Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree / disagree?

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children).
To what extent do you agree / disagree?

Nowadays, many educational institutions require students to do engage in unpaid community service such as participating in charitable activities or helping to improve their neighbouhood. Despite this view being reasonable to a certain extent, I disagree with it.

Undoubtedly, engaging in charitable services can be beneficial for students. Firstly, such activities provide valuable opportunities for students to develop skills and gain practical experience. It is undeniable that students do not often have the chance to participate in this type of work at home. Consequently, students can improve their social skills, learn teamwork, and become more responsible citizens. Additionally, students can enhance their physical fitness through physically demanding tasks, such as community cleanups or helping with construction projects.

However,making unpaid community service compulsory also poses several challenges for high school students. Firstly, these services are generally time-consuming, leaving students with less time to focus on their studies or relax.. High school’s curriculum is quite heavy for students, especially for seniors, students may struggle to balance academic responsibilities with mandatory charity work. Moreover, such activities may not be suitable for all students, particularly those with health issues or physical limitations. or example, tasks that involve lifting heavy objects or working in unfavorable weather conditions can be difficult for students who are physically weaker or have health concerns.

In conclusion, while there are some advantages of doing unpaid community service, these activities should be considered to be non compulsory work due to the drawbacks of time and effort.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Nowadays" -> "Currently"
   Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise temporal indicator suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "Nowadays."

2. "do engage in unpaid community service" -> "engage in unpaid community service"
   Explanation: Removing "do" corrects the grammatical structure, making the sentence more direct and formal.

3. "neighbouhood" -> "neighborhood"
   Explanation: Corrects a spelling error to maintain professionalism and accuracy.

4. "reasonable to a certain extent" -> "reasonable"
   Explanation: Simplifying this phrase removes redundancy and enhances the directness of the statement, aligning better with academic style.

5. "I disagree with it" -> "I disagree"
   Explanation: Removing "with it" simplifies the sentence and avoids redundancy, making it more concise and formal.

6. "undeniably" -> "undeniably"
   Explanation: This is a typographical error correction to maintain professionalism.

7. "do not often have the chance" -> "rarely have the opportunity"
   Explanation: "Rarely have the opportunity" is more precise and formal, replacing the less formal "do not often have the chance."

8. "physically demanding tasks" -> "physically demanding activities"
   Explanation: "Activities" is a more encompassing term that includes a broader range of tasks, fitting better in an academic context.

9. "However,making" -> "However, making"
   Explanation: Corrects a typographical error to maintain readability and professionalism.

10. "unpaid community service compulsory" -> "unpaid community service mandatory"
    Explanation: "Mandatory" is a more precise and formal term than "compulsory" in this context, aligning better with academic style.

11. "High school’s curriculum" -> "the high school curriculum"
    Explanation: Adding "the" before "high school" corrects the possessive form, making the phrase grammatically correct and more formal.

12. "seniors" -> "senior students"
    Explanation: "Senior students" is more specific and appropriate in this context, avoiding the informal use of "seniors."

13. "students may struggle" -> "students may face challenges"
    Explanation: "Face challenges" is a more formal and academically appropriate way to express difficulties, replacing the more casual "struggle."

14. "tasks that involve lifting heavy objects" -> "tasks that require lifting heavy objects"
    Explanation: "Require" is more precise and formal than "involve," better suited for academic writing.

15. "working in unfavorable weather conditions" -> "working in adverse weather conditions"
    Explanation: "Adverse" is a more formal synonym for "unfavorable," enhancing the academic tone.

16. "physically weaker" -> "physically less able"
    Explanation: "Less able" is a more precise and formal term than "weaker," which can be seen as too colloquial for academic writing.

17. "non compulsory work" -> "optional activities"
    Explanation: "Optional activities" is a clearer and more formal way to express the idea of non-mandatory tasks, aligning better with academic style.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the benefits and drawbacks of making unpaid community service compulsory in high school programs. However, it does not fully explore the extent to which the author agrees or disagrees with the statement. The introduction states a disagreement but lacks a nuanced discussion of the extent of this disagreement. The essay could have benefited from a clearer articulation of the author’s position and a more balanced exploration of both sides.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the author should explicitly state their position on the extent of agreement or disagreement in the introduction and conclusion. For example, they could indicate whether they believe community service should be optional entirely, or if there are certain conditions under which it could be beneficial. Including a more detailed discussion on the implications of making it compulsory would also strengthen the response.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: While the essay begins with a clear disagreement, the position becomes somewhat muddled in the body paragraphs. The author presents valid points about the benefits of community service but does not consistently tie these back to the central argument against making it compulsory. The transition between discussing benefits and challenges feels abrupt, and the conclusion does not effectively summarize the position.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the author should use topic sentences in each paragraph that directly relate back to their stance. Additionally, reinforcing the main argument throughout the essay with consistent references to the position would enhance clarity. A stronger conclusion that reiterates the main points and clearly states the author’s final stance would also be beneficial.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the benefits and challenges of community service. However, the support for these ideas is somewhat limited. For instance, while the author mentions skill development and physical fitness, these points could be expanded with examples or evidence. The challenges discussed, such as time constraints and physical limitations, are relevant but could be elaborated further to provide a more comprehensive view.
  • How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the author should include specific examples or anecdotes that illustrate the points made. For instance, they could mention a specific skill that students might develop through community service or provide statistics on student stress levels related to time management. This would help to extend and substantiate the arguments more effectively.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing community service in relation to high school programs. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, such as when discussing physical limitations without clearly linking it back to the core argument against compulsory service. Additionally, the phrase "despite this view being reasonable to a certain extent" in the introduction could lead to confusion about the author’s true stance.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the central argument. They could also avoid ambiguous phrases that may mislead the reader about their position. A clear outline before writing could help in organizing thoughts and ensuring that all points are relevant to the topic.

