some people believe that the increasing use of computers and mobile phones for communication has a negative effect on young people's reading and writing skills.to what extent do you agree or disagree?

In the contemporary era, the proliferation of technology has resulted in excessive use of computers and smartphones, exerting a negative influence on reading and writing skills among young people. This essay, despite acknowledging the important role of such technology in triggering reading and writing interests among children, is written to agree with the negative impact on reading and writing abilities created by technology.

On the one hand, the proponents of such an notion believe that technology is crucial for children to practice writing and reading in a novel manner. Such an argument is supported by a plethora of applications, enabling technology users to develop their reading and writing skills. this is exemplified by Facebook, a kind of social platform, allowing users to communicate with others by texting messages, and consume certain numbers of written contents by reading skill. By such means, it is believed writing and reading skills could be improved. However, this argument is deemed to be invalidated as it overlooks the arguments of those believing that technological equipment is detrimental to reading and writing skills.
Such negative impacts of technology could be elaborated on learning style of children as well as the imminent misuse of technology. With regards to the former, it is said that children tend to favor visual and auditory contents in acquiring knowledge, resulting in a strong preference to lively contents such as videos or films. Such contents are unbecoming to the reading and writing development. Moreover, the negative impacts of technology is also further explained by the possibility of using technology in the wrong way, meaning that children are likely to indulging in playing games, which is really tempting. Such an argument is more clarified by a wide variety of available games on computers as well as smartphones. This, therefore, could lead to game addiction among children.
In conclusion, despite the novelty in igniting the interests of reading and writing, I still agree with the notion that negative impacts created by technology on writing and reading should be viewed as the most significant as the possibility of technological misuse and learning style of children

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Errors and Improvements:

