Some people prefer to travel in their own country when they have some time off. Others think that it is better to take a trip to a foreign country. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons to support your choice.

Some people stand for travelling in their motherland, but others do not support them and prefer going abroad. In my opinion, travelling abroad is more significant than staying in your homeland.
Firstly, it depends on cultural influence. While going far away to another country, people broaden their horizons. They may see a lot of various new things or make friends with foreigners, which is very important for personality development. Furthermore, people with travelling experience are better in duscussions, as they are developed in numerous aspects of life in various societies. However, there is a category of individuals, who chose living in a bubble. So, their choice is to avoid anything possibly related to foreign places, as long as it contradicts with things they are used to. Being so narrow-minded means spending a lifespan in the same environment and ignoring myriads the interesting things around the world. It also leads to severe problems with socialisation and relationships, because talking to a person, imprisoned in the same environment for years without interesting points, has nothing to do with alluring conversations about ambiguous stories or exciting adventures, brought from trips.
Secondly, going abroad is very important for developing and improving cognitive functions of human brain. By changing the conditions, even for a short period of time, you may stimulate brain activity. It involves not only getting a knowledge about new specific details in a foreign culture, but also learning a foreign language. Though some people can consider it insignificant, for the brain it is a profitable activity, which leads to forming new neuron connections.
In conclusion, I want to say that travelling to another country is more profitable than staying on the same place. It is healthy for the brain and it is also gives an opportunity to know more about our beautiful and awe-inspiring world.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Some people stand for travelling" -> "Some individuals advocate for traveling"
Explanation: "Stand for" is an idiomatic expression that is too informal for academic writing. "Advocate for" is more precise and formal, fitting the context of discussing opinions on travel.
"but others do not support them and prefer going abroad" -> "but others do not support this and prefer traveling abroad"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkwardly constructed. The revised version clarifies the subject and verb agreement, improving readability and formality.
"travelling abroad is more significant than staying in your homeland" -> "traveling abroad is more advantageous than remaining in one’s homeland"
Explanation: "Significant" can be vague in this context. "Advantageous" specifically conveys the benefits of traveling, which is more precise and appropriate for academic writing.
"it depends on cultural influence" -> "it is influenced by cultural factors"
Explanation: "It depends on" is too vague and informal. "It is influenced by" is more specific and academically appropriate, clearly indicating the relationship between cultural factors and travel.
"people broaden their horizons" -> "individuals expand their perspectives"
Explanation: "Broaden their horizons" is an idiom that may seem too informal for academic writing. "Expand their perspectives" is a more formal and precise alternative.
"make friends with foreigners" -> "form friendships with individuals from other cultures"
Explanation: "Make friends with foreigners" is informal and somewhat vague. "Form friendships with individuals from other cultures" is more specific and formal, enhancing the academic tone.
"are better in duscussions" -> "excel in discussions"
Explanation: "Duscussions" is a typographical error. "Excel in discussions" corrects this and uses a more formal verb that accurately describes the level of proficiency.
"developed in numerous aspects of life" -> "developed in various aspects of life"
Explanation: "Numerous" is slightly informal and less precise than "various," which is more commonly used in academic writing to describe multiple aspects.
"chose living in a bubble" -> "choose to live in a bubble"
Explanation: "Chose" is the past tense of "choose," which is incorrect in this context. "Choose to live in a bubble" corrects the tense and aligns with the present tense of the rest of the essay.
"myriads the interesting things" -> "myriad interesting things"
Explanation: "Myriads" is a plural form that is not commonly used in this context. "Myriad" is the correct singular form, which is more appropriate and grammatically correct.
"interesting points" -> "interesting aspects"
Explanation: "Points" is too vague and informal for this context. "Aspects" is more specific and formal, fitting the academic style better.
"alluring conversations about ambiguous stories or exciting adventures" -> "engaging conversations about intriguing stories or thrilling adventures"
Explanation: "Alluring" and "ambiguous" are less precise and slightly informal. "Engaging," "intriguing," and "thrilling" are more specific and academically suitable terms.
"developing and improving cognitive functions of human brain" -> "enhancing and refining cognitive functions of the human brain"
Explanation: "Developing and improving" is redundant. "Enhancing and refining" provides a more precise and formal alternative, suitable for academic discourse.
"It is healthy for the brain" -> "It is beneficial for cognitive health"
Explanation: "It is healthy for the brain" is informal and vague. "It is beneficial for cognitive health" is more specific and aligns with the formal tone of academic writing.
"it is also gives an opportunity" -> "it also provides an opportunity"
Explanation: "Gives" is a less formal verb than "provides," which is more commonly used in academic writing to describe the offering of opportunities.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by presenting a clear preference for traveling abroad over staying in one’s own country. The author provides reasons for this preference, such as cultural exposure and cognitive development. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit comparison between the two options, as the prompt asks for a discussion of both sides. While the author mentions those who prefer staying in their homeland, the argument against this perspective is somewhat underdeveloped.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author should include a more balanced discussion of the merits of both options. For instance, acknowledging the benefits of traveling within one’s own country, such as supporting local economies or exploring one’s own culture, could provide a more comprehensive view. Additionally, directly addressing the opposing viewpoint with counterarguments would strengthen the overall argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position favoring international travel, which is evident from the introduction and reiterated in the conclusion. The use of phrases like "in my opinion" establishes a personal stance. However, the essay could improve in consistency, as the mention of individuals who prefer to stay in their own country is somewhat vague and lacks a strong rebuttal.
