, government assistance is deemed essential to address this unforeseen issue affecting students."
    Explanation: "Cited as a must" is replaced with "deemed essential," and the sentence is refined for better clarity and formality.

  7. "To specify, if authorities are responsible for paying full tution fees, students are not put into a dilemma, particularly financial strain, thus incentivizing them to study and foster the quality of graduated students from universities." -> "Specifically, if authorities assume responsibility for covering full tuition fees, students are relieved of dilemmas, especially financial strain, thereby incentivizing them to dedicate themselves to academic pursuits and enhance the quality of university graduates."
    Explanation: The phrase "to specify" is replaced with "specifically," and the sentence is revised for better structure and formality.

  8. "Despite acknowledging the aforementioned merits, I still believe that governments should not pay full course expenses for students." -> "Despite recognizing the aforementioned merits, I maintain the perspective that governments should not fully cover students’ course expenses."
    Explanation: "Acknowledging" is replaced with "recognizing," and the sentence is rephrased for improved formality and precision.

  9. "The first justification is that the tution fees of university students are indisputably overwhelmingly massive, causing a significant burden on governmental finance." -> "The primary rationale is that the tuition fees for university students are undeniably exorbitant, imposing a substantial burden on government finances."
    Explanation: "Indisputably overwhelmingly massive" is replaced with "undeniably exorbitant," and the sentence is refined for better precision and formality.

  10. "More severely, governments may stand the possibility of facing several economic strains as striking the balance of 100% students’ course fees and improving the national economy forces them to distribute their budgets prudently, coupled with the certainty of making no mistakes." -> "Furthermore, governments may face the risk of economic strains when attempting to strike a balance between covering 100% of students’ course fees and enhancing the national economy, necessitating prudent budget allocation with no room for error."
    Explanation: The sentence is restructured for better flow and formality, and "More severely" is replaced with "Furthermore" for a smoother transition.

  11. "The second negative implication on students if they depend on governmental assistance is that they have less tendency to seek for occupations to make their livelihood while studying in universities." -> "Another adverse implication for students relying on governmental assistance is a reduced inclination to seek employment for their livelihood while studying at universities."
    Explanation: "Tendency to seek for occupations" is replaced with "inclination to seek employment," and the sentence is refined for better clarity and formality.

  12. "Specifically, thanks to the considerable support from authorities, students’ focal tasks is only on their academic goals." -> "Specifically, due to the substantial support from authorities, students’ primary focus is solely on their academic goals."
    Explanation: "Focal tasks is" is corrected to "focus is," and the sentence is refined for better grammar and formality.

  13. "This impedes students from gaining experience in balancing their expenditures and earnings, which can be acquired via their taking part-time jobs, thereby causing some seemingly troublesome issues to students in their future, particularly when living independently." -> "This hinders students from gaining experience in balancing their expenditures and earnings, an experience that can be acquired through part-time employment, potentially leading to challenging situations in their future, especially when living independently."
    Explanation: "Impedes" is replaced with "hinders," and the sentence is rephrased for better flow and formality.

  14. "Therefore, this initiative, in my opinion, should not be allowed to come in handy due to its detrimental impact on governmental assets and students’ cognition of money." -> "Hence, in my view, this initiative should not be embraced due to its adverse impact on governmental resources and students’ financial literacy."
    Explanation: "Allowed to come in handy" is replaced with "embraced," and "cognition of money" is substituted with "financial literacy" for better precision and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay does address all parts of the question by presenting both sides of the argument. The author discusses reasons supporting the idea that governments should pay full course fees, but ultimately states a personal disagreement.
    • How to improve: To enhance completeness, ensure that each point is developed thoroughly, and consider discussing potential counterarguments to strengthen the overall analysis.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The author maintains a clear position throughout the essay by consistently arguing against the idea of governments paying full course fees.
    • How to improve: While maintaining a clear position is essential, the author could strengthen their stance by providing more nuanced reasons and examples to fortify their viewpoint.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas reasonably well, but there are areas where development and support could be strengthened. For instance, the argument about the burden on governmental finance could benefit from more specific examples or data.
    • How to improve: Elaborate on each point by providing concrete examples, statistics, or real-world scenarios to lend more credibility to the arguments.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the reasons for and against governments paying full course fees. However, there are instances where the discussion becomes slightly vague.
    • How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph directly contributes to the main argument. Avoid vague statements and focus on providing clear and relevant information to support the thesis.

Overall Feedback:

