Some people say that advertising is extrememly successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people say that advertising is extrememly successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it.

Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Currently, advertisement plays a significant role in society. Others argue that marketing campaigns are useless ways to persuade people to purchase goods. This essay will discuss both sides of the argument in detail, along with presenting my perspectives.
On the one hand, advertisements have a huge impact by creating various ways. Since people could encourage purchasing something when they see attractive promotions. Moreover, advertising gives people an experimental experience such as a trial test, sample or some discount code. In addition, the company could invite celebrities and KOL to endorse their products and services. For instance, Pepsi is a food and beverage corporation, creating many campaigns to promote new products such as Pepsi with zero calories . It leads to company revenue increase significantly and brings to the community a new healthy lifestyle.
On the other hand, nowadays, people might see advertisements everywhere. Because modern technology develops rapidly, it’s easy to advertise goods for organizations. Additionally, consumer awareness and education have increased, leading to more discerning shopping habits. For example, when people watch films on Youtube, there are at least 2-3 advertising videos. Not only on Youtube, on Facebook and Spotify too. It creates a lot of disruption while people want to concentrate on listening to music or watching films.

From my point of view, I believe that advertising is so effective at influencing people to buy things because of increasing the company's financial growth. Furthermore, advertisements could raise awareness in the community to promote new items.

In conclusion, although advertising leads to an unattractive environment and some disruptions. I believe that it still helps the public to be aware of new items or different goods in the market.

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Errors and Improvements:

"Others argue that marketing campaigns are useless ways to persuade people to purchase goods." -> "Others argue that marketing campaigns are ineffective in persuading people to purchase goods."
Explanation: "Useless" is too strong and informal for an academic essay. "Ineffective" is a more suitable term that maintains a formal tone.
"This essay will discuss both sides of the argument in detail, along with presenting my perspectives." -> "This essay will provide a detailed discussion of both viewpoints, supplemented by my own analysis."
Explanation: "In detail, along with presenting my perspectives" is redundant. "Provide a detailed discussion" is more concise and formal.
"Since people could encourage purchasing something when they see attractive promotions." -> "Since attractive promotions can prompt people to make purchases."
Explanation: "Encourage purchasing" is awkward phrasing. "Prompt people to make purchases" is more precise and formal.
"advertising gives people an experimental experience such as a trial test, sample or some discount code." -> "Advertising offers consumers the opportunity to experience products through trials, samples, or discount codes."
Explanation: "Experimental experience" is unclear and informal. "Opportunity to experience products" is clearer and more formal.
"KOL" -> "Key Opinion Leaders (KOLs)"
Explanation: To enhance clarity, it’s better to spell out the abbreviation "KOL" on its first occurrence in the essay.
"In addition, the company could invite celebrities and KOL to endorse their products and services." -> "Additionally, companies can engage celebrities and Key Opinion Leaders (KOLs) to endorse their products and services."
Explanation: "Invite" is too informal. "Engage" is a more formal alternative. Also, it’s better to spell out "KOL" on its first occurrence in the essay.
"Pepsi is a food and beverage corporation, creating many campaigns to promote new products such as Pepsi with zero calories ." -> "Pepsi, a food and beverage corporation, has launched numerous campaigns to promote new products, such as Pepsi Zero Sugar."
Explanation: The original sentence is awkwardly structured. Clarified the product name and rephrased for better readability.
"It leads to company revenue increase significantly and brings to the community a new healthy lifestyle." -> "This has significantly increased company revenue and promoted a healthier lifestyle within the community."
Explanation: Restructured the sentence for clarity and formal tone.
"nowadays, people might see advertisements everywhere." -> "In contemporary society, advertisements are ubiquitous."
Explanation: "Nowadays" is somewhat informal. "In contemporary society" is more suitable for an academic essay.
"Because modern technology develops rapidly, it’s easy to advertise goods for organizations." -> "Due to rapid technological advancements, advertising goods for organizations has become easier."
Explanation: Simplified and clarified the sentence structure.
"Additionally, consumer awareness and education have increased, leading to more discerning shopping habits." -> "Moreover, heightened consumer awareness and education have resulted in more discerning shopping habits."
Explanation: "Additionally" is repetitive after "Because" in the previous sentence. "Moreover" is a more suitable transition.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both sides of the argument by discussing the effectiveness of advertising in persuading consumers to purchase products as well as the viewpoint that advertising has become so pervasive that people no longer pay attention to it. It also presents the writer’s opinion on the matter.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay could provide more specific examples and delve deeper into the implications of these viewpoints. Additionally, a clearer structure could enhance the coherence of the discussion, ensuring each viewpoint is fully explored.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer’s position is clear throughout the essay. They believe that advertising is effective in influencing consumer behavior due to its impact on companies’ financial growth and raising awareness in the community.
- How to improve: While the position is clear, further development and reinforcement of the stance through stronger reasoning and more detailed examples could enhance the essay’s persuasiveness.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas on both sides of the argument, supported by examples such as the use of attractive promotions and endorsements by celebrities. However, the development of these ideas is somewhat limited, and more elaboration would strengthen the essay’s argumentation.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should expand on each idea by providing additional examples, explanations, or statistical evidence to bolster their arguments. This will add depth and credibility to the essay’s discussion.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by addressing the prompt’s focus on the effectiveness of advertising and whether people still pay attention to it. However, there are moments where the discussion slightly deviates, such as the mention of disruptions caused by advertisements.
- How to improve: To stay more closely on topic, the essay should maintain a clear focus on evaluating the impact and perception of advertising, avoiding tangential discussions that detract from the main argument.

