Some people believe what children watch on TV influences their behavior. Some say it is the amount of time watching TV that influences their behavior. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Some people believe what children watch on TV influences their behavior. Some say it is the amount of time watching TV that influences their behavior.
Discuss both views and give your opinion

In contemporary society, it is believed that the TV content that children watch or the time spent on it influences their behaviors. This essay will take a closer look into both opinions and present my personal thoughts on this matter.
On the one hand, children are negatively affected by the toxic content on TV. In reality, unsupervised children, who are in the phase of forming their personality traits, are usually susceptible to unsuitable videos for their ages. For instance, although Rap is one of the most famous kinds of music, it has various impolite and rude words, and children easily imitate what they hear without having a deep understanding. However, numerous cartoons assist children in precious lessons. For example, kids can learn about team spirit and sacrifice in superhero series.
On the other hand, in my strong belief, the amount of time spent on TV influences children's physical and mental health can not be overlooked. A great number of children, particularly those addicted to TV, tend to distance themselves from the outside world, resulting in obesity and physical weakness because they aren’t familiar with sports and exercise. In terms of logical thinking, they find paying attention to studying or working difficult rather than children who are interested in reading books.
In conclusion, while I consider that meaningful lessons can be taken from cartoons or films, parents not only have to limit the over ages video content containing rude words but also reduce their time-consuming on watching TV in order to improve their physical and mental health.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In contemporary society" -> "In the contemporary society"
Explanation: Adding "the" before "contemporary society" corrects the grammatical error and aligns with formal writing standards by specifying the subject more clearly.
"it is believed that" -> "it is widely believed that"
Explanation: "It is widely believed that" enhances the formality and specificity of the statement, indicating a broader consensus among people.
"On the one hand" -> "On one hand"
Explanation: "On one hand" is a more concise and formal way to introduce contrasting ideas in academic writing.
"unsupervised children" -> "unsupervised youngsters"
Explanation: "Youngsters" is a more formal term than "children," which is typically used in academic contexts to refer to children in a more formal manner.
"unsuitable videos for their ages" -> "inappropriate content for their age group"
Explanation: "Inappropriate content for their age group" is more precise and formal, avoiding the vagueness of "unsuitable videos."
"Rap is one of the most famous kinds of music" -> "Rap is a popular genre of music"
Explanation: "A popular genre of music" is more precise and academically appropriate than "one of the most famous kinds of music," which is overly casual and vague.
"impolite and rude words" -> "inappropriate language"
Explanation: "Inappropriate language" is a more formal and precise term than "impolite and rude words," which is somewhat colloquial.
"kids can learn about team spirit and sacrifice" -> "children can learn about teamwork and self-sacrifice"
Explanation: "Teamwork and self-sacrifice" are more formal and specific terms than "team spirit and sacrifice," enhancing the academic tone.
"in my strong belief" -> "in my firm belief"
Explanation: "Firm belief" is a more formal expression than "strong belief," which is slightly less formal.
"can not be overlooked" -> "cannot be overlooked"
Explanation: "Cannot" is the correct form of "can not" in formal writing, adhering to grammatical standards.
"A great number of children" -> "a significant number of children"
Explanation: "A significant number" is more precise and formal than "a great number," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"distance themselves from the outside world" -> "become detached from the outside world"
Explanation: "Become detached" is a more formal and precise way to describe the action of distancing oneself.
"physical weakness" -> "physical frailty"
Explanation: "Physical frailty" is a more formal and specific term than "physical weakness," which is somewhat general.
"find paying attention to studying or working difficult" -> "find it challenging to focus on studying or working"
Explanation: "Find it challenging to focus on" is more formal and precise than "find paying attention to," which is awkward and informal.
"over ages video content" -> "overage video content"
Explanation: "Overage" is the correct term for excessive or excessive content, whereas "over ages" is incorrect and unclear.
"time-consuming on watching TV" -> "time spent watching TV"
Explanation: "Time spent watching TV" is grammatically correct and more formal than "time-consuming on watching TV," which is awkward and incorrect.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay does address both views regarding the influence of TV content and the amount of time spent watching TV on children’s behavior. The first paragraph discusses the negative impact of inappropriate content, while the second paragraph emphasizes the detrimental effects of excessive TV watching. However, the exploration of the second viewpoint is less developed compared to the first, which could lead to an imbalance in the discussion. The conclusion attempts to provide a personal opinion but does not clearly synthesize the two views.
