Some people say economic growth is the only way to end world poverty and hunger, while others say economic growth is damaging the environment and must stop. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Some people say economic growth is the only way to end world poverty and hunger, while others say economic growth is damaging the environment and must stop. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Some people suspect the importance of economic growth and suggest to cease it due to the detrimental effects it has on the environment, while others insist that it is the only way to end world poverty and hunger. In my view, the development of economy is the most effective way to foster a prosperous society, therefore, it should not be prevented.
The dispute over the business growth can stem from some devastating impacts that it brings to the environment. Firstly, the clearance of Forests could be a substantial issue. With a view to making way for the expansion of businesses, many entrepreneurs cut down trees and destroy Forests. To the same term, this phenomenon would create greenhouse effect and enhance global warming, which put many wild species at risk of extinction. Furthermore, another contributing factor can be industrial waste. As many industrial complexes are growing drastically more toxic waste is produced, which can pollute the living environment. Exhaust fumes contaminated water. For example, are some common cause of air and water pollution.
Despite the above arguments, I would argue that our society can not develop and thrive once economic growth is impeded. Provided that companies’ expansion is stopped by the governments, job opportunities would thereby become increasingly scarce. In this way, citizens, especially later generations, will struggle to find job and make a living, which not only leads to poverty, but also the likelihood of crime rates’ increase among them. For example, as people cannot do anything decent to meet their basic needs, they tend to commit crimes like robbing. On even the worse to maintain their lives, this scenario would bring about an uncivilized and disadvantaged society.
In conclusion, while I recognize the downsides of the economic advance that affect the environment badly, I believe that this development still play a vital role towards human and therefore should not be prevented.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
-
"Some people suspect the importance of economic growth and suggest to cease it" -> "Some individuals question the significance of economic growth and advocate for its cessation"
Explanation: Replacing "suspect the importance" with "question the significance" and "suggest to cease" with "advocate for its cessation" refines the language to be more precise and formal, suitable for an academic context. -
"the detrimental effects it has on the environment" -> "the adverse impacts it has on the environment"
Explanation: Replacing "detrimental effects" with "adverse impacts" provides a more precise and commonly used term in academic writing, enhancing the formality and specificity of the statement. -
"the development of economy" -> "economic development"
Explanation: "Economic development" is a more commonly accepted and precise term in academic discourse, replacing the less formal "development of economy." -
"the business growth" -> "economic growth"
Explanation: "Economic growth" is a more specific and formal term than "business growth," which is more vague and less commonly used in academic contexts. -
"the clearance of Forests" -> "the clearance of forests"
Explanation: Capitalization of "Forests" should be consistent throughout the text. "forests" is the correct form for the plural noun. -
"To the same term" -> "Similarly"
Explanation: "To the same term" is awkward and unclear; "Similarly" is a more natural and precise transitional phrase in academic writing. -
"put many wild species at risk of extinction" -> "pose a threat to the extinction of many wild species"
Explanation: "Pose a threat to the extinction of" is a more formal and precise way to express the potential harm to species. -
"Exhaust fumes contaminated water" -> "Exhaust fumes contaminate water"
Explanation: "Contaminate" is the correct verb form for the ongoing action of pollution, replacing the passive "contaminated." -
"are some common cause of air and water pollution" -> "are common causes of air and water pollution"
Explanation: "Are common causes" corrects the grammatical error and aligns with the plural subject "Exhaust fumes." -
"our society can not develop and thrive once economic growth is impeded" -> "society cannot develop and thrive if economic growth is impeded"
Explanation: "Cannot" is the correct form of the modal verb for negation, and "if" is more appropriate than "once" in this conditional context. -
"companies’ expansion is stopped by the governments" -> "companies’ expansion is halted by governments"
Explanation: "Halted" is a more precise verb than "stopped," and "governments" should not be capitalized unless referring to a specific government. -
"job opportunities would thereby become increasingly scarce" -> "job opportunities would thus become increasingly scarce"
Explanation: "Thus" is a more formal and academic synonym for "thereby," enhancing the formality of the sentence. -
"On even the worse to maintain their lives" -> "Even worse, to maintain their lives"
Explanation: Removing "On" corrects the grammatical error and improves readability, while "Even worse" correctly introduces a contrast. -
"this scenario would bring about an uncivilized and disadvantaged society" -> "this scenario would lead to an uncivilized and disadvantaged society"
Explanation: "Lead to" is a more precise and formal verb choice than "bring about," fitting the academic style better.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
-
Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding economic growth and its impact on poverty and the environment. The first paragraph introduces the opposing perspectives, highlighting concerns about environmental damage and the belief in economic growth as a solution to poverty. However, the discussion could benefit from a more balanced exploration of both sides. For instance, while the environmental concerns are mentioned, they are not elaborated upon in detail, which limits the depth of the argument. The essay does present a clear opinion in favor of economic growth, but it could have included more nuanced arguments from both perspectives to fully satisfy the prompt.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should aim to provide a more thorough examination of the environmental arguments against economic growth. This could involve discussing specific examples of how economic activities have led to environmental degradation and contrasting these with examples of successful economic growth that have also prioritized environmental sustainability.
