Some people believe that young people should choose the jobs that they want, but other people think that they should be more realistic and think more about their future. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some individuals believe that pursuing a career aligned with personal dreams is of utmost importance. Conversely, others argue that young people should adopt a more pragmatic approach when selecting their jobs, considering future prospects. While both perspectives have their merits, I contend that aspiring employees should thoroughly research and gain a comprehensive understanding of the occupations they are interested in before making a career choice.
On one hand, the rise of capitalism necessitates that individuals be productive, often requiring them to work around the clock to meet global demands. This reality compels many young people to expend significant effort on monotonous and repetitive tasks, which can lead to a sense of dissatisfaction. Young individuals, who tend to be more impatient and eager for change, may end up quitting jobs that do not provide them with fulfillment or a sense of freedom. Consequently, pursuing a career that allows them to invest time in their passions can serve as a form of healing, enabling them to leverage their strengths and potentially transform these interests into a stable career in the future.
On the other hand, opponents of this viewpoint argue that the job market is constantly evolving, and young people must be forward-thinking regarding the practical implications of their career choices. In today's world, urbanization and automation are significantly impacting various industries. Many companies are keen to adopt new technologies to meet consumer demands swiftly and efficiently. Unfortunately, this trend often leads to the replacement of human workers with robots and automated systems, which can perform tasks more effectively. Thus, it is essential for young job seekers to adopt a broad perspective when selecting a suitable career path.
In conclusion, while maintaining mental well-being is crucial for sustaining a fulfilling career, young individuals should also be discerning and informed in their job choices to ensure they are well-prepared for the future.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Some individuals believe" -> "Some people believe"
Explanation: "Individuals" is slightly more formal than "people," but "people" is still appropriate in academic writing. Using "people" maintains a conversational tone while still being formal enough for an academic context.
"pursuing a career aligned with personal dreams" -> "pursuing a career aligned with their personal aspirations"
Explanation: "Aspirations" is a more precise term than "dreams," which can sound overly emotional and less formal in academic writing. "Their" also clarifies the possessive pronoun, enhancing the sentence’s clarity and formality.
"adopt a more pragmatic approach" -> "adopt a more pragmatic strategy"
Explanation: "Strategy" is a more specific and formal term than "approach," which is somewhat vague and less precise in this context, fitting better in an academic discussion about career choices.
"considering future prospects" -> "considering future prospects and implications"
Explanation: Adding "and implications" provides a clearer understanding of what is being considered, enhancing the specificity and formality of the statement.
"aspiring employees" -> "aspiring professionals"
Explanation: "Professionals" is more specific and formal than "employees," which is more general and less appropriate for discussing career aspirations in an academic context.
"thoroughly research" -> "thoroughly investigate"
Explanation: "Investigate" is more academically precise than "research," which can be too broad and vague in this context, suggesting a more in-depth examination of the topic.
"rise of capitalism" -> "ascendancy of capitalism"
Explanation: "Ascendancy" is a more formal and precise term than "rise," which is somewhat colloquial and less specific in this context, fitting better in an academic essay.
"compels many young people" -> "compels numerous young individuals"
Explanation: "Numerous" is more formal than "many," and "individuals" is preferred over "people" for a more formal tone in academic writing.
"expending significant effort" -> "expend considerable effort"
Explanation: "Expend" is the correct verb form for this context, and "considerable" is more formal than "significant," aligning better with academic style.
"monotonous and repetitive tasks" -> "repetitive and monotonous tasks"
Explanation: The order of adjectives should be "repetitive and monotonous" to maintain the correct order of adjectives in English, enhancing the formal tone of the sentence.
"tend to be more impatient" -> "are often more impatient"
Explanation: "Are often" is a more formal and precise way to express frequency in academic writing compared to "tend to be," which is less formal and slightly vague.
"pursuing a career that allows them to invest time" -> "pursuing a career that enables them to dedicate time"
Explanation: "Enables" and "dedicate" are more formal and precise than "allows" and "invest," which are less formal and slightly vague in this context.
"transform these interests into a stable career" -> "convert these interests into a stable career"
Explanation: "Convert" is a more formal synonym for "transform," fitting better in an academic context where precision is crucial.
