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“Some people believe that the care of elderly people should be a priority of government spending. Others believe that government spending should focus more on young people, especially their education. Discuss both views and give your opinion.”

"Some people believe that the care of elderly people should be a priority of government spending. Others believe that government spending should focus more on young people, especially their education. Discuss both views and give your opinion."

The distribution of government funds between elderly care and youth education is a subject of considerable contention. This essay will examine both perspectives, scrutinizing the advantages of prioritizing each demographic, before concluding with my personal viewpoint.

Proponents of emphasizing elderly care argue that seniors, having made substantial contributions throughout their lives, warrant substantial support. For instance, countries such as Sweden serve as prime examples, with their robust elderly care programs ensuring dignity and comfort in old age. This not only honors their past endeavors but also sets a societal standard of reverence and assistance. Additionally, well-funded elderly care alleviates the considerable burden of caregiving on younger generations, enabling them to make more effective contributions to the economy.

Conversely, directing government expenditure toward youth education is perceived as an investment in the future. The insistence on education in countries like South Korea has resulted in a highly adept workforce, bolstering economic and innovative advancement. Education equips young individuals with indispensable skills, nurturing a more knowledgeable and competent future generation. Furthermore, a well-educated population is better positioned to devise superior solutions for societal hurdles, including elderly care, thereby ensuring a more sustainable future for all age groups.

In my view, while the provision of elderly care is crucial, prioritizing youth education offers more comprehensive and enduring benefits. Education forms the foundation of a prosperous society, ensuring that future generations are equipped to confront various challenges, including the care of the elderly.

In conclusion, while attending to the needs of the elderly is significant, investing more in youth education represents a more strategic approach, furnishing broader societal advantages in the long run.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "considerable contention" -> "significant debate"
    Explanation: Replacing "considerable contention" with "significant debate" maintains a formal tone while offering a more precise term that aligns with academic language.

  2. "scrutinizing" -> "examining"
    Explanation: "Scrutinizing" might be considered a bit strong or overly critical in this context. "Examining" retains the idea of thorough evaluation but in a more neutral and formal manner.

  3. "Proponents" -> "Advocates"
    Explanation: "Advocates" is a more refined term often used in academic contexts, aligning well with a formal essay structure.

  4. "warrant substantial support" -> "deserve considerable assistance"
    Explanation: The phrase "warrant substantial support" could be considered slightly informal. "Deserve considerable assistance" maintains formality while expressing a similar idea more academically.

  5. "serve as prime examples" -> "exemplify"
    Explanation: "Serve as prime examples" can be replaced with the more concise and formal term "exemplify."

  6. "robust elderly care programs" -> "comprehensive elderly care initiatives"
    Explanation: "Robust" can be replaced with "comprehensive" for a more formal and descriptive term.

  7. "ensuring dignity and comfort" -> "ensuring dignified and comfortable living conditions"
    Explanation: Expanding "ensuring dignity and comfort" to "ensuring dignified and comfortable living conditions" adds precision and formality to the description.

  8. "sets a societal standard" -> "establishes a societal norm"
    Explanation: "Sets a societal standard" can be replaced with "establishes a societal norm" for a more formal tone.

  9. "alleviates the considerable burden" -> "reduces the substantial load"
    Explanation: Replacing "alleviates the considerable burden" with "reduces the substantial load" offers a more formal and precise expression.

  10. "bolstering economic and innovative advancement" -> "enhancing economic and innovative progress"
    Explanation: Substituting "bolstering" with "enhancing" maintains formality and clarity while expressing the same idea more precisely.

  11. "indispensable skills" -> "essential skills"
    Explanation: "Indispensable" can be replaced with "essential" to convey the importance of the skills in a more formal manner.

  12. "nurturing a more knowledgeable and competent future generation" -> "fostering a highly skilled and capable future generation"
    Explanation: The suggested phrase offers a more precise and formal description of the outcomes of education.

  13. "well-educated population" -> "educated populace"
    Explanation: "Population" can be replaced with "populace" for a more concise and formal term.

  14. "superior solutions" -> "more effective solutions"
    Explanation: "Superior solutions" can be replaced with "more effective solutions" for a clearer and more neutral expression.

  15. "while attending to the needs of the elderly" -> "while addressing the needs of the elderly"
    Explanation: "Attending to" can be replaced with "addressing" for a more formal and appropriate phrasing in this context.

  16. "represents a more strategic approach" -> "constitutes a more strategic approach"
    Explanation: "Represents" can be replaced with "constitutes" for a slightly more formal and accurate phrasing.

