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Some people believe that the increased use of technology in education is beneficial for students, while others believe that it can have negative consequences. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that the increased use of technology in education is beneficial for students, while others believe that it can have negative consequences. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In the technology life now, it's not strange if students or teachers use smart items for learning. And because of this situation, two points of views were made people feel uncomfortable. While some people believe it can make a lot of benefit for studies, some people think it can cause negative effects.

People believe that use of technology in education is very helpful for both teachers and students. Something teachers or students can't or that is difficult to do, but in the present, technology make it possible. For example, we must go to the library to search for something we didn't know in the past, now we just need to use the smart items to do it. 

Even though I agree that use of technology is very helpful in education, I can't say it's not have any negative effects. Some students when they use smart phone, they're spend a lot of time on it, it make they detest on smart phone. And so that they can't have enough concentrate for study.

In addition, I want you know that everything in the world have both good and bad face, no exception for it. Use of technology help people a lot of thing but it'll harm people if they only spend a lot of time for it.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "In the technology life now" -> "In today’s technological society"
    Explanation: "In the technology life now" is awkward and unclear. "In today’s technological society" provides a clearer and more formal expression that is appropriate for academic writing.

  2. "it’s not strange if" -> "it is not unusual for"
    Explanation: "it’s not strange if" is informal and conversational. "It is not unusual for" is more formal and suitable for academic discourse.

  3. "two points of views were made people feel uncomfortable" -> "two perspectives have been expressed, leading to discomfort among some individuals"
    Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The revised version clarifies the meaning and uses more formal language.

  4. "make a lot of benefit" -> "offer numerous benefits"
    Explanation: "make a lot of benefit" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "Offer numerous benefits" is grammatically correct and more formal.

  5. "use of technology in education is very helpful" -> "the use of technology in education is highly beneficial"
    Explanation: "very helpful" is somewhat informal and vague. "Highly beneficial" is more precise and formal.

  6. "Something teachers or students can’t or that is difficult to do" -> "Certain tasks that are challenging or impossible"
    Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and unclear. The revision clarifies and formalizes the expression.

  7. "technology make it possible" -> "technology makes it possible"
    Explanation: "technology make" is grammatically incorrect. "Technology makes" corrects the verb agreement.

  8. "we just need to use the smart items to do it" -> "we can simply use these devices to accomplish this"
    Explanation: "smart items" is informal and vague; "these devices" is more specific and formal. "Accomplish" is more precise than "do it."

  9. "Even though I agree that use of technology is very helpful in education, I can’t say it’s not have any negative effects" -> "Although I acknowledge the benefits of technology in education, I must also consider its potential drawbacks"
    Explanation: The original sentence is awkward and grammatically incorrect. The revision is clearer and maintains formal tone.

  10. "it make they detest on smart phone" -> "it leads them to detest smartphones"
    Explanation: "it make they detest on smart phone" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "It leads them to detest smartphones" corrects these issues and uses a more formal term.

  11. "they can’t have enough concentrate for study" -> "they lack sufficient concentration for studying"
    Explanation: "they can’t have enough concentrate for study" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "They lack sufficient concentration for studying" is grammatically correct and more formal.

  12. "I want you know that everything in the world have both good and bad face" -> "I would like to emphasize that everything in the world has both positive and negative aspects"
    Explanation: "I want you know" is informal and incorrect. "I would like to emphasize" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing. "Has both positive and negative aspects" is a clearer and more precise expression than "have both good and bad face."

  13. "Use of technology help people a lot of thing" -> "The use of technology helps individuals in numerous ways"
    Explanation: "Use of technology help people a lot of thing" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "The use of technology helps individuals in numerous ways" corrects these issues and uses more formal language.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both views regarding the use of technology in education, acknowledging the benefits as well as the potential negative consequences. However, the discussion is somewhat superficial and lacks depth. For instance, while the essay mentions that technology can make learning easier, it does not provide specific examples or elaborate on how it benefits students or teachers beyond a vague statement about searching for information. The negative consequences are also mentioned but not sufficiently explored, leading to an incomplete discussion of the topic.
    • How to improve: To better address all parts of the question, the writer should provide more detailed examples and explanations for both perspectives. For instance, they could discuss specific technologies (like online learning platforms or educational apps) and their impact on learning outcomes. Additionally, exploring the negative consequences in more depth, such as issues related to screen time or distractions, would enhance the response.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay expresses a personal opinion that technology is beneficial in education, but this position is not consistently maintained throughout the text. The writer states agreement with the positive view but then introduces negative aspects without clearly delineating their stance. Phrases like "I can’t say it’s not have any negative effects" create ambiguity about their overall opinion.
    • How to improve: To present a clearer position, the writer should explicitly state their opinion in the introduction and reinforce it throughout the essay. Using phrases such as "In my opinion" or "I believe" can help clarify their stance. Additionally, the writer should balance the discussion of both views while consistently tying back to their own opinion, ensuring that each paragraph contributes to supporting their overall argument.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas related to the benefits and drawbacks of technology in education, but these ideas are not well-developed or supported with sufficient detail. For example, the mention of students spending too much time on smartphones lacks a clear explanation of how this affects their learning. The essay also fails to extend ideas with further analysis or examples that could strengthen the argument.
    • How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point made. This can be achieved by providing specific examples, statistics, or studies that illustrate the impact of technology on education. Additionally, the writer should aim to connect their ideas logically, ensuring that each point builds on the previous one and contributes to a cohesive argument.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the use of technology in education. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly in the last paragraph, where the phrase "everything in the world have both good and bad face" introduces a broader discussion that is not directly related to the prompt. This can confuse the reader and detracts from the main argument.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all statements and examples directly relate to the prompt. They should avoid generalizations that do not specifically pertain to technology in education. A clear outline before writing could help the writer stay on track and ensure that each paragraph serves a purpose in addressing the prompt.

