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Some people believe that success in sports depends on physical ability. Others believe that there are more important factors. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Some people believe that success in sports depends on physical ability. Others believe that there are more important factors. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

It is believed by some that success in sport is depends on physicial ability, while there are others who think that there are more important factors. I strongly believe that athlete need both physicial ability and another factors to be successful in sport.

On the one hand, physical fitness plays an important role for sports man to get succeed in sport. One of the major reasons for this is that physical ability can increase one’s opportunities of winning. This is most probably because sportsman can easily defeat their opponent , leading to increasing their chance to win a sport competition. Another point to consider is that various sports like footbal, badminton,basketball…and so on require physical strength from individual. Football is a case in point , a player with strong body a muscles can win their rival and a football club possess many players with strong physical strength can be rated as champion candidate.

On the other hand, there are anothers factors for sportsperson to ne successful in sport . Team work and collaboration can be seen as important factors . This is most probably because a player with strong physical strength can not defeat other player, they should combine with their partner to get succeed in a tournament. Another significant factors is determination and hard-working. Ronaldo is case in point, he make his effort to train a lot of hours with heavy exercises to become one of the greatest footballer in the word and he receives many awards in his career.
In conclusion, for the reasons outlined above , I hold the opinion that physical ability and another factors play important role for athlete to be successful in sport.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "It is believed by some" -> "Some argue"
    Explanation: "Some argue" is a more concise and direct way to introduce a contrasting viewpoint, enhancing the academic tone by avoiding the passive construction "It is believed by some."

  2. "success in sport is depends on physicial ability" -> "success in sports depends on physical ability"
    Explanation: Correcting the grammatical error "is depends" to "depends" and changing "physicial" to "physical" corrects the spelling and enhances the professionalism of the statement.

  3. "there are others who think" -> "others contend"
    Explanation: "Others contend" is a more formal and precise alternative to "others who think," aligning better with academic style by avoiding the informal "who think."

  4. "athlete need" -> "athletes need"
    Explanation: Changing "athlete" to "athletes" corrects the grammatical number agreement, ensuring consistency in subject-verb agreement.

  5. "another factors" -> "other factors"
    Explanation: Correcting "another factors" to "other factors" fixes the grammatical error and maintains the correct form of the word.

  6. "sports man" -> "sportsmen"
    Explanation: "Sportsmen" is the correct plural form of "sportsman," aligning with the context and maintaining grammatical accuracy.

  7. "get succeed" -> "succeed"
    Explanation: "Get succeed" is grammatically incorrect; "succeed" alone is the correct form, enhancing the sentence’s clarity and correctness.

  8. "sportsman can easily defeat their opponent" -> "sportsmen can easily defeat their opponents"
    Explanation: Changing "sportsman" to "sportsmen" corrects the grammatical number agreement, and "opponent" to "opponents" to match the plural subject.

  9. "leading to increasing their chance" -> "increasing their chances"
    Explanation: "Increasing their chance" is grammatically incorrect; "increasing their chances" corrects this and aligns with the plural context.

  10. "various sports like footbal, badminton,basketball…and so on" -> "various sports such as football, badminton, basketball, and so on"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling errors ("footbal" to "football") and adding commas for clarity, as well as changing "like" to "such as" for a more formal tone.

  11. "a player with strong body a muscles" -> "a player with strong body and muscles"
    Explanation: Correcting the grammatical error "a muscles" to "and muscles" and removing the unnecessary "a" before "body" improves the sentence structure and clarity.

  12. "a football club possess many players with strong physical strength" -> "a football club possesses many players with strong physical strength"
    Explanation: Changing "possess" to "possesses" corrects the verb agreement with the singular subject "club."

  13. "anothers factors" -> "other factors"
    Explanation: Correcting "anothers" to "other" fixes the grammatical error and maintains the correct form of the word.

  14. "ne successful" -> "successful"
    Explanation: Removing "ne" corrects the spelling error and enhances the professionalism of the text.

  15. "determination and hard-working" -> "determination and hard work"
    Explanation: Changing "hard-working" to "hard work" corrects the grammatical structure and aligns with the formal style of academic writing.

