Some people believe that your personality trait does not change over time. To what extent do you agree? Give examples to support your opinion.

Many people argue that personal characteristic shifts are not likely to occur over some time. However, I believe that while some certain traits stay consistent, others can undergo significant transformations.

On the one hand, there are three factors attributed to the stability of some individual's characteristics. Firstly, these traits are innate, present from birth, which inherit from parents. For example, twins have similar traits even when raised apart. Secondly, because of the remains of habits, a number of people still behave in the same way from a child to an adult such as hard-working in school can stay with a person into adulthood. Thirdly, They’re resistant to change because they’ve reached a mental, emotional, or physical peak or plateau. For instance, an athlete who has trained intensively for years might feel that they have reached their peak physical condition. As a result, they may be less motivated to adopt new training methods or push beyond their current limits, believing they have already achieved their best possible performance.

On the other hand, the majority of an individual's traits tend to become more different through the maturation process for four reasons. Firstly, the character receives an impetus to change. This trigger to action may be internal or external. In other words, the character may decide to leave their current state of being of their own accord, or another person or event can urge them to do so. For instance, becoming a parent makes someone more responsible. Secondly, new places and cultures drive people to alter their perspective like moving to a team-based culture makes someone more cooperative. Thirdly, an indispensable key is relationships. Research assumes that a person is the average of the people they spend most time with. Finally, inner growth and being older make people unstable, if a busy person becomes more relaxed, they grow older.

Moreover, it also has a characteristic tendency that personality changes in some ways but not in others. For example, in different places they act in a way, a person quiet at parties while talkative with close friends.

