some people believe that modern technology is making people more sociable, while others thinks it is making them less sociable. Discuss both view and give your opinion .

Some people argue that modern technology makes individuals more sociable, while others believe that it makes them less sociable. This essay will examine both views regarding the impact of modern technology before drawing a logical conclusion.

On the one hand, modern technology can enable people to follow information from around the world and then receive and utilize it for societal benefit. Through diligent effort to stay informed, modern technology allows individuals to broaden their horizons, aligning with the rapid global development. For instance, a recent study conducted by the University of Toronto in Canada found that using smartphones or tablets increased literacy rates by 28%. Therefore, progressive technology can raise people's awareness. In an effort to understand the online job market, it also provides opportunities for the unemployed or those who are lazy to secure employment. According to Dan Tri News, the unemployment rate in China decreased by 13% in 2022. Hence, modern technology is making people more sociable.

On the other hand, excessive use of technology can lead individuals to become introverted, making it difficult to interact with others or to develop themselves. Overuse of modern technology can propel individuals towards a sedentary lifestyle. For example, a recent study by Humber College found that teenagers and adults tend to be shy at work and exhibit less positive engagement in the working environment. Hence, modern technology may also make them less sociable.

In conclusion, after examining the aforementioned facts, I believe that, thanks to the ability to follow information from around the world and selectively absorb it, modern technology is making people more sociable.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Some people argue" -> "Some individuals contend"
Explanation: "Contend" is a more formal and precise term than "argue," which is often associated with informal or colloquial language in academic writing.
"makes individuals more sociable" -> "enhances social interaction among individuals"
Explanation: "Enhances social interaction" is a more specific and formal way to describe the impact of technology on social behavior, avoiding the vague term "makes more sociable."
"follow information" -> "access information"
Explanation: "Access" is a more precise term in this context, indicating the act of obtaining or using information, which is more appropriate in an academic setting.
"diligent effort to stay informed" -> "persistent effort to remain informed"
Explanation: "Persistent" is a more formal synonym for "diligent," and "remain" is preferred over "stay" in formal academic writing for describing ongoing states.
"broaden their horizons" -> "expand their knowledge"
Explanation: "Expand their knowledge" is a more specific and academically appropriate phrase than "broaden their horizons," which is somewhat metaphorical and less precise.
"progressive technology" -> "advancing technology"
Explanation: "Advancing technology" is a more accurate and formal term that better captures the ongoing development of technology.
"raise people’s awareness" -> "enhance public awareness"
Explanation: "Enhance public awareness" is a more formal and precise way to describe the impact of technology on societal understanding.
"opportunities for the unemployed or those who are lazy" -> "opportunities for the unemployed or those who are inactive"
Explanation: "Inactive" is a more neutral and formal term than "lazy," which can carry a negative connotation.
"Dan Tri News" -> "Dan Tri News Agency" or "Dan Tri News Report"
Explanation: Adding "Agency" or "Report" clarifies the source of the information, enhancing the formality and specificity of the reference.
"making people more sociable" -> "increasing social interaction"
Explanation: "Increasing social interaction" is a more precise and formal way to describe the effect of technology on social behavior.
"Overuse of modern technology" -> "Excessive use of modern technology"
Explanation: "Excessive" is a more formal and precise term than "overuse," which can sound colloquial.
"propel individuals towards a sedentary lifestyle" -> "lead individuals to a sedentary lifestyle"
Explanation: "Lead" is a more formal verb than "propel" in this context, and "lead" is commonly used in academic writing to describe causative relationships.
"shy at work" -> "reticent in professional settings"
Explanation: "Reticent in professional settings" is a more formal and precise way to describe individuals who are shy or reserved in workplace interactions.
"exhibit less positive engagement" -> "demonstrate reduced engagement"
Explanation: "Demonstrate reduced engagement" is a more formal and precise way to describe the decrease in engagement levels.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views regarding the impact of modern technology on sociability. The first paragraph presents the argument that technology enhances sociability by providing access to information and job opportunities. The second paragraph counters this by discussing how excessive technology use can lead to introversion and reduced social engagement. However, while both perspectives are presented, the conclusion could have more explicitly summarized the arguments before stating the author’s opinion, which would enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To improve, ensure that each viewpoint is not only presented but also clearly summarized in the conclusion. This could involve briefly restating the main points of each argument before giving a final opinion, reinforcing the essay’s comprehensive nature.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that modern technology makes people more sociable, as stated in the conclusion. However, the transition between discussing both views could be smoother. The phrase "Hence, modern technology is making people more sociable" in the first argument could be better integrated to reflect a more balanced view before concluding.
- How to improve: Use transitional phrases to guide the reader through the discussion of both views and clarify how each point relates to the overall argument. For instance, after discussing the negative impacts, explicitly relate them back to the central question of sociability before concluding.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as increased literacy rates and job opportunities as benefits of technology, and introversion as a drawback. Each point is supported by examples, such as studies from the University of Toronto and Humber College. However, the supporting evidence could be more robust; for instance, the connection between technology and sociability could be explored further with more detailed examples or statistics.
- How to improve: To enhance the depth of the argument, consider providing more detailed explanations of how technology fosters sociability, such as discussing social media’s role in connecting people. Additionally, addressing counterarguments with more substantial evidence would strengthen the overall argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, discussing both sides of the argument regarding technology’s impact on sociability. However, the phrase "lazy to secure employment" could be seen as a deviation from the main topic, as it introduces a judgmental tone that distracts from the main argument.
- How to improve: Maintain a neutral tone and avoid language that could be perceived as biased or judgmental. Ensure that all examples and arguments directly relate to the central question of sociability, reinforcing the essay’s focus on the impact of technology rather than personal attributes of individuals.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. By refining the clarity of the position, enhancing the depth of supporting evidence, and maintaining a neutral tone, the essay could achieve an even higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs discussing opposing views, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and each body paragraph logically addresses one side of the argument. For instance, the first paragraph presents the positive aspects of technology, while the second paragraph discusses its negative effects. However, the transition between the two viewpoints could be smoother; the connection between the two arguments feels somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly indicate a shift from one viewpoint to another. For example, phrases like "Conversely" or "In contrast" can help to signal the transition between the positive and negative aspects of technology. Additionally, summarizing the key points at the end of each paragraph can reinforce the logical progression of ideas.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific viewpoint. The introduction and conclusion are also distinct, which aids in clarity. However, the body paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences that encapsulate the main idea of each paragraph more explicitly. For example, the first body paragraph could start with a sentence that directly states the positive impact of technology on sociability.
- How to improve: Strengthen the topic sentences of each body paragraph to clearly outline the main idea. For instance, instead of starting with "On the one hand," consider a more assertive statement like "Proponents of modern technology argue that it enhances sociability by…" This approach will provide a clearer roadmap for the reader and improve the overall coherence of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices effectively, such as "for instance," "hence," and "therefore," which help to link ideas and provide examples. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and the essay could benefit from a broader variety of linking words and phrases to enhance cohesion. For example, the use of "Furthermore" or "Additionally" could help to introduce new points or examples more fluidly.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases throughout the essay. For instance, when introducing contrasting ideas, consider using "On the contrary" or "Despite this." Additionally, using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas can help to maintain cohesion without repetitive phrasing.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, with clear organization and effective use of paragraphs. By refining transitions, enhancing topic sentences, and diversifying cohesive devices, the essay can achieve an even higher level of clarity and fluidity in presenting arguments.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary, with terms such as "sociable," "introverted," "diligent effort," and "sedentary lifestyle." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly with the use of "modern technology" and "sociable." This limits the overall impression of lexical variety. For instance, the phrase "modern technology" appears multiple times without synonyms or alternative expressions, which could enhance the richness of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve lexical range, consider using synonyms or related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly saying "modern technology," you could use "digital advancements," "technological innovations," or "contemporary tech." Additionally, incorporating more varied adjectives and adverbs could help to diversify the language used.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally uses vocabulary correctly, there are instances where word choice could be more precise. For example, the phrase "lazy to secure employment" could be interpreted as derogatory and imprecise. It would be more effective to say "those who may struggle to secure employment due to lack of opportunities." This change would convey the intended meaning without negative connotations.
- How to improve: Focus on selecting words that accurately reflect the intended meaning and tone. Consider the context and potential implications of certain words. For instance, replacing "lazy" with "unemployed" or "underqualified" would provide a clearer and more respectful depiction of the situation. Additionally, using phrases like "social interaction" instead of "interact with others" can enhance precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a good level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors in the majority of the vocabulary used. However, the phrase "thinks it is making them less sociable" should be corrected to "think it is making them less sociable" to ensure subject-verb agreement.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, it is advisable to proofread the essay carefully before submission. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises or using spelling apps can help reinforce correct spelling habits. Paying attention to common grammatical structures, such as subject-verb agreement, will also aid in reducing errors.