  16. "he make his effort" -> "he makes his efforts"
    Explanation: Correcting "make" to "makes" for subject-verb agreement and changing "effort" to "efforts" to match the plural context.

  17. "to become one of the greatest footballer in the word" -> "to become one of the greatest footballers in the world"
    Explanation: Correcting "footballer" to "footballers" for plural agreement and "the word" to "the world" for the correct geographical term.

  18. "he receives many awards in his career" -> "he has received numerous awards throughout his career"
    Explanation: Changing "receives" to "has received" for the correct past perfect tense and "many" to "numerous" for a more formal tone, and adding "throughout" for a more precise description of the awards received.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views regarding the factors contributing to success in sports. The first paragraph discusses the importance of physical ability, while the second paragraph highlights other factors such as teamwork and determination. However, the discussion could be more balanced, as the section on physical ability is more developed than the section on other factors. For instance, while the essay mentions physical fitness and its advantages, the argument for other factors lacks depth and specific examples.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should aim for a more balanced exploration of both views. This could involve providing additional examples or evidence for the importance of non-physical factors, such as mental resilience or strategic thinking in sports. Including a counterargument or a more detailed analysis of how these factors interact with physical ability would also strengthen the response.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that both physical ability and other factors are important for success in sports. However, the phrasing in the introduction and conclusion could be clearer. The phrase "I strongly believe that athlete need both physicial ability and another factors" could be more assertively stated to reflect a stronger stance. Additionally, the transition from discussing physical ability to other factors could be smoother to reinforce the overall argument.
    • How to improve: The writer should work on clearly articulating their position in both the introduction and conclusion. Using phrases like "In my view" or "I firmly believe" can help convey a stronger opinion. Additionally, ensuring that transitions between paragraphs are clear and logical will help maintain a consistent position throughout the essay.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to physical ability and other factors, but the support for these ideas is somewhat lacking. For example, while the mention of Ronaldo’s hard work is relevant, it could be expanded with more details about his training regimen or how it contrasts with purely physical attributes. The essay also contains several grammatical errors that detract from the clarity of the arguments, such as "physicial" instead of "physical" and "anothers factors" instead of "other factors."
    • How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should focus on providing more detailed examples and explanations. This could involve elaborating on how teamwork contributes to success or providing statistics or studies that support the claims made. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical errors will enhance the overall clarity and professionalism of the essay.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the factors influencing success in sports. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly in the second paragraph, where the discussion of teamwork could be more directly tied back to the main argument about success in sports. The phrase "a player with strong physical strength can not defeat other player" is somewhat confusing and could mislead the reader regarding the argument being made.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point made directly supports the central thesis. This can be achieved by explicitly linking examples back to the main argument and avoiding ambiguous statements. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that reflects the main idea will help keep the essay on track.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, improvements in balance, clarity, support, and focus will enhance the overall effectiveness of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction, two body paragraphs discussing opposing views, and a conclusion. The ideas are generally presented in a logical order, with the first paragraph focusing on the importance of physical ability and the second addressing other factors. However, there are instances where the flow could be improved. For example, the transition between the points about physical ability and teamwork could be smoother, as the connection between these ideas is not explicitly stated.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that explicitly state the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, incorporating transitional phrases such as "Furthermore" or "In addition" can help guide the reader through the argument more seamlessly.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids in readability. Each paragraph has a distinct focus, but some paragraphs are a bit cluttered with ideas that could benefit from further separation. For instance, the second body paragraph discusses both teamwork and determination but could be split into two distinct paragraphs to allow for a more in-depth exploration of each point.
    • How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph contains a single main idea supported by examples. This could involve creating a separate paragraph for teamwork and collaboration, allowing for a more thorough discussion of each factor contributing to success in sports.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes some cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand" and "on the other hand," which effectively signal contrasting views. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences and ideas could be clearer. For example, phrases like "This is most probably because" are repeated, which can detract from the overall cohesiveness of the essay.
    • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Moreover," "In contrast," and "Consequently." Additionally, ensure that each sentence logically leads to the next by using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas, which will enhance the overall flow of the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents coherent arguments. By focusing on improving the logical flow, refining paragraph structure, and expanding the use of cohesive devices, the essay can achieve an even higher level of coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable attempt to use a variety of vocabulary related to sports and success. Terms such as "physical ability," "team work," and "collaboration" show an understanding of the topic. However, the range is somewhat limited, with repeated phrases like "physical ability" and "important factors," which detracts from the overall lexical variety.
    • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "physical ability," alternatives like "athletic prowess," "physical fitness," or "bodily strength" could be employed. Additionally, using more specific terms related to different sports or skills (e.g., "endurance," "agility," "team dynamics") would enrich the essay.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "success in sport is depends on" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The term "anothers factors" is also incorrect; it should be "other factors." The phrase "a player with strong body a muscles" is unclear and lacks proper structure.
    • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and clarity. Revising sentences for grammatical correctness will enhance the overall quality. For instance, instead of "a player with strong body a muscles," the writer could say, "a player with a strong physique and well-developed muscles." Additionally, using phrases like "is essential for success" instead of "plays an important role for" can convey meaning more effectively.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "physicial" (should be "physical"), "footbal" (should be "football"), "anothers" (should be "other"), and "word" (should be "world"). These errors can distract the reader and undermine the writer’s credibility.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help identify errors. Additionally, practicing spelling of commonly used words in the context of sports and success can reinforce correct spelling habits.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic and attempts to use relevant vocabulary, there are significant areas for improvement in terms of vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, and complex sentences are infrequently used. For example, the sentence "On the one hand, physical fitness plays an important role for sports man to get succeed in sport" is a straightforward structure that lacks complexity. Additionally, phrases like "One of the major reasons for this is that physical ability can increase one’s opportunities of winning" show some variety but are still quite basic. The use of phrases like "a player with strong body a muscles" indicates awkwardness and lack of fluency in structure.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For instance, instead of saying "Another point to consider is that various sports like football, badminton, basketball… require physical strength," the writer could say, "While various sports such as football, badminton, and basketball require physical strength, they also demand strategic thinking and teamwork." This not only adds complexity but also enriches the content.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For example, "is depends on" should be corrected to "depends on," and "physicial" is a misspelling of "physical." Additionally, the phrase "a player with strong body a muscles" is grammatically incorrect and should be revised to "a player with a strong body and muscles." Punctuation errors are also present, such as missing commas in lists (e.g., "football, badminton,basketball") and after introductory phrases (e.g., "In conclusion, for the reasons outlined above").
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should review basic grammar rules, focusing on subject-verb agreement, proper use of articles, and correct spelling. Regular practice with grammar exercises can help solidify these concepts. Furthermore, the writer should pay attention to punctuation, particularly in complex sentences and lists. Reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrasing and punctuation errors, allowing for corrections before final submission.