- How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the writer should ensure that both views are given equal weight and depth. This could involve providing more examples and elaboration on the effects of time spent watching TV, perhaps by discussing specific studies or statistics that illustrate this point. Additionally, the conclusion should more clearly reflect a balanced consideration of both perspectives before stating a personal opinion.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that both the content and the amount of TV watched are influential. However, the position is somewhat muddled by the phrasing in the conclusion, which suggests a preference for content while also acknowledging the importance of limiting viewing time. This could confuse readers about the writer’s ultimate stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should explicitly state their opinion in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. Using phrases like "In my opinion" or "I believe" can help clarify the writer’s stance. Additionally, the conclusion should succinctly summarize the arguments made and clearly indicate which factor the writer believes is more significant.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the negative influence of inappropriate content and the physical and mental health impacts of excessive TV watching. However, some ideas are not fully extended or supported with sufficient evidence. For instance, while the mention of obesity and lack of physical activity is relevant, it could benefit from more detailed examples or statistics to strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To improve this criterion, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations for each point made. Incorporating research findings or expert opinions can lend credibility to the arguments. Additionally, using transitional phrases can help in logically connecting ideas and enhancing the flow of the essay.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay stays on topic, discussing the influence of TV content and viewing time on children’s behavior. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharper, particularly in the second paragraph, where the discussion of logical thinking feels somewhat tangential to the main argument about TV influence.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the prompt. It might be helpful to outline the main points before writing the essay to ensure that all arguments are relevant and contribute to the overall discussion. Additionally, avoiding introducing new concepts in the conclusion can help reinforce the main ideas presented in the essay.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the writer can enhance the clarity, coherence, and overall effectiveness of their essay, potentially raising their band score in the Task Response criteria.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction, two body paragraphs discussing opposing views, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively outlines the topic and the intention of the essay. However, the transition between the two views could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing the negative effects of content to the impact of viewing time feels abrupt. The arguments within each paragraph are generally well-developed, but the logical progression could be enhanced by linking ideas more explicitly.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases to connect ideas between paragraphs and within them. For example, after discussing the negative effects of content, you might introduce the second viewpoint with a phrase like, "Conversely, it is also important to consider the impact of the duration of television viewing." This would create a clearer contrast and guide the reader through your argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the discussion. The first body paragraph addresses the influence of TV content, while the second focuses on the amount of time spent watching TV. However, the conclusion could be more distinctly separated from the body paragraphs, as it currently feels somewhat integrated into the final body paragraph rather than standing alone.
- How to improve: Ensure that the conclusion is clearly marked as a separate paragraph. This can be achieved by starting it on a new line and summarizing the key points more succinctly. Additionally, consider using topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to clearly state the main idea being discussed, which will help guide the reader.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand" and "on the other hand," which effectively signal the contrasting views. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be strengthened. For example, the phrase "In terms of logical thinking" introduces an idea but could be better linked to the previous sentence for clarity.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a variety of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "however," and "consequently." This will not only enhance the flow of ideas but also demonstrate a wider range of vocabulary. Additionally, ensure that each sentence logically follows from the previous one, which can be achieved by using referential pronouns or synonyms to maintain coherence.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion, enhancing both clarity and the overall effectiveness of the argument presented.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary, with terms like "unsupervised," "toxic content," "imitation," and "logical thinking." However, the vocabulary usage is somewhat limited and repetitive, particularly in phrases like "influences their behaviors" and "time spent on TV." While some varied vocabulary is present, it does not showcase a broader lexical range that could enhance the argument.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate more synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeating "influence," alternatives such as "affect," "shape," or "impact" could be used. Additionally, exploring more descriptive adjectives and adverbs would enrich the essay. For instance, instead of "toxic content," one might use "harmful programming" or "detrimental material."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "the amount of time spent on TV influences children’s physical and mental health can not be overlooked" is somewhat awkward and could be clearer. Additionally, "over ages video content" is not a standard expression and may confuse readers.
- How to improve: The writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys the intended meaning. For the aforementioned phrase, a clearer version could be "the impact of excessive screen time on children’s physical and mental health is significant." Furthermore, replacing "over ages video content" with "age-inappropriate content" would enhance clarity and precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally good level of spelling accuracy, with no glaring errors that impede understanding. However, there are minor issues, such as "time-consuming" being incorrectly used as "time-consuming on watching TV," which affects the overall flow.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy and overall writing quality, the writer should proofread their work carefully or use spelling and grammar checking tools. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises or flashcards can help reinforce correct forms. Ensuring that phrases are grammatically correct will also contribute to clearer expression, as seen in the correction of "time-consuming" to "time spent watching TV."

