some people believe that young people should choose the jobs that they want, but other people think they should be more realistic and think more about their future. Dicuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some individuals are of the opinion that when it comes to choosing a specific career path, young people should focus on occupations that align with their personal interests and passion. Others, nevertheless, suggest that such a process should have a high degree of realism and practicality. In this essay, I would evaluate both schools of thought before proposing my own perspective on this matter.
On the one hand, there are some reasons that explain why some people believe that young people should choose jobs that they feel passionate about. These individuals are often characterized by a tendency to switch between jobs as they lack a high level of resilience that can help them overcome challenges that often emerge in the current working environment that is filled with competition. When young people follow a career trajectory that aligns with their innate passion and interest, they can have more motivation to be patient regardless of emerging setbacks. Eventually, they may enjoy greater financial stability that provide them opportunities for a successful future.
On the other hand, opponents of the previous view claim that a job should be picked based on the practical and realistic conditions and expectation of a young worker. With an instability financial foundation, choosing a job with immediate income will solve the problem about commuting, housing and studying…of young people. Subsequently, they can save money after time for a solid financial foundation to follow their own passion and achieve their purpose.
In conclusion, although there are mixed opinions on determining what factors are more important in the decision-making process of young people regarding their occupations, I believe that these individuals should consider multiple factors before making their final decision. While following personal passions could help young people overcome challenging situations in their professional environment, being realistic could support their financial conditions and open the doors for future possibilities.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Some individuals are of the opinion" -> "Some individuals hold the view"
Explanation: "Hold the view" is a more formal and concise way to express an opinion in academic writing, enhancing the tone of the essay.
"young people should focus on occupations" -> "young individuals should concentrate on careers"
Explanation: "Concentrate on careers" is more precise and formal than "focus on occupations," and "individuals" is preferred over "people" in formal academic contexts.
"Others, nevertheless, suggest" -> "Others, however, contend"
Explanation: "Contend" is a more formal synonym for "suggest" and fits better in an academic discussion, emphasizing the argumentative nature of the opposing viewpoint.
"a high degree of realism and practicality" -> "a high level of realism and practicality"
Explanation: "Level" is more commonly used in academic contexts to describe degrees or amounts, making the phrase more natural and precise.
"I would evaluate" -> "I will evaluate"
Explanation: "Will" is more assertive and appropriate for academic writing, indicating a clear intention to proceed with the evaluation.
"These individuals are often characterized by a tendency" -> "These individuals frequently exhibit a tendency"
Explanation: "Exhibit" is more precise and formal than "are characterized by," and "frequently" is more specific than "often."
"lack a high level of resilience" -> "lack resilience"
Explanation: Simplifying "a high level of resilience" to "resilience" maintains the meaning while enhancing the formal tone.
"filled with competition" -> "characterized by competition"
Explanation: "Characterized by" is more formal and precise than "filled with," which is somewhat colloquial.
"they can have more motivation" -> "they may be more motivated"
Explanation: "May be more motivated" is a more formal and academically appropriate way to express potential outcomes.
"provide them opportunities for a successful future" -> "offer them opportunities for a successful future"
Explanation: "Offer" is more formal and precise than "provide" in this context, enhancing the academic tone.
"opponents of the previous view claim" -> "opponents of this view argue"
Explanation: "Argue" is more specific and formal than "claim," fitting better in an academic discussion.
"choosing a job with immediate income" -> "selecting a job with immediate financial benefits"
Explanation: "Financial benefits" is a more precise and formal term than "income," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"solve the problem about commuting, housing and studying" -> "address issues related to commuting, housing, and studying"
Explanation: "Address issues related to" is more formal and specific than "solve the problem about," which is less precise and slightly informal.
"save money after time for a solid financial foundation" -> "accumulate funds over time to establish a solid financial foundation"
Explanation: "Accumulate funds" is more precise and formal than "save money," and "establish" is more appropriate than "save" in this context.
"follow their own passion and achieve their purpose" -> "pursue their passions and achieve their goals"
Explanation: "Pursue their passions and achieve their goals" is more formal and aligns better with academic language, replacing the less formal "follow their own passion and achieve their purpose."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views on whether young people should pursue jobs based on passion or practicality. The introduction clearly outlines the two perspectives, and each viewpoint is discussed in separate paragraphs. The author presents arguments for both sides, such as the benefits of passion in fostering resilience and the importance of financial stability. However, the conclusion could more explicitly restate the two views before presenting the author’s opinion, which would enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, ensure that the conclusion succinctly summarizes both perspectives before stating your own opinion. This will reinforce the discussion and provide a clearer closure to the essay.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position, advocating for a balanced approach that considers both passion and practicality. The author’s opinion is stated in the conclusion, but it could be more explicitly referenced throughout the essay. For example, while discussing both views, the author could interject personal opinions or preferences to emphasize their stance more clearly.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, consider integrating your opinion more frequently within the body paragraphs. Phrases like "I believe" or "In my view" can help signal your perspective while discussing each side, making your stance more prominent.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents and extends ideas well, particularly in the discussion of the benefits of pursuing passion and the need for financial stability. However, some arguments could be further developed. For instance, the point about financial stability could benefit from specific examples or statistics to strengthen the argument. Additionally, the mention of "greater financial stability" could be elaborated with more context on how pursuing passion might lead to such outcomes.
- How to improve: To effectively present and support ideas, include specific examples, anecdotes, or data that reinforce your arguments. This will not only add credibility but also engage the reader more effectively.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt without significant deviations. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly focused. For instance, the mention of "instability financial foundation" could be rephrased for clarity and relevance, as it slightly strays from the core argument about job selection.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, ensure that every point directly ties back to the central question of job selection based on passion versus practicality. Avoid vague phrases and clarify any terms that may confuse the reader, ensuring that all content contributes to the overall argument.

