Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease, government should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems To extend agree or disagree

Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease, government should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems
To extend agree or disagree

It is true that there are various way to tackle with health problems and epidemic. I completely with the state that authority should raise intention of minimizing ecological contamination and accomodational issues
In my opinion, environmental pollution is widely considered to be the main factor causing plague and illness. Indeed, these pollutions can affect directly on human bodies such as contaminated water contributes to digest-related matter while gas emission leads to respriratory illness.To cite an example, one who live in Hanoi urban areas suffer heavily from these disease than one who live in Hanoi rural region. Not only in Vietnam, this topic is much more prevalent over the other parts of the world so that the international health organization make efforts to raising human awareness of the environmental pollution impact on our life
Besides, housing crisis affects heavily on our health status. Poor infrastructure like lack of hygienic condition as well as overcrowding sequence result in the contagious disease and worsen existing health problems. For instance, substandard housing in slums is an ideal circumstance for the spread of tuberculosis and influenza.By improving living condition through infrastructure development and promoting housing Standard, government can keep up overall health status and well-being of their citizens
In a nutshell, raising awareness on reducing environmental issues and housing problems is the ultimate and effective way to prevent illness and disease. Authorities should implement effective policies in this areas in order to reduce negative health status, contribute to a stronger public health system and create a fairer distribution of health services for citizens.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"various way" -> "various ways"
Explanation: "Ways" is the correct plural form of "way." Using "ways" here maintains grammatical correctness.
"I completely with the state" -> "I completely agree with the stance"
Explanation: "Agree" is a more formal and precise term than "with" in this context. "Stance" is a more formal synonym for "state."
"minimizing" -> "minimization"
Explanation: "Minimization" is the noun form of "minimize" and fits better in the context of discussing a process or action.
"accomodational" -> "accommodation-related"
Explanation: "Accommodation-related" is a hyphenated adjective that better describes the issues related to accommodation without using a less formal word like "accomodational."
"plague" -> "disease"
Explanation: "Plague" typically refers to a specific epidemic disease caused by the bacterium Yersinia pestis. Using "disease" is more general and suitable for the context.
"affect directly on" -> "directly affect"
Explanation: The phrasal verb "affect" should directly precede its object "human bodies" for smoother syntax.
"digest-related matter" -> "digestive issues"
Explanation: "Digest-related matter" is awkward and unclear. "Digestive issues" is a more precise and commonly used term.
"respriratory" -> "respiratory"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling mistake of "respriratory" to "respiratory" maintains professionalism and accuracy.
"who live" -> "living"
Explanation: Using the gerund form "living" is grammatically correct in this context.
"Hanoi urban areas suffer heavily from these disease than one who live in Hanoi rural region" -> "Hanoi urban areas suffer more heavily from these diseases than those living in rural regions of Hanoi."
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and correctness, using "diseases" in the plural form, and adjusting the comparison to match subjects.
"Not only in Vietnam, this topic is much more prevalent over the other parts of the world" -> "This issue is prevalent not only in Vietnam but also in other parts of the world."
Explanation: Reorganizing the sentence for clarity and using "issue" instead of "topic" for better precision.
"raising human awareness" -> "raising awareness among the population"
Explanation: "Raising awareness among the population" is a more formal and precise phrase.
"housing crisis affects heavily on our health status" -> "housing crisis heavily impacts our health"
Explanation: Simplifying the sentence structure and using "impacts" instead of "affects heavily on" for conciseness and clarity.
"Poor infrastructure like lack of hygienic condition" -> "Poor infrastructure, such as lack of hygienic conditions"
Explanation: Adding a comma after "infrastructure" and correcting the phrasing to improve readability and grammatical accuracy.
"overcrowding sequence" -> "overcrowded conditions"
Explanation: "Overcrowded conditions" is a more natural and concise way to convey the idea of overcrowding.
"result in the contagious disease" -> "result in contagious diseases"
Explanation: Using the plural form "diseases" is more appropriate to convey that multiple diseases can result from poor housing conditions.
"worsen existing health problems" -> "exacerbate pre-existing health issues"
Explanation: "Exacerbate" is a more formal and precise term than "worsen" in academic writing.
"infrastructure development and promoting housing Standard" -> "infrastructure development and promoting housing standards"
Explanation: Using "housing standards" in the plural form maintains consistency and grammatical correctness.
"reduce negative health status" -> "reduce adverse health effects"
Explanation: "Adverse health effects" is a more precise and formal term than "negative health status."
"implement effective policies in this areas" -> "implement effective policies in these areas"
Explanation: Using the plural form "these areas" matches with the plural noun "policies" for grammatical agreement.
"prevent illness and disease" -> "prevent illnesses and diseases"
Explanation: Using the plural forms "illnesses" and "diseases" maintains consistency and clarity.
"contribute to a stronger public health system" -> "contribute to strengthening the public health system"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for better flow and using "strengthening" as a gerund form for smoother expression.
"create a fairer distribution of health services for citizens" -> "ensure a fairer distribution of health services among citizens"
Explanation: "Ensure" is a stronger verb choice, and using "among" instead of "for" improves clarity regarding who benefits from the distribution of health services.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses the prompt by discussing both environmental pollution and housing problems as key factors in preventing illness and disease. It provides examples and argues for the importance of addressing these issues.
- How to improve: To improve, ensure that each point is elaborated on with more depth and clarity. Provide specific examples and consider how these issues are interconnected.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position in support of the idea that governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems to prevent illness and disease. This position is maintained consistently throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, consider explicitly stating the position in the introduction and conclusion, and ensure that each body paragraph supports this stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but could extend them further. It discusses the impact of environmental pollution and housing problems on health and provides some examples. However, more elaboration and depth would strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: Extend ideas by providing more detailed examples, statistics, or expert opinions to support your points. Ensure each idea is fully developed and contributes to the overall argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic but occasionally goes off track, such as when discussing the prevalence of environmental pollution globally. While this information is relevant, it could be more tightly connected to the main argument.
- How to improve: To stay more focused, connect each point back to the main argument and ensure that all examples and explanations directly support the thesis statement.