- How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the author should explicitly state their stance in the introduction and ensure that all subsequent points reinforce this viewpoint. Including a brief acknowledgment of the opposing side followed by a strong counterargument would help solidify the author’s position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas supporting the preference for traveling abroad, such as broadening horizons and cognitive benefits. These ideas are somewhat extended but could use more concrete examples or personal anecdotes to enhance their impact. For instance, discussing a specific travel experience that led to personal growth would make the argument more relatable and persuasive.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the author should aim to provide specific examples that illustrate the points made. This could include personal experiences, statistics, or quotes from credible sources that support the claims about the benefits of traveling abroad. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph focuses on a single idea with clear topic sentences would enhance the clarity of the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the benefits of traveling abroad. However, there are moments where the discussion strays slightly, particularly when discussing narrow-mindedness and socialization issues. While these points are relevant, they could be more tightly connected to the main argument about the advantages of international travel.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that all points made directly support the central argument. Each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence that ties back to the main thesis. Additionally, avoiding tangential discussions about unrelated issues, such as the socialization problems of those who stay in their homeland, would help keep the essay more focused on the prompt.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. By incorporating more balanced comparisons, specific examples, and maintaining focus on the central argument, the author can further enhance the quality of their response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear opinion that traveling abroad is more significant than staying in one’s homeland. The argument is structured into two main points: the cultural benefits of traveling and the cognitive advantages. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing cultural influences to cognitive functions feels abrupt. The use of phrases like "Firstly" and "Secondly" helps in organizing the points, but the connections between them could be more explicit.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly link ideas. For example, after discussing cultural influences, a sentence like "In addition to cultural benefits, traveling also has significant cognitive advantages" could create a smoother transition. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea will help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the argument. However, the second paragraph could be further divided to enhance clarity. The discussion of cognitive functions and the mention of learning a foreign language could be separated into two distinct paragraphs, allowing for a more in-depth exploration of each point.
- How to improve: Consider breaking longer paragraphs into smaller ones when introducing new ideas or aspects of the argument. For instance, after discussing the cognitive benefits of travel, a new paragraph could focus solely on the importance of learning a foreign language. This would not only improve readability but also allow for a more detailed examination of each point.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "In conclusion," which help to structure the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited. The essay could benefit from more varied connectors and phrases to enhance the flow of ideas. For example, the use of "However" introduces contrasting ideas but could be complemented with other devices like "Moreover," "Additionally," or "Conversely" to enrich the text.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, practice incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, when introducing a new point, instead of always starting with "Firstly" or "Secondly," consider using "Another important aspect to consider is…" or "Additionally, it is worth noting that…". This will not only improve the essay’s cohesion but also make the writing more engaging.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument. By focusing on improving transitions, paragraph structure, and the variety of cohesive devices, the coherence and cohesion can be further enhanced, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "broaden their horizons," "personality development," and "cognitive functions." However, there are instances of repetition and limited variation in word choice. For example, the word "travelling" is used frequently without synonyms, which could enhance the essay’s lexical diversity. Additionally, phrases such as "going abroad" and "staying in your homeland" could be varied with alternatives like "domestic travel" or "international travel."
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms. For instance, instead of repeating "travelling," they could use "journeying," "exploring," or "venturing." Additionally, using phrases like "local exploration" or "overseas adventures" would provide more variety and depth to the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "individuals, who chose living in a bubble," which could be more clearly articulated as "individuals who choose to remain insular." The phrase "myriads the interesting things" is grammatically incorrect and should be "myriad interesting things." The term "alleged conversations" is also misleading in context, as it suggests doubt about the conversations rather than their engaging nature.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. They could benefit from reviewing the context in which they use certain words