-
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position favoring economic growth as a means to combat poverty. The writer states their opinion in the introduction and reiterates it in the conclusion. However, the clarity of the position is somewhat undermined by the lack of a robust counter-argument to the environmental concerns. While the writer acknowledges the downsides of economic growth, the argument could be more convincing if it directly addressed how these issues can be mitigated or balanced with economic development.
- How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, the writer should explicitly counter the environmental arguments presented. This could include discussing sustainable practices that allow for economic growth while minimizing environmental impact, thereby reinforcing the essay’s stance.
-
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas supporting the benefits of economic growth, such as job creation and the potential for reducing crime rates. However, the support for these ideas is somewhat limited. For example, the claim that job scarcity leads to increased crime is mentioned but not sufficiently backed by evidence or elaboration. The environmental arguments, while introduced, lack depth and specific examples, which weakens the overall discussion.
- How to improve: To improve the development and support of ideas, the writer should include more specific examples and data to substantiate their claims. For instance, citing studies or statistics that link economic growth to poverty reduction or discussing successful case studies of countries that have balanced growth with environmental protection would provide stronger support for the arguments made.
-
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the debate between economic growth and environmental concerns. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharper. For instance, the discussion of crime rates, while relevant, could be more directly tied to the economic context rather than presented as a separate issue. Additionally, some sentences are unclear or poorly structured, which can distract from the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain a tighter focus on the topic, the writer should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the central question of economic growth versus environmental impact. Clearer sentence structures and transitions between ideas would also help maintain coherence and relevance throughout the essay.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear opinion, it would benefit from deeper exploration of both sides of the argument, more robust support for claims, and improved clarity and coherence in writing.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
-
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing opposing views, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the negative impacts of economic growth to the benefits is somewhat abrupt. The first body paragraph focuses on environmental concerns without a clear transition to the second paragraph, which discusses the necessity of economic growth. This can confuse readers regarding the relationship between the two viewpoints.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing the environmental impacts, a sentence like "However, it is essential to consider the counterarguments regarding the necessity of economic growth" could create a smoother transition. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea will help guide the reader through the argument.
-
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. However, the internal structure of some paragraphs could be improved. For example, the first body paragraph contains multiple ideas (deforestation, greenhouse effects, and industrial waste) that could be better organized. The ideas are somewhat disjointed, leading to a lack of clarity in presenting the argument.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, each paragraph should ideally contain a clear topic sentence followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on that idea. For instance, the first body paragraph could start with a sentence that clearly states the environmental impacts of economic growth, followed by separate sentences for each specific impact, ensuring that each point is fully developed before moving on to the next.
-
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Furthermore," and "In conclusion." However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some phrases are used incorrectly or awkwardly. For example, "to the same term" is not a standard phrase in English and disrupts the flow of the argument. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices like "for example" is present but could be diversified to enhance the essay’s coherence.
- How to improve: To improve the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "in addition," "on the other hand," "consequently," and "for instance." This will help clarify relationships between ideas and improve the overall flow of the essay. Moreover, ensure that all phrases used are grammatically correct and appropriate for the context to maintain clarity.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, focusing on enhancing logical organization, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will strengthen coherence and cohesion, potentially leading to a higher band score.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
-
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary related to the topic of economic growth and its impact on society and the environment. Phrases such as "detrimental effects," "prosperous society," and "industrial waste" indicate an attempt to use varied vocabulary. However, there are instances of repetition and limited synonyms, such as the repeated use of "economic growth" and "environment," which detracts from the overall lexical variety.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "economic growth," alternatives like "economic development," "economic expansion," or "financial progress" could be employed. Additionally, diversifying phrases like "detrimental effects" with terms such as "adverse consequences" or "negative impacts" would enrich the essay.