"excessive use of computers and smartphones" -> "widespread utilization of computers and smartphones"
Explanation: "Excessive" implies an element of judgment. "Widespread" maintains neutrality while describing the prevalent use of technology.
"This essay, despite acknowledging the important role of such technology" -> "This essay, while recognizing the significant role of technology"
Explanation: "Despite acknowledging" sounds slightly informal. "While recognizing" maintains formality and clarity.
"such an notion" -> "such a notion"
Explanation: "An" is the correct indefinite article before a word beginning with a consonant sound, while "such a" is grammatically correct.
"plethora of applications" -> "abundance of applications"
Explanation: "Plethora" is a bit informal. "Abundance" conveys the same meaning in a more formal manner.
"enabling technology users to develop their reading and writing skills" -> "enabling users of technology to enhance their reading and writing abilities"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and formality.
"this is exemplified by Facebook, a kind of social platform" -> "This is exemplified by platforms like Facebook"
Explanation: Removing "a kind of social platform" as it’s redundant and simplifying the sentence for clarity.
"consume certain numbers of written contents" -> "consume various forms of written content"
Explanation: "Certain numbers of" is awkward and imprecise. "Various forms of" is clearer and more formal.
"However, this argument is deemed to be invalidated" -> "However, this argument is considered invalid"
Explanation: "Deemed to be invalidated" is redundant and less concise. "Considered invalid" is simpler and clearer.
"could be elaborated on learning style of children" -> "could impact children’s learning styles"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and unclear. The suggested alternative is more concise and direct.
"the imminent misuse of technology" -> "the potential misuse of technology"
Explanation: "Imminent" refers to something about to happen, which may not be the intended meaning here. "Potential" is more appropriate to describe future misuse.
"With regards to the former" -> "Regarding the former"
Explanation: "With regards to" is slightly informal. "Regarding" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing.
"lively contents" -> "dynamic content"
Explanation: "Lively contents" is somewhat colloquial. "Dynamic content" is more formal and precise.
"unbecoming to the reading and writing development" -> "detrimental to the development of reading and writing skills"
Explanation: "Unbecoming to" is too informal and unclear. "Detrimental to" is more precise and formal.
"Moreover, the negative impacts of technology is also further explained" -> "Moreover, the adverse effects of technology are further elucidated"
Explanation: Using "impacts" instead of "effects" and changing "is" to "are" corrects subject-verb agreement and enhances formality.
"possibility of using technology in the wrong way" -> "potential for technology misuse"
Explanation: Simplifying the phrase for clarity and conciseness.
"are likely to indulging in playing games" -> "are prone to indulging in gaming"
Explanation: Correcting the grammar ("to indulging" to "to indulge") and using "gaming" instead of "playing games" for brevity.
"which is really tempting" -> "which is highly enticing"
Explanation: "Really tempting" is too informal. "Highly enticing" maintains formality while conveying the same meaning.
"Such an argument is more clarified by a wide variety of available games" -> "This argument is further supported by the wide variety of games available"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and formality.
"This, therefore, could lead to game addiction among children" -> "This, in turn, could lead to gaming addiction among children"
Explanation: Adding "in turn" enhances coherence and formality.
"despite the novelty in igniting the interests of reading and writing" -> "despite the initial enthusiasm in fostering reading and writing interests"
Explanation: "Novelty" is slightly informal. "Initial enthusiasm" maintains formality and clarity.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the prompt by presenting arguments both in favor of and against the idea that increasing use of computers and mobile phones negatively impacts young people’s reading and writing skills. It acknowledges the potential benefits of technology in fostering these skills but ultimately agrees with the negative impact.
- How to improve: While the essay does address all parts of the question, it could improve by providing a more balanced discussion of both perspectives. Offering a more nuanced analysis of the potential benefits of technology in enhancing reading and writing skills, while still asserting its negative effects, would strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently arguing that technology has a negative impact on young people’s reading and writing skills. It presents this stance in the introduction and reinforces it in each subsequent paragraph.
- How to improve: To further enhance clarity, the essay could explicitly state the author’s position in the introduction, making it unmistakably clear to the reader from the outset.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents, extends, and supports ideas adequately. It offers examples such as Facebook and video content to illustrate how technology can both potentially enhance and hinder reading and writing skills. However, some of the examples lack specificity and depth, which could strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay could provide more specific examples and elaborate on how exactly technology impacts reading and writing skills. Additionally, providing evidence or research to support these claims would bolster the argument’s credibility.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay remains focused on the topic of whether increasing use of computers and mobile phones negatively affects young people’s reading and writing skills. It discusses various aspects related to this topic, such as learning styles and potential misuse of technology.
- How to improve: To ensure complete relevance, the essay could avoid tangential discussions, such as the mention of game addiction, unless directly relevant to the main argument. This would maintain a tighter focus on the topic at hand.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a coherent argument, it could benefit from a more balanced discussion of both perspectives, stronger examples and evidence, clearer positioning, and tighter focus on the main topic. These improvements would enhance the overall strength and persuasiveness of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably logical organization of information. It begins with an introduction that sets up the argument and proceeds to present arguments and counterarguments in separate paragraphs. Each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence, supporting details, and a conclusion. However, there are instances where the flow could be smoother, such as the abrupt transition between discussing the positive and negative impacts of technology.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader through the progression of arguments more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively utilizes paragraphs to structure its content. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, such as the positive impacts of technology, negative impacts, and concluding remarks. However, some paragraphs contain lengthy sentences that could be broken down for better clarity and readability.
- How to improve: Break down lengthy sentences into shorter, concise ones to improve readability. Additionally, consider varying the length and structure of sentences within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, including transition words (e.g., "however," "moreover," "in conclusion") and pronouns (e.g., "such," "this"). These cohesive devices help connect ideas and maintain coherence throughout the essay. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the types of cohesive devices used.
- How to improve: Expand the range of cohesive devices by incorporating cohesive ties such as conjunctions (e.g., "although," "nevertheless") and parallel structures. Additionally, ensure consistent use of cohesive devices throughout the essay to strengthen coherence.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, there are opportunities for improvement in enhancing logical organization, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying the use of cohesive devices. By implementing these suggestions, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, thereby enhancing its overall effectiveness.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There is evidence of some attempts to vary vocabulary, such as using phrases like "proliferation of technology," "excessive use," "plethora of applications," "novel manner," "detrimental," "lively contents," "game addiction," etc. However, there is room for improvement in the diversity and sophistication of vocabulary usage. For instance, some phrases are repetitive ("reading and writing skills" appears multiple times) and there are instances of awkward or imprecise word choices ("unbecoming to the reading and writing development" could be more effectively expressed).
- How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, aim for more nuanced and precise vocabulary choices. Instead of repetitive phrases, explore synonyms and alternative expressions. Additionally, work on incorporating advanced vocabulary that accurately conveys your ideas. For example, instead of "unbecoming to the reading and writing development," consider using "detrimental to literacy development" or "inhibitive to the cultivation of reading and writing skills."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates both precise and imprecise vocabulary usage. There are instances where vocabulary is used effectively to convey specific meanings, such as "proliferation," "novel manner," and "game addiction." However, there are also instances of imprecise or awkward word choices, such as "lively contents" and "unbecoming to the reading and writing development," which may not clearly convey the intended meaning.
- How to improve: To improve precision in vocabulary usage, carefully consider the connotations and appropriateness of words in context. Avoid using clichéd or vague expressions that may obscure your message. Instead, opt for clear and concise language that effectively communicates your ideas. Additionally, consult a thesaurus to explore alternative words with more precise meanings.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates generally correct spelling throughout. However, there are a few instances of spelling errors, such as "misuse" spelled as "misuese," "tempting" spelled as "tempting," and "igniting" spelled as "igniting." While these errors do not significantly detract from the overall coherence of the essay, they suggest a need for closer attention to spelling accuracy.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spell-checking tools during the writing process to catch and correct errors. Additionally, allocate time for proofreading to carefully review the essay for any spelling mistakes. Developing a habit of double-checking spelling can help ensure greater accuracy in written communication.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable effort in utilizing various sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the essay employs complex sentences like "In the contemporary era, the proliferation of technology has resulted in excessive use of computers and smartphones, exerting a negative influence on reading and writing skills among young people," to convey intricate ideas. Additionally, there is evidence of compound sentences such as "Such negative impacts of technology could be elaborated on learning style of children as well as the imminent misuse of technology," which enhance the coherence of arguments. However, while the essay generally employs a range of structures, some sentences could be further diversified to improve the overall fluency and sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance the richness and variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex constructions, such as conditional sentences, passive voice, or inversion. This could involve restructuring some sentences to convey the same meaning in a more intricate manner. Additionally, varying the length of sentences can add rhythm and flow to the prose, contributing to a more engaging reading experience.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammar and punctuation conventions overall. However, there are instances where errors detract from the clarity and precision of the writing. For example, in the sentence "Such an argument is supported by a plethora of applications, enabling technology users to develop their reading and writing skills. this is exemplified by Facebook," there is a lack of capitalization after the period, and "this" should be capitalized to begin a new sentence. Additionally, there are minor grammatical errors such as subject-verb agreement issues ("this argument is deemed to be invalidated") and article usage ("by reading skill"). While these errors do not significantly impede understanding, they suggest areas for improvement in grammatical accuracy.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, consider proofreading the essay carefully to identify and correct errors in punctuation, capitalization, and grammar. Pay particular attention to subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and article usage. Additionally, consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-checking tools to identify areas for improvement. Practicing writing in English regularly and reviewing grammar rules can also help reinforce proper usage and improve overall accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

