Some people believe that sports are an essential part of school life for children while you should give reasons for your answers and include ideas and examples

One school of thought holds that children should be allowed to decide whether to engage in sports in school or not, while others, including me, contend that this kind of physical activities is necessary for the schooling of children.
On the one hand, there are good grounds for championing the idea that sport should be purely optional. The primary rationale behind this lies in its negative effects on children's academic performances. The proponents of this view point might argue that partaking in sports may be time-consuming, taking precious time from academic pursuits. However, this viewpoint is discounting the fact that such issue most often stem from poor time management. That is to say, children should learn to balance between sports and their studies, while parents at the same time should have responsibilities for teaching them how to manage their time reasonably.
Meanwhile, from my perspective, I believe that sport plays a crucial role in the school life for children on the grounds of its benefits to both their physical and mental health. Playing sports aids in relieving stress, enhancing endurance, to name but a few, leading to more efficient studies and better learning outcomes as children are in a better health state. In tandem with this, sports facilitates the development of several soft skills. For instance, as team sports require interacting and working with others, participants can have opportunities to promote their interpersonal skills and collaboration skills.
In conclusion, the harmful impacts of taking part in sports of school children are minimal and avoidable, while doing so can contribute to children better overall wellbeing and stimulate their communication skills and cooperation skills. In light of the aforementioned arguments, I advocate for the opinion that this is an essential part of children's school life.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"One school of thought holds that" -> "One perspective suggests that"
Explanation: "One perspective suggests that" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "One school of thought holds that," which can sound slightly colloquial and vague.
"including me" -> "including myself"
Explanation: "Including myself" is more formal and appropriate in academic writing, aligning better with the impersonal tone expected in scholarly essays.
"this kind of physical activities" -> "this type of physical activity"
Explanation: "Type" is more precise and formal than "kind," and "activity" is the singular form, which is grammatically correct in this context.
"championing the idea" -> "advocating for the idea"
Explanation: "Advocating for" is a more formal expression than "championing," which can be seen as slightly informal and less precise in academic writing.
"The primary rationale behind this lies in its negative effects" -> "The primary rationale for this is its negative effects"
Explanation: "For this is its negative effects" is grammatically correct and more direct, improving clarity and formality.
"The proponents of this view point might argue" -> "Proponents of this view might argue"
Explanation: Removing "the" before "view point" corrects a grammatical error and simplifies the phrase, enhancing readability and formality.
"such issue most often stem from" -> "such issues often stem from"
Explanation: "Issues" should be plural to match the context, and "often" is more concise and formal than "most often."
"children should learn to balance between sports and their studies" -> "children should learn to balance sports with their studies"
Explanation: "Balance sports with their studies" is a more natural and grammatically correct way to express the idea.
"parents at the same time should have responsibilities for teaching them" -> "parents should also be responsible for teaching them"
Explanation: "Should also be responsible for teaching them" is more direct and avoids the awkward construction of "at the same time should have responsibilities for."
"Playing sports aids in relieving stress" -> "Participating in sports helps alleviate stress"
Explanation: "Helps alleviate" is a more precise and formal way to express the benefit of sports on stress relief.
"to name but a few" -> "to mention a few"
Explanation: "To mention a few" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "to name but a few," which can sound informal and conversational.
"better overall wellbeing" -> "better overall well-being"
Explanation: "Well-being" should be hyphenated to maintain grammatical correctness and formality.
"stimulate their communication skills and cooperation skills" -> "enhance their communication and cooperation skills"
