Some people believe that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer sentences. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer sentences.

Do you agree or disagree?

Crime is a serious problem for every society. It not only causes concern among citizens but also leads to several social and economic issues. Thus, how to prevent crimes has always been the top priority of governments. In order to do that, some people believe that the best decision is to extend incarceration. From my point of view, I strongly disagree with this opinion.

First, prison is not the best place to rehabilitate since it is full of volatile criminals who committed severe crimes. Keeping these dangerous individuals together for a long period can raise conflict among inmates, which can later develop into serious crime such as assault, abuse or even murder. Therefore, as result, instead of reducing crime, this method creates more.

Second, the rehabilitation programs in prison are ineffective and do little to help prisoners. Inmates are usually given an education that is mainly manual labor such as doing laundry, cleaning and hardly equips them practical skills for their jobs after being released. Thus, reintegration will get extremely difficult for them, which makes these reformed criminals end up recidivating.

Finally, prison sentences do not address the root causes of crime. There are multiple motivators of crime, but most are poverty and lack of education. Because of that, unless the government implements policies that support the underprivileged in finance and education, crime will remain or even increase

In conclusion, giving longer sentences does not lower the crime rate since there are numerous complicated problems that can be fueled within prison. Therefore, providing them with good rehibition programs, creating healthy environment in prison and giving more social welfare are far better options.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Crime is a serious problem for every society." -> "Crime is a pervasive issue in all societies."
   Explanation: The phrase "pervasive issue" is more precise and formal than "serious problem," and "all societies" is a more academic way of stating "every society."

2. "It not only causes concern among citizens but also leads to several social and economic issues." -> "It not only raises concerns among citizens but also generates various social and economic challenges."
   Explanation: "Raises concerns" is more formal than "causes concern," and "generates various social and economic challenges" is more specific and formal than "leads to several social and economic issues."

3. "how to prevent crimes" -> "how to prevent crime"
   Explanation: "Crime" is a singular noun when referring to the general concept, making "crime" the correct form here.

4. "the best decision is to extend incarceration" -> "the most effective strategy is to increase incarceration"
   Explanation: "Increase incarceration" is a more precise and formal term than "extend incarceration," which is less commonly used in this context.

5. "prison is not the best place to rehabilitate" -> "prisons are not optimal for rehabilitation"
   Explanation: "Prisons are not optimal for rehabilitation" uses more formal language and avoids the colloquial tone of "the best place."

6. "Keeping these dangerous individuals together for a long period" -> "Confining these dangerous individuals for extended periods"
   Explanation: "Confining" is a more precise term than "Keeping," and "extended periods" is more formal than "a long period."

7. "can later develop into serious crime" -> "may subsequently escalate to serious crimes"
   Explanation: "May subsequently escalate to serious crimes" is more formal and precise, avoiding the vague "develop into."

8. "as result" -> "as a result"
   Explanation: "As a result" is the correct phrase, with a space between "as" and "result."

9. "prison sentences do not address the root causes of crime" -> "incarceration does not address the underlying causes of crime"
   Explanation: "Incarceration" is a more specific term than "prison sentences," and "underlying causes" is more formal than "root causes."

10. "There are multiple motivators of crime" -> "There are various motivators of criminal behavior"
    Explanation: "Criminal behavior" is a more precise term than "crime," and "various" is more formal than "multiple."

11. "Because of that" -> "Consequently"
    Explanation: "Consequently" is a more formal transitional phrase than "Because of that."

12. "unless the government implements policies that support the underprivileged in finance and education" -> "unless the government implements policies that support the disadvantaged in financial and educational spheres"
    Explanation: "Disadvantaged" is more precise and formal than "underprivileged," and "financial and educational spheres" is more specific and formal than "finance and education."

13. "crime will remain or even increase" -> "crime will persist or worsen"
    Explanation: "Will persist or worsen" is a more formal and academically appropriate expression than "will remain or even increase."

14. "giving longer sentences does not lower the crime rate" -> "increasing sentence lengths does not reduce the crime rate"
    Explanation: "Increasing sentence lengths" is more precise and formal than "giving longer sentences," and "reduce" is more formal than "lower."