The essay demonstrates a good understanding of the prompt and presents a coherent argument against the idea of governments paying full course fees. To improve, consider providing more comprehensive support for the points made and strengthening the counterarguments. Additionally, strive for clarity and specificity in language use to enhance the overall persuasiveness of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of logical organization. It starts with a clear introduction discussing the topic and then presents supporting reasons for both perspectives. The body paragraphs discuss reasons in a logical sequence, with the first supporting governmental assistance and the second opposing it. However, there’s room for improvement in transitioning between ideas to create a smoother flow.
    • How to improve: Consider using transition phrases or sentences between paragraphs to enhance the overall coherence. For instance, signaling phrases like "On the other hand," or "However" can guide the reader through shifts in perspective more smoothly.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs adequately, with a clear introduction, two distinct body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph discusses a specific aspect of the argument, maintaining a clear structure. However, there’s a minor issue with the first sentence in the second paragraph, which seems incomplete and could be revised for clarity.
    • How to improve: Review the first sentence of the second body paragraph to ensure it is grammatically correct and presents a complete thought. Additionally, make sure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence to guide the reader.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses a range of cohesive devices, such as linking words and phrases (e.g., "To begin with," "Despite acknowledging," "To sum up"), to connect ideas within sentences and between paragraphs. However, there’s a tendency to repeat certain phrases, and the use of cohesive devices could be more varied for enhanced fluency.
    • How to improve: Vary the use of cohesive devices to avoid repetition. Consider using synonyms or alternative transition phrases to maintain the reader’s interest. This will contribute to a more polished and sophisticated writing style.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a good understanding of coherence and cohesion. Improvements in transitions between ideas and the use of varied cohesive devices can elevate the essay to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a moderate range of vocabulary. While there is an attempt to incorporate varied words and expressions, it could benefit from more sophisticated vocabulary to enhance clarity and depth. For instance, in the introduction, the phrase "enormous challenges" could be replaced with a more nuanced term to convey a deeper understanding of the financial issues faced by high school graduates.
    • How to improve: To elevate your vocabulary, consider using more precise and contextually fitting words. Instead of relying on common phrases, explore synonyms that convey a more nuanced meaning. Additionally, strive to incorporate advanced vocabulary that aligns with the overall tone of your essay.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: There is a mix of precise and imprecise vocabulary usage throughout the essay. For example, the phrase "indisputably overwhelmingly massive" in the second paragraph is somewhat imprecise and could be refined for greater clarity. On the other hand, the term "economic strains" is more precise in conveying the financial challenges faced by governments.
    • How to improve: Focus on selecting words that precisely convey your intended meaning. Avoid unnecessary adjectives that may cloud your message. In the case of "indisputably overwhelmingly massive," consider using a more concise and specific phrase, such as "exorbitant."
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates an acceptable level of spelling accuracy. However, there are a few instances of typographical errors, such as "tution" instead of "tuition." These errors, while sporadic, can impact the overall impression of the essay.
    • How to improve: Proofread your essay carefully to catch and correct spelling errors. Additionally, consider using spell-check tools to enhance the accuracy of your writing. Developing a habit of revising your work systematically will contribute to consistently correct spelling.

Overall, your essay showcases a solid foundation in lexical resource. To elevate your score, focus on refining your vocabulary by incorporating more sophisticated terms and using words with precision. Additionally, meticulous proofreading will ensure that your spelling remains consistently accurate throughout the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a satisfactory range of sentence structures, including complex sentences with subordination. However, there is room for improvement in the variety of sentence structures. For instance, the frequent use of conditional sentences could be balanced with other structures, such as compound or compound-complex sentences. Additionally, there is an opportunity to incorporate more concise and direct sentences for emphasis.
    • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, consider incorporating a mix of sentence types, including simple, compound, complex, and compound-complex sentences. Experiment with sentence lengths to create a more dynamic and engaging narrative. Utilize concise sentences strategically to emphasize key points.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably accurate use of grammar and punctuation. However, there are instances of grammatical errors, such as in the phrase "governments, therefore, are widely asserted," where subject-verb agreement needs attention. Punctuation errors, like missing commas after introductory phrases, are observed. Additionally, there is inconsistency in the use of articles, with instances of unnecessary omission or insertion.
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement to ensure grammatical accuracy. Review the use of articles to maintain consistency and correctness. Practice proper comma placement, especially after introductory phrases, to enhance clarity. Proofread the essay carefully to catch and rectify any other minor grammatical and punctuation errors.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a competent level of grammatical range and accuracy. To achieve a higher score, focus on incorporating a more diverse range of sentence structures and fine-tuning grammar and punctuation details.

Bài sửa mẫu

Financial challenges invariably pose significant obstacles for every high school graduate. Governments are widely urged to take initiatives to provide assistance to this segment of students, particularly by covering tertiary tuition fees. This essay will expound upon the author’s perspective regarding the notion that

Primary among these factors is the increase in the annual fees for university students. Owing to various factors such as economic crises and educational reforms, certain national universities have made decisions regarding students’ tuition fees, resulting in an overall increase in the financial burden on students. Therefore, government assistance is deemed essential to address this unforeseen issue affecting students.

Specifically, if authorities assume responsibility for covering full tuition fees, students are relieved of dilemmas, especially financial strain, thereby incentivizing them to dedicate themselves to academic pursuits and enhance the quality of university graduates.

Despite recognizing the aforementioned merits, I maintain the perspective that governments should not fully cover students’ course expenses. The primary rationale is that the tuition fees for university students are undeniably exorbitant, imposing a substantial burden on government finances. Furthermore, governments may face the risk of economic strains when attempting to strike a balance between covering 100% of students’ course fees and enhancing the national economy, necessitating prudent budget allocation with no room for error.

Another adverse implication for students relying on governmental assistance is a reduced inclination to seek employment for their livelihood while studying at universities. Specifically, due to the substantial support from authorities, students’ primary focus is solely on their academic goals. This hinders students from gaining experience in balancing their expenditures and earnings, an experience that can be acquired through part-time employment, potentially leading to challenging situations in their future, especially when living independently.

Hence, in my view, this initiative should not be embraced due to its adverse impact on governmental resources and students’ financial literacy.

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