Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to become successful career. While others believe that it is better to get a job staight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In today's society, some people argue that in order to have a successful career , universities and colleges are the best choices.By contrast, others think that get a job after finishing highschool is a better way.I strongly agree that universities and colleges are the best route to a successful career.This essay will discuss both these views.
On the one hand, subjects at university are a good base for the future career.To explain this , the knowledge you gained from these subjects is mostly basic and fundamental which may improve your skills needed for the job.For instance, you are planning to become a data analyst.For that reason, subjects which are related to statistics and business along with quantitatives may help a lot.Besides,studying at universities and colleges straight after highschool might be the best route due to the connection between subjects in highschool and knowledge in higher education.For instance, Calculus I will require knowledge in probability and statistics,derivative which are taught in highschool.
On the other hand , get a job after school will give you a lot of benefits of three to four years ahead.To be specifically, get a job instantly may bring in essential work experiences and a intensive understanding about the job market at a very young age.After three to four years,while others students have just graduated, you are already a senior with numerous important skills needed for the job market.For instance,nowaday various IT-related jobs require work experiences, so this will be a big advantage for you because you already have a lot of years in this field.
In conclusion, while get a job instantly after school will give you a huge benefits with work experiences, a good base with fundamental knowledge along with intensive understanding in the essence of your job will likely help you go further and have a successful career.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In today’s society" -> "In contemporary society"
Explanation: "Contemporary" is a more precise and formal term than "today’s," which can sound somewhat colloquial and vague in academic writing.
"universities and colleges are the best choices" -> "universities and colleges are the optimal choices"
Explanation: "Optimal" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "best," which can be seen as overly simplistic and subjective.
"get a job after finishing highschool" -> "securing employment after completing high school"
Explanation: "Securing employment" is a more formal and precise phrase than "get a job," and "high school" should be capitalized as it is a proper noun.
"I strongly agree" -> "I firmly believe"
Explanation: "I firmly believe" is a more formal expression suitable for academic writing, whereas "I strongly agree" can sound slightly informal.
"the best route to a successful career" -> "the most effective pathway to a successful career"
Explanation: "Pathway" is a more formal synonym for "route," and "most effective" is a more precise adjective than "best" in this context.
"the knowledge you gained" -> "the knowledge acquired"
Explanation: "Acquired" is a more formal term than "gained," which is somewhat informal and less precise in academic contexts.
"mostly basic and fundamental" -> "primarily foundational"
Explanation: "Primarily foundational" is a more precise and formal way to describe the nature of the knowledge gained, avoiding the colloquial tone of "mostly basic and fundamental."
"may help a lot" -> "can significantly assist"
Explanation: "Can significantly assist" is more formal and precise than "may help a lot," which is vague and informal.
"studying at universities and colleges straight after highschool" -> "pursuing higher education immediately after high school"
Explanation: "Pursuing higher education" is a more formal and precise phrase than "studying at universities and colleges," and "immediately" is more formal than "straight after."
"get a job instantly" -> "secure immediate employment"
Explanation: "Secure immediate employment" is a more formal and precise expression than "get a job instantly."
"a huge benefits" -> "significant benefits"
Explanation: "Significant" is a more formal and precise adjective than "huge," which can be seen as colloquial.
"a good base with fundamental knowledge" -> "a solid foundation of fundamental knowledge"
Explanation: "A solid foundation of fundamental knowledge" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "a good base with fundamental knowledge."
"intensive understanding in the essence of your job" -> "in-depth understanding of the core aspects of your profession"
Explanation: "In-depth understanding of the core aspects of your profession" is more formal and precise than "intensive understanding in the essence of your job," which is awkwardly phrased and informal.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument regarding the value of university education versus entering the workforce directly after high school. The writer presents the benefits of attending university, such as foundational knowledge and skill development, and contrasts this with the advantages of gaining immediate work experience. However, the treatment of the second viewpoint lacks depth, as it does not explore the potential drawbacks of entering the workforce early, which could provide a more balanced discussion.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should delve deeper into the disadvantages of both paths. For instance, discussing the potential limitations of work experience without a degree, such as career advancement opportunities, would provide a more nuanced view. Additionally, including counterarguments for each side would strengthen the overall analysis.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer clearly states their position in favor of university education in the introduction and maintains this stance throughout the essay. However, the position could be more explicitly linked to the arguments presented. For example, while the benefits of immediate employment are acknowledged, the writer does not sufficiently counter these points with strong reasoning that reinforces their own position.
- How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the writer should consistently connect back to their main argument after discussing opposing views. This could be achieved by summarizing how each point made supports their belief in the superiority of a university education, thereby reinforcing their stance throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the importance of foundational knowledge and the benefits of work experience. However, some ideas are not fully developed. For instance, the explanation of how university subjects relate to future careers could be expanded with more specific examples or statistics to substantiate claims. Similarly, the discussion on work experience lacks detailed examples that illustrate the skills gained through early employment.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations. Incorporating statistics or real-world examples of individuals who have succeeded through either path would enhance the credibility of the arguments. Additionally, using more varied vocabulary and sentence structures could help to articulate ideas more effectively.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the discussion of university education versus immediate employment. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, such as when discussing the benefits of work experience without adequately relating it back to the main question of success in a career.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central question of career success. This can be achieved by explicitly stating how each argument contributes to the overall discussion of the best route to a successful career, thus reinforcing the relevance of each point made.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear position, it can benefit from deeper analysis, more detailed examples, and a stronger connection between ideas and the main argument. By addressing these areas, the writer could elevate their score in the Task Response criteria.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, discussing both viewpoints before concluding with the author’s opinion. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and the body paragraphs are organized to contrast the two perspectives. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition between the discussion of university education and immediate employment could be more seamless. The phrase "On the one hand" is appropriately used, but the subsequent transition to "On the other hand" feels somewhat abrupt, lacking a clear connection between the two ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that not only indicate a shift in perspective but also clarify the relationship between the ideas. For example, after discussing the benefits of university education, a phrase like "Conversely, there are compelling arguments for entering the workforce immediately" could provide a smoother transition. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea would improve coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct viewpoint. The first paragraph discusses the advantages of university education, while the second addresses the benefits of entering the workforce directly after high school. However, the paragraphs could be more balanced in length and depth. The first body paragraph is slightly longer and more detailed than the second, which could lead to an imbalance in the discussion.
- How to improve: Aim for a more balanced approach by ensuring that each viewpoint is given equal attention. This could involve expanding on the second paragraph with more specific examples or elaborating on the benefits of immediate employment. Additionally, consider including a separate paragraph for the conclusion to clearly delineate it from the main discussion, reinforcing the overall structure.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which help to signal contrasting ideas. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and the essay could benefit from a wider variety of linking words and phrases to enhance cohesion. For instance, phrases like "Furthermore," "Moreover," or "In addition" could be used to connect ideas within paragraphs more effectively.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, practice incorporating a range of linking words that serve different purposes, such as addition, contrast, and cause-effect relationships. For example, when discussing the benefits of university education, you could use "Additionally" to introduce further advantages, or "In contrast" to highlight the differences when discussing immediate employment. This variety will not only improve the flow of the essay but also demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, focusing on improving transitions, balancing paragraph content, and diversifying cohesive devices will enhance the overall coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary related to the topic of education and career paths. Phrases such as "successful career," "essential work experiences," and "intensive understanding" show an attempt to use varied language. However, there are instances where the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive or basic, such as the repeated use of "subjects" and "knowledge," which limits the overall lexical range.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more sophisticated phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "subjects," alternatives like "courses," "disciplines," or "fields of study" could be employed. Additionally, using phrases like "career advancement" or "professional development" could add depth to the discussion.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay includes relevant vocabulary, some phrases are used imprecisely. For example, "get a job after finishing highschool" should be phrased as "getting a job after finishing high school," which maintains grammatical accuracy. Additionally, "get a job instantly" could be more effectively expressed as "securing a job immediately" to convey a more formal tone.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on grammatical structures and ensure that phrases are correctly formed. Practicing sentence construction and reviewing common collocations in academic writing can help. For example, instead of "get a job," using "pursue employment" or "enter the workforce" would enhance the precision of the vocabulary.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "staight" instead of "straight," "highschool" instead of "high school," and "nowaday" instead of "nowadays." These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading practices. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can reinforce correct spelling over time.

