Some people believe that studying at university or collage is the best route to a successful career. While others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school.Discuss both view and give your opinion

Some individuals assert that going to college produces more successful candidates, whereas many others argue that it is better to start one's work journey straight after graduating from high school. I'm supportive of the argument that studying at university or college is the ideal path to a successful career
In my opinion, Those who choose to continue their education at university and college may have more opportunities for their future careers. Firstly, an effective academic system helps students to find strengths and weaknesses. This enables individuals who participate to draw an effective plan for their future job. For example, students can participate in group exercises, improve presentation skills and other professional skills.
On the other hand I believe the degree of college is so vital for our future. Hence,we can easily advance our careers and gain more profit. For example, scholars who have university degrees when applying to business, can pass the interview compared to those who do not have any qualifications. Therefore, they can get higher salaries than each other.
However, many people believe that there are still many people who are successful in their careers without going to college. This means they drop out of university or college to gain work experience and earn money from a young age. Take Bill Gates for example, he isn’t studying college but now he is a billionaire person. This may be true but just one percent of the total, others with no degree will be a failure if they do not continue to focus their study to improve their knowledge and soft skills. Thus,we should focus on studying as well as digging deep into our major to gain more chances in life.
In conclusion, there are many ways to succeed but studying at college is always taking the lead. Hence, reaching our dream and getting a successful career

