Some people claim that museums and art galleries are not needed today, because everyone can see historical objects or art works by computers. Do you agree or disagree?

It is said that museums and art galleries nowadays are not necessary since the population can observe historical artworks on the Internet. While I understand why some people support this idea, I am of the opinion that it is essential to build and preserve the places where can store various historical objects.
To begin with, there are some reasons why many advocate that computers can replace such museums and galleries to provide people with ancient objects. The primary one is that the emergence of the internet and technological advancements have popularized a vast number of resources, facilitating the process of accessing works of art for every individual regardless of geographic distance. With some simple steps and modern technological devices connected to the internet, people can easily do some research in order to see various pictures and gain knowledge of history from different sources without traveling. Moreover, some see no value in keeping those sites existing with some precursors. They might find the cost of maintaining these artworks very expensive. Instead, this amount of budget can be invested in healthcare and education which brings visible advantages for citizens.
On the other hand, these sites have more importance in society. The first one is that museums and art galleries can express the valuable culture of a country due to the preservation of tangible evidence of a certain community’s establishment. For instance, local museums display artifacts that date back to the advent of a region and were used by previous generations to construct their community. Thus, the tradition and culture can be passed down easily to the next generations. Besides, in spite of the fact that computers can give individuals historical artworks immediately, observing directly these artifacts can bring another sense of feeling. Going and seeing the environment as well as the difficulties that our previous generations had to suffer can bring us a sense of touch and pride. For example, when visitors come to Prison Hoa Lo which is one of the most renowned historical destinations in Vietnam, the audio equipment combined with the visual graphics enable visitors to literally immerse themselves in the past story.
In conclusion, while some people suppose that they can see historical sites and artworks on modern devices due to the convenience and high cost of retaining the historical sites, I still hold a belief that museums and art galleries play a crucial role in preserving national cultures and creating a practical feeling.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"It is said that" -> "It is commonly argued that"
Explanation: "It is commonly argued that" introduces a more formal and academic tone, indicating that the statement is a widely discussed opinion rather than a casual assertion.
"not necessary" -> "no longer necessary"
Explanation: "No longer necessary" is more precise and formal, indicating a change in necessity over time, which is more suitable for an academic context.
"the population can observe" -> "people can access"
Explanation: "People can access" is more specific and less vague than "the population can observe," which is too broad and informal for academic writing.
"build and preserve the places where can store" -> "construct and maintain facilities that store"
Explanation: "Construct and maintain facilities that store" is more precise and formal, avoiding the awkward and incorrect construction "the places where can store."
"ancient objects" -> "historic artifacts"
Explanation: "Historic artifacts" is a more specific and academically appropriate term than "ancient objects," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"computers can replace such museums and galleries" -> "digital platforms can supplant such museums and galleries"
Explanation: "Digital platforms can supplant" is more precise and formal, emphasizing the technological aspect and the idea of replacement in a more academic tone.
"facilitating the process of accessing" -> "facilitating access to"
Explanation: "Facilitating access to" is a more concise and formal way to express the idea, improving the flow and clarity of the sentence.
"some simple steps and modern technological devices" -> "a few straightforward steps and modern devices"
Explanation: "A few straightforward steps" is more precise and formal than "some simple steps," and removing "technological" before "devices" avoids redundancy.
"do some research in order to see" -> "conduct research to view"
Explanation: "Conduct research to view" is more formal and direct, avoiding the informal phrasing of "do some research in order to see."
"some precursors" -> "some advocates"
Explanation: "Some advocates" is more specific and appropriate in this context, referring to people who support the idea, rather than "some precursors," which is unclear and incorrect in this context.
"the cost of maintaining these artworks very expensive" -> "the cost of maintaining these artworks is very high"
Explanation: "The cost of maintaining these artworks is very high" corrects the grammatical error and uses more formal language.
"brings visible advantages for citizens" -> "offers tangible benefits to citizens"
Explanation: "Offers tangible benefits to citizens" is more precise and formal, replacing the vague and informal "brings visible advantages."
"have more importance in society" -> "hold greater significance in society"
Explanation: "Hold greater significance in society" is a more formal and precise expression, enhancing the academic tone of the essay.
"observing directly these artifacts can bring another sense of feeling" -> "directly observing these artifacts can evoke a deeper sense of connection"
Explanation: "Evoke a deeper sense of connection" is more specific and academically appropriate than "bring another sense of feeling," which is vague and informal.