15. "there are numerous complicated problems" -> "there are numerous complex issues"
    Explanation: "Complex issues" is a more formal and precise term than "complicated problems."

16. "providing them with good rehibition programs" -> "providing them with effective rehabilitation programs"
    Explanation: "Rehabilitation" is the correct term, and "effective" is more specific and formal than "good."

17. "creating healthy environment in prison" -> "creating a healthy environment within prisons"
    Explanation: "Within prisons" is more precise and formal than "in prison," and "a" is needed before "healthy environment" for grammatical correctness.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by clearly stating a disagreement with the notion that longer sentences reduce crime. The author outlines several reasons for this stance, including the ineffectiveness of rehabilitation in prisons, the potential for increased conflict among inmates, and the failure to address root causes of crime. Each point is relevant to the question, demonstrating a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response further, the author could consider briefly acknowledging the opposing viewpoint—that longer sentences might deter crime—and then refuting it. This would provide a more balanced discussion and show a deeper engagement with the complexity of the issue.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position against longer sentences throughout. The use of phrases like "I strongly disagree" establishes a strong personal stance, and the subsequent paragraphs consistently support this viewpoint with logical reasoning and examples. The conclusion reiterates the main argument effectively.
  • How to improve: While the position is clear, the author could enhance the essay by using transitional phrases to reinforce the connection between ideas. For instance, phrases like "Furthermore" or "In addition" could help guide the reader through the argument more smoothly.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several well-developed ideas, such as the ineffectiveness of rehabilitation programs and the failure to address root causes of crime. Each point is supported with logical reasoning and examples, such as the mention of manual labor education in prisons. However, some points could benefit from more specific examples or data to strengthen the argument further.
  • How to improve: To improve the support for ideas, the author could include statistics or studies that illustrate the failure of rehabilitation programs or the correlation between poverty and crime. This would add depth to the argument and make it more persuasive.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic of crime reduction through longer sentences. Each paragraph directly relates to the central argument, and there are no significant deviations from the main topic. The author effectively ties back to the main argument in the conclusion.
  • How to improve: To ensure continued focus, the author could outline the main points in the introduction, providing a roadmap for the essay. This would help the reader anticipate the structure and maintain clarity throughout the discussion.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt, presents a clear and consistent position, and effectively supports its ideas. By incorporating more specific examples, acknowledging counterarguments, and enhancing transitions, the author could further elevate the quality of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument against the idea that longer sentences reduce crime. It begins by establishing the context of crime as a societal issue, then logically progresses through three main points: the ineffectiveness of prison as a rehabilitative space, the inadequacy of rehabilitation programs, and the failure to address root causes of crime. Each point builds on the previous one, creating a cohesive narrative that effectively supports the thesis. For example, the transition from discussing prison conditions to rehabilitation programs is smooth and maintains the flow of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using more explicit transitional phrases between points. For instance, phrases like "Moreover," or "In addition," could help to signal the progression of ideas more clearly. Additionally, a brief summary of each point at the end of the paragraph could reinforce the logical connections between them.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The introduction sets up the thesis well, while each body paragraph addresses a separate point, culminating in a conclusion that encapsulates the argument. This structure aids readability and comprehension. However, the conclusion could be more effectively tied back to the main points discussed, reinforcing the overall argument.
  • How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. For example, the first sentence of each body paragraph could explicitly state how that point relates to the overall argument against longer sentences. Additionally, consider adding a concluding sentence to each body paragraph that summarizes the key takeaway of that section, which would further enhance clarity.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a good range of cohesive devices, such as "first," "second," and "finally," to guide the reader through the argument. However, there are instances where the use of cohesive devices could be more varied. For example, the phrase "as a result" is used, but there could be more diverse connectors to enhance the flow, such as "consequently," "thus," or "therefore."
  • How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, practice incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, instead of repeating "thus," consider using alternatives like "this leads to" or "as a consequence." Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used not just at the beginning of sentences but also within sentences to create smoother transitions between ideas. This will help to maintain the reader’s engagement and improve the overall coherence of the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates strong coherence and cohesion with a clear structure and logical flow, there are opportunities for improvement in the use of transitions, paragraph topic sentences, and a broader range of cohesive devices. By addressing these areas, the essay could achieve an even higher level of clarity and effectiveness in argumentation.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "rehabilitate," "volatile criminals," "recidivating," and "underprivileged." However, the vocabulary is somewhat limited in variety and sophistication. For instance, the phrase "serious problem" is somewhat repetitive and could be enhanced with synonyms like "grave issue" or "critical concern."
  • How to improve: To enhance lexical range, the writer should incorporate more varied expressions and synonyms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "crime," they could use "criminal activity," "offending behavior," or "delinquency." Additionally, exploring more advanced vocabulary related to the topic, such as "incarceration" or "rehabilitative measures," would strengthen the essay.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "keeping these dangerous individuals together for a long period can raise conflict among inmates" could be better articulated. The term "raise conflict" is not commonly used; "lead to conflict" or "escalate tensions" would be more appropriate. Furthermore, "reformed criminals" is a bit misleading as it implies that the individuals have already been rehabilitated, which contradicts the context of the argument.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on the context in which they use certain terms. They could replace vague terms with more specific alternatives. For example, instead of "doing laundry," they could specify "performing menial tasks." Additionally, reviewing vocabulary in context and ensuring that it aligns with the intended meaning will enhance clarity.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, but there are a few errors that detract from the overall quality. For instance, "rehibition" is a misspelling of "rehabilitation." Such errors can undermine the credibility of the argument and distract the reader.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should adopt a proofreading strategy, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can be beneficial. Regular reading of well-edited texts can also help reinforce correct spelling patterns.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, enhancing vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy will contribute to a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For example, the use of phrases like "not only… but also" and "in order to" showcases an ability to connect ideas effectively. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the second paragraph, where similar sentence beginnings are used, such as "Keeping these dangerous individuals together…" and "Inmates are usually given…".
  • How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, consider varying the beginnings of sentences and incorporating more introductory clauses or phrases. For instance, instead of starting multiple sentences with "Inmates are usually given," you might rephrase to "Typically, inmates receive education that focuses primarily on manual labor…" This will create a more engaging flow and demonstrate a broader range of grammatical structures.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors present. For example, the phrase "as result" should be corrected to "as a result." Additionally, the use of commas is mostly effective, but there are a few areas where they could enhance clarity, such as in the sentence "which can later develop into serious crime such as assault, abuse or even murder," where a comma before "or" would improve readability.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread for minor errors and ensure that all phrases are complete. Additionally, practicing the rules of punctuation, particularly with conjunctions and lists, will help enhance clarity. For example, revising "such as assault, abuse or even murder" to "such as assault, abuse, or even murder" would demonstrate attention to detail in punctuation.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and presents a clear argument against longer prison sentences. By diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical accuracy, the writer can further elevate the quality of their writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

