some people claim that social networking can help students learn better because it provides many tools to get useful information related to their learning. others argue that social networking makes students distract their schoolwork because they spend much time chatting or doing other thinsg not related to their learning on social networking

some people claim that social networking can help students learn better because it provides many tools to get useful information related to their learning. others argue that social networking makes students distract their schoolwork because they spend much time chatting or doing other thinsg not related to their learning on social networking

In today's modernized social context, social networks have gradually become more popular than before, especially for students. Many people believe that social networks have brought many benefits to students, but others argue that social networks will distract students from studying. The following essay will discuss the two given views before mentioning my opinions and justifications.
On the one hand, there are many rational reasons to understand why social networking can help students in learning. Firstly, social networking has many online forums, and study groups for every age group, so that students can search, ask hard questions or find a study – mate, and it provides many tools to get useful information related to their learning. For example, in today’s studying, the students have so many problems with Physics, Math or Chemistry. They don’t understand the lessons about these subjects. Because of the teacher's unscientific teaching, they can be in a disciplined manner on social networking sites such as YouTube, and Facebook,… Secondly, using social networking can save money to have an extra class. Many colleges in the world have online teaching videos on their website. So, using social networking is good for students because it is useful to them.
On the other hand, social networking can distract students from their schoolwork. First and foremost, when they are studying, their friends send them many messages and they read them. That concern led them to be distracted by their friends and social networking. Otherwise, on the network, they have some people make untrue news, and students will believe in that untrue information and spread it to their friends.
In conclusion, social networking has both advantages and disadvantages for students. Following my opinions, I think students should be using social networking scientifically to create good academic work as well as have good friendships.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

1. "gradually become more popular" -> "increasingly gained popularity"
   Explanation: "Gradually become more popular" is a bit redundant. "Increasingly gained popularity" succinctly conveys the idea with a more academic tone.

2. "Many people believe that" -> "There is a widespread belief that"
   Explanation: "Many people believe that" is overly simplistic for academic writing. "There is a widespread belief that" maintains formality while indicating a common perspective.

3. "but others argue that" -> "however, others contend that"
   Explanation: "But others argue that" is informal. "However, others contend that" provides a more formal transition between contrasting viewpoints.

4. "The following essay will discuss" -> "This essay will explore"
   Explanation: "The following essay will discuss" is unnecessary verbiage. "This essay will explore" is concise and maintains formality.

5. "there are many rational reasons" -> "there are numerous compelling reasons"
   Explanation: "Many rational reasons" lacks specificity. "Numerous compelling reasons" conveys a stronger sense of conviction in a more formal manner.

6. "Firstly" -> "First"
   Explanation: "Firstly" is less formal than "First" in academic writing.

7. "so that students can search, ask hard questions or find a study-mate" -> "allowing students to search, pose challenging questions, or find study partners"
   Explanation: "Ask hard questions" is informal. "Pose challenging questions" is a more formal alternative. Also, "study-mate" should be hyphenated as "study partner" for clarity and formality.

8. "and it provides many tools" -> "and offers numerous tools"
   Explanation: "Provides many tools" is a bit repetitive. "Offers numerous tools" maintains clarity while avoiding redundancy.

9. "in today’s studying" -> "in contemporary education"
   Explanation: "Today’s studying" is awkward. "Contemporary education" is a more formal and appropriate term.

10. "Because of the teacher’s unscientific teaching" -> "Due to inadequate pedagogy"
    Explanation: "Because of the teacher’s unscientific teaching" is colloquial. "Due to inadequate pedagogy" is more formal and precise.

11. "they can be in a disciplined manner on social networking sites such as YouTube, and Facebook" -> "they can access educational content on social networking platforms like YouTube and Facebook in a structured manner"
    Explanation: "They can be in a disciplined manner on social networking sites" is unclear and informal. "Access educational content on social networking platforms like YouTube and Facebook in a structured manner" clarifies the intended meaning and improves formality.

12. "using social networking can save money to have an extra class" -> "utilizing social networking can obviate the need for additional classes, thus saving money"
    Explanation: "Save money to have an extra class" is unclear and informal. "Obviate the need for additional classes, thus saving money" is more precise and formal.

13. "many colleges in the world have online teaching videos on their website" -> "numerous colleges worldwide offer online instructional videos on their websites"
    Explanation: "Many colleges in the world have online teaching videos on their website" is awkwardly phrased. "Numerous colleges worldwide offer online instructional videos on their websites" is more concise and formal.

14. "So, using social networking is good for students because it is useful to them." -> "Therefore, leveraging social networking platforms proves beneficial for students due to their utility."
    Explanation: "So, using social networking is good for students because it is useful to them" is informal and lacks precision. "Therefore, leveraging social networking platforms proves beneficial for students due to their utility" is more formal and clearly articulates the point.

