Some people feel that the government should regulate the level of violence for films of television and cinema. Others feel that violent films should be not released. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think that films with violent content on television and in cinemas should be controlled by the relevant authorities, while others believe that such content should be freely available. I personally strongly support the idea that the government should implement appropriate regulations to prevent unnecessary effects on society.

It is clear that the public screening of violent movies to audiences of various ages can lead to certain negative impacts on society. Firstly, individuals of different age groups should watch movies appropriate for their age. For example, children, whose minds are not yet fully developed, easily absorb new information from everything around them. Therefore, when a person of school age watches violent movies, it may influence them to have a negative outlook on life. Furthermore, children tend to learn, imitate, and follow what they instinctively believe to be right, so violent behaviors depicted in movies may be absorbed and later replicated. Many cases in society have shown that the crime rate among minors is increasing in various countries, particularly in developing nations. In recent years, we have witnessed numerous massacres and murders where the culprits were under 18 years old. For instance, the case of Le Van Luyen in Bac Giang and Nguyen Hai Duong in Binh Phuoc. Both individuals were not yet of legal age, and investigations revealed that they were influenced by violent behaviors through watching movies and playing violent games.

Furthermore, the government should establish clear laws to accurately assess and classify the content of films. Movies should be carefully categorized and evaluated before being released in theaters or commercialized on platforms. For example, setting age restrictions for viewers of each movie will enhance suitability and prevent potential negative impacts. This is an effective preventive measure currently being implemented by many countries. Evidence of this is that films not suitable for children are required to carry a 16+ or 18+ label on their promotional banners. In such cases, theaters will monitor the age of viewers through personal information disclosure at the cinema.