Overall, the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a well-structured argument. To improve, focus on providing more detailed explanations and examples, maintaining a clear and consistent position, and ensuring that all points directly relate to the main argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of logical organization. It starts with an introduction that presents the main argument, followed by body paragraphs discussing environmental pollution and housing problems as factors affecting health. The concluding paragraph summarizes the main points. However, there are some areas where the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition between discussing environmental pollution and housing problems could be smoother to enhance coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases or sentences to smoothly transition between different ideas. For example, after discussing environmental pollution, you could use a transition like "Furthermore" or "In addition" to introduce the discussion on housing problems, thus creating a more cohesive flow of ideas.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to separate different aspects of the argument. Each paragraph focuses on a specific point, such as the impact of environmental pollution and housing problems on health. However, there are instances where paragraph structure could be improved for better clarity and coherence. For instance, the paragraph discussing housing problems could be divided into two paragraphs to separate the discussion of poor infrastructure and overcrowding, making it easier for the reader to follow.
- How to improve: Consider breaking down longer paragraphs into smaller ones, each focusing on a single aspect of the argument. This will not only improve clarity but also allow for better development and organization of ideas. In this essay, dividing the paragraph discussing housing problems into two separate paragraphs—one focusing on poor infrastructure and the other on overcrowding—would enhance readability and coherence.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay makes some use of cohesive devices to connect ideas and create coherence. For example, phrases like "In my opinion," "Besides," and "In a nutshell" are used to introduce new points or summarize arguments. However, there is limited variety in the cohesive devices employed, and some transitions between ideas could be smoother to improve overall coherence.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider using a wider range of transitional words and phrases such as "Moreover," "Additionally," "On the other hand," etc. These will help establish clearer connections between ideas and improve the overall flow of the essay. Additionally, pay attention to the placement of cohesive devices to ensure they effectively signal shifts in thought or direction within the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary, including terms like "ecological contamination," "plague," "contaminated water," "respiratory illness," "infrastructure development," and "well-being." However, there is room for improvement in showcasing a broader vocabulary. For instance, instead of frequently repeating phrases like "raising awareness," the essay could incorporate synonyms or varied expressions to enrich the lexical variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider utilizing synonyms, idiomatic expressions, and varied terminology related to the topic. For example, instead of repeatedly using "raising awareness," alternative phrases such as "promoting consciousness" or "heightening understanding" can add depth to the essay’s vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally precise use of vocabulary, effectively conveying ideas related to environmental pollution, housing problems, and their impact on health. For instance, the terms "contaminated water" and "gas emission" accurately depict specific types of pollution. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise. For example, using "accomodational issues" instead of "housing crisis" could be considered less precise.
- How to improve: Aim for precision by selecting vocabulary that precisely conveys the intended meaning. Instead of general terms like "accomodational issues," opt for more specific terms like "housing shortages" or "housing inadequacies" to accurately portray the severity of the problem.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "respriratory" (respiratory), "digest-related matter" (digestive-related matter), and "accomodational" (accommodational). These errors, while not pervasive, detract from the overall professionalism and clarity of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spelling checkers and proofreading techniques to identify and correct errors before submission. Additionally, reviewing commonly misspelled words and practicing their correct spelling can aid in reducing errors in future writing endeavors.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates competence in lexical resource, refining vocabulary variety, precision, and spelling accuracy can further enhance the clarity, coherence, and overall impact of the writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fairly wide range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. There is an attempt to vary sentence length and structure, although some sentences are overly simplistic and lack complexity. For example, the essay uses simple sentences like "It is true that there are various ways to tackle with health problems and epidemic," but also incorporates more complex structures such as "By improving living condition through infrastructure development and promoting housing Standard, government can keep up overall health status and well-being of their citizens."
- How to improve: To further enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, the writer can incorporate more complex sentence constructions, such as using conditional sentences, relative clauses, and participial phrases. Additionally, transitioning between sentence types smoothly can improve the overall flow and coherence of the essay.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a satisfactory level of grammatical accuracy overall, but there are several instances of grammatical errors and punctuation inaccuracies throughout the text. For example, there are errors in subject-verb agreement ("I completely with the state that authority should raise intention") and tense consistency ("these pollutions can affect directly on human bodies"). Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as missing commas in compound sentences ("For instance, substandard housing in slums is an ideal circumstance for the spread of tuberculosis and influenza.By improving living condition through infrastructure development…").
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and proper punctuation usage. Proofreading the essay carefully can help identify and correct these errors. Additionally, seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-checking tools can be beneficial in improving grammatical accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

