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Some people believe that increasing tax on various industries will reduce pollution whereas others believe that there are better alternative ways. Discuss both the view and give your opinion.

Some people believe that increasing tax on various industries will reduce pollution whereas others believe that there are better alternative ways. Discuss both the view and give your opinion.

Opinions diverge on whether the imposition of higher taxes on numerous sectors can effectively combat environmental degradation or alternatively, there exist more helpful methods. I believe there are superior substitutions.
Proponents of elevated taxation on diverse economic sectors to alleviate pollution argue its efficacy with two reasons. Chief amongst them is that this can encourage the leverage of more sustainable technological advancements. When faced with increased operating costs, companies are motivated to invest in cleaner technologies and practices. For example, the implementation of a significant tax on single-use plastics prompted manufacturers to adopt biodegradable materials for packaging. Moreover, this reformation can contribute to the reduction in greenhouse gas emissions. This is because many carbon-intensive industries would have to evaluate their operation in which they have to limit their production to lower their carbon footprints.
However, an alternative stance suggests that there are more viable measures. One of which is the introduction of rigorous environmental regulations. The authorities should heavily punish organisations that allegedly pollute the environment. To illustrate, the business licence of a multinational was stripped and many board members were sentenced to prison by the Vietnamese government for their illicit waste discharge into the sewer. Furthermore, policymakers can run public awareness campaigns to educate their citizens to make environmentally conscious choices in their daily lives. Simple actions such as recycling, conserving electricity or water or using mass transportation can contribute significantly toward environmental preservation when being conducted by a large group.
In conclusion, although I admit that heightening taxes on assorted businesses can
address pollution by promoting the utilisation of cleaner production techniques and
decreasing carbon emissions, I feel that this necessitates a multifaceted approach
namely stricter environmental policies and public education concerning eco-friendly
practices. Where possible, collective strategies from many cohorts are highly
recommended to counter the complexity of this predicament.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Opinions diverge on whether the imposition of higher taxes on numerous sectors can effectively combat environmental degradation or alternatively, there exist more helpful methods. I believe there are superior substitutions."
    -> "Differing opinions exist regarding the effectiveness of imposing higher taxes on various sectors to combat environmental degradation. Alternatively, more impactful methods may be considered. In my view, superior alternatives exist."
    Explanation: Restructuring the opening sentence to introduce the topic in a more concise and formal manner, avoiding the informal phrase "there exist," and enhancing clarity.

  2. "Proponents of elevated taxation on diverse economic sectors to alleviate pollution argue its efficacy with two reasons."
    -> "Advocates for increased taxation on diverse economic sectors to mitigate pollution support their stance with two key reasons."
    Explanation: Substituting "Proponents" with "Advocates" and rephrasing the sentence for clarity and formality.

  3. "Chief amongst them is that this can encourage the leverage of more sustainable technological advancements."
    -> "Foremost among these is the belief that such taxation can incentivize the adoption of more sustainable technological advancements."
    Explanation: Enhancing formality by replacing "Chief amongst them" with "Foremost among these" and refining the expression of the idea.

  4. "When faced with increased operating costs, companies are motivated to invest in cleaner technologies and practices."
    -> "Confronted with rising operational expenses, companies are compelled to invest in cleaner technologies and practices."
    Explanation: Substituting "motivated" with "compelled" for a stronger and more formal expression.

  5. "For example, the implementation of a significant tax on single-use plastics prompted manufacturers to adopt biodegradable materials for packaging."
    -> "For instance, the imposition of a substantial tax on single-use plastics prompted manufacturers to transition to biodegradable materials for packaging."
    Explanation: Strengthening the formality and precision of the example by using "imposition" and "transition."

  6. "Moreover, this reformation can contribute to the reduction in greenhouse gas emissions."
    -> "Furthermore, such reforms can significantly contribute to the reduction of greenhouse gas emissions."
    Explanation: Improving formality by replacing "this reformation" with "such reforms" and enhancing the impact of the statement.

  7. "However, an alternative stance suggests that there are more viable measures."
    -> "However, an alternative perspective contends that more viable measures exist."
    Explanation: Simplifying and formalizing the expression by using "perspective" and restructuring the sentence.

