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Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In recent times, it is usually believe that advertising is successful at convincing people to purchasing products. While others claim that no longer do people believe in advertisement to decide to purchasing anymore. In the following paragraph, I will discuss both views before giving my own opinion.

First and foremost, people should recognize the fact that advertising is successful at persuading people to allocate money to shopping. There is no denying that the corporation have already understand their customer’s insight, before releasing a advertising campaign. It is obvious that following by a massive campaign, a tons of money were invested on market research. Market research play an important role to collecting customer’s mindset and also emotions about in which type of content, key visuals that is attractive and relavant. Furthermore, one further justification which should not be ignored is that Thank to the significant increase of short video platform namely TikTok, Meta Reels, which is became the easiest way to create a rapid entertaint content can lead to the massive number of users download everyday. As a result, Advertising creators created an effective way to communicate with the target audiences by adding their information on the KOL, KOC and celebrity video content, and also added an e-commerce shop combined on those applications which assisted their customers can purchase goods with a mouse-click.

In contrast, there are several reason supporting the statement that the advertising is not a effective way anymore to being get attention of customers anymore. It is important to remember that he rapid shopping can lead customer to the terrible experience. When they are allocate money for any products which they attracted during follow the advertising messages, they rarely care about the quality, the instructions how to use. When it comes to the result, they might be disappointed mainly because of the useless or the ineffective products could bring to them. As a result, they decide to not believe in advertising anymore.

In other words, social media platform get its popularity is a potential tools for the users can become the journalist, with the power of internet, users can easily share their thoughts, reviews about the products and the goods that they expenditure money on to their community. The word-of-mouth effect, which is honest, powerful is outweigh the crafted advertiment. For instance, during summer 1990, Tan Hiep Phat company gain a biggest boyscott in the history in Vietnam for the “fly inside the drink” scandal with a customer, who accused Tan Hiep Phat of about seeing that fly inside his bottle of drink.

In conclusion, while some people argue that the advertising created the successful convincing customer to shopping , I am quite in favor of the idea saying that advertising is so familiar to persuading us to believe in them, However, each of us should consider carefully before reaching the final decision on this issue.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "In recent times, it is usually believe that advertising is successful at convincing people to purchasing products." -> "Recently, there is a prevailing belief that advertising is effective in persuading people to purchase products."
    Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and lacks clarity. The suggested alternative provides a more concise and grammatically accurate expression, emphasizing the prevailing belief and using more sophisticated vocabulary.

  2. "While others claim that no longer do people believe in advertisement to decide to purchasing anymore." -> "While others argue that people no longer rely on advertisements to make purchasing decisions."
    Explanation: The original sentence is convoluted and uses informal language. The suggested alternative simplifies the expression, removes redundancy, and introduces a more formal tone.

  3. "First and foremost, people should recognize the fact that advertising is successful at persuading people to allocate money to shopping." -> "First and foremost, it is imperative to acknowledge that advertising effectively convinces individuals to allocate funds for shopping."
    Explanation: The suggested alternative maintains clarity while employing more precise and formal language. It eliminates redundancy and emphasizes the effectiveness of advertising in a more academic tone.

  4. "There is no denying that the corporation have already understand their customer’s insight, before releasing a advertising campaign." -> "Undoubtedly, corporations thoroughly comprehend their customers’ perspectives before launching an advertising campaign."
    Explanation: The original sentence contains grammatical errors and uses informal language. The suggested alternative corrects the grammar and replaces informal phrases with more formal alternatives.

  5. "It is obvious that following by a massive campaign, a tons of money were invested on market research." -> "It is evident that, following a massive campaign, a substantial amount of money was invested in market research."
    Explanation: The original sentence is unclear and contains grammatical errors. The suggested alternative provides a clearer structure and corrects the grammar, maintaining a formal tone.

  6. "Market research play an important role to collecting customer’s mindset and also emotions about in which type of content, key visuals that is attractive and relavant." -> "Market research plays a crucial role in collecting customers’ perspectives and emotions regarding the type of content, key visuals that are attractive and relevant."
    Explanation: The original sentence has grammatical errors and lacks precision. The suggested alternative corrects the grammar and provides a more accurate and formal expression.