**Improved Essay:**

It is true that there are various ways to tackle health problems and epidemics. I completely agree with the statement that authorities should focus on minimizing ecological contamination and housing issues.

In my opinion, environmental pollution is widely considered the main factor causing plague and illness. Indeed, pollution can directly affect human bodies, such as contaminated water contributing to digestive-related issues, while gas emissions lead to respiratory illnesses. To cite an example, those who live in urban areas of Hanoi suffer more heavily from these diseases than those in the rural regions of Hanoi. Not only in Vietnam, but this issue is also prevalent in other parts of the world, leading international health organizations to make efforts in raising human awareness about the impacts of environmental pollution on our lives.

Besides, the housing crisis heavily affects our health status. Poor infrastructure, such as a lack of hygienic conditions and the consequences of overcrowding, result in contagious diseases and worsen existing health problems. For instance, substandard housing in slums creates ideal conditions for the spread of tuberculosis and influenza. By improving living conditions through infrastructure development and promoting housing standards, governments can maintain the overall health status and well-being of their citizens.

In a nutshell, raising awareness about reducing environmental issues and housing problems is an ultimate and effective way to prevent illness and disease. Authorities should implement effective policies in these areas to reduce negative health outcomes, contribute to a stronger public health system, and create a fairer distribution of health services for citizens.