Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Following the academic fields in university and college has been a topic of debate for some time. While some people assert that studying at higher education seems to be a prominent method to achieve success in careers, others contend that students are encouraged to take a vacancy after graduating from high school. In the following essay, I will delve into both viewpoints of the argument as well as give my own opinion.
On the one hand, enrolling in university and college is considered to be a pivotal choice to apply to a successful occupation in this period. One of the vital reasons for the above statement is the useful and essential knowledge you gain at higher education. After a 5-year period of studying there, with professional training, you are not reluctant to deal with difficult tasks and assignments in your academic fields. Therefore, this is a principle way to employ in numerous companies or institutions with considerable salary. Additionally, the employers of each company have the tendency to recruit the students who have graduated from universities so matriculating in higher education will increase the opportunities for being applied in standard professions in the future. Moreover, top-tier universities have the ability to support you in employing a recognized career because those are often linked to various companies in the society. As a result, students are not concerned about unemployment after graduating from colleges. For instance, in recent years, there has been a significant increase in enrollment in top-ranked universities worldwide on the basis of the substantial rise in unemployment; furthermore, in this century, jobless people who did not pass the entrance exams in universities are facing challenges in the economy and having low-quality life.
On the other hand, some people believe that it is advisable to apply for the vacancy immediately after graduating from high school. In this period, a variety of students after having a bachelor’s degree are out of work. One of the prominent reasons for this issue is that the degree has not been valuable in several years which stems from the expansion of higher education institutions. Obviously, the more universities proliferate, the less valuable their degrees are. Besides, the employers in companies just look for students from top-tier higher education institutions due to their standards. Moreover, in recent years, the students have outnumbered the employees that the companies meet the demands.This leads to the problems that the rapid expansion of universities can overshadow the quality of education provided, as institutions focus on increasing enrolments than on maintaining high academic standards. For example, especially in South-East Asian, various students after graduating from universities have no ability to apply a job in the society; however, a large number of people who stop their studying immediately after high school are successful as the start-ups in business without academic training in higher education,instead, they gain essential experience to have the social skills which is indispensable in our life.
In conclusion, the question of whether matriculating in universities and colleges is a highly debated topic, with arguments on both sides, Some people believe that it is advisable for students to pursue higher education to enhance their career prospects, while others argue that they should take an occupations after graduating from high school to gain the necessary social skills and experience which is the main feature of being successful in the future.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Following the academic fields in university and college" -> "Pursuing academic fields in universities and colleges"
Explanation: "Pursuing academic fields" is a more precise and formal way to express the idea of studying in higher education institutions, aligning better with academic style.
"seems to be a prominent method to achieve success" -> "is considered a prominent method for achieving success"
Explanation: "Is considered" is more assertive and academically appropriate than "seems," which is less definitive. Also, "for achieving" is grammatically correct compared to "to achieve."
"take a vacancy" -> "take a job"
Explanation: "Take a job" is the correct idiomatic expression for referring to employment, whereas "vacancy" typically refers to an empty position or a gap.
"give my own opinion" -> "express my opinion"
Explanation: "Express my opinion" is a more formal and precise term than "give my own opinion," which can sound informal and less academic.
"the useful and essential knowledge" -> "the valuable and essential knowledge"
Explanation: "Valuable" is more specific and academically appropriate than "useful," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"not reluctant to deal with" -> "confident in handling"
Explanation: "Confident in handling" is a more precise and formal way to express capability and preparedness, compared to "not reluctant to deal with."
"this is a principle way to employ" -> "this is a principal way to be employed"
Explanation: "Principal" should be used to refer to the most important or fundamental aspect, and "be employed" is grammatically correct in this context.
"the tendency to recruit" -> "the tendency to hire"
Explanation: "Hire" is more specific and appropriate in the context of employment, whereas "recruit" can be broader and less precise.
"matriculating in higher education" -> "enrolling in higher education"
Explanation: "Enrolling" is the correct term for the act of entering an educational institution, whereas "matriculating" is typically used in the context of formal academic ceremonies.
"the ability to support you in employing" -> "the ability to assist you in securing employment"
Explanation: "Assist you in securing employment" is more specific and formal than "support you in employing," which is awkward and unclear.
"having low-quality life" -> "leading a low-quality life"
Explanation: "Leading a low-quality life" is grammatically correct and more formal, whereas "having low-quality life" is awkward and incorrect.
"a variety of students after having a bachelor’s degree are out of work" -> "many students after graduating with a bachelor’s degree are unemployed"
Explanation: "Many students after graduating with a bachelor’s degree are unemployed" is more precise and formal, avoiding the colloquial "out of work."
"the degree has not been valuable in several years" -> "the degree has lost value over several years"
Explanation: "Lost value" is a more precise and formal way to describe the decline in the value of a degree over time.
"the employers in companies just look for students from top-tier higher education institutions" -> "employers in companies primarily seek students from top-tier institutions"
Explanation: "Primarily seek" is more formal and precise than "just look for," and "top-tier institutions" is more concise and academically appropriate.
"the students have outnumbered the employees that the companies meet the demands" -> "the number of students exceeds the number of employees that meet the companies’ demands"
Explanation: This revision clarifies the meaning and corrects the awkward original phrasing, making it more formal and clear.
"the rapid expansion of universities can overshadow the quality of education provided" -> "the rapid expansion of universities may compromise the quality of education provided"
Explanation: "May compromise" is a more precise and formal way to express potential negative effects on quality, compared to "overshadow."
"the students have no ability to apply a job" -> "the students lack the ability to secure employment"
Explanation: "Lack the ability to secure employment" is more formal and precise than "have no ability to apply a job," which is awkward and incorrect.
"stop their studying immediately after high school" -> "cease their studies immediately after high school"
Explanation: "Cease their studies" is a more formal and academically appropriate term than "stop their studying."
"the start-ups in business without academic training in higher education" -> "entrepreneurial ventures without formal higher education"
Explanation: "Entrepreneurial ventures" is a more precise and formal term than "start-ups in business," and "formal higher

