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Some people believe that watching TV is bad for children, while others claim that it has positive effects on children that they grow up. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that watching TV is bad for children, while others claim that it has positive effects on children that they grow up. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people would say that it is bad for children to watch TV. In my opinion, however, watching TV has numerous benefits for children as they grow up.
On the one hand, there are several of reasons why people claim that watching TV is not good for children. First and foremost, watching TV in the long term may cause a lot of diseases. An increasing number of children get various diseases because of sitting for an hour in front of the TV. For example, when watching TV, some children tend to keep their eyes glued to the TV, causing eye diseases. If this condition lasts for a long time, it can make the child's eyes more and more serious, and difficult to treat. Another reason is that watching TV programs or series that contain too many violent or sexual scenes which unsuitable for children causes unfathomable consequences. Children may have the ability to imitate and follow bad scenes in TV programs, thereby creating a violent, alienated lifestyle for children, and ruining their future.
On the other hand, I believe watching TV plays an essential role in children. The first reason is that there are numerous TV programs containing education. Children can learn many subjects and skills, simulate children’s senses while learning and learning. Planet Earth and Discovery are two perfect options for parents to turn on the TV for kids if they want to discover the habitat of a wide range of animals on the planet, and also educate them on the importance of preserving the environment. In addition, many TV shows and channels provide children with limitless knowledge of almost every aspect of life. A program called ‘Talent show for kids?’, for example, not only gives children enjoyable moments but also informs them about various subjects.
At the end, watching TV both has advantages and disadvantages for children. But the benefits are shadowing the drawbacks. If children want to watch TV usefully, Parents need to confirm the programs before children watch TV.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "Some people would say" -> "Some argue"
    Explanation: "Some argue" is a more formal and precise way to introduce an opinion or perspective in academic writing, enhancing the tone and clarity of the statement.

  2. "bad for children" -> "harmful to children"
    Explanation: "Harmful to children" is a more specific and academically appropriate term than "bad for children," which is somewhat vague and informal.

  3. "numerous benefits" -> "numerous advantages"
    Explanation: "Advantages" is more specific and academically precise than "benefits" in the context of discussing the positive effects of watching TV on children.

  4. "there are several of reasons" -> "there are several reasons"
    Explanation: The phrase "several of reasons" is grammatically incorrect. The correct form is "several reasons," which is grammatically correct and maintains the formal tone.

  5. "watching TV in the long term may cause a lot of diseases" -> "long-term exposure to TV may lead to various health issues"
    Explanation: "Long-term exposure to TV may lead to various health issues" is more precise and avoids the colloquialism "a lot of diseases," which is too informal for academic writing.

  6. "An increasing number of children get various diseases" -> "an increasing number of children contract various diseases"
    Explanation: "Contract" is the correct verb to use when referring to the acquisition of diseases, making the sentence more precise and formal.

  7. "keep their eyes glued to the TV" -> "maintain their gaze on the screen"
    Explanation: "Maintain their gaze on the screen" is a more formal and precise way to describe the action of focusing on the TV, avoiding the colloquial "glued to the TV."

  8. "more and more serious" -> "increasingly severe"
    Explanation: "Increasingly severe" is a more formal and precise term than "more and more serious," which is somewhat informal and vague.

  9. "unfathomable consequences" -> "serious consequences"
    Explanation: "Unfathomable" is an overused and somewhat melodramatic term; "serious" is more appropriate and maintains an academic tone.

  10. "plays an essential role in children" -> "plays a crucial role in children’s development"
    Explanation: Adding "development" clarifies the context and specifies the role of TV in children’s growth, enhancing the precision and relevance of the statement.

  11. "simulate children’s senses while learning and learning" -> "simulate children’s senses while learning"
    Explanation: Removing the redundant "and" corrects the grammatical error and maintains the formal tone.

  12. "Planet Earth and Discovery" -> "Planet Earth and Discovery Channel"
    Explanation: Adding "Channel" specifies the correct name of the TV channel, enhancing clarity and accuracy.

  13. "limitless knowledge" -> "extensive knowledge"
    Explanation: "Extensive" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "limitless," which is overly broad and informal.

  14. "Talent show for kids?" -> "talent shows for children"
    Explanation: Removing the question mark and replacing "kids" with "children" aligns with the formal tone and avoids informal language.

