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Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children).
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

As the world ushers in an era of educational advancement, there is a widely held perception that mandatory community service should be included in high school programmes to foster students' civic engagement. This essay will elaborate on my disagreement with this statement and explain why mandating this charitable endeavor may have several adverse effects on both volunteers and society.
Youth volunteering, which was once considered an act of pure benevolence, has now become a hazardous form of involuntary servitude. In many countries, there is a growing number of educational institutions requiring students to do communal work as a way to promote civic engagement among adolescents. Such obligatory burdens may not only instill an apathetic and reluctant attitude towards social service, but they can also lead to cases of accidents. As a case in point, in some states of America, contribution to the public welfare is one of the compulsory requirements for tertiary entrance. And if untrained students are put in charge of duties that are beyond their capabilities, like constructing an orphanage for example, there is a high possibility of safety hazards occurring due to their lack of experience.
Besides the potential danger mentioned above, forcing teenagers to carry out charity work might go against the philanthropic nature of volunteerism itself. Mandated service, as altruistic as it may sound, is sometimes equated with disciplinary measures for misbehaving individuals. Since the criminal justice system routinely uses it in sentencing convicted criminals, mandated service is often seen as pejorative and punitive in the public eye. This negative view of the matter may spark resentment against what is supposedly an act of kindness, leading to a generation of young individuals venting frustration against the system.
In conclusion, community service is only advantageous when done with free will. Making it compulsory not only poses a potential threat to the well-being of individuals and society, but it may also undermine the altruistic essence of volunteering as well.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "As the world ushers in an era of educational advancement" -> "As society progresses educationally"
    Explanation: The phrase "ushers in an era" is a bit informal for academic writing. Using "society progresses educationally" maintains the meaning while presenting a more formal tone.

  2. "widely held perception" -> "widespread belief"
    Explanation: "Perception" can imply a subjective viewpoint. "Widespread belief" is more definitive and aligns better with academic writing by offering a stronger assertion.

  3. "mandatory community service should be included" -> "mandatory inclusion of community service"
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence slightly for better flow and clarity while maintaining the intended meaning in a more academically suitable manner.

  4. "foster students’ civic engagement" -> "cultivate students’ civic involvement"
    Explanation: "Foster" might seem slightly informal. "Cultivate" is a suitable alternative that enhances the academic tone.

  5. "Youth volunteering, which was once considered an act of pure benevolence" -> "Historically perceived as an act of pure benevolence, youth volunteering"
    Explanation: Reordering the sentence helps maintain a formal tone, and "historically perceived" adds a temporal context that fits an academic style.

  6. "obligatory burdens" -> "compulsory obligations"
    Explanation: "Obligatory burdens" may sound slightly informal. "Compulsory obligations" maintains the meaning in a more formal manner.

  7. "lead to cases of accidents" -> "result in accidents"
    Explanation: Using "result in" is more precise and aligns better with formal language.

  8. "tertiary entrance" -> "admission to tertiary institutions"
    Explanation: "Tertiary entrance" might not be the most precise term. "Admission to tertiary institutions" is more formal and explicit.

  9. "untrained students" -> "inexperienced students"
    Explanation: "Untrained" could be seen as a bit casual. "Inexperienced" retains the meaning while sounding more academically appropriate.

  10. "the potential danger mentioned above" -> "aforementioned potential risk"
    Explanation: Restructuring the phrase to maintain formality and clarity.

  11. "go against" -> "contradict"
    Explanation: "Contradict" presents a more formal and direct term in this context.

  12. "philanthropic nature of volunteerism itself" -> "inherent philanthropy of volunteerism"
    Explanation: Altering the structure slightly for better flow while maintaining the academic style.

  13. "Mandated service" -> "Compulsory service"
    Explanation: "Mandated" can be replaced with "compulsory" to ensure a more formal tone.

  14. "pejorative and punitive" -> "negative and disciplinary"
    Explanation: Simplifying the terms while retaining the essence of the sentence in a more formal manner.

  15. "venting frustration against" -> "expressing frustration towards"
    Explanation: "Expressing frustration towards" is a more formal way to convey the idea.

  16. "advantageous" -> "beneficial"
    Explanation: While "advantageous" is not incorrect, "beneficial" is a more commonly used and slightly more formal alternative.