**Crime is a pervasive issue in all societies. It not only raises concerns among citizens but also generates various social and economic challenges. Thus, how to prevent crime has always been a top priority for governments. Some people believe that the most effective strategy is to increase incarceration. From my point of view, I strongly disagree with this opinion.**

**First, prisons are not optimal for rehabilitation, as they are filled with volatile criminals who have committed serious offenses. Confining these dangerous individuals for extended periods can lead to conflicts among inmates, which may subsequently escalate to serious crimes such as assault, abuse, or even murder. Therefore, as a result, instead of reducing crime, this method creates more.**

**Second, the rehabilitation programs in prisons are ineffective and do little to assist prisoners. Inmates are often provided with education that primarily focuses on manual labor, such as doing laundry and cleaning, which hardly equips them with practical skills for employment after their release. Consequently, reintegration becomes extremely difficult for them, leading many reformed criminals to end up recidivating.**

**Finally, longer prison sentences do not address the underlying causes of crime. There are various motivators of criminal behavior, with poverty and lack of education being the most significant. Unless the government implements policies that support the disadvantaged in financial and educational spheres, crime will persist or worsen.**

**In conclusion, increasing sentence lengths does not reduce the crime rate, as there are numerous complex issues that can be exacerbated within prisons. Therefore, providing inmates with effective rehabilitation programs, creating a healthy environment within prisons, and enhancing social welfare are far better options.**