  15. "usefully" -> "effectively"
    Explanation: "Effectively" is a more formal and precise term than "usefully," which is colloquial and less specific.

  16. "Parents need to confirm the programs before children watch TV" -> "Parents should review the programs before allowing children to watch TV"
    Explanation: "Review" is a more formal verb than "confirm," and "allowing" is more precise than "before children watch TV," which is awkwardly phrased.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views regarding the impact of television on children. The first paragraph outlines the negative aspects, such as health issues and exposure to inappropriate content, while the second paragraph presents the positive effects, emphasizing educational programs and knowledge acquisition. However, the discussion of the negative side could be more balanced with a deeper exploration of the positive aspects, as the latter is somewhat underdeveloped.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could include more examples or details about the positive effects of watching educational TV programs. Additionally, integrating a more thorough comparison of both views could provide a more rounded discussion, ensuring that each perspective is given equal weight.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that favors the positive effects of watching TV on children. The writer states their opinion early on and maintains this stance throughout the essay. However, the transition between discussing the negative and positive aspects could be smoother to reinforce the overall argument.
    • How to improve: To maintain clarity and consistency, the writer could use transitional phrases that clearly signal shifts in perspective. For instance, phrases like "Despite these concerns, it is important to recognize…" could help in maintaining a cohesive narrative while addressing both sides.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, particularly in the positive section, where it mentions educational programs and their benefits. However, some points lack depth; for example, the mention of "Talent show for kids?" is vague and could be better explained to illustrate its educational value. The negative aspects are also somewhat generalized and could benefit from more specific examples or statistics.
    • How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with specific examples, data, or studies that illustrate the claims made. For instance, discussing specific educational outcomes from watching certain programs could provide a stronger foundation for the argument.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the effects of television on children. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharpened, particularly in the conclusion, which introduces the idea of parental control without fully integrating it into the overall argument.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all parts of the essay directly relate back to the central question. The conclusion could be more effective if it succinctly summarized the main points discussed and reiterated the writer’s opinion, rather than introducing new ideas about parental oversight without sufficient context.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents a clear opinion, there is room for improvement in the depth of argumentation, balance between perspectives, and clarity of transitions. By elaborating on points with specific examples and ensuring that all parts of the essay are tightly connected to the prompt, the writer can enhance the overall effectiveness of their response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with distinct sections for both views on the impact of television on children. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and the body paragraphs are organized to first present the negative aspects followed by the positive ones. However, the transition between the two sides could be smoother. For instance, the phrase "On the one hand" is effectively used, but the transition to "On the other hand" could benefit from a more explicit connection to the previous argument, enhancing the logical flow.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly link the two sides of the argument. For example, after discussing the negative effects, a sentence like "Conversely, it is important to recognize the potential benefits that television can offer to children" would create a clearer contrast and improve the flow.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the discussion. The first body paragraph addresses the negative effects of television, while the second discusses its positive aspects. However, the concluding paragraph is somewhat weak; it lacks a clear summary of the arguments presented and does not effectively restate the writer’s opinion.
    • How to improve: Strengthen the conclusion by summarizing the key points made in the body paragraphs and clearly stating your opinion. A more robust conclusion could be: "In conclusion, while television presents certain risks to children, its educational benefits and potential for fostering creativity outweigh these drawbacks, provided that parents monitor viewing habits."
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "first and foremost," "for example," and "in addition," which help to connect ideas within paragraphs. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be more explicit. For example, the phrase "Another reason is that…" could be enhanced by linking it back to the previous point about health issues.
    • How to improve: To diversify and effectively use cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, using "Furthermore" or "Moreover" can help to introduce additional points, while phrases like "In contrast" or "On the contrary" can clarify opposing views. Additionally, ensure that each sentence flows logically into the next by using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view. By improving transitions, strengthening the conclusion, and diversifying cohesive devices, the coherence and cohesion of the essay can be further enhanced, potentially leading to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "numerous benefits," "unfathomable consequences," and "alienated lifestyle." However, there are instances of repetitive phrasing, such as "watching TV" and "children," which could be varied to enhance the lexical diversity. For example, the phrase "watching TV" is used multiple times without synonyms or paraphrasing, which limits the richness of the language.
    • How to improve: To improve vocabulary range, consider using synonyms or related phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly saying "watching TV," you could use "viewing television programs," "watching broadcasts," or "engaging with media." Additionally, incorporating more academic or topic-specific vocabulary related to the effects of media on children could elevate the essay’s lexical sophistication.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains some imprecise vocabulary choices. For example, the phrase "causing eye diseases" could be more accurately expressed as "leading to vision problems" or "resulting in ocular strain." The term "unfathomable consequences" is also vague and could be replaced with more specific terms that describe the negative impacts more clearly, such as "serious behavioral issues" or "increased aggression."
    • How to improve: To enhance precision, focus on selecting words that convey your ideas more clearly. Use specific terms that accurately reflect the context. For example, instead of saying "causing a lot of diseases," specify the types of diseases or health issues, such as "obesity" or "poor eyesight." This will not only clarify your argument but also demonstrate a stronger command of vocabulary.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that detract from its overall quality. For instance, "education" is misspelled as "educational" in the phrase "TV programs containing education," and "shadowing" should be "outweighing" in the context of advantages and disadvantages. These errors can disrupt the reader’s comprehension and suggest a lack of attention to detail.
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After writing the essay, take a break and then review it with fresh eyes, focusing specifically on spelling. Additionally, using spell-check tools or writing practice exercises that emphasize commonly misspelled words can help reinforce correct spelling habits. Regular reading can also enhance spelling skills by familiarizing you with the correct forms of words in context.

