Some people believe that reading stories from a book is better than watching TV and playing computer games for children. To what extent, do you agree or disagree?

In this day and age, some people think that reading book’s stories is more effective on children’s growth than watching TV and playing video games. Personally, I agree with this suggestion based on some major reasons that I will explain in this essay.
On the one hand, there are several benefits that encourage children to read stories from a book. First, the habit of reading bedtime stories to children can help to strengthen family bonds by spending time together in shared activities. For example, when I was a kid, my mother used to read fairy tales or comic stories to me almost every night. Secondly, learning from stories can stimulate a child’s imagination; these stories tend to stick in their mind longer compared to watching television and playing games. Finally, books mostly contain valuable stories that can help children broaden their literacy horizons and develop literacy appreciation skills, which are very useful for their future careers.
On the other hand, there are some disadvantages associated with watching TV and gaming for children. At first, it can cause a sedentary lifestyle in children, which is detrimental to their health. Moreover, children who become couch potatoes by spending a large amount of time in front of the screen are prone to obesity, which can lead to serious health conditions such as diabetes and heart disease. Additionally, being overexposed to computer screens, teenagers may suffer from eyesight problems like myopia and astigmatism. Furthermore, if children are subjected to unhealthy and age-inappropriate content like violent games and videos, they develop a tendency to become rude and violent when they grow up, which is detrimental to their behaviors and interactions with family and friends.
In conclusion, for the reasons I have mentioned above, I would argue that it is better for children to read stories from a book than to waste time watching TV and playing video games.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In this day and age" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "Currently" is a more concise and formal alternative to the idiomatic "In this day and age," which is less commonly used in academic writing.
"reading book’s stories" -> "reading stories from books"
Explanation: The possessive form "book’s" is incorrect here. "Stories from books" is grammatically correct and maintains the formal tone.
"more effective on children’s growth" -> "more effective for children’s development"
Explanation: "Development" is a more precise term than "growth" in this context, and "for" is the correct preposition to use with "effective."
"Personally, I agree with this suggestion" -> "I concur with this perspective"
Explanation: "Concur" is a more formal synonym for "agree," and "perspective" is a more academic term than "suggestion."
"some major reasons that I will explain" -> "several key reasons that I will discuss"
Explanation: "Key" is more specific and formal than "major," and "discuss" is more appropriate in academic writing than "explain" when referring to complex ideas.
"spending time together in shared activities" -> "engaging in shared activities together"
Explanation: "Engaging in" is a more precise and formal way to describe the act of participating in activities with others.
"when I was a kid" -> "when I was a child"
Explanation: "Child" is more formal and appropriate in academic writing than "kid."
"almost every night" -> "nearly every night"
Explanation: "Nearly" is a more formal adverb than "almost," fitting better in academic contexts.
"stick in their mind" -> "remain in their memory"
Explanation: "Remain in their memory" is a more formal and precise way to describe the retention of information.
"watching television and playing games" -> "viewing television and engaging in gaming"
Explanation: "Viewing" and "engaging in gaming" are more formal and specific terms than "watching" and "playing games."
"couch potatoes" -> "sedentary individuals"
Explanation: "Sedentary individuals" is a more formal and academically appropriate term than the colloquial "couch potatoes."
"spending a large amount of time in front of the screen" -> "exposing themselves to prolonged screen time"
Explanation: "Exposing themselves to prolonged screen time" is a more formal and precise way to describe the excessive use of screens.
"waste time watching TV and playing video games" -> "engage in frivolous activities such as watching television and playing video games"
Explanation: "Engage in frivolous activities" is a more formal and descriptive phrase than "waste time," which is too casual for academic writing.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by presenting a clear opinion that reading books is better for children than watching TV and playing video games. The author outlines reasons supporting this viewpoint, including the benefits of reading in terms of family bonding, imagination stimulation, and literacy development. However, while the essay does mention disadvantages of TV and gaming, it could benefit from a more balanced exploration of the opposing viewpoint to strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author could briefly acknowledge the potential benefits of watching TV and playing video games, such as educational content or social interaction, before refuting these points. This would demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic and provide a stronger basis for the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The position is clear and consistent throughout the essay, with the author explicitly stating agreement with the notion that reading is superior. The use of phrases like "Personally, I agree with this suggestion" reinforces the stance. However, the transition between the advantages of reading and the disadvantages of screen time could be smoother to maintain clarity.
- How to improve: The author could use transitional phrases to better connect the two sides of the argument. For example, stating "While reading has its advantages, it is important to consider the drawbacks of screen time" would create a clearer flow and reinforce the overall position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several well-developed ideas supporting the benefits of reading, such as family bonding and cognitive development. Each point is supported with relevant examples, like personal anecdotes about bedtime stories. However, the discussion on the disadvantages of TV and gaming could be more nuanced, as it primarily lists negative outcomes without exploring how these might affect children’s development in a broader context.
- How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the author could provide specific examples or studies that illustrate the negative impacts of excessive screen time on children’s behavior or health. This would add depth to the argument and make it more persuasive.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, addressing the comparison between reading and screen time. The author consistently ties back to the main argument, although there are moments where the discussion on the disadvantages of TV and gaming could be more directly linked to the central thesis.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that each point made about TV and gaming directly relates back to the central argument regarding their inferiority compared to reading. This could involve explicitly stating how these disadvantages ultimately support the claim that reading is more beneficial for children.