In conclusion, it is advisable for the government of each country to pay more attention to managing, regulating, evaluating, and clearly classifying the content of films before they are publicly released. This will contribute to a more civilized, polite, and appropriate society for everyone.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Some people think" -> "Some individuals believe"
Explanation: Replacing "think" with "believe" enhances the formality and precision of the statement, aligning better with academic writing standards.
"I personally strongly support" -> "I firmly support"
Explanation: Removing "personally" and replacing "strongly" with "firmly" simplifies the phrase while maintaining a formal tone, avoiding redundancy and enhancing the academic tone.
"implement appropriate regulations" -> "enact appropriate regulations"
Explanation: "Enact" is more precise and formal than "implement" in the context of government actions, fitting better in an academic essay.
"unnecessary effects" -> "adverse effects"
Explanation: "Adverse" is a more specific and academically appropriate term than "unnecessary," which is vague and informal.
"individuals of different age groups" -> "individuals across various age groups"
Explanation: "Across various age groups" is more precise and formal, improving the clarity and specificity of the statement.
"easily absorb new information" -> "readily absorb new information"
Explanation: "Readily" is a more formal synonym for "easily," enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"it may influence them to have a negative outlook on life" -> "it may influence their outlook on life"
Explanation: Simplifying "them to have a negative outlook on life" to "their outlook on life" streamlines the sentence and maintains formality.
"tend to learn, imitate, and follow" -> "are inclined to learn, imitate, and follow"
Explanation: "Are inclined to" is a more formal expression than "tend to," which is somewhat informal and vague in this context.
"Many cases in society have shown" -> "Numerous studies have demonstrated"
Explanation: Replacing "cases in society have shown" with "studies have demonstrated" shifts the focus from anecdotal evidence to scientific research, which is more appropriate in an academic context.
"we have witnessed" -> "it has been observed"
Explanation: "It has been observed" is a more formal and passive construction, suitable for academic writing, compared to the more conversational "we have witnessed."
"Le Van Luyen in Bac Giang and Nguyen Hai Duong in Binh Phuoc" -> "the cases of Le Van Luyen in Bac Giang and Nguyen Hai Duong in Binh Phuoc"
Explanation: Adding "the cases of" clarifies that the reference is to specific instances, enhancing the formality and specificity of the statement.
"establish clear laws" -> "enact clear legislation"
Explanation: "Enact legislation" is a more precise and formal term than "establish laws," which is somewhat vague and less specific in this context.
"accurately assess and classify" -> "thoroughly assess and categorize"
Explanation: "Thoroughly assess and categorize" uses more precise vocabulary that is commonly used in formal and academic contexts, enhancing the professionalism of the text.
"enhance suitability" -> "improve suitability"
Explanation: "Improve" is a more direct and formal synonym for "enhance," aligning better with the academic style.
"polite, and appropriate society" -> "civilized, respectful, and appropriate society"
Explanation: Adding "respectful" provides a clearer and more comprehensive description of the desired societal characteristics, enhancing the precision and formality of the conclusion.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument regarding the regulation of violent content in films and television. The introduction clearly outlines the two perspectives, and the writer’s opinion is stated succinctly. The first body paragraph discusses the negative impacts of violent films on children, providing relevant examples to support this viewpoint. However, the essay could benefit from a more balanced exploration of the opposing view, which is only briefly acknowledged without sufficient elaboration.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay should include a dedicated paragraph that discusses the arguments for allowing violent films to be freely available. This could involve exploring the idea of artistic freedom, the role of parental guidance, or the argument that exposure to violence in media does not necessarily lead to real-life violence. Providing counterarguments would create a more comprehensive discussion and strengthen the overall argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer maintains a clear position throughout the essay, advocating for government regulation of violent content. This stance is consistently supported by examples and reasoning. The opinion is articulated in the introduction and reiterated in the conclusion, ensuring that the reader understands the writer’s perspective. However, the lack of engagement with the opposing view slightly undermines the strength of the position.
- How to improve: To reinforce the clarity of the position, the writer could explicitly contrast their viewpoint with the opposing perspective, addressing potential counterarguments directly. This would not only clarify the stance but also demonstrate critical thinking and a deeper engagement with the topic.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents well-developed ideas, particularly in the discussion of the negative effects of violent films on children. The use of specific examples, such as the cases of Le Van Luyen and Nguyen Hai Duong, effectively supports the argument. However, the essay lacks depth in exploring the opposing view, which limits the extension of ideas.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more examples and reasoning for both sides of the argument. For instance, discussing potential benefits of violent films, such as their role in exploring complex themes or providing social commentary, would enrich the essay. Additionally, including statistics or studies that support the claims made would further substantiate the arguments.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic of regulating violent content in films and television. Each paragraph contributes to the central argument, and the examples provided are relevant to the discussion. There are no significant deviations from the topic, which is commendable.
- How to improve: While the essay stays on topic, the writer should ensure that all points made are directly tied back to the central question. This can be achieved by explicitly linking each argument to the implications of regulation or lack thereof. Additionally, avoiding overly complex sentences that may confuse the reader can help maintain clarity and focus.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a clear argument. To achieve an even higher band score, the writer should aim for a more balanced exploration of both sides of the argument, provide more examples and evidence, and ensure that all points are tightly connected to the central question.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear and logical organization of ideas. The introduction succinctly presents the topic and the writer’s stance. Each body paragraph addresses a specific point supporting the argument for government regulation of violent content. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the negative impact of violent films on children, providing a clear example to illustrate this point. The second body paragraph logically follows, discussing the need for laws to classify and regulate film content, which builds on the previous argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, the writer could use more explicit linking phrases between paragraphs. For example, a transitional sentence at the end of the first body paragraph could summarize the point made and hint at the upcoming discussion on regulation, thus guiding the reader more smoothly into the next idea.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The introduction sets the context, while the body paragraphs delve into the reasons for regulation and the potential societal benefits. The conclusion succinctly summarizes the argument and reiterates the writer’s opinion.
- How to improve: While the paragraphing is generally effective, the writer could enhance the clarity of each paragraph by starting with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. For example, the first body paragraph could begin with a sentence that explicitly states the negative impact of violent films on children, which would help the reader immediately grasp the focus of the paragraph.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a good range of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Furthermore," and "In conclusion," which help to guide the reader through the argument. The use of examples and evidence also contributes to the cohesiveness of the essay, as it connects the writer’s claims to real-world implications. However, there is a tendency to rely on a limited set of cohesive devices, which can make the writing feel somewhat repetitive.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer could incorporate more varied linking words and phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "Furthermore," alternatives like "Additionally," "Moreover," or "In addition" could be employed. Additionally, using phrases that indicate contrast or concession, such as "On the other hand" or "While some may argue," could enrich the essay’s cohesiveness by acknowledging opposing views more explicitly.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and effectively communicates the writer’s viewpoint on the regulation of violent content in films. By focusing on enhancing transitions between paragraphs, clarifying topic sentences, and diversifying cohesive devices, the writer can further strengthen the coherence and cohesion of their writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic of violence in films and government regulation. Terms such as "appropriate regulations," "negative impacts," "age restrictions," and "publicly released" are effectively used to convey the author’s arguments. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the repeated use of "violent" could be substituted with synonyms such as "aggressive," "brutal," or "hostile" to enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve vocabulary range, the author should actively seek synonyms and related terms during the writing process. Utilizing a thesaurus can be beneficial, but it’s important to ensure that the chosen synonyms fit the context appropriately. For instance, instead of saying "violent movies," the author could say "films depicting aggression" in one instance to avoid repetition.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments of imprecision. For example, the phrase "unnecessary effects on society" could be more specifically articulated as "adverse effects on societal behavior" to clarify the nature of the impacts being discussed. Additionally, the term "personal information disclosure at the cinema" may confuse readers, as it is not clear how this relates to age verification.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the author should focus on clearly defining terms and ensuring that they convey the intended meaning without ambiguity. This can be achieved by revisiting sentences and asking whether the vocabulary used accurately reflects the point being made. For example, replacing "personal information disclosure" with "age verification processes" would clarify the intended meaning.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors in the text. Words such as "appropriate," "government," and "evaluate" are correctly spelled, contributing to the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: While the spelling is generally correct, the author should maintain this standard by proofreading their work for any potential typographical errors. Regular practice with spelling exercises or using spelling-check tools can further reinforce this skill. Additionally, reading widely can help familiarize the author with correct spelling in context, which can aid in retention.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a solid command of lexical resource with room for improvement in vocabulary range and precision. By incorporating a wider variety of terms and ensuring clarity in word choice, the author can enhance the overall quality of their writing. Maintaining the current level of spelling accuracy will further support a strong lexical resource score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and conditional clauses. For instance, the use of "when a person of school age watches violent movies, it may influence them to have a negative outlook on life" showcases a conditional structure that effectively conveys a cause-and-effect relationship. Additionally, the phrase "the government should establish clear laws to accurately assess and classify the content of films" employs an infinitive phrase that adds depth to the argument. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and a reliance on similar structures, such as starting several sentences with "Furthermore" or "For example."
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should experiment with different ways to start sentences, such as using adverbial clauses or varying the placement of phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "Furthermore," the writer could use transitions like "In addition," or "Moreover," or even restructure sentences to begin with a dependent clause, e.g., "Given the potential negative impacts, it is crucial that the government…"
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with few errors that do not impede understanding. For example, the phrase "individuals of different age groups should watch movies appropriate for their age" is grammatically correct. However, there are minor punctuation issues, such as the lack of a comma in "children, whose minds are not yet fully developed," which could enhance clarity. Additionally, the phrase "violent films should be not released" is awkwardly constructed; the correct form should be "violent films should not be released."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should pay closer attention to sentence construction and punctuation rules. Practicing the placement of commas in complex sentences and ensuring the correct order of words in negative constructions will help. Furthermore, proofreading for awkward phrasing can aid in producing clearer and more fluid sentences. For instance, revising "violent films should be not released" to "violent films should not be released" would enhance clarity and correctness.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some people think that films with violent content on television and in cinemas should be controlled by the relevant authorities, while others believe that such content should be freely available. I firmly support the idea that the government should enact appropriate regulations to prevent adverse effects on society.