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Some individuals assert" -> "Some individuals contend"
Explanation: "Contend" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "assert," which can sometimes imply a less formal or more aggressive tone.
"going to college produces more successful candidates" -> "attending college yields more successful graduates"
Explanation: "Yields" is more formal and precise than "produces," and "graduates" is more specific than "candidates," which is typically used in a more general sense.
"start one’s work journey" -> "begin their professional careers"
Explanation: "Begin their professional careers" is more formal and specific than "start one’s work journey," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"I’m supportive of the argument" -> "I support the argument"
Explanation: Removing the contraction "I’m" to "I" aligns with formal academic writing standards, which typically avoid contractions.
"Those who choose to continue their education" -> "Individuals who opt to pursue further education"
Explanation: "Opt to pursue further education" is more formal and precise than "choose to continue their education," which is somewhat informal and vague.
"an effective academic system helps students to find strengths and weaknesses" -> "an effective academic system enables students to identify their strengths and weaknesses"
Explanation: "Enables" is more precise than "helps," and "identify" is more formal than "find," which is somewhat casual.
"This enables individuals who participate to draw an effective plan" -> "This enables participants to develop effective plans"
Explanation: "Participants" is more specific and formal than "individuals who participate," and "develop" is more precise than "draw," which is less formal.
"the degree of college is so vital" -> "a college degree is crucial"
Explanation: "A college degree is crucial" is more concise and formal than "the degree of college is so vital," which is redundant and informal.
"Hence,we can easily advance our careers and gain more profit" -> "Consequently, we can readily advance our careers and increase our earnings"
Explanation: "Consequently" is more formal than "Hence," and "increase our earnings" is more precise and formal than "gain more profit," which is somewhat informal and vague.
"scholars who have university degrees when applying to business" -> "individuals with university degrees when applying to business"
Explanation: "Individuals" is more formal than "scholars," and removing "who have" simplifies the sentence structure without losing meaning.
"can pass the interview compared to those who do not have any qualifications" -> "are more likely to succeed in interviews compared to those without qualifications"
Explanation: "Are more likely to succeed in interviews" is more specific and formal than "can pass the interview," and "without qualifications" is more concise than "do not have any qualifications."
"This may be true but just one percent of the total" -> "This may be true, although it represents only a small minority"
Explanation: "Although it represents only a small minority" is more formal and precise than "just one percent of the total," which is informal and imprecise.
"we should focus on studying as well as digging deep into our major" -> "we should prioritize academic pursuits and delve deeply into our chosen fields"
Explanation: "Prioritize academic pursuits and delve deeply into our chosen fields" is more formal and precise than "focus on studying as well as digging deep into our major," which is informal and vague.
"getting a successful career" -> "achieving a successful career"
Explanation: "Achieving" is more formal and academically appropriate than "getting," which is too casual for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument regarding the value of university education versus entering the workforce directly after high school. The author presents the viewpoint that higher education leads to better career opportunities and acknowledges the opposing perspective by mentioning successful individuals who did not attend college, such as Bill Gates. However, the discussion of the opposing view is somewhat limited and lacks depth, which could leave the reader wanting a more balanced exploration of both sides.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should provide a more detailed examination of the arguments for entering the workforce directly after high school. This could include discussing the benefits of gaining practical experience, financial independence, and the potential for entrepreneurship. Additionally, incorporating more examples of successful individuals from both paths would strengthen the analysis.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that favors university education as the best route to success. This stance is evident in the introduction and conclusion. However, there are moments where the argument could be more assertively articulated, particularly when discussing the opposing view. The transition between acknowledging the opposing perspective and reinforcing the main argument could be smoother.
- How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the writer should consistently link back to their main argument after discussing the opposing view. Using phrases like "Despite this perspective, it is important to recognize…" can help reinforce the author’s stance. Additionally, summarizing the key points that support the main argument at the end of each paragraph could enhance clarity.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas supporting the benefits of a university education, such as the development of professional skills and the potential for higher salaries. However, some points are not fully developed. For instance, the mention of "group exercises" and "presentation skills" could benefit from further elaboration on how these skills directly contribute to career success.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples for each point made. For instance, discussing specific industries where a degree is particularly beneficial or providing statistics on salary differences between degree holders and non-degree holders would add depth. Additionally, ensuring that each idea is clearly linked to the overall argument will enhance coherence.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the debate between higher education and immediate employment. However, there are instances where the argument could stray slightly, such as when discussing Bill Gates. While this example is relevant, the discussion could be perceived as anecdotal without further context or analysis of how his experience relates to the broader topic.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all examples and anecdotes directly support the main argument. Providing a brief analysis of how each example illustrates the essay’s main points will help keep the discussion relevant. Additionally, avoiding overly broad statements about success without clear connections to the topic can help maintain a tighter focus.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents a clear argument, there is room for improvement in the depth of analysis, development of ideas, and maintaining focus on the topic. By addressing these areas, the writer can enhance the overall effectiveness of their response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument in favor of attending university or college, outlining the benefits of higher education. The structure follows a logical progression, starting with an introduction that states the writer’s opinion, followed by supporting arguments, a counterargument, and a conclusion. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing the benefits of education to addressing successful individuals without degrees lacks a clear transitional phrase, which can disrupt the flow of information.