Some people believe that the salaries paid to professional sportspeople are too high, while others argue that sports salaries are fair. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Some people believe that the salaries paid to professional sportspeople are too high, while others argue that sports salaries are fair. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Some people advocate that the salaries paid to sports veterans are too high, whereas others claim that the sports earnings are fair. I strongly believe that the money, spent to pay professional sportspeople are reasonable due to the hardship and dedication for their career.
On the one hand, there are several reasons why high income is suitable for athletics. To begin with, sportspeople receive a lot of money because they sacrifice a lot. Training programs for them are strict to provide them with the skills and knowledge for participating in national and international competitions. For example: swimmer Nguyen Anh Vien in Vietnam said that she had to practice in the swimming pool at least 10 hours per day. High earning is a way to promote their enthusiasm and motivation for practicing. Another reason is that the athletes may not have much time to spend with their family members or some of them may have to live in the dormitory in the sports centers, therefore high salaries are paid for sports players to encourage them and make them feel secure and alleviate the homesickness.
Some opponents are of the opinion that it is not worth giving the sports players that high wage because various problems need the budget such as healthcare or social services. However, they may have to take into account that the sports industry is severely competitive and the injuries for athletics are unavoidable during the training process. It is understandable to pay them lots of money for their endurance and perseverance and urge them to contribute to this industry.
In conclusion, I argue that the mega deal of money sports professionals receive is equitable due to their intensive training and dedication to the nation.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"Some people advocate that" -> "Some individuals argue that"
Explanation: "Advocate" is typically used to describe supporting or promoting a cause, whereas "argue" is more appropriate for presenting a case or opinion. This change enhances the academic tone by using a more precise verb. -
"the salaries paid to sports veterans" -> "the salaries awarded to professional athletes"
Explanation: "Sports veterans" is an informal and somewhat vague term. "Professional athletes" is more specific and appropriate for an academic context, clearly defining the group being discussed. -
"too high" -> "excessive"
Explanation: "Too high" is somewhat informal and vague. "Excessive" is a more precise and formal term that fits better in academic writing. -
"the money, spent to pay professional sportspeople" -> "the funds allocated to professional athletes"
Explanation: "The money, spent" is grammatically awkward and informal. "The funds allocated" is grammatically correct and more formal, suitable for academic writing. -
"are reasonable" -> "are justified"
Explanation: "Reasonable" can imply a subjective opinion. "Justified" suggests a more objective basis for the argument, aligning better with academic standards. -
"sacrifice a lot" -> "make significant sacrifices"
Explanation: "Sacrifice a lot" is informal and vague. "Make significant sacrifices" is more precise and formal, enhancing the academic tone. -
"Training programs for them are strict" -> "Training programs are rigorous"
Explanation: "Strict" can imply harshness or severity, which may not be the intended meaning. "Rigorous" is a more neutral term that conveys the intensity of the training programs without negative connotations. -
"High earning is a way to promote their enthusiasm" -> "Higher earnings serve to enhance their enthusiasm"
Explanation: "High earning" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "Higher earnings" is grammatically correct, and "serve to enhance" is a more formal expression than "is a way to promote." -
"Another reason is that the athletes may not have much time to spend with their family members" -> "Another consideration is that athletes may have limited time for family interactions"
Explanation: "Another reason" is somewhat informal and vague. "Another consideration" is more formal and precise. Also, "have limited time for family interactions" is a clearer and more formal way to express the idea. -
"high salaries are paid for sports players" -> "substantial salaries are awarded to athletes"
Explanation: "High salaries are paid for sports players" is awkward and informal. "Substantial salaries are awarded to athletes" is more formal and precise, aligning better with academic style. -
"make them feel secure and alleviate the homesickness" -> "provide them with a sense of security and alleviate homesickness"
Explanation: "Make them feel secure" is informal and slightly vague. "Provide them with a sense of security" is more formal and precise, improving the academic tone. -
"it is not worth giving the sports players that high wage" -> "it is not justified to award such high wages to athletes"
Explanation: "It is not worth giving the sports players that high wage" is informal and awkwardly phrased. "It is not justified to award such high wages to athletes" is more formal and grammatically correct. -
"the mega deal of money" -> "substantial financial packages"
Explanation: "The mega deal of money" is informal and colloquial. "Substantial financial packages" is more formal and appropriate for an academic context. -
"equitable" -> "justifiable"