It is clear that the public screening of violent movies to audiences across various age groups can lead to certain negative impacts on society. Firstly, individuals of different age groups should watch movies appropriate for their age. For example, children, whose minds are not yet fully developed, readily absorb new information from everything around them. Therefore, when a school-aged person watches violent movies, it may influence them to have a negative outlook on life. Furthermore, children tend to learn, imitate, and follow what they instinctively believe to be right, so violent behaviors depicted in movies may be absorbed and later replicated. Numerous studies have demonstrated that the crime rate among minors is increasing in various countries, particularly in developing nations. In recent years, we have witnessed numerous massacres and murders where the culprits were under 18 years old. For instance, the cases of Le Van Luyen in Bac Giang and Nguyen Hai Duong in Binh Phuoc show that both individuals were not yet of legal age, and investigations revealed that they were influenced by violent behaviors through watching movies and playing violent games.

Furthermore, the government should enact clear legislation to thoroughly assess and categorize the content of films. Movies should be carefully categorized and evaluated before being released in theaters or commercialized on platforms. For example, setting age restrictions for viewers of each movie will improve suitability and prevent potential negative impacts. This is an effective preventive measure currently being implemented by many countries. Evidence of this is that films not suitable for children are required to carry a 16+ or 18+ label on their promotional banners. In such cases, theaters will monitor the age of viewers through personal information disclosure at the cinema.