  7. "Furthermore, one further justification which should not be ignored is that Thank to the significant increase of short video platform namely TikTok, Meta Reels, which is became the easiest way to create a rapid entertaint content can lead to the massive number of users download everyday." -> "Furthermore, another significant justification that should not be overlooked is the impact of the substantial increase in short video platforms such as TikTok and Meta Reels. These platforms have become the easiest way to create rapid and entertaining content, resulting in a massive daily influx of users."
    Explanation: The original sentence is convoluted and contains grammatical errors. The suggested alternative simplifies the expression, corrects grammar, and maintains a formal tone.

  8. "As a result, Advertising creators created an effective way to communicate with the target audiences by adding their information on the KOL, KOC and celebrity video content, and also added an e-commerce shop combined on those applications which assisted their customers can purchase goods with a mouse-click." -> "Consequently, advertising creators developed an effective method to engage with target audiences by integrating their information into Key Opinion Leader (KOL), Key Opinion Consumer (KOC), and celebrity video content. Additionally, they incorporated an e-commerce shop within these applications, facilitating customers in making purchases with a simple mouse-click."
    Explanation: The original sentence contains redundancy and awkward phrasing. The suggested alternative streamlines the expression, corrects grammar, and introduces more formal vocabulary.

  9. "In contrast, there are several reason supporting the statement that the advertising is not a effective way anymore to being get attention of customers anymore." -> "In contrast, there are several reasons supporting the statement that advertising is no longer an effective means of capturing customers’ attention."
    Explanation: The original sentence contains grammatical errors and redundancy. The suggested alternative corrects grammar and simplifies the expression while maintaining a formal tone.

  10. "It is important to remember that he rapid shopping can lead customer to the terrible experience." -> "It is important to note that rapid shopping can lead customers to a negative experience."
    Explanation: The original sentence contains a typographical error and informal language. The suggested alternative corrects the error and provides a more formal expression.

  11. "When they are allocate money for any products which they attracted during follow the advertising messages, they rarely care about the quality, the instructions how to use." -> "When allocating money for products attracted by following advertising messages, customers often neglect considerations of quality and usage instructions."
    Explanation: The original sentence is awkward and contains grammatical errors. The suggested alternative corrects grammar and provides a more concise and formal expression.

  12. "In other words, social media platform get its popularity is a potential tools for the users can become the journalist, with the power of internet, users can easily share their thoughts, reviews about the products and the goods that they expenditure money on to their community." -> "In other words, the popularity of social media platforms serves as a potential tool for users to act as journalists. With the power of the internet, users can effortlessly share their thoughts and reviews about the products and goods on which they have expended money within their community."
    Explanation: The original sentence is unclear and contains grammatical errors. The suggested alternative improves clarity, corrects grammar, and maintains a formal tone.

  13. "The word-of-mouth effect, which is honest, powerful is outweigh the crafted advertiment." -> "The word-of-mouth effect, being honest and powerful, outweighs crafted advertisements."
    Explanation: The original sentence contains grammatical errors and lacks clarity. The suggested alternative corrects the grammar and provides a more concise and formal expression.

  14. "For instance, during summer 1990, Tan Hiep Phat company gain a biggest boyscott in the history in Vietnam for the “fly inside the drink” scandal with a customer, who accused Tan Hiep Phat of about seeing that fly inside his bottle of drink." -> "For instance, during the summer of 1990, Tan Hiep Phat company faced the largest boycott in the history of Vietnam due to the ‘fly inside the drink’ scandal. A customer accused Tan Hiep Phat of witnessing a fly inside his bottle of drink."
    Explanation: The original sentence contains grammatical errors and lacks precision. The suggested alternative corrects the grammar, provides a clearer structure, and maintains a formal tone.

