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Some people believe that parents should devote more time to helping kids with school work, others think that they should allocate more time to play sports with their kids. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

Some people believe that parents should devote more time to helping kids with school work, others think that they should allocate more time to play sports with their kids. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

These day, people argue that parents should invest their time to help their kids with schoolwork, other believe that parents should invest much more time to play sports with their children. In my point of view, both views are complete. neccessary and important in children's way to grow up.
Helping children with school work inspire children to study better and bring high marks to them. Playing sports also has many advantages. Parents play sports with their children can improve their kids's physical health and also gain their height playing sports can also decrease children's nervousness so that they can share more with their parents about everything in their life. It is no doubt that balance both is very success and better for kids.
In conclusion, while helping children with schoolworks improve their marks in school, playing sports with them is also neccessary for children's future. However, it depends on each parents's perspective.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "These day" -> "In contemporary times"
    Explanation: Replacing "These day" with "In contemporary times" establishes a more formal and precise expression, aligning with academic writing standards.

  2. "parents should invest their time" -> "parents should dedicate their time"
    Explanation: Substituting "invest" with "dedicate" enhances the formality of the sentence. "Dedicate" conveys a sense of commitment and responsibility in a more academically appropriate manner.

  3. "other believe that" -> "others believe that"
    Explanation: Correcting the subject-verb agreement by changing "other" to "others" maintains grammatical accuracy, contributing to a more polished and formal writing style.

  4. "In my point of view" -> "In my perspective" or "From my standpoint"
    Explanation: Replacing "In my point of view" with "In my perspective" or "From my standpoint" adds formality and variety to the expression, aligning with academic language expectations.

  5. "complete. neccessary" -> "complementary, necessary"
    Explanation: Using "complementary" instead of "complete" emphasizes the idea that both views contribute to a well-rounded approach. Additionally, correcting the spelling to "necessary" ensures proper usage.

  6. "inspire children to study better" -> "motivate children to excel in their studies"
    Explanation: Substituting "inspire" with "motivate" and "study better" with "excel in their studies" elevates the language, providing a more nuanced and academically suitable expression.

  7. "bring high marks to them" -> "yield high academic achievements for them"
    Explanation: Replacing "bring high marks to them" with "yield high academic achievements for them" enhances the formality and precision of the statement.

  8. "Parents play sports with their children can improve their kids’s physical health" -> "Parents engaging in sports with their children can enhance their kids’ physical health"
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and formality, using "engaging in sports" instead of "playing sports," and correcting possessive and plural forms contribute to a more polished expression.

  9. "and also gain their height" -> "and contribute to their physical growth"
    Explanation: Substituting "gain their height" with "contribute to their physical growth" offers a more sophisticated and precise description of the benefits of playing sports.

  10. "playing sports can also decrease children’s nervousness" -> "participating in sports can alleviate children’s anxiety"
    Explanation: Replacing "playing sports can also decrease children’s nervousness" with "participating in sports can alleviate children’s anxiety" improves the formality and clarity of the statement.

  11. "It is no doubt that balance both is very success and better for kids." -> "There is no doubt that maintaining a balance between both is highly successful and beneficial for children."
    Explanation: Revising the sentence for grammatical correctness and formality, using "maintaining a balance" instead of "balance both," and replacing "very success" with "highly successful" contribute to a more polished academic expression.

  12. "In conclusion, while helping children with schoolworks improve their marks in school" -> "In conclusion, while assisting children with their schoolwork enhances their academic performance"
    Explanation: Substituting "helping children with schoolworks" with "assisting children with their schoolwork" and "improve their marks in school" with "enhances their academic performance" provides a more formal and precise expression.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6 – UNDER WORD

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay does address both aspects of the prompt by discussing the importance of parents helping with schoolwork and allocating time to play sports. However, the analysis is limited, lacking depth and specificity in discussing each view.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, provide more detailed examples and insights for each perspective. Consider elaborating on the benefits and potential drawbacks of each approach.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to maintain a neutral stance, stating that both views are necessary and important. However, the lack of a clearly defined position throughout the essay may result in a less focused and coherent argument.
    • How to improve: While acknowledging both perspectives, it is advisable to take a clearer stance in the introduction and then consistently support and develop that position throughout the essay. This provides a stronger and more cohesive argument.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay briefly mentions the advantages of helping with schoolwork and playing sports but lacks depth in extending and supporting these ideas. Specific examples or evidence to illustrate the benefits would strengthen the argument.
    • How to improve: Expand on the advantages of each perspective by providing concrete examples, statistics, or personal anecdotes. This will enrich the content and demonstrate a thorough understanding of the topic.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay does touch upon both aspects of the prompt but lacks specificity and depth. There is a tendency to make general statements without delving into the intricacies of each viewpoint.
    • How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of either helping with schoolwork or playing sports. Avoid vague statements and strive for detailed, relevant content that directly addresses the prompt.