By addressing these areas, you can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria for IELTS Task 2 essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases like "If this condition lasts for a long time, it can make the child’s eyes more and more serious, and difficult to treat." However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and a lack of more sophisticated structures. For example, the phrase "Another reason is that watching TV programs or series that contain too many violent or sexual scenes which unsuitable for children causes unfathomable consequences" could be restructured for clarity and variety.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more compound and complex sentences. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "Another reason is that," the writer could use introductory clauses or phrases, such as "In addition to health concerns, another significant issue is…" This would create a more engaging flow and demonstrate a wider range of grammatical structures.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For instance, the phrase "there are several of reasons" should be corrected to "there are several reasons." Additionally, the sentence "which unsuitable for children causes unfathomable consequences" lacks proper structure and should be rephrased to "which are unsuitable for children, causing unfathomable consequences." Punctuation errors, such as missing commas, also occur, particularly in compound sentences where clauses are joined.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and sentence structure. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can also help identify mistakes. Furthermore, practicing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, can enhance clarity. For example, revising sentences to include necessary commas can prevent run-on sentences and improve readability.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, addressing the identified weaknesses in grammatical range and accuracy will help the writer achieve a higher band score in future assessments.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some people would say that it is bad for children to watch TV. In my opinion, however, watching TV has numerous benefits for children as they grow up.

On the one hand, there are several reasons why people claim that watching TV is not good for children. First and foremost, watching TV in the long term may cause a lot of diseases. An increasing number of children contract various diseases because of sitting for an hour in front of the TV. For example, when watching TV, some children tend to maintain their gaze on the screen, causing eye diseases. If this condition lasts for a long time, it can make the child’s eyes increasingly severe and difficult to treat. Another reason is that watching TV programs or series that contain too many violent or sexual scenes which are unsuitable for children can lead to serious consequences. Children may have the ability to imitate and follow bad scenes in TV programs, thereby creating a violent, alienated lifestyle for themselves and ruining their future.

On the other hand, I believe watching TV plays a crucial role in children’s development. The first reason is that there are numerous TV programs containing education. Children can learn many subjects and skills, simulating their senses while learning. Planet Earth and Discovery Channel are two perfect options for parents to turn on the TV for kids if they want to discover the habitat of a wide range of animals on the planet and also educate them on the importance of preserving the environment. In addition, many TV shows and channels provide children with extensive knowledge of almost every aspect of life. A program called ‘Talent Show for Kids,’ for example, not only gives children enjoyable moments but also informs them about various subjects.

In conclusion, watching TV has both advantages and disadvantages for children. However, the benefits overshadow the drawbacks. If children want to watch TV usefully, parents should review the programs before allowing children to watch TV.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

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