Some people believe that in a city, the best way to travel is by car, while other people argue that bicycles are a better way of travelling in a city. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Some people believe that in a city, the best way to travel is by car, while other people argue that bicycles are a better way of travelling in a city.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
People’s opinions differ as to whether car or bicycles are the best way to travel in a city. While there are many arguments that cars are always the best choice for travel, I support the view that bicycles are a better means of transportation in the city.
There are various reasons why people believe that the best way to travel in a city is by car. The main reason for this view is that cars are comfortable and convenient for long-distance travel or when carrying heavy goods because they can carry a lot of people and luggage such as moving home, shopping for goods, or transporting equipment without difficulty in any weather conditions and this is definitely something a bike cannot provide for everyone. Moreover, when using a car, drivers are free to choose the route and departure time that suits their schedule regardless of the operating time of public transport and this creates a comfortable and flexible travel experience.
However, the use of cars also poses challenges to high traffic densities and I think that bicycles would be a better way to travel. The first reason is that bicycles are often faster in crowded areas due to the ability to navigate through traffic and creep into areas where cars cannot enter, such as bicycle lanes and pedestrian areas. Besides, they are also environmentally friendly when bicycles not only help reduce carbon emissions but also reduce noise pollution and enhance public transportation, more specifically, they do not need to use gasoline, oil or other fuel sources to help us save operating costs and reduce the amount of toxic waste from fuel combustion, thereby creating a more peaceful and healthy environment for traffic participants.
In conclusion, car is also an important vehicle in everyday life, but it seems to me that it would be better for bicycles to travel in a city.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
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"People’s opinions differ as to whether car or bicycles are the best way to travel in a city." -> "Opinions vary on whether cars or bicycles are the optimal means of city transportation."
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and formality, and using "optimal" instead of "best" for a more precise choice of words. -
"While there are many arguments that cars are always the best choice for travel…" -> "While there are numerous arguments favoring cars as the preferred mode of transportation…"
Explanation: Replacing "best choice for travel" with "preferred mode of transportation" enhances formal tone, and "numerous" adds specificity. -
"I support the view that bicycles are a better means of transportation in the city." -> "I advocate the perspective that bicycles offer superior urban transportation."
Explanation: Substituting "means of transportation" with "urban transportation" for conciseness and using "advocate" instead of "support" for a more academic tone. -
"There are various reasons why people believe that the best way to travel in a city is by car." -> "Several factors contribute to the belief that car travel is optimal within urban settings."
Explanation: Enhancing formality by substituting "various reasons" with "several factors" and replacing "best way to travel" with "optimal within urban settings." -
"…this is definitely something a bike cannot provide for everyone." -> "…an aspect that bicycles cannot universally accommodate."
Explanation: Replacing "something" with "an aspect" for precision and adding "universally" for clarity and formality. -
"…regardless of the operating time of public transport and this creates a comfortable and flexible travel experience." -> "…irrespective of public transport schedules, fostering a comfortable and flexible travel experience."
Explanation: Connecting the sentence more smoothly, eliminating redundancy, and enhancing formality by using "irrespective of." -
"However, the use of cars also poses challenges to high traffic densities…" -> "Nevertheless, car usage exacerbates challenges associated with high traffic densities…"
Explanation: Rephrasing for clarity and formal tone, and using "exacerbates" for a more precise term. -
"…bicycles are often faster in crowded areas due to the ability to navigate through traffic and creep into areas where cars cannot enter…" -> "…bicycles often outpace cars in congested areas due to their maneuverability and access to spaces inaccessible to cars…"
Explanation: Simplifying and refining language for clarity and precision, while maintaining formal tone. -
"…when bicycles not only help reduce carbon emissions but also reduce noise pollution and enhance public transportation…" -> "…bicycles not only contribute to the reduction of carbon emissions and noise pollution but also improve public transportation…"
Explanation: Rearranging the sentence for clarity and flow, and using "contribute to" for a more formal expression. -
"…to help us save operating costs and reduce the amount of toxic waste from fuel combustion…" -> "…resulting in cost savings and diminished toxic waste from fuel combustion…"
Explanation: Simplifying and refining language for clarity and formality, and using "resulting in" for a smoother transition. -
"…thereby creating a more peaceful and healthy environment for traffic participants." -> "…thereby fostering a tranquil and healthier environment for commuters."