"opponents of this viewpoint" -> "those opposing this viewpoint"
Explanation: "Those opposing" is more formal and less colloquial than "opponents," which can sound confrontational and less academic.
"forward-thinking regarding the practical implications" -> "forward-thinking about the practical implications"
Explanation: "About" is more commonly used in academic writing than "regarding" when discussing abstract concepts like implications, making the phrase more natural and formal.
"adopt a broad perspective" -> "adopt a comprehensive perspective"
Explanation: "Comprehensive" is more precise and formal than "broad," which is somewhat vague and less specific in this context, enhancing the academic tone of the essay.

These changes refine the vocabulary to better suit the formal and academic style required in the essay, ensuring clarity, precision, and appropriateness for an academic audience.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument regarding whether young people should pursue their dream jobs or adopt a more realistic approach. The introduction clearly outlines the two perspectives, and the body paragraphs delve into each viewpoint. The first paragraph discusses the importance of pursuing passions, while the second highlights the need for practicality in career choices. However, while both views are presented, the conclusion could have more explicitly stated the balance between the two perspectives, which would enhance the completeness of the response.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay could include a more explicit comparison of the two views in the conclusion, summarizing the strengths of each side while reinforcing the author’s position. This would provide a more rounded answer to the prompt.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that young people should research and understand their career options before making a choice. This stance is articulated well in the introduction and conclusion. However, the body paragraphs could benefit from clearer transitions that reinforce the author’s opinion, particularly when discussing the opposing viewpoint.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, the author could use transitional phrases that reiterate their position while discussing the opposing view. For instance, phrases like "Despite these valid concerns…" could help maintain a consistent stance throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are relevant and well-supported with examples, such as the impact of capitalism and automation on job choices. The author effectively explains how pursuing passions can lead to fulfillment, while also acknowledging the realities of the job market. However, some ideas could be further developed; for instance, the discussion on how young people can transform their passions into stable careers could benefit from specific examples or strategies.
- How to improve: To improve, the author should aim to provide more concrete examples or case studies that illustrate how individuals have successfully navigated their career paths. This would not only strengthen the argument but also provide a more compelling narrative.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, addressing the prompt directly and avoiding irrelevant tangents. Each paragraph contributes to the overall discussion of career choices for young people. However, there are moments where the discussion of automation could be more tightly linked back to the central question of job selection.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that every point made directly ties back to the central question. For instance, when discussing automation, it would be beneficial to explicitly connect how this trend impacts young people’s job choices and the importance of being realistic in their aspirations. This would reinforce the relevance of each point to the overall argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction that outlines the two opposing views and a thesis statement that establishes the writer’s position. The body paragraphs are organized to discuss each viewpoint separately, which aids in understanding. For instance, the first body paragraph effectively discusses the importance of pursuing personal passions, while the second addresses the need for a pragmatic approach. However, the transition between the two paragraphs could be smoother, as the connection between the two arguments is somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly link the two viewpoints. For example, at the end of the first body paragraph, a sentence like “However, this idealistic approach must be balanced with practical considerations” could help bridge the gap to the opposing view.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. The introduction sets the stage, the body paragraphs explore the two perspectives, and the conclusion summarizes the discussion. However, the body paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences that encapsulate the main idea of each paragraph more explicitly.
- How to improve: Ensure that each body paragraph begins with a strong topic sentence that clearly states the main point. For instance, the first body paragraph could start with, “One significant argument in favor of pursuing personal passions is the potential for greater job satisfaction,” which would provide a clear focus for the paragraph.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as “On one hand” and “On the other hand,” which help to delineate the two perspectives. Additionally, phrases like “Consequently” and “Thus” are used to indicate cause and effect. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and the essay could benefit from more varied linking words and phrases to enhance cohesion.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of connectors and transitional phrases. For example, instead of repeating “On one hand” and “On the other hand,” consider using alternatives like “Firstly” and “Conversely.” Additionally, using phrases such as “Furthermore” or “In addition” can help to connect ideas within and between paragraphs more fluidly.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, enhancing the logical flow, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will elevate the overall coherence and cohesion, potentially leading to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with phrases like "pursuing a career aligned with personal dreams," "pragmatic approach," and "comprehensive understanding." These expressions indicate a solid grasp of the topic and the ability to convey nuanced ideas. However, some vocabulary choices, such as "monotonous and repetitive tasks," could be seen as somewhat predictable and lack the sophistication expected at a higher band score.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating more varied synonyms or less common phrases. For instance, instead of "monotonous and repetitive tasks," you might use "tedious and menial duties" or "uninspiring and routine responsibilities." This would elevate the lexical sophistication of the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary accurately, with terms like "urbanization," "automation," and "practical implications" used correctly in context. However, the phrase "the rise of capitalism necessitates that individuals be productive" could be misleading, as it implies a direct causation that may not be universally accepted. The term "healing" in the context of pursuing passions may also be seen as vague or imprecise.