Overall, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the writer should focus on developing their ideas more thoroughly, maintaining a clear and consistent position, and ensuring that all content is directly relevant to the prompt. Additionally, addressing the word count issue by expanding on their points would also be beneficial.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. However, the organization lacks clarity and logical progression. For instance, the transition from discussing the benefits of technology to its drawbacks is abrupt and could confuse the reader. The introduction does not clearly outline the two perspectives, which would help set the stage for the discussion.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, the writer should clearly delineate the two viewpoints in the introduction and ensure that each paragraph begins with a topic sentence that summarizes its main idea. Additionally, using transition phrases such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" can help guide the reader through the argument more smoothly.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains paragraphs, but their structure is inconsistent. The first body paragraph discusses the benefits of technology, while the second attempts to address the negatives but lacks a clear structure. The last paragraph seems to reiterate points without adding new information, which can lead to redundancy.
    • How to improve: Each paragraph should focus on a single idea and develop it fully. The writer should ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence, supporting details, and a concluding sentence that ties back to the main argument. For example, separating the discussion of benefits and drawbacks into distinct paragraphs with clear transitions would enhance clarity.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "in addition" and "even though," but their usage is limited and at times awkward. For example, the phrase "it’s not have any negative effects" is grammatically incorrect and disrupts the flow. Additionally, there is a lack of varied cohesive devices, which can make the writing feel repetitive.
    • How to improve: To improve cohesion, the writer should incorporate a wider range of cohesive devices, such as "furthermore," "however," and "for instance." It is also important to ensure that all devices are used correctly and appropriately within the context. Practicing linking ideas with these devices can help create a more fluid reading experience.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic and presents both sides of the argument, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of vocabulary related to technology and education, such as "smart items," "benefit," and "negative effects." However, the range is somewhat limited and repetitive, particularly with phrases like "use of technology" and "students or teachers." The vocabulary choices often lack sophistication and do not fully convey the nuances of the argument.
    • How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more advanced vocabulary. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "use of technology," alternatives like "integration of technology" or "utilization of digital tools" could be employed. Additionally, phrases like "enhance learning" or "facilitate education" would add depth to the argument.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "make a lot of benefit for studies" is awkward and unclear; a more precise expression would be "provide significant benefits to education." Similarly, "it can cause negative effects" could be more accurately stated as "it can lead to adverse consequences."
    • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately reflects the intended meaning. This can be achieved by revising sentences for clarity and ensuring that the chosen words convey the specific ideas being discussed. Engaging with a thesaurus or vocabulary-building exercises can also help in selecting more precise terms.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that affect readability and professionalism, such as "it’s not strange if students or teachers use smart items" (should be "it’s not strange for students or teachers to use smart devices") and "they’re spend a lot of time on it" (should be "they spend a lot of time on it"). These mistakes indicate a lack of attention to detail in proofreading.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should adopt a systematic approach to proofreading. This includes reading the essay aloud to catch errors, using spell-check tools, and practicing spelling through writing exercises. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with commonly misspelled words in academic writing can be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of the topic and attempts to engage with the prompt, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource. Engaging in targeted vocabulary exercises, refining word choice for clarity, and implementing thorough proofreading practices will significantly enhance the quality of future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, lacking the complexity that would enhance the writing. For instance, phrases like "it’s not strange if students or teachers use smart items for learning" and "some students when they use smart phone" are straightforward but do not showcase varied grammatical forms. There is little use of complex sentences, which could effectively combine ideas and add depth to the argument.
    • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "Some students when they use smart phone," the writer could say, "Some students, when they use smartphones excessively, find it difficult to concentrate on their studies." This not only adds variety but also clarifies the relationship between ideas.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and issues with punctuation. For example, "it’s not strange if students or teachers use smart items for learning" should be revised for clarity and grammatical correctness. The phrase "it’s not have any negative effects" is incorrect; it should be "it doesn’t have any negative effects." Additionally, punctuation is often missing or misused, such as in "Some students when they use smart phone, they’re spend a lot of time on it," where a comma is incorrectly placed and "they’re spend" is grammatically incorrect.
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and verb forms. Regular practice with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on written work can help identify and correct common mistakes. Furthermore, reviewing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, would improve clarity. For instance, the sentence "In addition, I want you know that everything in the world have both good and bad face" should be revised to "In addition, I want you to know that everything in the world has both good and bad aspects." This correction addresses both grammatical accuracy and clarity.

Overall, to improve the essay’s band score, the writer should focus on expanding their grammatical range by using more complex structures and ensuring grammatical accuracy through careful proofreading and practice.

Bài sửa mẫu

In today’s technological society, it is not unusual for students and teachers to use smart devices for learning. This situation has led to two perspectives being expressed, leading to discomfort among some individuals. While some believe that technology offers numerous benefits for education, others argue that it can have negative consequences.

Many people contend that the use of technology in education is highly beneficial for both teachers and students. Certain tasks that are challenging or impossible without technology can now be easily accomplished. For example, in the past, we had to go to the library to search for information we did not know; now, we can simply use smart devices to find what we need instantly.

Although I acknowledge the benefits of technology in education, I must also consider its potential drawbacks. Some students, when they use smartphones, spend excessive amounts of time on them, which leads them to detest smartphones. Consequently, they often lack sufficient concentration for studying.

In addition, I would like to emphasize that everything in the world has both positive and negative aspects, and technology is no exception. The use of technology helps individuals in numerous ways, but it can also be harmful if people spend too much time on it.

In conclusion, while the integration of technology in education provides significant advantages, it is essential to remain aware of its potential downsides. Balancing the use of technology with traditional learning methods may help mitigate these negative effects.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

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