  15. "In conclusion, while some people argue that the advertising created the successful convincing customer to shopping , I am quite in favor of the idea saying that advertising is so familiar to persuading us to believe in them, However, each of us should consider carefully before reaching the final decision on this issue." -> "In conclusion, while some argue that advertising is successful in persuading customers to shop, I strongly favor the idea that advertising is adept at convincing us to believe in its messages. However, each individual should carefully consider before reaching a final decision on this issue."
    Explanation: The original conclusion is convoluted and contains grammatical errors. The suggested alternative simplifies the expression, corrects grammar, and maintains a formal tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views mentioned in the prompt by discussing the belief that advertising is successful at persuading people to purchase products and the opposing view that people no longer believe in advertising. However, the analysis of each view is limited, and there’s room for a more comprehensive exploration of both perspectives.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, provide a more in-depth analysis of each viewpoint. Offer specific examples, statistics, or scenarios that illustrate the success or failure of advertising in convincing people to make purchases. Expand on the reasons behind each perspective to add depth to the discussion.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to present a clear position, favoring the idea that advertising is familiar and persuasive. However, the expression is somewhat convoluted, and the stance could be articulated more explicitly.
    • How to improve: Strengthen the thesis statement to clearly convey the author’s position. Avoid using vague expressions such as "quite in favor of the idea." Instead, state the position decisively and follow through with supporting arguments in each body paragraph. Consistency in expressing and supporting the chosen stance is crucial.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks development and support. While it mentions market research and the influence of short video platforms, the analysis is superficial. More examples and elaboration are needed to bolster the points made.
    • How to improve: Provide more detailed explanations and concrete examples to support the ideas presented. Explain how market research influences advertising success, delve deeper into the impact of short video platforms, and offer specific instances of effective or ineffective advertising strategies.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic but deviates in certain sections, such as the discussion of rapid shopping leading to a terrible experience. This deviation may confuse the reader and dilute the focus on the main topic.
    • How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph directly contributes to addressing the prompt. Eliminate tangential discussions that do not directly relate to the effectiveness of advertising in persuading people to buy products. Maintain a clear and focused discussion on the views presented in the prompt.

In conclusion, while the essay provides a reasonable response to the prompt, there is room for improvement in addressing each checklist item more thoroughly. Strengthening the analysis, clearly articulating the position, providing detailed support for ideas, and ensuring strict adherence to the topic will contribute to an enhanced essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of organization, but there are instances where the flow of ideas could be improved. The introduction is clear in presenting the topic, but the body paragraphs lack a seamless transition between points. For example, the shift from discussing the success of advertising to its ineffectiveness could be smoother, enhancing the overall logical progression.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure a smoother transition between paragraphs. Introduce each main point clearly, and use linking sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Consider a more structured approach, such as presenting arguments for and against advertising success separately before offering your opinion.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but their structure is inconsistent. Some paragraphs are well-developed, presenting a single idea cohesively, while others lack clear topic sentences or contain multiple unrelated ideas. This inconsistency affects the overall effectiveness of paragraphing.
    • How to improve: Focus on creating well-structured paragraphs with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea. Develop each paragraph around a single point, providing supporting details and examples. Ensure a smooth transition between paragraphs to maintain a coherent flow of ideas.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, including transitional words and phrases. However, there is room for improvement in the strategic use of these devices to enhance coherence. Some transitions between sentences and ideas feel abrupt, impacting the overall flow.
    • How to improve: Pay attention to the use of transitional words and phrases to create a smoother connection between sentences and ideas. Use transitions not only between sentences but also within paragraphs to guide the reader through your arguments. Ensure a logical progression by choosing cohesive devices that suit the context of your essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion, there are areas that can be refined to elevate the overall organizational structure. Focus on creating a more seamless flow of ideas, improving paragraph structure, and strategically using cohesive devices to enhance the clarity and effectiveness of your essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fairly wide range of vocabulary, incorporating words and phrases like "persuading," "allocating money," "market research," "mindset," "short video platform," and "word-of-mouth effect." However, there are instances of repetition and some inaccuracies, such as "in favor of the idea saying that advertising is so familiar to persuading us to believe in them," which could be refined for better precision.
    • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary usage, strive for greater variety and accuracy. Avoid unnecessary repetition, and when introducing new words, ensure they align with the context appropriately. For instance, replacing "familiar" with a term like "ubiquitous" would elevate the precision of your expression.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally uses imprecise vocabulary, as seen in phrases like "a tons of money" and "the corporation have already understand." Additionally, there are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "following by a massive campaign," which could be rephrased for clarity.
    • How to improve: Work on precision by using the correct form of words (e.g., "ton" instead of "tons"), and ensure subject-verb agreement (e.g., "the corporation has already understood"). Avoid unnecessary words and phrases that might obscure your intended meaning. For clarity, consider rephrasing sentences to improve the flow and coherence of your ideas.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: There are several spelling errors throughout the essay, including "believe" instead of "believed," "relavant" instead of "relevant," "entertaint" instead of "entertainment," and "advertiment" instead of "advertisement."
    • How to improve: Strengthen spelling accuracy through careful proofreading. Consider using spell-check tools and reviewing your essay systematically. Additionally, practice spelling words that commonly pose challenges. Developing a habit of proofreading before submission can significantly enhance the overall spelling accuracy of your writing.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a competent use of vocabulary, refining precision and eliminating spelling errors will contribute to a more polished and effective piece of writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a moderate range of sentence structures. Simple and compound sentences dominate the writing, with occasional complex sentences. However, there is room for improvement in the variety of structures. For instance, more complex sentences, such as those with subordinate clauses, can enhance the sophistication of the writing.
    • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating complex sentences with subordinate clauses. For example, instead of using simple sentences, try combining ideas with dependent clauses to create more intricate and sophisticated sentences.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: While the essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy, there are instances of grammatical errors that impact clarity. For instance, there are errors in subject-verb agreement (e.g., "it is usually believe," should be "it is usually believed"). Additionally, there are punctuation errors (e.g., missing commas in complex sentences), affecting the overall precision of the writing.
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and practice using commas correctly in complex sentences. Reviewing grammar rules and proofreading the essay carefully can help identify and rectify these issues. It is crucial to ensure that each sentence is grammatically sound for clearer communication.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates an adequate level of grammatical range and accuracy, improvements can be made in diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision. Introducing a more varied sentence structure and meticulously addressing grammatical errors will contribute to a more polished and sophisticated essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent times, there is a prevailing belief that advertising is effective in persuading people to purchase products. While others argue that people no longer rely on advertisements to make purchasing decisions. In the following paragraphs, I will discuss both views before giving my own opinion.