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer could use clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to signal the main idea. Additionally, incorporating transitional phrases such as "In contrast," "Furthermore," or "On the other hand," can help to guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, such as the benefits of higher education and the counterargument regarding successful individuals without degrees. However, some paragraphs could be more developed. For example, the second paragraph introduces multiple points but could benefit from clearer separation of ideas related to academic systems and career advancement.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, the writer should ensure that each paragraph contains a single main idea, supported by relevant examples. This can be achieved by expanding on each point with additional details or examples, and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear concluding sentence that ties back to the overall argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "On the other hand," and "For example," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the phrase "This may be true but just one percent of the total" could be better linked to the previous statement for clarity.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. Examples include "Moreover," "In addition," "Conversely," and "As a result." Additionally, ensuring that each cohesive device is used appropriately and enhances the clarity of the argument will strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, focusing on the logical flow of ideas, developing paragraphs more fully, and expanding the range of cohesive devices will help to elevate the score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate rangeof vocabulary. Phrases like "successful candidates," "effective academic system," and "gain work experience" show an attempt to use varied language. However, there are instances of repetition, such as the use of "college" and "university" without synonyms or variations. Additionally, terms like "successful" and "ideal" are used frequently, which limits the lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "successful," alternatives like "prosperous," "accomplished," or "thriving" could be employed. Additionally, using phrases like "higher education" or "post-secondary education" could diversify the language used to describe university or college.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some precise vocabulary, but there are also instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "the degree of college is so vital" could be more accurately expressed as "a college degree is crucial." The term "billionaire person" is awkward and could simply be "billionaire." Furthermore, the phrase "drop out of university or college" is somewhat informal for an academic essay.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using established phrases and terms. Instead of "billionaire person," using "billionaire" alone would be more appropriate. Additionally, ensuring that phrases are grammatically correct and idiomatic will enhance clarity. Practicing with academic vocabulary and familiarizing oneself with formal expressions can also help.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "collage" instead of "college," "hence,we" which lacks a space after the comma, and "scholars who have university degrees when applying to business" which is awkwardly phrased and could lead to confusion. These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, maintaining a list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can improve overall spelling skills.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates some strengths in vocabulary usage, there are significant areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By expanding vocabulary, ensuring precise language, and focusing on spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "This enables individuals who participate to draw an effective plan for their future job" shows an attempt to incorporate more advanced grammatical forms. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, such as the frequent use of "This means" and "For example," which can detract from the overall variety. Additionally, the essay contains several simple sentences that could be combined for more fluidity, such as "On the other hand I believe the degree of college is so vital for our future. Hence, we can easily advance our careers and gain more profit."
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should aim to incorporate more varied sentence beginnings and combine shorter sentences into more complex ones. For example, instead of saying "On the other hand I believe the degree of college is so vital for our future," the writer could say, "Conversely, I believe that obtaining a college degree is crucial for our future success, as it opens doors to numerous opportunities." This not only varies the structure but also improves coherence.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a fair level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that affect clarity. For instance, the phrase "the degree of college is so vital for our future" could be more accurately expressed as "a college degree is vital for our future." Additionally, punctuation issues are present, such as the missing comma in "Hence,we can easily advance our careers," which should be "Hence, we can easily advance our careers." There are also instances of awkward phrasing, such as "scholars who have university degrees when applying to business," which could be improved to "scholars with university degrees have a better chance of succeeding in business applications."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, particularly with articles and prepositions. It would be beneficial to practice sentence restructuring to avoid awkward phrases and ensure clarity. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, especially regarding commas and conjunctions, will help enhance the overall readability of the essay. Engaging in exercises that focus on common grammatical errors can also be beneficial.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear opinion, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals contend that attending college yields more successful graduates, whereas many others argue that it is better to begin their professional careers straight after graduating from high school. I support the argument that studying at university or college is the ideal path to achieving a successful career.

In my opinion, individuals who opt to pursue further education at university and college may have more opportunities for their future careers. Firstly, an effective academic system enables students to identify their strengths and weaknesses. This enables participants to develop effective plans for their future jobs. For example, students can engage in group exercises, enhance their presentation skills, and acquire other professional skills.

On the other hand, I believe that a college degree is crucial for our future. Consequently, we can readily advance our careers and increase our earnings. For instance, individuals with university degrees when applying to businesses are more likely to succeed in interviews compared to those without qualifications. Therefore, they can secure higher salaries than their counterparts.

However, many people believe that there are still numerous individuals who achieve success in their careers without attending college. This means they may drop out of university or college to gain work experience and earn money from a young age. Take Bill Gates, for example; he did not attend college, but he is now a billionaire. This may be true, although it represents only a small minority. Others without a degree may struggle to succeed if they do not continue to focus on their studies to improve their knowledge and soft skills. Thus, we should prioritize academic pursuits and delve deeply into our chosen fields to gain more opportunities in life.

In conclusion, there are many ways to succeed, but studying at college consistently takes the lead. Hence, it is essential for reaching our dreams and achieving a successful career.