Overall, while the essay meets the basic requirements for lexical resource, there is room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By incorporating more varied vocabulary, ensuring precise word choices, and carefully proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors, the essay could achieve a higher band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and some use of passive voice. For instance, phrases like "modern technology can enable people to follow information from around the world" and "excessive use of technology can lead individuals to become introverted" showcase an effective use of subordinate clauses. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence structures, particularly in the way arguments are introduced (e.g., "On the one hand" and "On the other hand"). This can detract from the overall variety.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider varying the introductory phrases and using different methods to present arguments. For example, instead of consistently using "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," you could use phrases like "Conversely," or "In contrast," to introduce opposing views. Additionally, incorporating more compound-complex sentences could enhance the richness of the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors. For example, the phrase "others thinks it is making them less sociable" contains a subject-verb agreement error; "thinks" should be "think." Additionally, punctuation is mostly correct, but there are a few instances where commas could improve clarity, such as before "while" in the first sentence.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay carefully to catch subject-verb agreement errors and other minor mistakes. Practicing grammar exercises focused on common pitfalls, such as subject-verb agreement and punctuation rules, can also be beneficial. Furthermore, reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrasing or punctuation issues that may not be immediately apparent in written form.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals contend that modern technology enhances social interaction among individuals, while others think it leads to reduced sociability. This essay will discuss both perspectives regarding the impact of modern technology before drawing a logical conclusion.

On the one hand, modern technology allows people to access information from around the world and utilize it for societal benefit. Through persistent effort to remain informed, technology enables individuals to expand their knowledge, aligning with rapid global development. For instance, a recent study conducted by the University of Toronto in Canada found that using smartphones or tablets increased literacy rates by 28%. Therefore, advancing technology can enhance public awareness. Additionally, it provides opportunities for the unemployed or those who are inactive to secure employment by understanding the online job market. According to Dan Tri News Agency, the unemployment rate in China decreased by 13% in 2022. Hence, modern technology is making people more sociable.

On the other hand, excessive use of modern technology can lead individuals to a sedentary lifestyle, making it difficult for them to interact with others or develop interpersonal skills. Overuse of technology can result in individuals being reticent in professional settings and demonstrating reduced engagement in the workplace. For example, a recent study by Humber College found that teenagers and adults tend to be shy at work and exhibit less positive interaction in their working environment. Thus, modern technology may also contribute to decreased sociability.

In conclusion, after examining the aforementioned facts, I believe that, thanks to the ability to access information from around the world and selectively absorb it, modern technology is ultimately making people more sociable.