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Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children).
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Amidst the ongoing educational progress, there's a widespread belief that high school programs should include mandatory community service to cultivate students' civic involvement. However, I respectfully disagree with this notion. Imposing obligatory communal work could have several adverse effects on both volunteers and society.

Historically perceived as an act of pure benevolence, youth volunteering has now, in some places, turned into compulsory obligations. Some educational institutions require students to engage in communal work to promote civic engagement among adolescents. Yet, this approach might not only generate apathy and reluctance toward social service but could also result in accidents. For instance, in certain American states, contributing to public welfare is a mandatory requirement for tertiary admission. However, assigning tasks beyond the capabilities of inexperienced students, such as constructing an orphanage, could lead to safety hazards due to their lack of experience.

Apart from the aforementioned potential risk, compelling teenagers to partake in charity work might contradict the inherent philanthropy of volunteerism. Mandatory service, despite its altruistic intent, can sometimes be associated with negative and disciplinary connotations. It's reminiscent of measures applied to individuals for misbehavior, akin to how the justice system mandates service for convicted criminals. This perception could breed resentment among the youth, expressing frustration towards what is meant to be an act of kindness, potentially fostering a generation disenchanted with the system.

In conclusion, volunteering is most beneficial when it springs from free will. Making it compulsory not only poses risks to individuals and society but also undermines the altruistic essence of volunteering itself.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Amidst the ongoing educational progress" -> "In the midst of the ongoing educational advancements"
    Explanation: Replacing "Amidst the ongoing educational progress" with "In the midst of the ongoing educational advancements" provides a more formal expression and emphasizes the continuous improvement in education.

  2. "mandatory community service" -> "compulsory community service"
    Explanation: Substituting "mandatory" with "compulsory" maintains formality and aligns with the tone of academic writing, as "compulsory" is a more formal synonym.

  3. "respe ctfully disagree" -> "disagree respectfully"
    Explanation: Inverting the word order to "disagree respectfully" maintains formality and adheres to the conventional placement of adverbs. This change enhances the overall academic tone.

  4. "could have several adverse effects" -> "might have various detrimental consequences"
    Explanation: Replacing "could have several adverse effects" with "might have various detrimental consequences" introduces a more sophisticated vocabulary, enhancing the precision and formality of the expression.

  5. "communal work" -> "community service"
    Explanation: Substituting "communal work" with "community service" is more specific and aligns better with the established terminology for volunteer activities, contributing to a more academic tone.

  6. "adolescents" -> "young individuals"
    Explanation: Replacing "adolescents" with "young individuals" is a more formal and precise term, suitable for academic writing.

  7. "Yet, this approach might not only generate apathy" -> "However, this approach may not only foster apathy"
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence to "However, this approach may not only foster apathy" improves the flow and formality while maintaining the intended meaning.

  8. "contributing to public welfare" -> "engaging in public service"
    Explanation: Substituting "contributing to public welfare" with "engaging in public service" offers a more formal and established phrase commonly used in academic discourse.

  9. "assigning tasks beyond the capabilities of inexperienced students" -> "assigning tasks exceeding the capabilities of inexperienced students"
    Explanation: Adjusting "beyond" to "exceeding" provides a more formal and precise expression while maintaining clarity.

  10. "akin to how the justice system mandates service" -> "similar to how the justice system mandates community service"
    Explanation: Expanding "mandates service" to "mandates community service" adds specificity and aligns with the context of the essay, contributing to a more formal style.

  11. "expressing frustration towards" -> "expressing frustration with"
    Explanation: Replacing "towards" with "with" conforms to a more formal preposition choice in academic writing.