In conclusion, although shifting trends in personal traits is far more popular than remaining, I contend that not all the changes are positive. It is advisable that people should self-reflection, find out their weakness and adjusting themselves to their best version.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Many people argue" -> "It is commonly argued"
Explanation: "It is commonly argued" shifts the passive voice to a more formal and impersonal tone, which is preferred in academic writing.
"personal characteristic shifts" -> "personal characteristic changes"
Explanation: "Changes" is a more precise and commonly used term in academic contexts than "shifts," which can be vague and less formal.
"some certain traits" -> "certain traits"
Explanation: Removing "some" eliminates redundancy and enhances the formality of the sentence.
"traits are innate, present from birth, which inherit from parents" -> "traits are innate, inherited from parents"
Explanation: Simplifying the phrase eliminates redundancy and improves clarity and formality.
"a number of people still behave" -> "many individuals continue to exhibit"
Explanation: "Many individuals continue to exhibit" is more formal and precise than "a number of people still behave," which is somewhat informal and vague.
"They’re" -> "They are"
Explanation: "They are" is the correct form for the third person plural, whereas "They’re" is a contraction and is too informal for academic writing.
"because they’ve reached a mental, emotional, or physical peak or plateau" -> "because they have reached a mental, emotional, or physical peak or plateau"
Explanation: Changing "they’ve" to "they have" corrects the contraction to the full form, aligning with formal writing standards.
"the majority of an individual’s traits tend to become more different" -> "the majority of an individual’s traits tend to change"
Explanation: "Become more different" is redundant; "change" is sufficient and more direct, improving the clarity and conciseness of the sentence.
"the character receives an impetus to change" -> "the individual receives an impetus to change"
Explanation: "Character" is less specific and can be ambiguous; "individual" is more precise and appropriate in this context.
"This trigger to action" -> "This trigger for change"
Explanation: "Trigger for change" is a more specific and academically appropriate phrase than "trigger to action," which is less formal and vague.
"new places and cultures drive people to alter their perspective" -> "new environments and cultures influence individuals to alter their perspectives"
Explanation: "Environments" and "influence" are more precise and formal than "places" and "drive," and "individuals" is preferred over "people" in academic writing.
"an indispensable key is relationships" -> "a crucial factor is relationships"
Explanation: "A crucial factor" is more specific and academically appropriate than "an indispensable key," which is overly dramatic and informal.
"Research assumes that a person is the average of the people they spend most time with" -> "Research suggests that an individual’s behavior is influenced by the people they spend most time with"
Explanation: "Suggests" is more accurate than "assumes," and "behavior is influenced by" is a more precise and formal way to express the idea.
"if a busy person becomes more relaxed, they grow older" -> "as a busy person becomes more relaxed, they may mature"
Explanation: "May mature" is more accurate and less absolute than "grow older," which is too broad and informal for this context.
"shifting trends in personal traits is far more popular than remaining" -> "the shift in personal traits is more prevalent than remaining consistent"
Explanation: "More prevalent" is a more formal and precise term than "far more popular," which is colloquial and vague.
"It is advisable that people should self-reflection" -> "It is advisable for individuals to engage in self-reflection"
Explanation: "For individuals to engage in self-reflection" is grammatically correct and more formal than "people should self-reflection," which is grammatically incorrect and informal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument regarding whether personality traits change over time. The writer acknowledges that some traits remain stable while others can evolve, which is a balanced approach. However, the response could be more explicit in stating the extent of agreement or disagreement with the statement, as the prompt asks "to what extent" the writer agrees. The examples provided, such as the impact of upbringing on traits and the influence of life experiences, are relevant but could be more directly tied to the question.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should clearly state their position in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. Additionally, they should ensure that each example directly supports their stance on the extent of personality change, perhaps by explicitly stating how each example relates to their level of agreement.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a somewhat clear position, indicating that the writer believes some traits are stable while others can change. However, the position could be more consistently articulated throughout the essay. For instance, the transition between discussing stable traits and changing traits could be smoother, and the conclusion does not strongly reaffirm the writer’s position.
- How to improve: The writer should maintain a clear thesis statement that reflects their overall stance and refer back to it in each paragraph. Using phrases like "I believe" or "In my opinion" can help reinforce their viewpoint. Additionally, a more definitive conclusion that summarizes their position would strengthen the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the stability and change of personality traits, supported by examples. However, some points lack depth and could benefit from further elaboration. For instance, the mention of twins and their traits is a strong point, but it could be enhanced by discussing how this relates to environmental influences versus genetic predispositions. Similarly, the idea of becoming more responsible as a parent is relevant but could be supported with more specific examples or research findings.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples for each point. Incorporating research or studies that support their claims would also add credibility. Additionally, using transitional phrases to connect ideas more fluidly would enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing personality traits and their potential for change. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly in the discussion of "inner growth" and "being older," which could be more clearly linked to the main argument about personality traits. The phrase "make people unstable" is vague and could confuse readers about the intended meaning.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point directly relates back to the question of whether personality traits change. They should avoid introducing vague concepts that do not clearly support their argument. A clear outline before writing could help in organizing thoughts and ensuring that all points are relevant to the topic.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, improvements in clarity, depth of argumentation, and focus on the prompt would enhance the overall effectiveness of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the stability and changeability of personality traits. The introduction effectively sets up the discussion, and the body paragraphs are organized into two main opposing viewpoints. However, the transition between the points could be smoother. For example, the shift from discussing stability in traits to the factors that lead to change could benefit from a clearer linking sentence to guide the reader. Additionally, the conclusion reiterates the main argument but introduces a new idea about self-reflection that feels somewhat disconnected from the preceding discussion.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases or sentences that explicitly connect the ideas between paragraphs. For instance, at the end of the first body paragraph, a sentence summarizing the stability of traits before introducing the counterargument could help. Additionally, ensure that the conclusion ties back to the main points discussed without introducing new concepts.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The first body paragraph discusses the stability of traits, while the second addresses the changes that occur over time. However, the third paragraph, which attempts to summarize the dual nature of personality traits, lacks clarity and could be better integrated into the overall structure.
- How to improve: Strengthen paragraphing by ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that outlines its main idea. The third paragraph could be restructured to either serve as a transition between the two main arguments or be integrated into one of the existing paragraphs to maintain focus. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph contains a logical progression of ideas, leading to a clear conclusion.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "Moreover," which help to organize the points. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited and could be more varied. For example, phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" are effective, but the essay could benefit from additional linking words and phrases to enhance the flow between sentences and ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "In contrast," "Additionally," "Consequently," and "For instance." This will help to create a more fluid reading experience and clarify the relationships between ideas. Furthermore, ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately to avoid redundancy and maintain clarity.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a balanced argument, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices could elevate the coherence and cohesion to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "characteristic," "transformation," "maturation process," and "indispensable." However, the use of vocabulary is somewhat limited and repetitive. For instance, the phrase "personal traits" appears multiple times without variation, which detracts from the overall lexical diversity. Additionally, some phrases, such as "character receives an impetus to change," could be expressed more naturally.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "traits," alternatives like "attributes," "qualities," or "characteristics" could be employed. Furthermore, employing more descriptive adjectives or adverbs can enrich the text. For instance, instead of "significant transformations," the writer could say "profound changes" or "notable shifts."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay includes some precise vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage that may confuse the reader. For example, the phrase "the remains of habits" is awkward and unclear; it would be more effective to say "the persistence of habits." Additionally, the term "unstable" in the context of aging is misleading, as it implies a lack of steadiness rather than the potential for change.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and appropriateness of word choice. Using phrases that accurately convey the intended meaning is crucial. For example, instead of saying "make someone more responsible," the writer could say "encourages a sense of responsibility." Regularly consulting a thesaurus or vocabulary resources can help in finding more precise terms.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "characteristic tendency" (should be "characteristic") and "self-reflection" (should be hyphenated as "self-reflection"). These errors can detract from the overall quality of the writing and may lead to misunderstandings.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help identify errors. Additionally, practicing spelling through exercises or writing prompts can reinforce correct spelling habits.