"Going and seeing the environment" -> "Visiting and observing the environment"
Explanation: "Visiting and observing the environment" is more formal and precise, improving the academic tone of the sentence.
"the difficulties that our previous generations had to suffer" -> "the challenges faced by our predecessors"
Explanation: "The challenges faced by our predecessors" is more formal and avoids the colloquial "had to suffer," which is too informal for academic writing.
"suppose that they can see" -> "believe that they can access"
Explanation: "Believe that they can access" is more formal and precise than "suppose that they can see," aligning better with academic style.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument regarding the necessity of museums and art galleries in the digital age. The introduction acknowledges the opposing viewpoint, stating that some believe that online access to historical objects makes physical institutions redundant. The essay then presents a clear counterargument, emphasizing the importance of museums for cultural preservation and the unique experience they offer. This balanced approach demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the prompt.
- How to improve: To further enhance this aspect, the writer could explicitly mention the implications of both viewpoints in the conclusion, summarizing the key arguments for and against the necessity of museums. This would reinforce the essay’s engagement with all parts of the question and provide a more rounded discussion.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that museums and art galleries are essential, which is consistently supported throughout the text. The writer articulates their stance in the introduction and reiterates it in the conclusion. The use of phrases like "I am of the opinion" and "I still hold a belief" reinforces this clarity. However, there are moments where the phrasing could be more assertive to strengthen the position.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer could use more definitive language when stating their position. Instead of phrases like "I understand why some people support this idea," they could assert, "While some may argue this, I firmly believe…" This would enhance the strength of the argument and make the position more unequivocal.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several well-developed ideas, particularly regarding the cultural significance of museums and the experiential value of direct engagement with historical artifacts. The examples provided, such as local museums displaying artifacts and the experience at Prison Hoa Lo, effectively support the writer’s arguments. However, some points could benefit from further elaboration or additional examples to deepen the analysis.
- How to improve: To further enrich the essay, the writer could include more specific examples or statistics that illustrate the impact of museums on community identity or education. Additionally, integrating counterarguments more thoroughly could provide a more nuanced discussion, allowing for a deeper exploration of the topic.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains largely focused on the topic, discussing both the advantages of digital access to art and the irreplaceable value of physical museums. The writer successfully avoids straying into unrelated areas, maintaining relevance throughout. However, some sentences could be streamlined to enhance focus and clarity.
- How to improve: To maintain tighter focus, the writer should ensure that every sentence directly supports the main argument. For instance, the discussion about the costs of maintaining museums could be more succinctly tied back to the overall argument about their importance, perhaps by directly contrasting the costs with the cultural benefits they provide. This would enhance the coherence and relevance of the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task, presenting a well-structured argument with clear examples. By refining certain areas, particularly in the clarity of position and depth of support, the writer could further elevate the quality of their response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both sides of the argument, and a conclusion. The writer begins by acknowledging the opposing viewpoint, which is a good strategy for presenting a balanced discussion. However, the transition between points could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing the advantages of online access to the importance of physical museums could be better signposted to enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate back to the thesis statement. Additionally, incorporating transitional phrases such as "Conversely," "Furthermore," or "In contrast" can help guide the reader through the argument more fluidly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. The first body paragraph discusses the benefits of technology in accessing art, while the second emphasizes the importance of physical museums. However, the paragraphs could benefit from more uniformity in length and depth. The first paragraph is somewhat longer and covers multiple points, which can dilute the focus.
- How to improve: Aim for more balanced paragraph lengths by ensuring that each paragraph explores a single main idea in depth. This can be achieved by breaking down longer paragraphs into smaller ones, each with a clear focus. For example, the first body paragraph could be split into two: one discussing the accessibility of art online and another addressing the financial arguments against maintaining museums.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "moreover," "besides," and "for instance," which help to connect ideas and provide examples. However, there are instances where the use of cohesive devices feels repetitive, particularly with "some" and "this amount of budget," which could be varied for better engagement.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider using synonyms or alternative phrases to avoid repetition. For example, instead of repeatedly using "some," you could use "certain individuals" or "many advocates." Additionally, incorporating a wider range of cohesive devices, such as "in addition," "on the contrary," or "as a result," can enhance the flow of the essay and make it more engaging for the reader.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument. By focusing on improving the logical flow, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices, the writer can enhance the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic. Words such as "emergence," "facilitating," "artifacts," and "preservation" are used effectively, showcasing the writer’s ability to employ varied vocabulary. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more diverse. For example, the phrase "historical objects" is repeated, which could be varied with synonyms like "historical artifacts" or "cultural relics."
