Some people believe that watching TV is bad for children, while others claim it has positive effects for children as they grow up. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that watching TV is bad for children, while others claim it has positive effects for children as they grow up.
Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In this day and age, the role of television in children's development is a topic of much controversy to many people these days. While children watching TV might bring several negatives, I would argue that these are overshadowed by its merits.

Admittedly, there are several drawbacks of TV-watching for children associated with certain health risks including physical and mental health. As for the former, young people watching TV are likely to trigger eye strain due to the use of electronic devices for prolonged periods, leading to the ability to suffer from ocular diseases like nearsightedness. Another obstacle is that they could develop improper behaviours from exposure to explicit content such as violations or vandalism on screen, especially when there is no parental control installed on the device. This leads them to imitate these dangerous acts because they are unlikely to perceive the severe level of such actions. These lines of reasoning, however, are not sound when considering the limitation of screen time as well as the parental guidance and supervision of broadcasted contents.

However, there are stronger reasons to believe that the advantages of watching TV for children should be dismissed. The key argument is that this way of entertainment could help children in their language acquisition. This is because the TV shows in native tongue or foreign languages coupled with subtitles and audio-visual aids allow young children to grasp new vocabularies as well as its usage. In fact, many children in Vietnam have learned English or other languages via watching shows or films from channels like Disney Channel or Cartoon Network. Furthermore, TV programs also offer a source of knowledge on numerous fields including science, environment or history through the vivid imagery, realistic movement and assuming delivery of hosts on kids’ educational shows, which helps children better understand difficult concepts like multiplication in comparison with traditional textbooks.