First and foremost, it is imperative to acknowledge that advertising effectively convinces individuals to allocate funds for shopping. Undoubtedly, corporations thoroughly comprehend their customers’ perspectives before launching an advertising campaign. It is evident that, following a massive campaign, a substantial amount of money was invested in market research. Market research plays a crucial role in collecting customers’ perspectives and emotions regarding the type of content, key visuals that are attractive and relevant.

Furthermore, another significant justification that should not be overlooked is the impact of the substantial increase in short video platforms such as TikTok and Meta Reels. These platforms have become the easiest way to create rapid and entertaining content, resulting in a massive daily influx of users. Consequently, advertising creators developed an effective method to engage with target audiences by integrating their information into Key Opinion Leader (KOL), Key Opinion Consumer (KOC), and celebrity video content. Additionally, they incorporated an e-commerce shop within these applications, facilitating customers in making purchases with a simple mouse-click.

In contrast, there are several reasons supporting the statement that advertising is no longer an effective means of capturing customers’ attention. It is important to note that rapid shopping can lead customers to a negative experience. When allocating money for products attracted by following advertising messages, customers often neglect considerations of quality and usage instructions. In other words, the popularity of social media platforms serves as a potential tool for users to act as journalists. With the power of the internet, users can effortlessly share their thoughts and reviews about the products and goods on which they have expended money within their community. The word-of-mouth effect, being honest and powerful, outweighs crafted advertisements. For instance, during the summer of 1990, Tan Hiep Phat company faced the largest boycott in the history of Vietnam due to the ‘fly inside the drink’ scandal. A customer accused Tan Hiep Phat of witnessing a fly inside his bottle of drink.

In conclusion, while some argue that advertising is successful in persuading customers to shop, I strongly favor the idea that advertising is adept at convincing us to believe in its messages. However, each individual should carefully consider before reaching a final decision on this issue.

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