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a competent use of vocabulary, there is room for improvement in terms of range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By expanding vocabulary, refining word choices for clarity, and ensuring grammatical correctness, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and conditional phrases. For example, the use of "children are negatively affected by the toxic content on TV" showcases a clear subject-verb agreement and a straightforward structure. Additionally, the phrase "unsupervised children, who are in the phase of forming their personality traits" effectively uses a relative clause to add detail. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, such as starting multiple sentences with "children" or "the amount of time," which can detract from the overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied sentence openings and use different grammatical forms. For instance, instead of beginning sentences with the subject, the writer could start with adverbial phrases or dependent clauses (e.g., "While some children are influenced by TV content, others are affected by the duration of their viewing"). Additionally, employing more passive constructions or inversion could add complexity and interest to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are some notable errors. For example, the phrase "the amount of time spent on TV influences children’s physical and mental health can not be overlooked" contains a punctuation error; it should be separated into two sentences or restructured for clarity. The phrase "reduce their time-consuming on watching TV" is awkward and grammatically incorrect; it should be "reduce the time they spend watching TV." There are also minor issues with article usage and prepositions, such as "unsuitable videos for their ages," which could be better phrased as "unsuitable videos for their age."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, particularly in sentence structure and punctuation. Reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrases and run-on sentences. Additionally, practicing with grammar exercises that focus on articles, prepositions, and sentence fragments can help solidify understanding and application of these rules. It may also be beneficial to review complex sentence constructions to ensure clarity and correctness in more sophisticated writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary society, it is widely believed that the TV content that children watch or the time spent on it influences their behavior. This essay will take a closer look at both opinions and present my personal thoughts on this matter.

On the one hand, children are negatively affected by the toxic content on TV. In reality, unsupervised youngsters, who are in the phase of forming their personality traits, are usually susceptible to inappropriate content for their age group. For instance, although rap is one of the most popular genres of music, it contains various impolite and rude words, and children easily imitate what they hear without having a deep understanding. However, numerous cartoons assist children in learning valuable lessons. For example, kids can learn about teamwork and self-sacrifice in superhero series.

On the other hand, in my firm belief, the amount of time spent watching TV influences children’s physical and mental health and cannot be overlooked. A significant number of children, particularly those addicted to TV, tend to distance themselves from the outside world, resulting in obesity and physical frailty because they aren’t familiar with sports and exercise. In terms of logical thinking, they find it challenging to focus on studying or working compared to children who are interested in reading books.

In conclusion, while I consider that meaningful lessons can be taken from cartoons or films, parents not only have to limit the overage video content containing inappropriate language but also reduce their time spent watching TV in order to improve their physical and mental health.