Explanation: "Equitable" typically refers to fairness in distribution, which may not be the intended meaning here. "Justifiable" suggests a more direct connection to the argument about the salaries being reasonable, aligning better with the context.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding the salaries of professional sportspeople. The first paragraph outlines the perspective that salaries are too high, while the second paragraph presents the opposing view that these salaries are fair. However, the discussion could be more balanced. The arguments for why salaries are deemed too high are somewhat underdeveloped compared to the arguments supporting high salaries. The mention of societal issues like healthcare and social services is brief and lacks depth.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could include more detailed arguments and examples for both perspectives. For instance, elaborating on the societal implications of high sports salaries or providing statistics on how these salaries compare to average incomes could strengthen the opposing viewpoint. Additionally, a more thorough exploration of the economic impact of sports salaries on society would provide a more comprehensive discussion.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer clearly states their position in favor of high salaries for sportspeople in the introduction and conclusion. However, the clarity of this position could be undermined by the somewhat limited exploration of the opposing view. While the essay does present a clear opinion, the lack of a strong rebuttal to the opposing arguments may leave readers questioning the robustness of the position.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should ensure that their opinion is not only stated but also reinforced throughout the essay. This can be achieved by explicitly addressing and countering the opposing arguments with more substantial reasoning and examples. Additionally, using transitional phrases to guide the reader through the argument can enhance clarity.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas supporting the notion that high salaries are justified, such as the sacrifices athletes make and the competitive nature of the sports industry. However, some ideas lack depth and could be better supported with more specific examples or data. For instance, while the example of swimmer Nguyen Anh Vien is relevant, it could be complemented by additional examples from other sports or statistics about athlete earnings.
- How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations. This could include discussing the financial aspects of sports contracts, endorsements, and the economic benefits that successful athletes bring to their sports and communities. Additionally, incorporating counterarguments with supporting evidence would create a more nuanced discussion.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the salaries of professional sportspeople and the arguments for and against them. However, there are moments where the discussion could stray slightly, particularly when discussing the hardships faced by athletes without directly linking these points back to the salary debate.
- How to improve: To maintain a tighter focus on the topic, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central question of whether sports salaries are too high or fair. This can be achieved by explicitly connecting the sacrifices and challenges faced by athletes to the justification for their salaries, ensuring that all points contribute to the overall argument.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the task and presents a clear opinion, it could benefit from a more balanced exploration of both views, deeper support for ideas, and a tighter focus on the topic.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with a distinct introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. The first body paragraph effectively outlines the reasons supporting high salaries for athletes, while the second paragraph addresses opposing views. However, the transition between the two paragraphs could be smoother. For instance, the phrase "On the one hand" is appropriately used, but the transition to the counterargument could be more explicitly linked to the previous point about the sacrifices athletes make.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing the reasons for high salaries, a phrase like "Conversely, some argue that…" could help clarify the shift to the opposing view. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence can help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The first paragraph discusses the justification for high salaries, while the second addresses the opposing viewpoint. However, the conclusion could be more distinct from the body paragraphs. Currently, it feels somewhat abrupt and does not summarize the key points made in the body.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that the conclusion not only states your opinion but also briefly summarizes the main arguments presented in the essay. This could involve restating the key reasons why high salaries are justified and acknowledging the opposing view, which would reinforce the coherence of the essay.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "to begin with," "another reason," and "however." These devices help in linking ideas within and between sentences. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between ideas could be strengthened. For example, the use of "therefore" is appropriate, but more varied devices could enhance the overall cohesion.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "on the contrary," and "for instance." This will not only improve the flow of ideas but also demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used correctly and appropriately to maintain clarity and coherence.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, focusing on enhancing transitions, summarizing key points in the conclusion, and diversifying cohesive devices will help elevate the score in Coherence and Cohesion.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "advocate," "salaries," "sacrifice," "enthusiasm," and "perseverance." However, the vocabulary is somewhat limited and repetitive, particularly with the use of "sportspeople" and "athletes." The phrase "high income" is also used multiple times, which could be varied to enhance the richness of the language.