In summary, to improve the Lexical Resource score, the writer should focus on expanding vocabulary range, ensuring precise word choice, and enhancing spelling accuracy. Regular practice and exposure to varied vocabulary through reading and writing can significantly contribute to these improvements.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of introductory phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" effectively organizes the argument. However, some sentences are overly simplistic or repetitive, such as "For example, twins have similar traits even when raised apart," which could benefit from more complex constructions to enhance sophistication. Additionally, the sentence "Moreover, it also has a characteristic tendency that personality changes in some ways but not in others" is awkwardly phrased and lacks clarity.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied sentence openings, such as starting with adverbial clauses or using inversion for emphasis. For example, instead of saying "For instance, becoming a parent makes someone more responsible," the writer could rephrase it to "Becoming a parent, for instance, often instills a greater sense of responsibility in individuals." Additionally, practicing the use of relative clauses and participial phrases could add complexity and fluidity to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For example, the phrase "which inherit from parents" should be "which are inherited from parents." The use of "the remains of habits" is also awkward; a more appropriate phrase might be "the remnants of habits." Furthermore, there are punctuation errors, such as missing commas in complex sentences, which can lead to confusion. For instance, "For example, twins have similar traits even when raised apart" could benefit from a comma before "even" to clarify the sentence structure.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those focusing on common errors, could be beneficial. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, especially for complex sentences, will help improve clarity. Reading more academic texts can also provide examples of correct grammar and punctuation usage in context, which can serve as a model for the writer’s own work.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Many people argue that personal characteristic changes are unlikely to occur over time. However, I believe that while certain traits may remain consistent, others can undergo significant transformations.

On the one hand, there are three factors attributed to the stability of some individuals’ characteristics. Firstly, these traits are innate, inherited from parents, and present from birth. For example, twins often exhibit similar traits even when raised apart. Secondly, due to the persistence of habits, many individuals continue to exhibit the same behaviors from childhood into adulthood; for instance, a strong work ethic developed in school can carry over into later life. Thirdly, some traits are resistant to change because individuals have reached a mental, emotional, or physical peak or plateau. For instance, an athlete who has trained intensively for years might feel that they have reached their peak physical condition. As a result, they may be less motivated to adopt new training methods or push beyond their current limits, believing they have already achieved their best possible performance.

On the other hand, the majority of an individual’s traits tend to change significantly through the maturation process for several reasons. Firstly, individuals often receive an impetus to change. This trigger for change may be internal or external; in other words, a person may decide to leave their current state of being of their own accord, or another person or event can urge them to do so. For instance, becoming a parent often makes someone more responsible. Secondly, new environments and cultures influence individuals to alter their perspectives; for example, moving to a team-based culture can encourage someone to become more cooperative. Thirdly, a crucial factor is relationships. Research suggests that a person is the average of the people they spend the most time with. Finally, inner growth and aging can lead to changes in personality; for instance, as a busy person becomes more relaxed, they may mature and develop new traits.

Moreover, it is important to note that personality changes can occur in some ways but not in others. For example, an individual may act differently in various settings, being quiet at parties while talkative with close friends.

In conclusion, although shifts in personal traits are far more prevalent than remaining consistent, I contend that not all changes are positive. It is advisable for individuals to engage in self-reflection, identify their weaknesses, and adjust themselves to become the best version of themselves.