Explanation: Using "fostering" for a more formal tone and replacing "traffic participants" with "commuters" for specificity. -
"In conclusion, car is also an important vehicle in everyday life, but it seems to me that it would be better for bicycles to travel in a city." -> "In conclusion, while cars remain integral to daily life, bicycles emerge as a preferable mode of urban travel."
Explanation: Restructuring the conclusion for clarity and formality, and using "integral" instead of "important" for a more sophisticated expression.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Task Response: 6
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately discusses both perspectives on the topic. It presents arguments for both traveling by car and by bicycle, as required by the prompt. However, the analysis could be more thorough in addressing each aspect of the question. While it covers the advantages of cars and bicycles, it could delve deeper into the drawbacks of each mode of transportation to provide a more comprehensive discussion.
- How to improve: To improve, ensure that each viewpoint is thoroughly explored, including potential drawbacks and counterarguments. Additionally, explicitly addressing each part of the prompt in separate paragraphs can enhance clarity and organization.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position in favor of bicycles as the better mode of transportation in a city. The stance is evident from the introduction through the conclusion, providing consistency in the argumentation.
- How to improve: To further strengthen clarity, ensure that the thesis statement explicitly states the author’s position, and consistently reinforce this stance throughout the essay. Additionally, anticipate and address potential counterarguments to strengthen the persuasive effect.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas with some development and support. Arguments for both cars and bicycles are provided, with examples such as the convenience of cars for transporting goods and the environmental benefits of bicycles. However, the essay could benefit from deeper elaboration and more specific examples to bolster the arguments.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation of ideas, provide more detailed examples and evidence to support each argument. Additionally, consider elaborating on the implications of each mode of transportation to provide a more thorough analysis.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the advantages and disadvantages of traveling in a city by car versus by bicycle. However, there are moments where the discussion slightly deviates, such as when discussing the challenges posed by car usage without directly relating them back to the comparison with bicycles.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that each point made directly relates to the comparison between cars and bicycles. Avoid discussing aspects that do not contribute to the central argument, and consistently tie each point back to the main topic.
Overall, while the essay effectively addresses both perspectives and maintains a clear position in favor of bicycles, there is room for improvement in providing a more comprehensive analysis, bolstering arguments with specific examples, and ensuring all discussion points directly relate to the topic. Strengthening these areas can elevate the essay’s coherence, persuasiveness, and overall effectiveness.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a clear organizational structure with distinct introduction, body, and conclusion sections. Each paragraph focuses on a particular aspect of the topic, progressing logically from discussing the advantages of cars to highlighting the benefits of bicycles, and concluding with the author’s opinion. However, within paragraphs, there are instances of ideas being presented in a slightly disjointed manner, which can disrupt the flow of the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure that each paragraph maintains a clear topic sentence followed by supporting details and examples that directly relate to the main idea. Additionally, consider using transitional phrases or linking words to smoothly connect ideas within paragraphs and improve coherence.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively employs paragraphs to structure the content, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. However, some paragraphs contain multiple ideas without clear transitions between them, which can cause confusion for the reader.
- How to improve: Aim for unity within each paragraph by focusing on a single main idea or argument. Start each paragraph with a topic sentence that introduces the central theme, followed by supporting evidence or examples. Ensure that transitions between paragraphs are smooth and logical to maintain coherence and clarity.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory use of cohesive devices to connect ideas and create coherence. Transition words and phrases such as "however," "moreover," and "in conclusion" are used to signal shifts between different points and sections of the essay. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the range of cohesive devices used and integrating them more seamlessly into the text.
- How to improve: Expand the variety of cohesive devices employed, including synonyms for commonly used transition words and phrases to add sophistication to the writing. Additionally, focus on integrating cohesive devices more naturally within sentences and paragraphs to improve the overall flow of the essay.