In summary, while the essay covers both views, it would benefit from a more detailed and focused analysis of each perspective. Developing a clearer stance, providing specific examples, and avoiding generalizations will contribute to a more comprehensive and well-supported argument. Additionally, expanding the content to meet the word count requirement is crucial for achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a basic level of logical organization. It begins with an introduction stating the two contrasting views and the author’s opinion. However, the development of ideas lacks clear sequencing. The shift between discussing helping with school work and playing sports is abrupt, making the essay feel somewhat disjointed. Additionally, the conclusion could be more nuanced in summarizing the main points.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider dedicating separate paragraphs to each viewpoint (helping with school work and playing sports) for a smoother transition between ideas. Ensure a clear progression from one point to another. In the conclusion, briefly recap the key points from both perspectives to provide a more comprehensive summary.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs, but the structure is inconsistent. There is an introduction and a conclusion, but the body lacks clear paragraph breaks for each main point. This affects the readability and coherence of the essay.
    • How to improve: Clearly demarcate paragraphs for each major point. Start a new paragraph when introducing a new idea or transitioning between perspectives. This will improve the overall structure and make the essay more reader-friendly.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as conjunctions ("however," "also," "while"). However, their usage is limited, and there is a lack of varied cohesive devices. This impacts the overall coherence of the essay, making it less engaging and more challenging to follow.
    • How to improve: Introduce a wider range of cohesive devices, including pronouns, transitional phrases, and synonyms, to create a smoother and more connected flow between sentences and paragraphs. This will enhance the overall cohesion and improve the reader’s understanding of the essay’s structure.

In summary, while the essay adequately addresses the prompt and presents a clear opinion, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices are essential for achieving a higher coherence and cohesion band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a moderate range of vocabulary. However, there is room for improvement in terms of diversity and sophistication. The repetition of certain words and the use of general terms limit the essay’s lexical richness. For instance, the frequent use of "children" and "parents" could be diversified with synonyms or more specific terms related to the context.
    • How to improve: To enhance the lexical range, consider incorporating more varied and precise vocabulary. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "children," explore synonyms like "youngsters" or "offspring." Introduce specific terms related to education and sports to enrich the vocabulary and demonstrate a broader command of language.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally uses vocabulary with precision, but there are instances of imprecise word choices that may affect clarity. For example, the phrase "it is no doubt that balance both is very success" is unclear and could be refined for better understanding.
    • How to improve: Aim for precision in vocabulary to convey ideas clearly. Instead of "it is no doubt that balance both is very success," consider rephrasing as "balancing both aspects undoubtedly contributes to success." This provides a clearer expression of the intended meaning and showcases a more accurate use of vocabulary.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: There are several spelling errors throughout the essay, such as "These day" instead of "These days," "neccessary" instead of "necessary," and "success" instead of "successful." These errors impact the overall readability and coherence of the essay.
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, it is advisable to proofread the essay carefully before submission. Additionally, consider utilizing spelling and grammar-check tools to identify and correct errors. Building a habit of reviewing written work for spelling accuracy will contribute to a more polished final product.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay predominantly relies on simple sentence structures, with limited variation. Simple sentence structures may impact the overall impression of grammatical range and complexity. For instance, the use of basic sentence patterns such as "Playing sports also has many advantages" and "It is no doubt that balance both is very success" shows a need for diversification.
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical range, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures, such as compound and complex sentences. Introduce sentence variety by using different types of clauses and sentence structures. For example, instead of relying solely on simple sentences, incorporate compound sentences by combining related ideas using coordinating conjunctions.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some grammatical errors and punctuation inaccuracies. For instance, "These day" should be corrected to "These days," and "neccessary" should be spelled as "necessary." There is also inconsistent use of capitalization, such as "Playing sports" and "Parents play sports," where the former uses title case while the latter uses sentence case.
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, proofread the essay thoroughly for common errors such as subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and word choice. Pay attention to proper noun capitalization and consistently apply it. Additionally, review the use of articles ("a," "an," "the") and ensure correct spelling. Consider seeking feedback from peers or using grammar-check tools to identify and correct errors systematically.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic and maintains coherence, improvements in grammatical range and accuracy will contribute to a more sophisticated and polished piece of writing. Focus on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammar and punctuation to elevate the overall quality of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary times, there is an ongoing debate about how parents should allocate their time between assisting children with schoolwork and engaging in sports with them. Some argue that parents should dedicate more time to helping kids with their studies, while others believe that parents should invest more time in playing sports with their children. In my perspective, both aspects are complementary, necessary, and important for children’s overall growth.

Assisting children with schoolwork can motivate them to excel in their studies and yield high academic achievements. Parents taking an active role in their children’s education can inspire better study habits and contribute to academic success. On the other hand, parents engaging in sports with their children can enhance their kids’ physical health and contribute to their physical growth. The benefits of participating in sports extend beyond the physical realm; it can also alleviate children’s anxiety and provide a platform for open communication between parents and their children.

In my opinion, there is no doubt that maintaining a balance between both – helping with schoolwork and engaging in sports – is highly successful and beneficial for children. While assisting children with their schoolwork enhances their academic performance, playing sports with them is equally necessary for their overall well-being and future development. The key lies in finding a harmonious balance that caters to both aspects of a child’s growth.

In conclusion, the debate between dedicating time to schoolwork or sports is not an either-or situation; instead, it involves a harmonious combination of both elements. Parents who strike this balance effectively create an environment that nurtures both academic success and physical well-being for their children.

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