15. "First and foremost" -> "Primarily"
    Explanation: "First and foremost" is informal compared to "Primarily" in academic writing.

16. "That concern led them to be distracted by their friends and social networking." -> "This distraction leads to their being diverted by their friends and social networking platforms."
    Explanation: "That concern led them to be distracted" is awkward. "This distraction leads to their being diverted by their friends and social networking platforms" is clearer and more formal.

17. "Otherwise, on the network, they have some people make untrue news," -> "Moreover, on these platforms, individuals disseminate false information,"
    Explanation: "Otherwise, on the network, they have some people make untrue news" is unclear and informal. "Moreover, on these platforms, individuals disseminate false information" is more precise and formal.

18. "and students will believe in that untrue information and spread it to their friends." -> "and students may believe and propagate such false information."
    Explanation: "And students will believe in that untrue information and spread it to their friends" is informal. "And students may believe and propagate such false information" is more formal and concise.

19. "Following my opinions" -> "In line with my perspective"
    Explanation: "Following my opinions" is informal. "In line with my perspective" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both sides of the argument regarding the impact of social networking on student learning. It discusses the benefits, such as access to study materials and online forums, as well as the drawbacks, such as distractions and the spread of misinformation.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, ensure a more balanced exploration of both perspectives. While the essay briefly touches on the disadvantages, further elaboration and analysis would strengthen the discussion.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that acknowledges both the benefits and drawbacks of social networking for students. It maintains consistency by discussing both perspectives and offering a personal opinion in the conclusion.
  • How to improve: To improve clarity, consider explicitly stating the stance in the introduction and revisiting it throughout the essay to reinforce coherence.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas effectively, providing examples and reasoning to support arguments. It elaborates on how social networking can aid learning through access to study materials and online resources, while also highlighting the distractions and misinformation that can arise.
  • How to improve: To enhance the extension and support of ideas, consider incorporating more specific examples and evidence to strengthen the arguments and make them more persuasive.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic by discussing the effects of social networking on student learning as prompted. However, there are minor instances where the discussion could be more focused, particularly in providing more depth to the disadvantages of social networking.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that each point directly relates to the topic of social networking’s impact on student learning. Avoid tangential discussions that detract from the main argument.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a coherent argument, there is room for improvement in providing a more balanced discussion of the advantages and disadvantages of social networking for students. Additionally, enhancing the clarity and depth of analysis through specific examples and maintaining focus on the topic would further strengthen the essay’s effectiveness.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair level of logical organization. It begins with an introduction that outlines the topic and the two opposing views, followed by body paragraphs discussing the benefits and drawbacks of social networking. The conclusion briefly summarizes these points and presents the writer’s opinion. However, there are areas where the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the essay lacks a clear thesis statement that outlines the main argument. The progression from discussing benefits to drawbacks feels somewhat abrupt, and the transition could be smoother.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, start with a concise thesis statement that clearly states your position on the topic. Ensure a smooth transition between paragraphs by using linking words or phrases (e.g., ‘Furthermore,’ ‘In contrast,’ ‘However’) to connect ideas and maintain coherence throughout the essay.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but their structure could be more effective. Each paragraph attempts to focus on a specific idea, such as benefits or drawbacks of social networking, but the organization within paragraphs can be improved. For example, the second paragraph discusses benefits but could benefit from clearer topic sentences and more developed examples to support the points.
  • How to improve: Strengthen paragraph structure by starting each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea of the paragraph. Follow this with supporting details and examples. Ensure coherence within paragraphs by maintaining a clear focus on the central theme and avoiding unrelated information.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices (e.g., ‘on the one hand,’ ‘firstly,’ ‘secondly,’ ‘on the other hand,’ ‘in conclusion’) to organize ideas and indicate transitions between arguments. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying cohesive devices to enhance coherence further. The essay would benefit from more varied linking words and phrases to better connect sentences and paragraphs.
  • How to improve: Incorporate a wider range of cohesive devices, such as ‘furthermore,’ ‘moreover,’ ‘conversely,’ ‘nevertheless,’ ‘for instance,’ ‘in addition,’ etc., to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. Use these devices strategically to reinforce relationships between ideas and ensure smoother transitions throughout the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of organizing ideas into paragraphs and using basic cohesive devices, refining these aspects will strengthen coherence and cohesion. Focus on developing a clear thesis statement, enhancing paragraph structure with well-defined topic sentences and supporting details, and utilizing a more diverse range of cohesive devices for a more polished and cohesive essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, with varied terms such as "modernized social context," "rational reasons," "online forums," "disciplined manner," and "untrue information." These phrases contribute to the clarity and richness of expression.