Explanation: "Enhance" is more precise and formal than "stimulate" in this context, and removing "their" before "communication and cooperation skills" corrects the grammatical structure.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument regarding the necessity of sports in school life for children. The writer presents a counterargument that sports should be optional due to potential negative effects on academic performance, followed by a strong assertion that sports are essential for children’s physical and mental health. This balanced approach effectively answers the prompt, although the initial counterargument could be more thoroughly explored to provide a more comprehensive view.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could delve deeper into the counterargument, providing more examples or evidence to support the claim that sports can detract from academics. This would not only strengthen the overall argument but also demonstrate a more nuanced understanding of the topic.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that sports are essential for children’s school life, as indicated by phrases like "I believe that sport plays a crucial role." However, the initial presentation of the opposing view could create some confusion regarding the writer’s stance. While the essay ultimately supports the importance of sports, the transition from discussing the counterargument to reinforcing the main position could be smoother.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer should ensure that the transition between the counterargument and the main argument is explicit. This could involve using clearer language to signal the shift in perspective, such as "Despite these concerns, I firmly believe…" This would help reinforce the writer’s position throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas supporting the necessity of sports, such as benefits to physical and mental health and the development of soft skills. These points are well articulated and supported with examples, such as the mention of teamwork in sports fostering interpersonal skills. However, some ideas, like the impact of sports on academic performance, could benefit from further elaboration or specific examples.
- How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples or evidence for each claim. For instance, citing studies or statistics that link physical activity with improved academic performance would strengthen the argument. Additionally, expanding on how sports contribute to mental health could provide a more rounded perspective.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the role of sports in children’s school life. However, there are moments, particularly in the counterargument, where the discussion of time management could be seen as slightly tangential. While it is relevant, it could be more directly tied back to the main argument about the benefits of sports.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all points made directly support the central thesis. When introducing counterarguments, it is helpful to relate them back to the main argument explicitly. For example, after discussing time management, the writer could reiterate how effective time management can allow children to enjoy the benefits of both sports and academics, thereby keeping the discussion tightly aligned with the topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument structure, with an introduction that outlines the opposing views and a conclusion that summarizes the author’s stance. The main body is divided into two paragraphs, each addressing a different perspective on the issue. The first paragraph discusses the argument for optional sports, while the second paragraph presents the author’s viewpoint on the necessity of sports in school life. However, the transition between the two paragraphs could be smoother, as the connection between the arguments is not explicitly stated, which can lead to a slight disjointedness in the flow of ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases at the beginning of each paragraph to indicate the relationship between the ideas. For example, starting the second paragraph with "Conversely" or "On the other hand" would help clarify that this paragraph presents an opposing viewpoint. Additionally, linking sentences that summarize the previous point before introducing the next can create a more cohesive argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is crucial for readability. Each paragraph has a clear focus: the first discusses the argument against mandatory sports, while the second supports the necessity of sports in children’s education. However, the paragraphs could be further developed to enhance their effectiveness. For instance, the first paragraph could include more specific examples or evidence to support the claim about the negative impact of sports on academic performance.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. Additionally, consider expanding each paragraph with more detailed examples or evidence to support the claims made. For instance, in the first paragraph, mentioning specific studies or statistics about academic performance related to sports participation could strengthen the argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand," "Meanwhile," and "In conclusion," which help guide the reader through the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded. Some phrases are repeated, such as "skills," which can detract from the overall cohesion of the essay. The use of cohesive devices is generally effective, but there is room for improvement in variety and complexity.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "Moreover," "In addition," and "Consequently." This will not only enhance the flow of ideas but also demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency. Additionally, varying sentence structures can help maintain reader interest and improve cohesion. For example, instead of repeatedly using "children should learn to balance," consider rephrasing to "It is essential for children to develop a balance between sports and academics."