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, the writer should aim to incorporate more synonyms and related terms throughout the essay. Keeping a thesaurus handy while drafting can help in identifying alternative expressions. Additionally, using phrases like "cultural heritage" or "historical treasures" can add depth to the vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments of imprecision. For instance, the phrase "the emergence of the internet and technological advancements" could be refined to "the advent of the internet and advancements in technology" for clarity. Additionally, the term "precursors" in the context of "keeping those sites existing with some precursors" is vague and could confuse readers.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on ensuring that the vocabulary used conveys the intended meaning clearly. This can be achieved by revisiting sentences that contain potentially ambiguous terms and replacing them with more specific language. Engaging in exercises that focus on context-based vocabulary usage can also help in honing this skill.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors in the text. Words such as "necessary," "artworks," and "community" are spelled correctly, reflecting the writer’s attention to detail in this area.
- How to improve: While the spelling is generally accurate, the writer can further enhance their spelling skills by practicing commonly misspelled words and utilizing spell-check tools during the writing process. Additionally, reading extensively can help reinforce correct spelling through exposure to well-written texts.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a solid command of lexical resource, achieving a band score of 7. To reach a higher score, the writer should focus on expanding vocabulary range, ensuring precision in word choice, and maintaining the high standard of spelling already achieved.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For example, the phrase "the emergence of the internet and technological advancements have popularized a vast number of resources" showcases a compound structure that effectively conveys a complex idea. Additionally, the use of phrases like "to begin with" and "on the other hand" helps to organize thoughts clearly. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the way arguments are introduced, which could limit the overall variety.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases and transition words. For instance, instead of repeatedly starting sentences with "the first one is" or "besides," the writer could use alternatives like "firstly," "in addition," or "moreover." Additionally, experimenting with different sentence lengths and types (such as rhetorical questions or conditional sentences) could enhance the essay’s dynamism.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammar, with only a few minor errors. For example, the phrase "places where can store various historical objects" is grammatically incorrect; it should read "places where various historical objects can be stored." Additionally, there are some punctuation issues, such as missing commas in complex sentences, which can affect clarity. For instance, in the sentence "the audio equipment combined with the visual graphics enable visitors to literally immerse themselves in the past story," a comma after "graphics" would improve readability.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should review subject-verb agreement and ensure that all clauses are correctly structured. Practicing with grammar exercises focused on common pitfalls, such as misplaced modifiers and sentence fragments, could be beneficial. Furthermore, the writer should pay close attention to punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, to improve clarity and flow.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their essay and potentially achieve a higher band score in future assessments.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is commonly argued that museums and art galleries are no longer necessary since people can observe historical artworks on the Internet. While I understand why some individuals support this idea, I am of the opinion that it is essential to construct and maintain facilities that store various historical objects.

To begin with, there are several reasons why many advocate that computers can replace such museums and galleries in providing access to ancient objects. The primary reason is that the emergence of the internet and technological advancements have popularized a vast number of resources, facilitating access to works of art for everyone, regardless of geographic distance. With a few straightforward steps and modern devices connected to the internet, people can easily conduct research to view various pictures and gain knowledge of history from different sources without the need to travel. Moreover, some see little value in maintaining these sites, arguing that the cost of preserving these artworks is very high. Instead, they believe this budget could be invested in healthcare and education, which offers tangible benefits to citizens.

On the other hand, these sites hold significant importance in society. Firstly, museums and art galleries express the valuable culture of a country by preserving tangible evidence of a community’s history. For instance, local museums display artifacts that date back to the establishment of a region and were used by previous generations to construct their communities. Thus, traditions and culture can be passed down easily to future generations. Additionally, despite the fact that digital platforms can supplant such museums and galleries, directly observing these artifacts can evoke a unique sense of connection. Visiting these sites allows individuals to experience the environment and the challenges that previous generations faced, instilling a sense of pride and appreciation. For example, when visitors come to Prison Hoa Lo, one of the most renowned historical destinations in Vietnam, the audio equipment combined with visual graphics enables them to truly immerse themselves in the past.

In conclusion, while some people argue that they can see historical sites and artworks on modern devices due to convenience and the high cost of maintaining these locations, I firmly believe that museums and art galleries play a crucial role in preserving national cultures and providing a meaningful experience.