In conclusion, while television is negative to some extent due to the effects on ocular health and improper behaviors when watching toxic content for a long time, I would believe that more benefit in the development of children including learning different languages and the diversity of knowledge as long as parental supervision is adequate.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In this day and age" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "In this day and age" is a colloquial expression. "Currently" is more formal and suitable for academic writing.
"much controversy to many people these days" -> "considerable controversy among many individuals"
Explanation: "Much controversy to many people these days" is informal and vague. "Considerable controversy among many individuals" is more precise and formal.
"children watching TV might bring several negatives" -> "children watching television may have several drawbacks"
Explanation: "Negatives" is too informal and vague; "drawbacks" is more specific and appropriate for academic writing. Also, "might bring" is less definitive than "may have," which is more suitable for academic discussions.
"overshadowed by its merits" -> "outweighed by its benefits"
Explanation: "Overshadowed" is metaphorical and less precise in this context. "Outweighed" is more direct and appropriate for discussing comparative advantages.
"young people watching TV are likely to trigger" -> "young people who watch television may experience"
Explanation: "Trigger" is not the correct term here; "experience" is more accurate in describing the effects of TV watching. Also, "young people watching TV" is awkwardly phrased; "young people who watch television" is clearer.
"ability to suffer from ocular diseases" -> "risk of developing ocular diseases"
Explanation: "Ability to suffer from" is awkward and incorrect. "Risk of developing" is the correct and more formal expression.
"improper behaviours" -> "inappropriate behaviors"
Explanation: "Improper" is less specific; "inappropriate" is more precise and commonly used in academic contexts.
"violations or vandalism on screen" -> "violence or vandalism depicted on screen"
Explanation: "Violations" is not the correct term in this context; "violence" is the appropriate term for describing harmful content. "Violations" is typically used in legal contexts.
"This leads them to imitate these dangerous acts" -> "This may lead them to imitate these dangerous acts"
Explanation: Adding "may" softens the statement, aligning it with the speculative nature of the argument.
"the limitation of screen time" -> "the limitations of screen time"
Explanation: "Limitation" should be plural to match the plural subject "limitations."
"the parental guidance and supervision of broadcasted contents" -> "parental guidance and supervision of broadcast content"
Explanation: "Broadcasted" is not a standard term; "broadcast" is correct. Also, "contents" should be singular as it refers to a general category.
"This way of entertainment" -> "this form of entertainment"
Explanation: "This way of" is informal and vague; "this form of" is more precise and formal.
"TV shows in native tongue or foreign languages" -> "TV shows in their native or foreign languages"
Explanation: "TV shows in native tongue or foreign languages" is awkwardly phrased; "TV shows in their native or foreign languages" is clearer and more grammatically correct.
"assuming delivery of hosts" -> "delivery by hosts"
Explanation: "Assuming delivery" is unclear and awkward; "delivery by hosts" is direct and clear.
"helps children better understand difficult concepts" -> "assists children in better understanding difficult concepts"
Explanation: "Helps" is somewhat informal; "assists" is more formal and precise. Also, "helps children better understand" is a passive construction; "assists children in better understanding" is more active and direct.
"I would believe" -> "I believe"
Explanation: "I would believe" is redundant; "I believe" is sufficient and more direct.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding the impact of television on children. The author presents the negative aspects of watching TV, such as health risks and exposure to inappropriate content, before discussing the positive effects, including language acquisition and educational benefits. However, the discussion of the negative aspects could be more balanced with a clearer presentation of the positive side. The conclusion reiterates the author’s opinion but does not fully encapsulate the discussion of both views.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author should ensure that each view is given equal weight in terms of depth and detail. For instance, elaborating more on the positive effects of TV and providing specific examples could create a more balanced discussion. Additionally, the conclusion could summarize the main points from both sides more effectively before stating the author’s opinion.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The author’s position is somewhat clear, as they argue that the benefits of watching TV outweigh the drawbacks. However, the clarity of this position is occasionally undermined by the way the arguments are presented. For example, the phrase "these lines of reasoning, however, are not sound" may confuse readers about the author’s stance on the negatives of TV.
- How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the author should consistently use language that reinforces their viewpoint. Phrases like "I believe" or "I argue" can be used more strategically to signal the author’s opinion. Additionally, ensuring that the negative aspects are framed as counterarguments rather than undermining the overall stance could help clarify the position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as health risks and language acquisition, but the development of these ideas varies. The negative aspects are somewhat detailed, with specific examples like eye strain and behavioral imitation. However, the positive aspects, while mentioned, lack sufficient elaboration and supporting examples, particularly in terms of how TV can enhance learning.
- How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the author should provide more detailed examples and explanations for the positive impacts of TV. For instance, citing specific studies or statistics about language learning through television could enhance credibility. Additionally, using more varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures could help in extending the ideas presented.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the effects of television on children as prompted. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharper, particularly in the transition between discussing negatives and positives. The phrase "these lines of reasoning, however, are not sound" could lead the reader to question the relevance of the preceding arguments.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that each paragraph clearly ties back to the main question. Transitional phrases that explicitly connect the discussion of negatives to the positives can help maintain coherence. Additionally, ensuring that all examples directly relate to the impact of television on children will help keep the essay on topic.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents a clear argument, there are areas for improvement in balance, clarity, support, and focus that could elevate the score further.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s stance. The body paragraphs are organized to discuss both sides of the argument, with the first paragraph addressing the drawbacks of television and the second focusing on its benefits. However, the transition between the two paragraphs could be smoother. For instance, the phrase "However, there are stronger reasons to believe…" could be more explicitly linked to the previous paragraph to enhance the logical flow.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas between paragraphs. For example, you might say, "Despite the concerns regarding health risks, it is important to recognize the potential benefits of television in children’s development." This would create a clearer relationship between the opposing views and strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The introduction and conclusion are also clearly delineated. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from a more distinct topic sentence that clearly states the main idea of that paragraph, as the current opening sentence is somewhat vague.
- How to improve: Strengthen the topic sentence of the second body paragraph to clearly indicate that it will discuss the positive effects of television. For example, starting with "In contrast to the drawbacks, television can significantly enhance children’s learning and development" would provide a clearer framework for the reader and improve the overall structure.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "however," "as for," and "in fact," which help to connect ideas within and between sentences. Nevertheless, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded. For instance, the essay relies heavily on basic conjunctions and transitional phrases, which can make the writing feel somewhat repetitive.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, using "on the other hand," "moreover," or "consequently" can enhance the sophistication of the writing. Additionally, varying sentence structures and incorporating synonyms can help avoid repetition and create a more engaging flow.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, there are areas for improvement that can elevate the writing to a higher band score. Focus on enhancing transitions, clarifying topic sentences, and diversifying cohesive devices to strengthen the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic of television and its effects on children. Phrases like "health risks," "improper behaviours," and "language acquisition" indicate a solid understanding of the subject matter. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the repeated use of "children" could be replaced with synonyms such as "youth," "youngsters," or "minors" to enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate a broader range of synonyms and expressions related to the topic. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "watching TV," alternatives like "viewing television programs" or "engaging with media content" could be utilized. Additionally, using more descriptive adjectives and adverbs can enrich the writing.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments where precision could be enhanced. For example, the phrase "the ability to suffer from ocular diseases" is somewhat awkward and could be misinterpreted. A more precise expression might be "they are at risk of developing ocular diseases." Furthermore, the term "toxic content" is vague; specifying what constitutes "toxic" could improve clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on using terms that convey exact meanings. For instance, instead of saying "improper behaviours," specifying the types of behaviours (e.g., "aggressive behaviours" or "antisocial behaviours") would provide clearer context. Additionally, reviewing vocabulary choices for clarity and specificity can help in conveying ideas more effectively.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay shows a good level of spelling accuracy overall, with only minor errors. However, there is a notable misspelling in the phrase "the limitation of screen time," where "limitation" should be "limitations." Additionally, the phrase "vocabularies" is incorrectly used; "vocabulary" is an uncountable noun in this context.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, paying close attention to commonly misspelled words and ensuring correct usage of terms. Utilizing spell-check tools or reading the essay aloud can help catch errors that may be overlooked during the writing process. Furthermore, familiarizing oneself with the spelling of key vocabulary related to the essay topic can also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of lexical resource with a band score of 7, there are clear areas for improvement. By expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in word choice, and ensuring correct spelling, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and conditional clauses. For instance, phrases like "while children watching TV might bring several negatives" and "as for the former, young people watching TV are likely to trigger eye strain" show an attempt to use varied grammatical forms effectively. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and some sentences that could be more fluid, such as "the ability to suffer from ocular diseases like nearsightedness," which could be rephrased for clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more compound-complex sentences and varying sentence lengths. For example, instead of starting several sentences with "As for" or "Another obstacle," the writer could use introductory clauses or phrases to create a smoother flow. Additionally, using more transitional phrases can help connect ideas more cohesively.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are some errors that detract from the overall quality. For example, the phrase "the advantages of watching TV for children should be dismissed" is misleading and contradicts the intended argument; it should be "should not be dismissed." Additionally, there are punctuation issues, such as the lack of commas in complex sentences, which can lead to confusion. For instance, "which helps children better understand difficult concepts like multiplication in comparison with traditional textbooks" could benefit from clearer punctuation to separate clauses.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should carefully proofread their work to catch errors in verb tense, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure. Practicing with grammar exercises focused on common pitfalls, such as the correct use of commas and conjunctions, can also be beneficial. Furthermore, revising sentences for clarity and ensuring that the intended meaning is conveyed accurately will enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, there are opportunities for improvement in sentence variety and grammatical precision. By focusing on these areas, the writer can elevate their writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In this day and age, the role of television in children’s development is a topic of considerable controversy among many individuals. While children watching TV may have several drawbacks, I would argue that these are overshadowed by its merits.