  12. "volunteering is most beneficial" -> "volunteering is most advantageous"
    Explanation: Substituting "beneficial" with "advantageous" introduces a more formal and nuanced term without sacrificing clarity.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: "However, I respectfully disagree with this notion."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction begins by clearly stating disagreement with the idea of mandatory community service. However, to ensure the clarity of your position and provide a roadmap for your arguments, consider briefly outlining the main points you will discuss in the essay. This can assist in setting up a clear structure for the reader to follow throughout the essay, enhancing the overall coherence.
    • Improved example: "However, I respectfully disagree with this notion. In this essay, I will outline the potential adverse effects of mandatory community service on students and society, addressing both safety concerns and the impact on the altruistic nature of volunteering."
  2. Quoted text: "Some educational institutions require students to engage in communal work to promote civic engagement among adolescents."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: This statement introduces a valid perspective regarding educational institutions’ motives behind mandatory community service. To further strengthen this argument, consider providing an example or a specific scenario where such mandatory community service programs have led to unintended consequences or challenges for students. This can illustrate the potential negative impacts more vividly, enhancing the depth of your argument.
    • Improved example: "For instance, in various educational settings, the enforcement of compulsory communal work aims to foster civic engagement among young adults. However, this approach, when not carefully implemented, can inadvertently lead to disengagement and resistance among students, impacting their overall educational experience. For example, certain schools reported decreased student motivation due to the forced nature of community service, hindering their enthusiasm for volunteerism."
  3. Quoted text: "However, this approach might not only generate apathy and reluctance toward social service but could also result in accidents."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: While you’ve touched upon the potential negative outcomes of mandatory community service, expanding on the idea of accidents or hazards could further bolster your argument. Provide specific instances or hypothetical scenarios that highlight the risks associated with students engaging in tasks beyond their expertise. This will enhance the depth of your argument and illustrate the potential dangers more explicitly.
    • Improved example: "However, this approach might not only generate apathy and reluctance toward social service but could also result in accidents. For instance, assigning construction tasks or handling heavy machinery to inexperienced students could pose serious safety hazards, risking their well-being and potentially impacting the community negatively."

Overall, the essay effectively presents a clear stance against mandatory community service and provides valid reasons supporting this viewpoint. To strengthen the argument further, consider incorporating specific examples or scenarios to vividly illustrate the potential negative consequences, thereby enhancing the depth and clarity of your position. Additionally, a brief outline of the main discussion points in the introduction could aid in structuring the essay more effectively for the reader.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information and ideas, with a clear progression throughout. The introduction sets the stage for the argument, followed by well-structured body paragraphs presenting the author’s viewpoint. Cohesive devices are used appropriately, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. There is a clear central topic within each paragraph, enhancing the reader’s understanding of the author’s arguments.

How to Improve:
To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider providing smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas. While the essay logically progresses, ensuring a seamless flow between sentences and paragraphs can further strengthen the overall coherence. Additionally, incorporating a wider variety of cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases and synonyms, can contribute to a more polished and connected essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow flexibility and precision, earning it a Band 7. The writer employs a varied vocabulary to convey ideas and maintains a good level of control. Less common lexical items are used, contributing to the fluency and flexibility of expression. There is awareness of style and collocation, with occasional errors in word choice and spelling, but these do not significantly impede communication.

How to improve:
To move towards a higher band score, the writer could focus on refining the use of less common lexical items, ensuring more accurate word choice and collocation. While there are only occasional errors, further attention to detail in spelling and word formation would enhance the overall lexical quality of the essay. Additionally, the writer may consider incorporating a broader spectrum of vocabulary, including more sophisticated and nuanced terms where appropriate.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score: 8.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable command of grammatical structures with a wide range employed. The majority of sentences are error-free, and there is a clear display of flexibility in language use. The essay effectively communicates the author’s viewpoint with clarity and coherence. Complex structures are utilized, contributing to the overall sophistication of the language. While there are a few instances of minor errors, they can be considered as ‘slips’ rather than pervasive issues, maintaining a high level of grammatical accuracy.

How to improve: To further enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the author could focus on refining the precision of complex structures and ensuring consistency in the use of tenses. While minor errors are inevitable, careful proofreading can help identify and rectify any lingering issues. Additionally, incorporating a wider variety of sentence types can add richness to the language, elevating the overall quality of expression.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the midst of the ongoing educational advancements, there’s a widespread belief that high school programs should include mandatory community service to cultivate students’ civic involvement. However, I respectfully disagree with this notion. Imposing obligatory communal work could have several adverse effects on both volunteers and society.

Historically perceived as an act of pure benevolence, youth volunteering has now, in some places, turned into compulsory obligations. Some educational institutions require students to engage in communal work to promote civic engagement among young individuals. Yet, this approach may not only foster apathy and reluctance toward social service but could also result in accidents. For instance, in certain American states, contributing to public welfare is a mandatory requirement for tertiary admission. However, assigning tasks beyond the capabilities of inexperienced students, such as constructing an orphanage, could lead to safety hazards due to their lack of experience.

Apart from the aforementioned potential risk, compelling teenagers to engage in charity work might contradict the inherent philanthropy of volunteerism. Mandatory service, despite its altruistic intent, can sometimes be associated with negative and disciplinary connotations. It’s reminiscent of measures applied to individuals for misbehavior, similar to how the justice system mandates community service for convicted criminals. This perception could breed resentment among the youth, expressing frustration with what is meant to be an act of kindness, potentially fostering a generation disenchanted with the system.

In conclusion, engaging in public service is most advantageous when it springs from free will. Making it compulsory not only poses risks to individuals and society but also undermines the altruistic essence of volunteering itself.

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