By implementing these suggestions, the essay can achieve even greater clarity and depth, potentially enhancing its overall effectiveness in addressing the prompt.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the two opposing views on job selection for young people. The body paragraphs are organized to discuss each viewpoint separately, which aids in clarity. For instance, the first body paragraph effectively details the advantages of pursuing passion, while the second addresses the practicality of job selection. However, the transition between the two views could be more explicit to enhance logical progression.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer topic sentences that explicitly state the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, incorporating transitional phrases such as "Conversely" or "In contrast" at the beginning of the second body paragraph would strengthen the connection between the two viewpoints.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct idea. The introduction sets the stage, while the body paragraphs delve into the arguments for and against pursuing passion in job selection. However, the conclusion could be more robust, as it briefly summarizes the discussion without fully synthesizing the arguments presented.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that the conclusion not only summarizes but also reinforces the main arguments made in the body. Consider restating the key points from each viewpoint and then clearly articulating your own opinion, linking it back to the arguments discussed.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which help to delineate the contrasting views. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are moments where cohesion could be enhanced through more varied linking words and phrases.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words. For example, use "Furthermore" or "Moreover" to add information, and "However" or "Nevertheless" to introduce contrasting ideas. Additionally, consider using pronouns and synonyms to avoid repetition and enhance the flow of ideas.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially increasing the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "career path," "resilience," "motivation," and "financial stability." However, there are instances of repetition, such as the use of "young people" multiple times without variation. This limits the lexical diversity and can detract from the overall quality of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms or paraphrasing. For example, instead of repeatedly saying "young people," you could use "youth," "young adults," or "the younger generation." Additionally, incorporating more varied phrases could enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, there are moments of imprecision. For instance, the phrase "instability financial foundation" should be corrected to "unstable financial foundation." Also, the phrase "solve the problem about commuting, housing and studying" is somewhat vague and could be more clearly articulated.
- How to improve: Focus on ensuring that word forms and collocations are used correctly. For example, instead of "instability financial foundation," use "unstable financial situation." To improve clarity, rephrase vague statements into more specific ones, such as "address financial challenges related to commuting, housing, and education."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "provide" instead of "provides" in the context of "greater financial stability that provide them opportunities." This indicates a lack of attention to grammatical agreement, which can affect the overall impression of lexical resource.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, practice proofreading your work carefully. Reading the essay aloud can help catch errors, as can using spell-check tools. Additionally, familiarize yourself with commonly misspelled words and their correct forms, ensuring that you check for subject-verb agreement in your sentences.

By addressing these areas, you can improve your lexical resource score in future IELTS essays. Aim for greater variety in vocabulary, precision in word choice, and accuracy in spelling to enhance the overall quality of your writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences such as "When young people follow a career trajectory that aligns with their innate passion and interest, they can have more motivation to be patient regardless of emerging setbacks." This showcases the ability to connect ideas effectively. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the use of "that" clauses, which can make the writing feel somewhat monotonous.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more compound sentences and different ways to introduce clauses. For example, instead of repeatedly using "that," you could use phrases like "which" or "where" to introduce additional information. Additionally, varying the sentence beginnings (e.g., starting with adverbial phrases or using inversion) can create a more dynamic flow.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from clarity. For instance, the phrase "a high degree of realism and practicality" is somewhat vague and could be more precise. Additionally, the sentence "Eventually, they may enjoy greater financial stability that provide them opportunities for a successful future" contains a subject-verb agreement error ("provide" should be "provides"). Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are instances where commas could enhance readability, such as before "nevertheless" in the first sentence.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on subject-verb agreement and ensure that all parts of a sentence are correctly aligned. A thorough proofreading process can help catch these errors. For punctuation, practice using commas to separate clauses and enhance the flow of ideas. For example, revising sentences to include commas before transitional phrases can clarify the relationship between ideas.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the score further.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals hold the view that when it comes to choosing a specific career path, young people should concentrate on occupations that align with their personal interests and passions. Others, however, contend that such a process should incorporate a high level of realism and practicality. In this essay, I will evaluate both schools of thought before proposing my own perspective on this matter.

On the one hand, there are several reasons that explain why some people believe that young individuals should select jobs that they feel passionate about. These individuals frequently exhibit a tendency to switch between jobs, as they may lack the resilience needed to overcome challenges that often emerge in a competitive working environment. When young people pursue a career trajectory that aligns with their innate interests, they may be more motivated to remain patient in the face of setbacks. Eventually, this can lead to greater financial stability, offering them opportunities for a successful future.

On the other hand, opponents of this view argue that a job should be chosen based on the practical and realistic conditions and expectations of a young worker. With an unstable financial foundation, selecting a job with immediate financial benefits can address issues related to commuting, housing, and studying for young people. Subsequently, they can accumulate funds over time to establish a solid financial foundation, allowing them to pursue their passions and achieve their goals later on.

In conclusion, although there are mixed opinions on what factors are more important in the decision-making process of young people regarding their occupations, I believe that these individuals should consider multiple factors before making their final decision. While following personal passions could help young people navigate challenging situations in their professional lives, being realistic can support their financial conditions and open doors for future possibilities.