Some people fail in school , but end up being successful in life . Why do you think is the case ? What is the most important to succeed in life ?

In recent days, it has been acknowledged that numerous individuals performed badly at school but became extremely outstanding after graduating. There are several reasons attributed to this phenomenon. Personally, I believe that success requires certain factors.
The first reason explaining why unruly youngsters can be successful later is the learning environment. In reality, it is apparent that a range of educational institutions offer substandard curriculums, losing thousands of student’s interest in the subjects taught at school, including those who are considered distinguished. Consequently, these individuals tend to play truant from classes, deteriorating their learning attitudes despite their natural talents. After graduating, they may have opportunities to pursue their ambitions and thrive, leading to a prosperous career. The second reason is the persistence. Some may be lazy at first but become prevalent thanks to their determination and continuous practices.
Poor academic performance can not guarantee whether a person will be exceptional or not. The key to a brilliant career is perseverance. Working harder and making attempts are the most effective approaches to achieving accomplishments. It is repeatedly indicated businessmen in the world construct their careers through persistence rather than a genius mindset. For this reason, failing at school is just a foundation for future improvement.
In the final analysis, success does not necessarily mean passing with flying colors, instead, it requires a long way with hard work and imperfections.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In recent days" -> "In recent years"
Explanation: "In recent years" is a more precise and formal temporal reference, suitable for academic writing, compared to the more colloquial "In recent days."
"numerous individuals performed badly" -> "many students performed poorly"
Explanation: "Many students" is more specific and appropriate for an academic context than "numerous individuals," which is somewhat vague. "Performed poorly" is also more formal than "performed badly."
"extremely outstanding" -> "exceptionally successful"
Explanation: "Exceptionally successful" is a more precise and formal way to describe individuals who achieve great success, avoiding the colloquial tone of "extremely outstanding."
"The first reason explaining why unruly youngsters" -> "The first reason why unruly youngsters"
Explanation: Removing "explaining" corrects the grammatical structure, making the sentence more direct and formal.
"a range of educational institutions offer substandard curriculums" -> "a range of educational institutions offer subpar curricula"
Explanation: "Subpar" is a more precise and formal term than "substandard," and "curricula" is the correct plural form for academic contexts.
"losing thousands of student’s interest" -> "losing the interest of thousands of students"
Explanation: Correcting the possessive error and rephrasing for clarity and formality.
"deteriorating their learning attitudes" -> "deteriorating their academic attitudes"
Explanation: "Academic attitudes" is more specific and appropriate in an educational context than "learning attitudes."
"After graduating, they may have opportunities to pursue their ambitions and thrive, leading to a prosperous career." -> "After graduation, they may seize opportunities to pursue their ambitions and thrive, leading to a successful career."
Explanation: "Seize opportunities" is more active and precise than "have opportunities," and "successful" is a more formal synonym for "prosperous."
"Some may be lazy at first but become prevalent thanks to their determination and continuous practices." -> "Some individuals may initially be lazy but become successful due to their determination and consistent practice."
Explanation: "Individuals" is more formal than "Some," and "successful" is more precise than "prevalent." "Consistent practice" is also more formal than "continuous practices."
"Poor academic performance can not guarantee" -> "Poor academic performance cannot guarantee"
Explanation: Correcting the contraction "can not" to "cannot" for formal writing standards.
"Working harder and making attempts are the most effective approaches" -> "Working harder and making persistent efforts are the most effective approaches"
Explanation: "Making persistent efforts" is more specific and formal than "making attempts," which is vague and informal.
"It is repeatedly indicated businessmen" -> "It is repeatedly demonstrated by business leaders"
Explanation: "Business leaders" is a more precise and formal term than "businessmen," and "demonstrated" is more appropriate than "indicated" in this context.
"failing at school is just a foundation for future improvement" -> "failing at school merely serves as a foundation for future improvement"
Explanation: "Merely" is more formal than "just," and "serves as" is a more academic phrase than "is just."
"success does not necessarily mean passing with flying colors, instead, it requires a long way with hard work and imperfections" -> "success does not necessarily mean achieving immediate success, but rather requires a long-term effort involving imperfections"
Explanation: "Achieving immediate success" is more precise than "passing with flying colors," and "long-term effort involving imperfections" is more formal and clear than "a long way with hard work and imperfections."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing why some individuals who fail in school can still achieve success in life. However, it only partially answers the second part of the question regarding what is most important for success in life. While perseverance is mentioned, the discussion lacks depth and fails to explore other potential factors, such as emotional intelligence, networking, or adaptability.
- How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the essay should explicitly identify and elaborate on multiple factors that contribute to success in life. Including examples or anecdotes to illustrate these points would enhance the response. For instance, discussing the role of resilience or the importance of mentorship could provide a more rounded answer.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a general position that success can be achieved despite poor academic performance. However, the clarity of this position is somewhat muddled by the phrasing and structure. Phrases like "certain factors" and "the key to a brilliant career is perseverance" could be more assertively stated to reinforce the main argument. Additionally, the transition between ideas is not always smooth, which can confuse the reader about the writer’s stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position throughout the essay, the writer should explicitly state their viewpoint in the introduction and restate it in the conclusion. Using topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to clearly outline the main point of that paragraph can also help maintain focus.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas, such as the impact of the learning environment and the importance of persistence. However, these ideas are not sufficiently extended or supported with concrete examples or evidence. For instance, the claim about substandard curriculums could be strengthened by citing specific studies or statistics that illustrate the impact of educational quality on future success.
- How to improve: To effectively present, elaborate, and substantiate ideas, the writer should aim to provide specific examples or case studies that illustrate their points. This could involve discussing well-known figures who struggled academically but succeeded later in life, thereby providing a relatable context for the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the reasons behind the success of individuals who fail in school. However, there are moments where the focus shifts, such as when discussing "lazy" individuals becoming "prevalent," which could be confusing. The term "prevalent" is vague and does not clearly relate back to the main argument about success.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the prompt. Avoiding vague language and ensuring that all terms used are clear and directly connected to the argument will help keep the essay on track. Additionally, outlining the essay before writing can help in organizing thoughts and ensuring that all points are relevant to the topic.