Overall, while the essay effectively presents arguments and the writer’s opinion on the topic, further development of ideas, more specific examples, and tighter focus on the prompt could enhance its coherence and persuasiveness.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization by presenting both sides of the argument in separate paragraphs, followed by the author’s opinion in the concluding paragraph. Each paragraph focuses on a different aspect of the topic: the effectiveness of advertising in the first body paragraph, the ubiquity of advertising in the second body paragraph, and the author’s opinion in the final paragraph.
- How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, consider providing smoother transitions between paragraphs to facilitate the flow of ideas. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence to guide the reader and maintain coherence throughout the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to organize different aspects of the discussion. Each paragraph addresses a specific viewpoint or argument related to the topic, contributing to the overall structure of the essay. The paragraphs are adequately developed with relevant supporting details.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea or argument. Consider refining topic sentences to succinctly introduce the main point of each paragraph and use transitions to connect ideas between paragraphs more seamlessly.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, including conjunctions (e.g., "On the one hand," "On the other hand," "Furthermore," "Moreover," "In addition"), pronouns (e.g., "it," "this"), and transitional phrases (e.g., "For instance," "For example," "In conclusion"). These cohesive devices help to link ideas within and between sentences and paragraphs, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: While the essay effectively uses cohesive devices, there is room for further diversification and refinement. Consider incorporating a wider range of cohesive devices, such as synonyms for conjunctions and transitional phrases, to add variety and sophistication to the essay’s structure. Additionally, pay attention to the placement of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transitions between ideas and paragraphs.