  8. "To illustrate, the business licence of a multinational was stripped and many board members were sentenced to prison by the Vietnamese government for their illicit waste discharge into the sewer."
    -> "As an illustration, the Vietnamese government revoked the business license of a multinational corporation, and several board members received prison sentences for their unlawful waste discharge into the sewer."
    Explanation: Enhancing clarity and formality by specifying the actions taken and providing a more precise description.

  9. "Furthermore, policymakers can run public awareness campaigns to educate their citizens to make environmentally conscious choices in their daily lives."
    -> "Moreover, policymakers can conduct public awareness campaigns to educate citizens about making environmentally conscious choices in their daily lives."
    Explanation: Simplifying the sentence and making it more direct by using "conduct" instead of "run."

  10. "In conclusion, although I admit that heightening taxes on assorted businesses can address pollution by promoting the utilization of cleaner production techniques and decreasing carbon emissions, I feel that this necessitates a multifaceted approach, namely stricter environmental policies and public education concerning eco-friendly practices."
    -> "In conclusion, while acknowledging that increasing taxes on various businesses can address pollution by promoting the adoption of cleaner production techniques and reducing carbon emissions, I believe that a comprehensive approach is necessary, including stricter environmental policies and public education on eco-friendly practices."
    Explanation: Improving the structure and formality of the concluding statement, avoiding the informal "although I admit" and specifying the components of the multifaceted approach.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the question. It presents both perspectives on whether increasing taxes or alternative methods can reduce pollution and clearly states the author’s opinion in favor of alternative measures. Relevant examples are provided to support each perspective.
    • How to improve: To further enhance this aspect, the author could consider explicitly mentioning the opposing view in each body paragraph, ensuring a clear and balanced presentation of ideas.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent position throughout. The author states a preference for alternative measures in the introduction and consistently supports this stance in the body paragraphs. The conclusion reinforces the chosen perspective.
    • How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, the author could consider rephrasing the thesis statement in the introduction to make it more explicit and placing it at the end of the introductory paragraph.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports ideas. Each body paragraph introduces a main point, elaborates on it, and provides examples for illustration. The use of specific instances, such as the tax on single-use plastics and the case of the multinational company in Vietnam, enhances the overall development of ideas.
    • How to improve: To further enrich the essay, the author could explore additional examples or counterexamples to strengthen the depth and breadth of the argumentation.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic, discussing the effectiveness of increasing taxes versus alternative measures in reducing pollution. However, there is a minor deviation in the concluding sentence of the second paragraph, which discusses the complexity of the predicament. While related, it slightly veers away from directly addressing the prompt.
    • How to improve: To maintain a stronger focus on the topic, the author should ensure that every sentence directly relates to the arguments presented in response to the prompt. Revising the last sentence of the second paragraph to align more closely with the prompt would help eliminate any potential deviation.

In conclusion, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt, effectively presenting and supporting ideas while maintaining a clear position throughout. To improve further, the author can refine the thesis statement for explicitness, explore additional examples, and ensure every sentence directly contributes to the central arguments.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally organizes information logically. It starts with a clear introduction presenting the two views and the author’s opinion. Each body paragraph discusses a specific viewpoint with supporting details and examples. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates the author’s opinion.
    • How to improve: While the logical flow is generally good, consider providing a more explicit roadmap in the introduction, outlining the main points that will be discussed in the body paragraphs. This can enhance the reader’s understanding of the essay’s structure.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs appropriately to separate different ideas and arguments. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay.
    • How to improve: Pay attention to the length of paragraphs. The third paragraph is quite long and could be divided into two paragraphs for better readability. Ensure each paragraph addresses a single main point for clearer organization.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a range of cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases (e.g., "however," "furthermore," "in conclusion"). These devices help to connect ideas within and between sentences and paragraphs.
    • How to improve: While cohesive devices are used, consider diversifying the types of connectors used. Introduce more varied transition words and explore the use of cohesive devices within sentences to enhance the overall flow. Additionally, ensure that the chosen cohesive devices are used consistently throughout the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion. To improve, focus on providing a clearer roadmap in the introduction, maintaining an optimal paragraph length, and diversifying and consistently using cohesive devices. These adjustments will further enhance the logical organization and overall coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a moderate range of vocabulary. There’s an attempt to use varied terminology, such as "sustainable technological advancements," "carbon-intensive industries," and "illicit waste discharge." However, there’s room for improvement in diversifying the vocabulary further, especially in the use of synonyms and more nuanced expressions.
    • How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating synonyms and exploring more nuanced expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "environment," experiment with terms like "ecosystem," "habitat," or "biosphere" where contextually appropriate. Additionally, explore synonyms for common words to add depth to the language.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The vocabulary usage is generally precise, with specific terms such as "single-use plastics," "biodegradable materials," and "carbon footprints." However, there are instances where more precise language could be employed. For example, the phrase "allegedly pollute" could be refined to "purportedly contaminate" for a more precise expression.
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to words like "allegedly" and replace them with more specific alternatives when possible. This can enhance the precision of your language. Utilize a thesaurus to explore synonyms that might convey your ideas with greater accuracy.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy. However, there are a few instances where minor errors exist, such as "reformation" instead of "reform," and "heightening" instead of "raising." These errors do not significantly impede understanding but can be improved for a more polished presentation.
    • How to improve: Carefully proofread your essay to catch minor spelling errors. Utilize spelling and grammar tools available in word processors to assist in identifying and correcting such issues. Additionally, consider seeking feedback from others to catch any oversight in spelling accuracy.