Overall, while the essay touches on relevant themes, it requires more depth, clarity, and specific examples to improve its effectiveness and fully address the prompt.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding why some individuals who perform poorly in school can still achieve success later in life. The introduction outlines the topic and provides a thesis statement, which is a strength. However, the progression of ideas could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the learning environment to persistence feels abrupt. The second reason is introduced without a clear link to the first, which disrupts the logical flow.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas. For example, after discussing the learning environment, you might say, "In addition to the learning environment, another crucial factor is persistence." This would help create a smoother transition between points.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, which is a positive aspect. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct reason for success despite poor academic performance. However, the paragraphs could be more clearly defined, especially the conclusion, which feels somewhat rushed and lacks a strong summarization of the main points.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. Additionally, the conclusion should succinctly summarize the key arguments made in the essay. For example, you could restate the importance of both the learning environment and persistence in achieving success, reinforcing the overall argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "consequently," "for this reason," and "in addition." However, the range is somewhat limited, and the essay occasionally relies on simple connectors. This can make the writing feel repetitive and less engaging.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For example, you could use "furthermore," "moreover," or "on the other hand" to introduce contrasting ideas or additional points. Additionally, using pronouns effectively can help maintain cohesion by referring back to previously mentioned ideas without repeating them.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately enhancing the overall quality of the writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "acknowledged," "substandard curriculums," and "perseverance." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly with words like "success" and "individuals," which appear multiple times without variation. For example, phrases like "extremely outstanding" could be replaced with "exceptional" or "remarkable" to enhance variety.
- How to improve: To improve vocabulary range, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "success," consider alternatives like "achievement," "prosperity," or "accomplishment." Additionally, using more specific terms related to the context, such as "educational shortcomings" instead of "substandard curriculums," could enhance the richness of the language.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay includes some precise vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "losing thousands of student’s interest" should be "losing thousands of students’ interest" to reflect correct plural possessive usage. Additionally, "lazy at first but become prevalent" is unclear; "prevalent" does not accurately convey the intended meaning of becoming successful or prominent.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on the correct forms of words and ensure that the vocabulary used accurately reflects the intended meaning. Proofreading for grammatical accuracy and clarity can help. For example, rephrasing "lazy at first but become prevalent" to "lazy at first but later become successful" would improve clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, but there are a few errors that detract from the overall quality. For instance, "student’s interest" should be "students’ interest" to indicate plural possessive, and "practices" should be "practice" in the context of continuous effort.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should take time to proofread their work carefully. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, practicing commonly misspelled words and understanding the rules of pluralization and possessives can enhance overall spelling proficiency.

In summary, while the essay displays a competent use of vocabulary, there is room for improvement in terms of variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of complex sentences such as "In reality, it is apparent that a range of educational institutions offer substandard curriculums" showcases an ability to convey detailed ideas. However, some sentences are overly lengthy and could be broken down for clarity, such as "Poor academic performance can not guarantee whether a person will be exceptional or not," which could be simplified for better readability.
- How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases and transition words. For instance, using phrases like "Moreover," "In addition," or "Conversely" can help to create a smoother flow between ideas. Additionally, practice writing shorter, more concise sentences to balance the complexity of longer ones.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that affect clarity. For example, "losing thousands of student’s interest" should be "students’ interest" to indicate the plural possessive form. Additionally, the phrase "the persistence" is awkward; it would be more natural to say "persistence" without the article. Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are instances where commas could enhance clarity, such as before "but" in the sentence "Some may be lazy at first but become prevalent thanks to their determination."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on subject-verb agreement and possessive forms. Reviewing common grammatical rules can help avoid these errors. For punctuation, practice using commas to separate clauses and enhance readability. Reading the essay aloud can also help identify areas where pauses (commas) are needed for clarity.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, addressing the highlighted areas will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent years, it has been acknowledged that numerous individuals perform poorly in school but become exceptionally successful after graduating. There are several reasons attributed to this phenomenon. Personally, I believe that success requires certain key factors.

The first reason why unruly youngsters can achieve success later in life is the learning environment. In reality, it is apparent that a range of educational institutions offer subpar curricula, losing the interest of thousands of students in the subjects taught at school, including those who are considered gifted. Consequently, these individuals tend to play truant from classes, deteriorating their academic attitudes despite their natural talents. After graduation, they may seize opportunities to pursue their ambitions and thrive, leading to a successful career.

The second reason is persistence. Some individuals may initially be lazy but become successful due to their determination and consistent practice. Poor academic performance cannot guarantee whether a person will be exceptional or not. The key to a brilliant career is perseverance. Working harder and making persistent efforts are the most effective approaches to achieving accomplishments. It is repeatedly demonstrated by business leaders that they construct their careers through persistence rather than a genius mindset. For this reason, failing at school merely serves as a foundation for future improvement.

In conclusion, success does not necessarily mean achieving immediate success; rather, it requires a long-term effort involving imperfections and hard work.