- How to improve: To improve precision, ensure that vocabulary choices accurately reflect the intended meaning. For example, instead of "healing," consider using "personal fulfillment" or "self-actualization." Additionally, clarify complex ideas by providing context or examples that support the vocabulary used, which will enhance the overall clarity of the argument.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors in the text. Words such as "individuals," "opponents," and "automation" are spelled correctly, contributing to the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: While spelling is strong, it is always beneficial to maintain this level of accuracy through practices such as proofreading and using spell-check tools. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with commonly misspelled words in English can further solidify spelling skills.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a solid command of lexical resource, achieving a band score of 7. To improve further, focus on expanding vocabulary range, ensuring precision in word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy through consistent practice.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences such as "While both perspectives have their merits, I contend that aspiring employees should thoroughly research and gain a comprehensive understanding of the occupations they are interested in before making a career choice" effectively convey nuanced ideas. Additionally, the use of contrasting structures, such as "On one hand" and "On the other hand," helps to clearly delineate opposing viewpoints. However, the essay could benefit from more varied sentence openings and the inclusion of some compound-complex sentences to further enhance the range.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more introductory phrases or clauses. For example, instead of starting sentences with "This reality compels many young people," you could begin with a dependent clause: "Given the demands of capitalism, many young people find themselves compelled to…" This approach not only varies the structure but also adds depth to the argument.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits high grammatical accuracy, with few errors. For example, phrases like "the rise of capitalism necessitates that individuals be productive" are grammatically sound. However, there are minor punctuation issues, such as the absence of a comma before "which can lead to a sense of dissatisfaction" in the sentence "This reality compels many young people to expend significant effort on monotonous and repetitive tasks which can lead to a sense of dissatisfaction." This omission can lead to confusion regarding the sentence’s structure.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy and punctuation skills, it is advisable to review the rules surrounding the use of commas, particularly in complex sentences. Practicing the placement of commas in relative clauses and ensuring that they are used to separate independent clauses can help. Additionally, proofreading for minor errors before submission can catch these small but impactful mistakes.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, meriting a band score of 8. By focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining punctuation, the writer can further enhance their writing quality.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals believe that pursuing a career aligned with their personal aspirations is of utmost importance. Conversely, others argue that young people should adopt a more pragmatic strategy when selecting their jobs, considering future prospects and implications. While both perspectives have their merits, I contend that aspiring professionals should thoroughly investigate and gain a comprehensive understanding of the occupations they are interested in before making a career choice.

On one hand, the ascendancy of capitalism necessitates that individuals be productive, often requiring them to work around the clock to meet global demands. This reality compels numerous young individuals to expend considerable effort on monotonous and repetitive tasks, which can lead to a sense of dissatisfaction. Young people, who are often more impatient and eager for change, may end up quitting jobs that do not provide them with fulfillment or a sense of freedom. Consequently, pursuing a career that enables them to dedicate time to their passions can serve as a form of healing, allowing them to leverage their strengths and potentially convert these interests into a stable career in the future.

On the other hand, those opposing this viewpoint argue that the job market is constantly evolving, and young people must be forward-thinking about the practical implications of their career choices. In today’s world, urbanization and automation are significantly impacting various industries. Many companies are keen to adopt new technologies to meet consumer demands swiftly and efficiently. Unfortunately, this trend often leads to the replacement of human workers with robots and automated systems, which can perform tasks more effectively. Thus, it is essential for young job seekers to adopt a comprehensive perspective when selecting a suitable career path.

In conclusion, while maintaining mental well-being is crucial for sustaining a fulfilling career, young individuals should also be discerning and informed in their job choices to ensure they are well-prepared for the future.