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of phrases like "While going far away to another country" and "people broaden their horizons" showcases an ability to form complex ideas. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and structures, such as starting multiple sentences with "people" or "travelling," which can make the writing feel monotonous.
- How to improve: To enhance sentence variety, the writer should experiment with different sentence openings and structures. For instance, using introductory phrases or clauses can help diversify the flow of ideas. Additionally, incorporating more varied conjunctions and transitions (e.g., "Moreover," "In addition," "Conversely") can help link ideas more fluidly and create a more engaging narrative.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For example, the phrase "there is a category of individuals, who chose living in a bubble" should not have a comma before "who," as it is a restrictive clause. Additionally, phrases like "as long as it contradicts with things they are used to" could be more clearly expressed as "as long as it contradicts what they are used to." There are also issues with article usage, such as "the same environment" which could be clearer if rephrased.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on understanding the rules surrounding clauses and punctuation. Reviewing the use of commas in restrictive versus non-restrictive clauses would be beneficial. Furthermore, practicing the correct use of articles and prepositions in context can help avoid common errors. Regularly proofreading for grammatical accuracy and seeking feedback on specific sentences can also aid in identifying and correcting mistakes.

Overall, the essay shows a commendable level of grammatical range and accuracy, but with targeted practice and attention to detail, the writer can elevate their score further.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some people advocate for traveling in their motherland, but others do not support this and prefer going abroad. In my opinion, traveling abroad is more significant than staying in your homeland.

Firstly, it depends on cultural influence. While going far away to another country, people broaden their horizons. They may see a lot of various new things or form friendships with foreigners, which is very important for personality development. Furthermore, people with traveling experience excel in discussions, as they are developed in numerous aspects of life in various societies. However, there is a category of individuals who choose to live in a bubble. Their choice is to avoid anything possibly related to foreign places, as long as it contradicts the things they are used to. Being so narrow-minded means spending a lifetime in the same environment and ignoring the myriad interesting things around the world. It also leads to severe problems with socialization and relationships because talking to a person imprisoned in the same environment for years, without interesting points, has nothing to do with engaging conversations about intriguing stories or thrilling adventures brought from trips.

Secondly, going abroad is very important for developing and improving the cognitive functions of the human brain. By changing the conditions, even for a short period of time, you may stimulate brain activity. It involves not only gaining knowledge about new specific details in a foreign culture but also learning a foreign language. Though some people may consider it insignificant, for the brain it is a beneficial activity, which leads to forming new neuron connections.

In conclusion, I want to say that traveling to another country is more profitable than staying in the same place. It is healthy for the brain, and it also provides an opportunity to know more about our beautiful and awe-inspiring world.