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views regarding the value of higher education versus entering the workforce directly after high school. The first body paragraph discusses the benefits of attending university, such as acquiring essential knowledge and improving job prospects, while the second body paragraph presents the opposing viewpoint, highlighting the potential lack of job opportunities for graduates and the success of those who enter the workforce immediately. However, the essay could have been more explicit in discussing the implications of each viewpoint and how they relate to the overall question of career success.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that each viewpoint is explored in greater depth, perhaps by including more specific examples or statistics that illustrate the success rates of both paths. Additionally, a clearer distinction between the two perspectives could help the reader understand the nuances of the debate.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position in favor of higher education, particularly in the first body paragraph. However, the conclusion is somewhat vague, as it reiterates the arguments without firmly stating the writer’s opinion. The phrase "with arguments on both sides" suggests a lack of commitment to one side, which may confuse the reader about the writer’s stance.
- How to improve: The writer should clearly state their opinion in the introduction and conclusion, reinforcing their stance throughout the essay. Using phrases like "In my opinion" or "I believe" can help clarify the writer’s position and make it more persuasive.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to both viewpoints, such as the importance of university education and the challenges faced by graduates. However, some ideas are not fully developed or supported with concrete examples. For instance, the claim about the increase in unemployment among graduates is mentioned but not elaborated upon with specific data or case studies.
- How to improve: To improve this aspect, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and evidence to support their claims. This could include statistics on employment rates for graduates versus non-graduates or anecdotes about successful individuals who took different paths. Additionally, expanding on the implications of these ideas would strengthen the overall argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the merits and drawbacks of both higher education and immediate employment. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly when discussing the quality of education in relation to the number of universities. While this is relevant, it could be more directly tied back to the main question of career success.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central question of whether higher education or immediate employment is the better route to career success. This can be achieved by consistently linking back to the prompt in each paragraph and avoiding tangential discussions that do not directly contribute to the argument.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, there are areas for improvement in depth of analysis, clarity of position, and focus on the central question.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs discussing opposing views, and a conclusion. Each paragraph addresses a specific viewpoint, which aids in understanding the argument. However, the logical flow could be improved; for instance, the transition between the two body paragraphs could be smoother to enhance the overall coherence. The use of phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" effectively signals the shift in perspective, but the connection between ideas within paragraphs sometimes lacks clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using more explicit linking phrases that connect ideas within and between paragraphs. For example, after discussing the benefits of higher education, a transitional sentence could summarize the key points before moving to the opposing view. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that outlines its main idea would help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct viewpoint. However, the paragraphs could be better structured. The first body paragraph is somewhat lengthy and contains multiple ideas that could be split into separate paragraphs for clarity. The conclusion, while summarizing the arguments, also introduces new ideas that could confuse the reader.
- How to improve: Aim for a more balanced structure by ensuring that each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details. Consider breaking the first body paragraph into two: one focusing on the advantages of higher education and the other on the job market challenges. Additionally, the conclusion should strictly summarize the main points discussed rather than introducing new arguments. This will reinforce the essay’s coherence and provide a clearer wrap-up of the discussion.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "for instance," "moreover," and "besides," which help connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some sentences feel disjointed due to a lack of effective linking. For instance, the phrase "this leads to the problems" could be more clearly linked to the previous sentence to enhance flow.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For example, use "in addition," "consequently," or "however" to create smoother transitions between ideas. Additionally, consider using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts, which can help maintain coherence and reduce repetition. Practicing the use of cohesive devices in different contexts will also aid in developing a more natural flow in writing.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion, enhancing its overall clarity and effectiveness in presenting arguments.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, utilizing terms such as "pivotal choice," "vital reasons," "recognized career," and "prominent method." These expressions show an ability to convey complex ideas effectively. However, the vocabulary could be further diversified; for instance, the repeated use of "higher education" and "students" could be replaced with synonyms or paraphrases to enhance lexical variety.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate a broader array of synonyms and phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "higher education," alternatives like "tertiary education," "post-secondary education," or "academic institutions" could be employed. Additionally, using more varied adjectives and adverbs would enrich the text.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay contains generally appropriate vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "the degree has not been valuable in several years" could be more accurately expressed as "the value of degrees has diminished over the years." The term "vacancy" is also misused; it should refer to an open position rather than a job application.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should review vocabulary choices and ensure they convey the intended meaning. Utilizing a thesaurus can help find more accurate words. Additionally, practicing paraphrasing sentences can aid in developing a clearer expression of ideas.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally displays good spelling, with only a few minor errors, such as "matriculating" (which is correctly spelled but could be replaced with "enrolling" for clarity) and "South-East Asian" (which should be "Southeast Asia"). These errors do not significantly detract from the overall readability but indicate areas for improvement.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading of their work, perhaps reading it aloud to catch errors. Utilizing spell-check tools and maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words can also be beneficial. Furthermore, practicing writing more frequently can help reinforce correct spelling habits.