Admittedly, there are several drawbacks of TV-watching for children associated with certain health risks, including physical and mental health issues. As for the former, young people who watch television are likely to experience eye strain due to the use of electronic devices for prolonged periods, leading to the risk of developing ocular diseases like nearsightedness. Another obstacle is that they could develop inappropriate behaviors from exposure to explicit content such as violence or vandalism depicted on screen, especially when there is no parental control installed on the device. This may lead them to imitate these dangerous acts because they are unlikely to perceive the severity of such actions. These lines of reasoning, however, are not sound when considering the limitations of screen time as well as the parental guidance and supervision of broadcast content.

However, there are stronger reasons to believe that the advantages of watching TV for children should not be dismissed. The key argument is that this form of entertainment could assist children in their language acquisition. This is because TV shows in their native or foreign languages, coupled with subtitles and audio-visual aids, allow young children to grasp new vocabulary as well as its usage. In fact, many children in Vietnam have learned English or other languages by watching shows or films from channels like Disney Channel or Cartoon Network. Furthermore, TV programs also offer a source of knowledge on numerous fields, including science, the environment, or history, through the vivid imagery, realistic movement, and engaging delivery by hosts on kids’ educational shows, which helps children better understand difficult concepts like multiplication in comparison with traditional textbooks.

In conclusion, while television has negative aspects to some extent due to its effects on ocular health and inappropriate behaviors when watching toxic content for a long time, I believe that the benefits in the development of children, including learning different languages and the diversity of knowledge, outweigh the drawbacks as long as parental supervision is adequate.