In summary, while the essay presents a clear argument, enhancing the variety of sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy and punctuation will significantly raise the overall quality of the writing. Engaging in targeted practice and revision strategies will be beneficial for achieving a higher band score in future writing tasks.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is believed by some that success in sports depends on physical ability, while others think that there are more important factors. I strongly believe that athletes need both physical ability and other factors to be successful in sports.

On the one hand, physical fitness plays an important role for sportsmen to succeed in sports. One of the major reasons for this is that physical ability can increase one’s opportunities of winning. This is most probably because sportsmen can easily defeat their opponents, leading to an increase in their chances of winning a sports competition. Another point to consider is that various sports, such as football, badminton, basketball, and so on, require physical strength from individuals. Football is a case in point; a player with a strong body and muscles can win against their rivals, and a football club that possesses many players with strong physical strength can be rated as a championship candidate.

On the other hand, there are other factors for sportspeople to be successful in sports. Teamwork and collaboration can be seen as important factors. This is most probably because a player with strong physical strength cannot defeat other players alone; they should combine with their partners to succeed in a tournament. Another significant factor is determination and hard work. Ronaldo is a case in point; he makes his efforts to train for many hours with heavy exercises to become one of the greatest footballers in the world, and he has received many awards throughout his career.

In conclusion, for the reasons outlined above, I hold the opinion that physical ability and other factors play an important role for athletes to be successful in sports.

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