  17. "volunteering as well" -> "volunteering itself"
    Explanation: "Volunteering itself" maintains clarity and formality in the closing statement.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: "Youth volunteering, which was once considered an act of pure benevolence, has now become a hazardous form of involuntary servitude."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestion: The point about involuntary servitude lacks clarity. While expressing concerns about mandatory community service, the phrase "involuntary servitude" might be too extreme. Instead, consider emphasizing how mandatory service may overshadow the altruistic nature of volunteering and potentially reduce its positive impact. This could be enhanced by providing a specific example of how mandatory service might hinder genuine interest in community engagement.
    • Improved example: "Youth volunteering, traditionally viewed as a compassionate act, risks losing its essence when mandated by educational institutions. For instance, mandatory service might deter genuine interest in community engagement as students may perceive it more as a compulsory chore rather than a voluntary act of kindness, diminishing the positive impact on personal growth and societal welfare."
  2. Quoted text: "Such obligatory burdens may not only instill an apathetic and reluctant attitude towards social service, but they can also lead to cases of accidents."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestion: The point regarding apathy and accidents is valid, but it could benefit from further development. To enhance this argument, consider expanding on how mandatory service could potentially create disinterest or even resentment towards community engagement. Offering a real-life scenario or personal experience where mandatory service led to a negative attitude towards volunteering would reinforce this argument more convincingly.
    • Improved example: "Imposing mandatory service might inadvertently foster disinterest or even resentment towards community engagement. For instance, a friend of mine, required to volunteer at a local shelter without choice, developed a negative attitude towards volunteering, perceiving it as an obligatory burden rather than a heartfelt contribution. This disillusionment not only affected personal motivation but also raised safety concerns as disinterested volunteers might not prioritize their tasks adequately, leading to potential accidents."

Overall, the essay presents a clear stance against mandatory community service in high school programs. However, to elevate the argument further, providing more specific examples and experiences related to the adverse effects of mandatory service on students’ attitudes and societal perceptions could strengthen the overall response and elevate it to a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay logically organizes information and ideas, demonstrating a clear progression throughout. Cohesive devices are used appropriately, though there is some slight overuse. The essay presents a clear central topic within each paragraph, contributing to overall coherence and cohesion. Paragraphing is generally effective and appropriate, contributing to the overall organization of the essay.

How to Improve:
To further enhance coherence and cohesion, the essay could benefit from slightly reducing the use of cohesive devices to avoid any minor overuse. Additionally, ensuring a consistent and logical flow between sentences and paragraphs would contribute to an even more cohesive structure. Consider refining referencing and substitution to eliminate any potential repetitiveness. Overall, maintaining the current level of organization while fine-tuning the use of cohesive devices will lead to further improvement.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with varied and sophisticated lexical features. There is an appropriate use of less common lexical items, and the writer shows an awareness of style and collocation. The essay effectively conveys ideas with precision and flexibility. However, there are occasional errors in word choice and collocation, such as the phrase "as the world ushers in an era," which may sound slightly awkward. Additionally, there is a minor grammatical error with the phrase "the philanthropic nature of volunteerism itself," where a preposition is needed before "volunteerism."

How to improve:
To improve the lexical resource and achieve a higher band score, the writer should aim for even greater precision in word choice and collocation. It’s advisable to carefully proofread the essay to catch grammatical errors and ensure the use of prepositions where needed. Additionally, consider refining certain expressions to enhance overall fluency and naturalness.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation. The author employs a variety of complex structures effectively, showcasing a sound understanding of sentence construction. There are only occasional errors, and these do not significantly impede communication. The essay effectively communicates the author’s disagreement with mandatory community service, presenting a well-organized argument.

How to improve: While the essay generally exhibits strong grammatical range and accuracy, some sentences could benefit from further refinement to enhance clarity and coherence. Additionally, paying attention to minor errors, such as the use of "us" instead of "ushers" in the first sentence, would contribute to an even more polished piece. Overall, maintaining consistency in complex sentence structures and refining minor errors will elevate the essay’s grammatical quality.

Bài sửa mẫu

Amidst the ongoing educational progress, there’s a widespread belief that high school programs should include mandatory community service to cultivate students’ civic involvement. However, I respectfully disagree with this notion. Imposing obligatory communal work could have several adverse effects on both volunteers and society.

Historically perceived as an act of pure benevolence, youth volunteering has now, in some places, turned into compulsory obligations. Some educational institutions require students to engage in communal work to promote civic engagement among adolescents. Yet, this approach might not only generate apathy and reluctance toward social service but could also result in accidents. For instance, in certain American states, contributing to public welfare is a mandatory requirement for tertiary admission. However, assigning tasks beyond the capabilities of inexperienced students, such as constructing an orphanage, could lead to safety hazards due to their lack of experience.

Apart from the aforementioned potential risk, compelling teenagers to partake in charity work might contradict the inherent philanthropy of volunteerism. Mandatory service, despite its altruistic intent, can sometimes be associated with negative and disciplinary connotations. It’s reminiscent of measures applied to individuals for misbehavior, akin to how the justice system mandates service for convicted criminals. This perception could breed resentment among the youth, expressing frustration towards what is meant to be an act of kindness, potentially fostering a generation disenchanted with the system.

In conclusion, volunteering is most beneficial when it springs from free will. Making it compulsory not only poses risks to individuals and society but also undermines the altruistic essence of volunteering itself.

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