In today’s modern era, the widespread utilization of computers and smartphones has become increasingly common, raising concerns about its potential negative impact on the reading and writing skills of young individuals. While recognizing the significant role of technology in fostering reading and writing interests among children, this essay aims to concur with the notion that technology can indeed detrimentally affect these crucial skills.

On one hand, proponents argue that technology offers novel ways for children to engage with reading and writing. They point to the abundance of applications available, which enable users to enhance their reading and writing abilities. For instance, platforms like Facebook allow users to communicate through text messages and consume various forms of written content, providing opportunities for skill development. However, it is essential to acknowledge that this argument overlooks the potential detrimental effects of technology on reading and writing skills.

The negative impacts of technology on reading and writing skills are multifaceted. Firstly, it could impact children’s learning styles, as they may develop a preference for dynamic content such as videos or films over traditional written material. This shift in preference may hinder the development of essential reading and writing skills. Moreover, there is a concern about the potential misuse of technology, particularly in the form of excessive gaming. Many children are prone to indulging in gaming, which is highly enticing due to the wide variety of games available on computers and smartphones. This could lead to gaming addiction among children, further exacerbating the negative impact on their reading and writing abilities.

In conclusion, despite the initial enthusiasm in fostering reading and writing interests, it is imperative to recognize the adverse effects of technology on these skills. The potential for technology misuse and the influence of children’s learning styles underscore the importance of addressing these challenges to ensure the holistic development of young individuals.

some people believe that the increasing use of computers and mobile phones for communication has a negative effect on young people’s reading and writing skills.to what extent do you agree or disagree?