In conclusion, while the essay showcases a solid command of vocabulary with specific examples, refining and diversifying the range, enhancing precision, and addressing minor spelling errors will contribute to a more sophisticated and polished expression of ideas.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. It utilizes complex structures such as introductory phrases ("Opinions diverge on whether…") and compound-complex sentences ("Chief amongst them is…"). There is a mix of simple and complex sentence structures throughout the essay, contributing to its overall coherence and fluency.
    • How to improve: To further enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more rhetorical devices, such as parallelism or inversion, to add nuance and sophistication. Additionally, pay attention to the balance between short and long sentences to maintain a smooth flow.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: Overall, the grammar and punctuation are quite accurate. However, there are a few instances where sentence structures could be refined for better clarity. For example, in the sentence "Opinions diverge on whether the imposition of higher taxes on numerous sectors can effectively combat environmental degradation or alternatively, there exist more helpful methods," the use of "alternatively" might cause confusion. It could be rephrased for clearer communication.
    • How to improve: Review sentences for potential ambiguity and consider simplifying complex constructions when necessary. In the sentence mentioned, it might be clearer to separate the two contrasting ideas into distinct sentences. Additionally, proofread carefully to catch minor punctuation errors, such as missing commas or incorrect usage of conjunctions.

In conclusion, the essay exhibits a strong command of grammatical structures with an impressive range of sentence constructions. To elevate the writing further, focus on refining sentence clarity and addressing minor punctuation nuances. Keep up the good work!

Bài sửa mẫu

Opinions vary regarding the effectiveness of imposing higher taxes on various sectors to combat environmental degradation, with some advocating for this approach while others believe in exploring alternative methods. I hold the view that there are more effective alternatives.

Those in favor of increased taxation on diverse economic sectors to mitigate pollution present two main reasons. Primarily, they argue that such taxation can incentivize the adoption of more sustainable technological advancements. Faced with rising operational expenses, companies are compelled to invest in cleaner technologies and practices. For example, the imposition of a substantial tax on single-use plastics prompted manufacturers to transition to biodegradable materials for packaging. Furthermore, these reforms can significantly contribute to the reduction of greenhouse gas emissions, as carbon-intensive industries must reevaluate their operations to lower their carbon footprints.

On the contrary, an alternative perspective contends that more viable measures exist. As an illustration, the Vietnamese government revoked the business license of a multinational corporation, and several board members received prison sentences for their unlawful waste discharge into the sewer. Additionally, policymakers can conduct public awareness campaigns to educate citizens about making environmentally conscious choices in their daily lives. Simple actions such as recycling, conserving electricity or water, and using mass transportation can significantly contribute to environmental preservation when adopted by a large group.

In conclusion, while acknowledging that increasing taxes on various businesses can address pollution by promoting the adoption of cleaner production techniques and reducing carbon emissions, I believe that a comprehensive approach is necessary. This includes the implementation of stricter environmental policies and public education on eco-friendly practices. Collective strategies from various cohorts are highly recommended to address the complexity of this predicament.

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