Overall, the essay demonstrates strong coherence and cohesion, with a clear organizational structure, effective use of paragraphs, and a variety of cohesive devices. To further enhance these aspects, focus on refining transitions between paragraphs, ensuring each paragraph has a clear topic sentence, and diversifying the range of cohesive devices used.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, with varied expressions used throughout. For instance, terms like "experimental experience," "KOL" (Key Opinion Leaders), "endorse," and "financial growth" showcase the writer’s ability to employ diverse vocabulary. Additionally, the essay utilizes phrases such as "perspectives" instead of repeating "opinion" and "new healthy lifestyle" instead of simpler phrases, enriching the lexical resource.
- How to improve: To further enhance the breadth of vocabulary, consider incorporating more nuanced terminology or idiomatic expressions where appropriate. Exploring synonyms or related terms for commonly used words can add depth to the vocabulary repertoire.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with precision, though there are instances where clarity could be improved. For example, the phrase "creating various ways" is somewhat vague and could benefit from more precise wording to convey the intended meaning clearly. Additionally, terms like "unattractive environment" may lack specificity, requiring clarification for a more precise understanding.
- How to improve: Strive for clarity and specificity in word choice to ensure precise communication of ideas. Avoid ambiguous phrases by selecting terms that accurately convey the intended meaning. For instance, instead of "creating various ways," consider specifying the ways in which advertisements influence consumer behavior.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy, with most words spelled correctly. However, there are occasional errors, such as "extrememly" (extremely) and "disruptions" (disruptions), which detract slightly from the overall quality of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spelling and grammar check tools to identify and correct errors before finalizing the essay. Additionally, proofreading the essay carefully can help catch any spelling mistakes that may have been overlooked initially. Developing a habit of reviewing written work for spelling accuracy can contribute to enhancing overall writing proficiency.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a strong command of vocabulary and maintains a reasonable level of spelling accuracy, there is room for further refinement in precision and clarity of expression. By actively seeking opportunities to expand vocabulary, refine word choice, and improve spelling consistency, the writer can elevate the quality of their writing to achieve an even higher band score for Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. It includes simple, compound, and complex sentences, though the variety is somewhat limited. Simple sentences dominate the essay, which affects the overall sophistication of the writing. For instance, "On the one hand, advertisements have a huge impact by creating various ways" is a complex sentence that effectively introduces a viewpoint. However, further diversification, such as the use of conditional sentences or inversion for emphasis, could enhance the depth and complexity of the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical range, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures. For example, introduce conditional sentences to express hypothetical situations or use inversion to emphasize certain points. Additionally, vary the length and structure of sentences to maintain reader engagement and showcase a higher level of language proficiency.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors present. For instance, "Others argue that marketing campaigns are useless ways to persuade people to purchase goods" should be revised to "Others argue that marketing campaigns are ineffective at persuading people to purchase goods." Additionally, there are instances of subject-verb agreement errors, such as "Since people could encourage purchasing something when they see attractive promotions." The punctuation usage is generally correct, but there are occasional errors, like missing commas in compound sentences.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and article usage. Review sentence structure to ensure clarity and coherence. For punctuation, pay attention to the correct placement of commas in compound sentences and use them to separate independent clauses. Proofreading carefully before submission can help identify and correct these errors effectively. Additionally, consider seeking feedback from peers or tutors to address specific areas of weakness.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates competence in grammatical range and accuracy, there is room for improvement to elevate the language proficiency and coherence of the writing. By incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures and enhancing grammatical accuracy, the essay can achieve a higher band score in this criterion.

Bài sửa mẫu

Advertising plays a significant role in today’s society. Some argue that marketing campaigns are ineffective in persuading people to purchase goods. This essay will explore both perspectives in detail, along with my own opinions.

On one hand, advertisements have a substantial impact, employing various strategies to influence consumers. People are often enticed to make purchases when they encounter appealing promotions. Furthermore, advertising offers experiential opportunities, such as trials, samples, or discount codes. Additionally, companies often utilize celebrities and Key Opinion Leaders (KOLs) to endorse their products and services. For example, Pepsi, a renowned food and beverage corporation, frequently launches campaigns to promote new products like Pepsi with zero calories. These efforts not only significantly boost company revenue but also promote a healthier lifestyle within the community.

On the other hand, advertisements have become ubiquitous in modern society due to rapid technological advancements. Consequently, people encounter advertising almost everywhere they go. Moreover, heightened consumer awareness and education have led to more discerning shopping habits. For instance, while watching videos on platforms like YouTube, individuals are often interrupted by multiple advertisements. This trend extends to other platforms like Facebook and Spotify as well, disrupting users’ focus on their intended activities, such as listening to music or watching videos.

In my view, advertising remains highly effective in influencing purchasing decisions due to its role in driving companies’ financial growth and raising awareness about new products within the community.

In conclusion, while advertising may contribute to an increasingly cluttered environment and cause disruptions, its ability to inform the public about new products and drive economic growth cannot be overlooked.