By addressing these areas—expanding vocabulary range, improving precision in word choice, and enhancing spelling accuracy—the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion for IELTS Task 2 essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" effectively introduces contrasting viewpoints. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and a lack of more sophisticated structures. For instance, the phrase "get a job" is used multiple times without variation, which could detract from the overall fluency and engagement of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more complex sentences and varied introductory phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly stating "get a job," the writer could use synonyms or rephrase the idea, such as "enter the workforce" or "pursue immediate employment." Additionally, integrating relative clauses or participial phrases could enhance the complexity of the sentences.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect clarity. For instance, "get a job after finishing highschool" should be "getting a job after finishing high school," and "subjects which are related to statistics and business along with quantitatives may help a lot" should be rephrased for clarity and grammatical accuracy. The use of commas is inconsistent, such as in "In today’s society, some people argue that in order to have a successful career , universities and colleges are the best choices," where there is an unnecessary space before the comma.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, verb forms, and the correct use of articles. Regular practice with grammar exercises and proofreading for common errors can be beneficial. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, particularly regarding comma placement and sentence boundaries, will enhance the overall clarity of the writing. Reading academic texts could also help the writer internalize correct grammar and punctuation usage.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, enhancing the variety of sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will help the writer achieve a higher band score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criteria.

Bài sửa mẫu

In today’s society, some people argue that in order to have a successful career, universities and colleges are the best choices. By contrast, others think that getting a job after finishing high school is a better way. I firmly believe that universities and colleges are the optimal choices for a successful career. This essay will discuss both these views.

On the one hand, subjects at university provide a good foundation for a future career. To explain this, the knowledge you acquire from these subjects is primarily foundational, which may improve the skills needed for the job. For instance, if you are planning to become a data analyst, subjects related to statistics and business, along with quantitative methods, may help a lot. Besides, studying at universities and colleges straight after high school might be the best route due to the connection between subjects in high school and knowledge in higher education. For instance, Calculus I will require knowledge in probability and statistics and derivatives, which are taught in high school.

On the other hand, getting a job after school will give you significant benefits of three to four years ahead. Specifically, securing employment immediately may bring essential work experience and an in-depth understanding of the job market at a very young age. After three to four years, while other students have just graduated, you are already a senior with numerous important skills needed for the job market. For instance, nowadays, various IT-related jobs require work experience, so this will be a big advantage for you because you already have several years in this field.

In conclusion, while getting a job instantly after school will provide you with significant benefits through work experience, a solid foundation of fundamental knowledge along with an intensive understanding of the core aspects of your profession will likely help you go further and achieve a successful career.