Overall, the essay demonstrates strong reasoning and a clear position, but it could benefit from a more balanced exploration of the opposing viewpoint, smoother transitions, and deeper support for the arguments presented.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively outlines the writer’s position and previews the main points. Each body paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument: the benefits of reading and the disadvantages of screen time. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the positive impact of reading on family bonds and imagination, while the second paragraph focuses on the negative consequences of excessive TV and gaming. This logical organization aids in the reader’s understanding of the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using more explicit topic sentences that summarize the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, linking phrases could be employed to better connect ideas within paragraphs. For example, using transitions like "Moreover" or "In addition" at the beginning of points can help guide the reader through the argument more smoothly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which contributes to clarity. Each paragraph is focused on a single theme, making it easy for the reader to follow the argument. The first paragraph discusses the benefits of reading, while the second addresses the drawbacks of screen time. However, the conclusion, while present, could be more distinct in summarizing the key points discussed.
- How to improve: Ensure that the conclusion not only restates the main argument but also briefly summarizes the key points made in the body paragraphs. This could reinforce the overall message and provide a stronger closure. Additionally, consider using a more varied structure for paragraphs to avoid monotony, perhaps by integrating counterarguments or alternative perspectives.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which effectively signal contrasting ideas. The use of examples, such as personal anecdotes, also serves to enhance cohesion by providing concrete illustrations of abstract points. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded to avoid repetition and enhance the overall flow.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "In contrast," and "Consequently." This will not only improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs but also demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency. Additionally, consider using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas, which can help maintain coherence without unnecessary repetition.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve an even higher level of coherence and cohesion, further solidifying the argument and enhancing the overall reading experience.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "sedentary lifestyle," "imagination," and "literacy appreciation skills." However, there are instances of repetition and limited variation in word choice, such as the frequent use of "stories" and "children." For example, the phrase "reading book’s stories" could be more effectively expressed as "reading stories from books."
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. Instead of repeatedly using "stories," alternatives like "narratives," "tales," or "literary works" could be employed. Additionally, using phrases like "engaging with literature" instead of "reading stories" would diversify the language.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, there are notable imprecisions. For instance, the phrase "reading book’s stories" contains a grammatical error with the possessive form. Furthermore, "waste time" in the conclusion could be perceived as overly informal or subjective.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and choose words that convey the intended meaning more clearly. For example, changing "reading book’s stories" to "reading stories from books" corrects the grammatical issue. Additionally, opting for a more neutral phrase like "spending time" instead of "waste time" would enhance the formal tone of the essay.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is mostly accurate, but there is a notable error with "book’s," which should be "books" to indicate plural rather than possessive. This error detracts from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully, focusing on common pitfalls such as possessive versus plural forms. Utilizing spell-check tools or reading the essay aloud can also help catch errors before submission.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid foundation in lexical resource, there are clear areas for improvement. By expanding vocabulary range, ensuring precise usage, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of conditional phrases ("if children are subjected to unhealthy and age-inappropriate content…") and comparative structures ("compared to watching television and playing games") shows an effective range. However, the essay could benefit from more varied introductory phrases and transitions to enhance cohesion and flow.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences with subordinate clauses. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "First," "Secondly," and "Finally," try using phrases like "One significant advantage is…" or "Another important point to consider is…". This will not only improve variety but also enhance the overall readability of the essay.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains good grammatical accuracy, but there are a few notable errors. For instance, "reading book’s stories" should be corrected to "reading stories from books" to avoid the incorrect possessive form. Additionally, the phrase "which are very useful for their future careers" could be more precise; consider rephrasing it to "which can be very beneficial for their future careers." Punctuation is mostly accurate, but the use of commas could be improved in some instances, such as before "which is detrimental to their health" for clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to possessive forms and ensure they are used correctly. Reviewing rules for punctuation, particularly in complex sentences, will also be beneficial. Practicing writing with a focus on these areas, perhaps by rewriting sentences with a focus on grammatical correctness, can help solidify these skills.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In this day and age, some people believe that reading stories from books is more effective for children’s development than watching TV and playing computer games. Personally, I concur with this perspective based on several key reasons that I will discuss in this essay.

On the one hand, there are numerous benefits that encourage children to read stories from books. First, the habit of reading bedtime stories can help to strengthen family bonds by engaging in shared activities together. For example, when I was a child, my mother used to read fairy tales or comic stories to me nearly every night. Secondly, learning from stories can stimulate a child’s imagination; these narratives tend to remain in their memory longer compared to viewing television and engaging in gaming. Finally, books often contain valuable lessons that can help children broaden their literacy horizons and develop appreciation skills, which are very useful for their future careers.

On the other hand, there are some disadvantages associated with watching TV and gaming for children. Initially, it can lead to a sedentary lifestyle, which is detrimental to their health. Moreover, children who become sedentary individuals by spending a large amount of time in front of the screen are prone to obesity, which can result in serious health conditions such as diabetes and heart disease. Additionally, exposing themselves to prolonged screen time, teenagers may suffer from eyesight problems like myopia and astigmatism. Furthermore, if children are subjected to unhealthy and age-inappropriate content, such as violent games and videos, they may develop a tendency to become rude and aggressive as they grow up, which negatively impacts their behaviors and interactions with family and friends.

In conclusion, for the reasons I have mentioned above, I would argue that it is better for children to read stories from books than to engage in frivolous activities such as watching TV and playing video games.