Overall, while the essay effectively organizes its content into coherent sections and utilizes paragraphs to structure the argument, there are areas for improvement in enhancing the logical flow within paragraphs and diversifying the range of cohesive devices used. By implementing these suggestions, the essay can further strengthen its coherence and cohesion, potentially leading to a higher band score.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7
- Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, incorporating diverse terms such as "convenient," "luggage," "operating time," "carbon emissions," "combustion," and "traffic participants." Additionally, the essay uses varied phrasing, avoiding excessive repetition and showcasing lexical diversity.
- How to improve: While the essay displays an impressive range of vocabulary, enhancing it further could involve incorporating more advanced synonyms or idiomatic expressions where appropriate. For instance, instead of using "convenient," consider alternatives like "expedient" or "advantageous" to add sophistication to the language.
- Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The vocabulary usage in the essay is generally precise, effectively conveying the intended meanings. For instance, terms like "carbon emissions" and "environmentally friendly" are used accurately to discuss the environmental impact of transportation choices.
- How to improve: To further improve precision, ensure that each term used aligns precisely with the context and conveys the intended nuance. Avoid ambiguous or overly general terms that could lead to misinterpretation.
- Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy in the essay is satisfactory, with no glaring errors noted. However, there are a few minor issues, such as "moving home" which should be "moving homes," and "creep" which could be "weave" or "maneuver." Overall, spelling accuracy contributes positively to the clarity and professionalism of the essay.
- How to improve: To maintain and improve spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spell-check tools and proofreading techniques before submitting the essay. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with common spelling patterns and frequently misspelled words can aid in avoiding errors.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, it utilizes complex sentences like, "Moreover, when using a car, drivers are free to choose the route and departure time that suits their schedule regardless of the operating time of public transport, and this creates a comfortable and flexible travel experience." This complexity enhances the coherence and depth of the argument presented.
- How to improve: To further enrich the essay’s structure, consider incorporating more advanced sentence structures, such as conditional sentences or sentences with introductory phrases or clauses. This could enhance the sophistication of the writing and provide additional clarity or emphasis where needed.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates proficiency in grammar and punctuation. However, there are instances where improvements can be made. For example, in the sentence, "Moreover, when using a car, drivers are free to choose the route and departure time that suits their schedule regardless of the operating time of public transport and this creates a comfortable and flexible travel experience," there should be a comma after "public transport" to clarify the separation of clauses. Additionally, in the sentence, "However, the use of cars also poses challenges to high traffic densities and I think that bicycles would be a better way to travel," there should be a comma after "densities" to separate the introductory phrase.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, consider reviewing complex sentence structures to ensure proper punctuation and clarity. Additionally, pay attention to subject-verb agreement and consistent tense usage throughout the essay. A thorough proofreading process can help identify and correct any grammatical errors or inconsistencies.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and a varied range of sentence structures, contributing to its cohesive and coherent presentation. With careful attention to punctuation and the incorporation of more sophisticated sentence constructions, the essay could further elevate its grammatical range and accuracy, potentially achieving an even higher band score.
Bài sửa mẫu
Opinions vary on whether cars or bicycles are the optimal means of city transportation. While there are numerous arguments favoring cars as the preferred mode of transportation, I advocate the perspective that bicycles offer superior urban transportation.
Several factors contribute to the belief that car travel is optimal within urban settings. The main reason is the comfort and convenience cars offer, especially for long distances or when transporting heavy items. Cars can accommodate many passengers and cargo, facilitating activities like moving homes, shopping, or carrying equipment regardless of weather conditions—an aspect that bicycles cannot universally accommodate. Moreover, car drivers have the freedom to choose routes and departure times according to their schedule, irrespective of public transport schedules, fostering a comfortable and flexible travel experience.
Nevertheless, car usage exacerbates challenges associated with high traffic densities. In contrast, bicycles often outpace cars in congested areas due to their maneuverability and access to spaces inaccessible to cars, such as bicycle lanes and pedestrian areas. Additionally, bicycles not only contribute to the reduction of carbon emissions and noise pollution but also improve public transportation. They operate without gasoline or oil, resulting in cost savings and diminished toxic waste from fuel combustion, thereby fostering a tranquil and healthier environment for commuters.
In conclusion, while cars remain integral to daily life, bicycles emerge as a preferable mode of urban travel.
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