In summary, while the essay addresses the prompt and presents relevant ideas, it lacks depth in exploring the extent of agreement, clarity in maintaining a consistent position, and sufficient support for its arguments. By focusing on these areas for improvement, the author can enhance the overall effectiveness of their response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s stance. The body paragraphs are organized into distinct points: the benefits of community service in the first paragraph and the challenges in the second. This logical separation aids understanding. However, the transition between the benefits and challenges could be smoother. For instance, the phrase "However," could be better supported with a more explicit connection to the previous paragraph’s content.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly relate the two contrasting ideas. For example, after discussing the benefits, you could introduce the challenges with a phrase like, "Despite these advantages, there are significant drawbacks that must be considered." This would create a clearer connection between the two paragraphs.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is crucial for readability. Each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, making it easy for the reader to follow the argument. However, the second paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences that directly state the main point of the paragraph. The transition from discussing the benefits to the challenges could also be more pronounced.
  • How to improve: Strengthen the topic sentences in each paragraph. For example, in the second paragraph, a clearer topic sentence could be, "Despite the benefits, making community service compulsory can create significant challenges for students." This would set the stage for the discussion that follows and reinforce the essay’s overall argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Additionally," and "However," which help to guide the reader through the argument. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the flow could be improved. For example, the phrase "Moreover" is used effectively, but the essay could benefit from additional linking words and phrases to create a more sophisticated flow.
  • How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking phrases and words. For instance, use "On the other hand," "In contrast," or "Conversely" to introduce opposing ideas. Additionally, using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts can help maintain cohesion. For example, instead of repeating "students," you could use "they" or "these individuals" in subsequent sentences to create a smoother narrative.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, enhancing transitions, topic sentences, and the variety of cohesive devices will elevate the clarity and sophistication of the argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "charitable activities," "social skills," and "responsible citizens." However, the use of vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly with phrases like "students" and "community service." For instance, the phrase "engaging in charitable services" could be varied with synonyms or related expressions to enhance lexical diversity.
  • How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeating "students," alternatives like "learners," "pupils," or "youth" could be used. Additionally, diversifying phrases like "community service" with terms such as "volunteer work" or "social contribution" would enhance the range.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains some precise vocabulary, such as "valuable opportunities" and "practical experience." However, there are instances of imprecise usage, such as "making unpaid community service compulsory also poses several challenges." The phrase "poses several challenges" is vague and could be more specific about what those challenges are.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should provide clearer descriptions of challenges. For example, instead of saying "poses several challenges," they could specify "creates scheduling conflicts" or "increases stress levels." This would provide a clearer understanding of the implications of compulsory community service.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "neighbouhood" (should be "neighborhood") and "non compulsory" (should be "non-compulsory"). Additionally, there are punctuation issues, such as the missing space after "However," and the incorrect placement of periods.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully or use spell-check tools. Practicing spelling common words and reviewing punctuation rules would also be beneficial. For instance, ensuring that compound adjectives like "non-compulsory" are hyphenated correctly can improve overall clarity.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy are necessary to achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences such as "Despite this view being reasonable to a certain extent, I disagree with it" and "Firstly, such activities provide valuable opportunities for students to develop skills and gain practical experience" showcase an ability to use subordinate clauses effectively. However, there is a reliance on certain structures, such as starting several sentences with "Firstly" or "Moreover," which can make the writing feel somewhat repetitive.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider varying the introductory phrases and using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, instead of repeatedly using "Firstly," you could use alternatives like "To begin with," "In addition," or "Another point to consider." Additionally, incorporating more varied sentence lengths can enhance the flow and engagement of the essay.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that affect clarity. For instance, the phrase "However,making unpaid community service compulsory" lacks a space after the comma, which is a punctuation error. Additionally, the sentence "High school’s curriculum is quite heavy for students, especially for seniors, students may struggle to balance academic responsibilities with mandatory charity work" is a run-on sentence that could be improved with proper punctuation or conjunctions. The phrase "or example" should be "for example," indicating a typographical error.
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to punctuation, particularly with commas and periods. Proofreading the essay for typographical errors will also help. For run-on sentences, consider breaking them into two separate sentences or using conjunctions to clarify relationships between ideas. For example, "High school’s curriculum is quite heavy for students, especially for seniors. As a result, students may struggle to balance academic responsibilities with mandatory charity work." This change improves clarity and grammatical correctness.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining punctuation and grammatical accuracy will help elevate the score further.

Bài sửa mẫu

**Improved Essay:**

Currently, many educational institutions require students to engage in unpaid community service, such as participating in charitable activities or helping to improve their neighborhood. Despite this view being reasonable to a certain extent, I disagree with making it compulsory.

Undeniably, engaging in charitable services can be beneficial for students. Firstly, such activities provide valuable opportunities for students to develop skills and gain practical experience. It is undeniable that students rarely have the opportunity to participate in this type of work at home. Consequently, students can improve their social skills, learn teamwork, and become more responsible citizens. Additionally, students can enhance their physical fitness through physically demanding activities, such as community cleanups or assisting with construction projects.

However, making unpaid community service mandatory also poses several challenges for high school students. Firstly, these services are generally time-consuming, leaving students with less time to focus on their studies or relax. The high school curriculum is quite heavy for students, especially for senior students, and they may face challenges in balancing academic responsibilities with mandatory charity work. Moreover, such activities may not be suitable for all students, particularly those who are physically less able or have health issues. For example, tasks that require lifting heavy objects or working in adverse weather conditions can be difficult for students who are physically weaker or have health concerns.

In conclusion, while there are some advantages to engaging in unpaid community service, these activities should be considered optional due to the drawbacks of time and effort involved.