- How to improve: To improve lexical variety, consider using synonyms or related terms. For instance, instead of repeating "sportspeople," you could use "athletes," "sports professionals," or "competitors." Additionally, instead of "high income," you might use "substantial earnings," "lucrative salaries," or "considerable compensation." This will not only diversify the vocabulary but also demonstrate a broader lexical resource.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay uses some vocabulary accurately, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "the money, spent to pay professional sportspeople are reasonable" contains a grammatical error and could be more clearly stated as "the salaries paid to professional sportspeople are reasonable." The term "mega deal of money" is also somewhat informal and vague; a more precise term would be "substantial financial compensation."
- How to improve: Focus on clarity and precision in vocabulary. Review the essay for phrases that could be misinterpreted or are too informal for an academic context. Consider using more formal alternatives and ensure that the grammatical structure supports the intended meaning. For example, instead of "the money, spent to pay," use "the salaries paid to" for clarity.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "athletics" instead of "athletes" and "sports veterans" which is an unusual phrase. The term "sports earnings" is also somewhat awkward and could be better phrased as "earnings from sports" or "athletic earnings."
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, it is advisable to proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with common spelling patterns in English, especially for terms related to sports and finance, can be beneficial.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling will help elevate the Lexical Resource score. Aim for greater variety in word choice, ensure clarity in expression, and maintain a high standard of spelling to enhance overall performance.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of "On the one hand" and "Some opponents are of the opinion that" effectively introduces contrasting viewpoints. However, the essay could benefit from more varied sentence beginnings and structures to enhance fluency and coherence. The phrase "the money, spent to pay professional sportspeople are reasonable" contains a misplaced comma and a subject-verb agreement error, which detracts from the overall effectiveness of the structure.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider using more introductory phrases, such as "In addition," "Furthermore," or "Conversely," to start new points. Additionally, incorporating more complex sentences with subordinate clauses can enhance the sophistication of the writing. For example, instead of "High earning is a way to promote their enthusiasm," you could say, "High earnings not only promote their enthusiasm but also serve as a recognition of their hard work and dedication."
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay shows a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that affect clarity. For instance, the phrase "the money, spent to pay professional sportspeople are reasonable" should read "the money spent to pay professional sportspeople is reasonable," correcting the subject-verb agreement and removing the unnecessary comma. Additionally, the use of "for athletics" instead of "for athletes" is incorrect and should be revised for clarity. The punctuation is generally acceptable, but the use of a colon in "For example:" is unnecessary and disrupts the flow of the sentence.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay for subject-verb agreement and correct word forms. Practicing sentence structure exercises can help reinforce these concepts. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, particularly concerning commas and colons, will enhance the overall clarity of the writing. For example, instead of "For example: swimmer Nguyen Anh Vien in Vietnam said," it would be clearer to write, "For example, swimmer Nguyen Anh Vien from Vietnam stated that…"
Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents arguments clearly. However, addressing the identified grammatical errors and diversifying sentence structures will significantly improve the overall quality and coherence of the writing.
Bài sửa mẫu
Some people advocate that the salaries paid to professional athletes are too high, whereas others claim that sports salaries are fair. I strongly believe that the money spent on paying professional sportspeople is reasonable due to the hardship and dedication required for their careers.
On the one hand, there are several reasons why high income is suitable for athletes. To begin with, sportspeople receive a lot of money because they make significant sacrifices. Training programs for them are rigorous to provide them with the skills and knowledge needed to participate in national and international competitions. For example, swimmer Nguyen Anh Vien in Vietnam stated that she had to practice in the swimming pool for at least 10 hours per day. High earnings serve to enhance their enthusiasm and motivation for practicing. Another reason is that athletes may not have much time to spend with their family members, and some of them may have to live in dormitories at sports centers. Therefore, substantial salaries are awarded to athletes to encourage them and provide them with a sense of security, alleviating homesickness.
Some opponents are of the opinion that it is not justified to award such high wages to athletes because various problems, such as healthcare or social services, need funding. However, they may need to take into account that the sports industry is highly competitive, and injuries for athletes are unavoidable during the training process. It is understandable to pay them substantial financial packages for their endurance and perseverance, urging them to contribute to this industry.
In conclusion, I argue that the large sums of money sports professionals receive are justifiable due to their intensive training and dedication to their sport.