  • How to improve: To further enhance the lexical resource, consider incorporating more advanced vocabulary and idiomatic expressions where appropriate. For instance, instead of "many reasons," you could use "a plethora of reasons," or instead of "many problems," you could utilize "myriad challenges."
• Use Vocabulary Precisely:
  • Detailed explanation: While the essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, there are instances where word choice could be more precise. For example, the phrase "teacher’s unscientific teaching" could be more precisely expressed as "inadequate pedagogical methods." Similarly, instead of "make untrue news," using "fabricate false information" would enhance precision.
  • How to improve: Aim for precision by carefully selecting words that precisely convey the intended meaning. Consider consulting a thesaurus to find more precise alternatives for common terms and phrases.
• Use Correct Spelling:
  • Detailed explanation: Overall, the spelling accuracy in the essay is satisfactory. However, there are a few instances of minor spelling errors, such as "thinsg" instead of "things" and "hard" instead of "harder." While these errors do not significantly detract from the readability of the essay, addressing them would improve overall spelling accuracy.
  • How to improve: Pay close attention to spelling during the writing process, and consider utilizing spell-checking tools or proofreading techniques to catch and correct errors before finalizing the essay. Additionally, reviewing commonly misspelled words can help reinforce correct spelling habits.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary and spelling, contributing to a Final Band Score of 7 in the Lexical Resource criterion. To further enhance lexical richness, focus on incorporating more advanced vocabulary and idiomatic expressions, striving for precision in word choice, and maintaining consistent spelling accuracy.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of sentence structures, including simple and compound sentences. There is an attempt at complex structures, albeit with some repetition and simplicity. For instance, the essay utilizes simple sentences like "Many people believe that social networks have brought many benefits to students," and compound sentences such as "Firstly, social networking has many online forums, and study groups for every age group, so that students can search, ask hard questions or find a study-mate." However, the essay lacks more complex structures like conditional sentences or relative clauses, which could enhance its sophistication and clarity.
  • How to improve: To improve the range of structures, incorporate more complex sentence constructions such as conditional sentences ("If students utilize social networking platforms judiciously, they can access valuable learning resources"), relative clauses ("Students who engage in productive discussions on social networking platforms often experience enhanced learning outcomes"), and parallel structures ("Social networking not only facilitates academic collaboration but also nurtures meaningful friendships"). Additionally, varying the lengths of sentences can add rhythm and flow to the essay.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates reasonably accurate grammar and punctuation usage. However, there are notable errors and inconsistencies throughout the text. For example, there are instances of subject-verb agreement issues ("Because of the teacher’s unscientific teaching, they can be in a disciplined manner on social networking sites such as YouTube, and Facebook,…") and punctuation errors, such as missing commas before coordinating conjunctions in compound sentences ("Many people believe that social networks have brought many benefits to students, but others argue that social networks will distract students from studying.").
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and ensure consistency in verb tenses throughout the essay. Revise sentences for clarity and correctness, addressing issues such as ambiguous pronoun references and fragmented sentences. Additionally, review punctuation rules, particularly regarding comma usage in compound sentences and the proper placement of commas in complex sentences. Utilizing grammar checkers and seeking feedback from peers or instructors can also aid in identifying and rectifying grammatical errors.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary education, social networking platforms have increasingly gained popularity among students. There is a widespread belief that these platforms offer numerous benefits, while others contend that they can lead to distractions from academic pursuits. This essay will explore both perspectives before presenting my own stance.

There are numerous compelling reasons why social networking can aid students in their learning journey. Firstly, these platforms host various online forums and study groups catering to different age groups, allowing students to search, pose challenging questions, or find study partners. Additionally, they offer numerous tools to access educational content on subjects like Physics, Math, or Chemistry, which students may find challenging due to inadequate pedagogy in traditional classroom settings. For instance, students can access structured educational content on social networking platforms like YouTube and Facebook, thus obviating the need for additional classes and saving money. Moreover, many colleges worldwide provide online instructional videos on their websites, further enhancing the utility of social networking platforms in education. Therefore, leveraging social networking platforms proves beneficial for students due to their utility.

However, social networking can also pose distractions to students. Primarily, students may find themselves diverted from their schoolwork when they receive messages from friends while studying. This distraction leads to their being diverted by their friends and social networking platforms. Moreover, on these platforms, individuals disseminate false information, and students may believe and propagate such false information.

In line with my perspective, social networking platforms offer valuable resources for students to enhance their learning experiences. However, it is essential for students to utilize these platforms judiciously, balancing academic pursuits with social interactions. By using social networking scientifically, students can create a conducive environment for both academic excellence and meaningful friendships.