Overall, while the essay achieves a solid Band 7 for Lexical Resource, focusing on expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision, and ensuring spelling accuracy will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For instance, phrases like "While some people assert that studying at higher education seems to be a prominent method to achieve success in careers" and "the employers in companies just look for students from top-tier higher education institutions" showcase the use of subordinate clauses and varied sentence beginnings. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the way ideas are introduced and developed, which can detract from the overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more diverse introductory phrases and transition words. For example, instead of repeatedly starting sentences with "One of the vital reasons," the writer could use alternatives like "A significant factor contributing to this viewpoint is…" or "Another compelling argument is…". Additionally, varying the length of sentences can create a more engaging rhythm in the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that affect clarity. For example, phrases like "the useful and essential knowledge you gain at higher education" could be more accurately expressed as "the useful and essential knowledge gained from higher education." Additionally, punctuation issues, such as missing commas in complex sentences (e.g., "the students have outnumbered the employees that the companies meet the demands"), can lead to confusion in meaning.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of prepositions. Reviewing sentence structures for clarity and ensuring that modifiers are placed correctly will also enhance the overall quality. Practicing punctuation rules, especially in complex sentences, will help in making the writing clearer. For instance, using commas to separate clauses can improve readability and comprehension.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents both sides of the argument effectively, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical accuracy will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Following the academic fields in universities and colleges has been a topic of debate for some time. While some people assert that studying at higher education seems to be a prominent method for achieving success in careers, others contend that students are encouraged to take a job straight after graduating from high school. In the following essay, I will delve into both viewpoints of the argument as well as give my own opinion.

On the one hand, enrolling in university and college is considered to be a pivotal choice to secure a successful occupation in this period. One of the vital reasons for the above statement is the valuable and essential knowledge you gain at higher education. After a five-year period of studying there, with professional training, you become confident in handling difficult tasks and assignments in your academic fields. Therefore, this is a principal way to be employed in numerous companies or institutions with considerable salaries. Additionally, the employers of each company tend to recruit students who have graduated from universities, so pursuing higher education will increase the opportunities for being hired in standard professions in the future. Moreover, top-tier universities have the ability to assist you in securing employment because they are often linked to various companies in society. As a result, students are not concerned about unemployment after graduating from colleges. For instance, in recent years, there has been a significant increase in enrollment in top-ranked universities worldwide due to the substantial rise in unemployment; furthermore, in this century, jobless people who did not pass the entrance exams in universities are facing challenges in the economy and leading a low-quality life.

On the other hand, some people believe that it is advisable to apply for a job immediately after graduating from high school. At this time, many students after obtaining a bachelor’s degree are unemployed. One of the prominent reasons for this issue is that the degree has lost value over several years, which stems from the rapid expansion of higher education institutions. Obviously, the more universities proliferate, the less valuable their degrees become. Besides, employers in companies primarily seek students from top-tier higher education institutions due to their standards. Moreover, in recent years, the number of students has exceeded the number of employees that meet the companies’ demands. This leads to the problem that the rapid expansion of universities may compromise the quality of education provided, as institutions focus on increasing enrollments rather than on maintaining high academic standards. For example, especially in South-East Asia, various students after graduating from universities lack the ability to secure employment in society; however, a large number of people who cease their studies immediately after high school are successful as start-ups in business without formal higher education. Instead, they gain essential experience and social skills, which are indispensable in our lives.

In conclusion, the question of whether enrolling in universities and colleges is a highly debated topic, with arguments on both sides. Some people believe that it is advisable for students to pursue higher education to enhance their career prospects, while others argue that they should take a job after graduating from high school to gain the necessary social skills and experience, which are the main features of being successful in the future.