In summary, while the essay achieves a solid Band 7 for Coherence and Cohesion, there are opportunities for improvement in logical organization, paragraph development, and the use of cohesive devices. By implementing the suggested strategies, the essay can achieve a higher level of clarity and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms such as "championing," "rationale," "partaking," and "interpersonal skills" effectively conveying the writer’s ideas. Phrases like "crucial role" and "better overall wellbeing" enhance the argument. However, some vocabulary choices are somewhat repetitive, particularly the use of "sports" and "skills," which could be varied for greater impact.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, consider synonyms or related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "sports," you could use "athletic activities," "physical education," or "team sports." Additionally, varying the terms for "skills" with words like "abilities," "competencies," or "talents" could enrich the vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "the harmful impacts of taking part in sports of school children" could be more clearly expressed as "the harmful impacts of sports participation on school children." The phrase "the proponents of this view point" could be simplified to "proponents of this viewpoint."
- How to improve: Focus on clarity and precision in vocabulary. When expressing complex ideas, ensure that the word choices directly reflect the intended meaning. For instance, instead of "the primary rationale behind this lies in its negative effects," you might say, "the main argument against sports is their potential negative impact on academic performance." This not only clarifies the statement but also enhances the overall coherence of the argument.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay shows a good level of spelling accuracy, with no major errors that detract from the overall readability. However, there are minor issues, such as "sport" being used inconsistently in singular and plural forms, which could lead to confusion in some contexts (e.g., "sport plays a crucial role" vs. "taking part in sports").
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, it is beneficial to proofread the essay carefully. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises or using spelling apps can help reinforce correct spelling habits. Keeping a list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them regularly can also be beneficial.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of lexical resource, achieving a band score of 7. By focusing on expanding vocabulary variety, enhancing precision in word choice, and maintaining consistent spelling, the writer can further improve their lexical resource in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For example, the use of phrases like "On the one hand" and "Meanwhile, from my perspective" effectively transitions between contrasting viewpoints and personal opinions. Additionally, the sentence "That is to say, children should learn to balance between sports and their studies" showcases a clear and sophisticated structure. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the way ideas are introduced and elaborated upon, such as the repeated use of "sports" and "children" at the beginning of several sentences.
- How to improve: To further diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For instance, instead of frequently starting sentences with the subject, try using adverbial clauses or participial phrases. Additionally, varying the placement of modifiers can enhance the complexity and interest of your sentences. For example, instead of saying "Playing sports aids in relieving stress," you could say, "Aiding in the relief of stress, playing sports also enhances endurance."
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors present. For instance, the phrase "the harmful impacts of taking part in sports of school children" could be more clearly expressed as "the harmful impacts of school children participating in sports." Additionally, the use of commas is mostly correct, but there are moments where additional punctuation could improve clarity, such as in the sentence "However, this viewpoint is discounting the fact that such issue most often stem from poor time management," where "such issue" should be pluralized to "such issues."
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and pluralization. Reviewing common grammatical structures and practicing with exercises focused on these areas can be beneficial. Furthermore, consider revising sentences for clarity and conciseness, ensuring that punctuation is used effectively to separate ideas and enhance readability. Reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrasing or punctuation errors that may not be immediately apparent in written form.

Bài sửa mẫu

One school of thought holds that children should be allowed to decide whether to engage in sports in school or not, while others, including myself, contend that this type of physical activity is necessary for the schooling of children.

On the one hand, there are good grounds for advocating for the idea that sports should be purely optional. The primary rationale for this is its negative effects on children’s academic performance. Proponents of this view might argue that participating in sports may be time-consuming, taking precious time away from academic pursuits. However, this viewpoint discounts the fact that such issues often stem from poor time management. That is to say, children should learn to balance sports with their studies, while parents should also be responsible for teaching them how to manage their time reasonably.

Meanwhile, from my perspective, I believe that sports play a crucial role in the school life of children due to their benefits to both physical and mental health. Playing sports helps alleviate stress, enhances endurance, to mention a few, leading to more efficient studies and better learning outcomes as children are in a better health state. In tandem with this, sports facilitate the development of several soft skills. For instance, as team sports require interacting and working with others, participants can have opportunities to enhance their communication and cooperation skills.

In conclusion, the harmful impacts of participating in sports for school children are minimal and avoidable, while doing so can contribute to better overall well-being and stimulate their communication and cooperation skills. In light of the aforementioned arguments, I advocate for the opinion that this is an essential part of children’s school life.