-
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some precise vocabulary, such as "greenhouse effect" and "job opportunities." However, there are instances of imprecise usage that can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "the clearance of Forests" should be "the clearance of forests" (with a lowercase ‘f’), and "the likelihood of crime rates’ increase" is awkwardly phrased; it could be more clearly stated as "the likelihood of an increase in crime rates."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and clarity. Reviewing the essay for grammatical structures and ensuring that phrases convey the intended meaning without ambiguity is essential. Additionally, using collocations correctly, such as "increase in crime rates" instead of "crime rates’ increase," will enhance clarity.
-
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that affect its overall quality. For instance, "Forests" is incorrectly capitalized, and "the greenhouse effect" should not capitalize "greenhouse." Additionally, "on even the worse" is a confusing phrase that likely intended to convey "or even worse."
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading and utilize spell-check tools. Practicing writing short paragraphs and focusing on commonly misspelled words can also be beneficial. Furthermore, reading extensively can help reinforce correct spelling and improve overall language proficiency.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of the topic and attempts to use varied vocabulary, there are areas for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By implementing the suggested strategies, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5
-
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as the use of complex sentences ("Provided that companies’ expansion is stopped by the governments, job opportunities would thereby become increasingly scarce.") and simple sentences. However, the overall range is limited, and many sentences are either overly simplistic or awkwardly constructed. For example, phrases like "the clearance of Forests could be a substantial issue" could be rephrased for clarity and impact. Additionally, the use of conjunctions and relative clauses is minimal, which restricts the complexity of the argumentation.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex sentences that utilize subordinate clauses, relative clauses, and varied conjunctions. For instance, instead of saying "this phenomenon would create greenhouse effect," the writer could say, "this phenomenon not only creates a greenhouse effect but also exacerbates global warming." Engaging with more advanced grammatical structures will help convey ideas more effectively and elevate the overall quality of the writing.
-
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity and professionalism. For example, "the clearance of Forests" should be "the clearance of forests," as "forests" does not require capitalization. Additionally, the phrase "Exhaust fumes contaminated water" lacks proper tense agreement and should be revised to "Exhaust fumes contaminate water." There are also instances of awkward phrasing, such as "on even the worse to maintain their lives," which is unclear and grammatically incorrect.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and proper noun capitalization. It would be beneficial to review verb tenses to ensure consistency throughout the essay. Furthermore, practicing punctuation rules, particularly with commas and periods, will enhance clarity. For instance, the writer should ensure that independent clauses are properly separated and that commas are used to set off introductory phrases. Engaging in targeted grammar exercises and seeking feedback from peers or instructors can also aid in identifying and correcting these issues.
Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument, addressing the identified weaknesses in grammatical range and accuracy will significantly improve the quality of the writing and potentially raise the band score.
Bài sửa mẫu
Some people question the significance of economic growth and suggest ceasing it due to the adverse impacts it has on the environment, while others insist that it is the only way to end world poverty and hunger. In my view, the development of the economy is the most effective way to foster a prosperous society; therefore, it should not be prevented.
The dispute over economic growth can stem from some devastating impacts that it brings to the environment. Firstly, the clearance of forests could be a substantial issue. In order to make way for the expansion of businesses, many entrepreneurs cut down trees and destroy forests. Similarly, this phenomenon creates a greenhouse effect and enhances global warming, which poses a threat to the extinction of many wild species. Furthermore, another contributing factor can be industrial waste. As many industrial complexes grow, more toxic waste is produced, which can pollute the living environment. Exhaust fumes contaminate water and are common causes of air and water pollution.
Despite the above arguments, I would argue that our society cannot develop and thrive if economic growth is impeded. Provided that companies’ expansion is halted by governments, job opportunities would thus become increasingly scarce. In this way, citizens, especially future generations, will struggle to find jobs and make a living, which not only leads to poverty but also increases the likelihood of crime rates among them. For example, as people cannot do anything decent to meet their basic needs, they tend to commit crimes like robbery. Even worse, to maintain their lives, this scenario would lead to an uncivilized and disadvantaged society.
In conclusion, while I recognize the downsides of economic development that negatively affect the environment, I believe that this growth still plays a vital role in human progress and should therefore not be prevented.