  17. "furnishing broader societal advantages" -> "providing broader societal benefits"
    Explanation: "Furnishing" can be replaced with "providing" for a more formal and precise term in this context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: "In my view, while the provision of elderly care is crucial, prioritizing youth education offers more comprehensive and enduring benefits."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestion: The position statement is clear and directly addresses the prompt by presenting a balanced opinion. However, it lacks detailed reasoning behind prioritizing youth education beyond stating it offers "comprehensive and enduring benefits." To strengthen this argument, consider providing specific examples or reasons illustrating how investment in education leads to broader societal advantages. For instance, elaborating on how a well-educated workforce drives economic growth or citing examples of countries where emphasis on education significantly improved societal conditions would fortify your stance.
    • Improved example: "While acknowledging the significance of elderly care, prioritizing youth education offers substantial and lasting benefits. Investing in education not only cultivates a skilled workforce but also fuels economic growth. For instance, countries like Finland, by prioritizing education, transformed their economy and enhanced societal well-being. A well-educated populace forms the backbone of innovation and economic stability, propelling a nation towards sustainable development."
  2. Quoted text: "For instance, countries such as Sweden serve as prime examples, with their robust elderly care programs ensuring dignity and comfort in old age."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestion: The example of Sweden’s elderly care programs is pertinent, showcasing a country that values and provides robust support for its elderly citizens. However, to enhance the depth of your argument, consider further elaborating on the societal benefits of such programs. Discussing how these programs impact the overall well-being of seniors, reduce societal burdens, or contribute to a sense of social cohesion would enrich the argument.
    • Improved example: "For instance, countries like Sweden serve as prime examples of the positive outcomes stemming from robust elderly care programs. These initiatives not only ensure dignity and comfort for the elderly but also significantly reduce the burden on younger generations, fostering a more cohesive society. By valuing and supporting its senior citizens, Sweden cultivates an environment of respect and interconnectedness across generations, contributing to a harmonious social fabric."

Overall, your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the prompt and effectively presents arguments supporting both perspectives. However, to achieve a higher band score, aim to provide more developed and nuanced reasoning behind prioritizing youth education and consider expanding upon the societal benefits of elderly care programs. Strengthening these aspects will further enrich your essay and enhance its persuasiveness.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score: 8.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a strong coherence and cohesion, placing it within the Band 8 category. The sequencing of information and ideas is logical, and the essay effectively manages all aspects of cohesion. The use of cohesive devices is appropriate throughout the essay, contributing to the overall flow. Paragraphing is also handled sufficiently and appropriately, contributing to the clarity of the central topic within each paragraph.

How to improve:
To enhance coherence and cohesion further, consider providing explicit transitions between paragraphs to guide the reader through the essay’s structure more smoothly. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are not only varied but also used with precision to establish clear connections between ideas. Finally, a more explicit acknowledgment of counterarguments and their refutation could strengthen the overall structure and coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score: 8.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable command of vocabulary, incorporating a wide range of words to convey ideas effectively. There is fluency and flexibility in language use, contributing to precise and nuanced meanings. Uncommon lexical items are skillfully employed, enhancing the sophistication of the essay. While there are occasional errors in word choice and collocation, they are minor and do not significantly impede understanding. Spelling and word formation are generally accurate, with rare errors that can be categorized as slips rather than consistent issues.

How to improve: To further enhance the lexical resource, the writer can focus on minimizing the occasional inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. Careful proofreading can help eliminate these minor errors. Additionally, incorporating a few more specialized or domain-specific vocabulary related to elderly care and youth education could add depth to the essay. Overall, maintaining the current level of vocabulary while refining accuracy will contribute to achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a commendable range of sentence structures and complexity. There’s a conscious effort to incorporate varied sentence forms, contributing to a coherent and well-developed argument. The essay consistently maintains control over grammar and punctuation, with frequent error-free sentences. While occasional errors exist, they don’t significantly impede communication and are more akin to minor slips rather than pervasive issues. The use of complex structures contributes to the overall fluency and coherence of the essay.

How to improve:
To elevate the score, focus on refining the accuracy further. Reviewing sentence structures and ensuring meticulous attention to detail in grammar and punctuation would be beneficial. Although the essay showcases a strong command, refining it to achieve a more consistent error-free performance would enhance its effectiveness.

The essay effectively balances complex structures and fluency, but a slight refinement in accuracy could push it towards a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The allocation of government funds between caring for the elderly and investing in youth education is a topic that sparks significant debate. This essay will examine both perspectives, carefully considering the advantages of prioritizing each demographic, before concluding with my personal viewpoint.

Advocates of emphasizing elderly care argue that seniors, having made substantial contributions throughout their lives, deserve considerable assistance. For instance, countries like Sweden exemplify this approach with their robust elderly care initiatives, ensuring dignified and comfortable living conditions in old age. This not only honors their past endeavors but also establishes a societal norm of reverence and support. Moreover, well-funded elderly care reduces the substantial load of caregiving on younger generations, enabling them to contribute more effectively to the economy.

On the other hand, directing government expenditure toward youth education is seen as an investment in the future. The emphasis on education in countries like South Korea has resulted in a highly skilled workforce, enhancing economic and innovative progress. Education equips young individuals with essential skills, fostering a highly skilled and capable future generation. Furthermore, a well-educated populace is better positioned to devise more effective solutions for societal hurdles, including addressing the needs of the elderly, thereby constituting a more strategic approach and providing broader societal benefits.

In my view, while the provision of elderly care is crucial, prioritizing youth education offers more comprehensive and enduring benefits. Education forms the foundation of a prosperous society, ensuring that future generations are equipped with essential skills to confront various challenges, including the care of the elderly.

In conclusion, while attending to the needs of the elderly is significant, investing more in youth education represents a more strategic approach, furnishing broader societal advantages in the long run.

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