Some people say that economic growth is the only way to end world poverty and hunger. Others say that economic growth is damaging the environment and must stop now. Discuss both these points of view and give your own opinion.

Some people say that economic growth is the only way to end world poverty and hunger. Others say that economic growth is damaging the environment and must stop now.

Discuss both these points of view and give your own opinion.

Some individuals argue that the only way to end global poverty and starvation is through economic growth, while some believe that it is the reason leading to the damaging of the enviroment and should be put to an end. I partially agree with the former statement and I will shed light on the merits and demerits of this tendency in this essay.

On the one hand, it is understandable that many people consider that natural environments are being destroyed by the growing of the economic. As the demand of the consumers increased, the rise of the manufactures is inevitable, leading to the growth of the economic. The result of this phenomena can be a surge in the number of vehicles, clothes and other necessaries, contributing to the annual waste being released into the ecosystem, causing detrimental effects. For instance, multiple hectares of rainforest had been cut down for the construction of factories, causing the unbalance of the local habitat and the destruction of the accomodations of a variety of species.

On the other hand, economic growth may eliminate some pressing matters in many countries around the world. Some fields required a high finacial to ameliorate the quality of individuals' lives, an example of this tendency can be the health and education systems, with the investment of the government, citizens can have the access to higher level of education and medical treatment, resultin in better overall living quality. From my perspective, with the proper functioning of the mentioned systems, world poverty and hunger is likely to disappear.

In summing up, while some argue that economic growth must be stopped because of detrimental effects on the environment, I reckon that the rise in an economy is the only effective way of eliminating poverty and hunger.

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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Some individuals argue" -> "Some scholars argue"
   Explanation: Replacing "individuals" with "scholars" specifies the type of individuals involved in the discussion, enhancing the academic tone of the essay.

2. "the only way to end" -> "the sole means to eradicate"
   Explanation: "Sole means to eradicate" is more precise and formal, emphasizing the exclusivity and effectiveness of the method.

3. "the reason leading to the damaging of the enviroment" -> "the cause of environmental degradation"
   Explanation: "Environmental degradation" is a more precise and formal term than "the damaging of the environment," and it avoids the awkward construction of "the enviroment."

4. "put to an end" -> "terminated"
   Explanation: "Terminated" is a more formal and precise term than "put to an end," which is somewhat colloquial.

5. "the growing of the economic" -> "the growth of the economy"
   Explanation: "The growth of the economy" is grammatically correct and more formal than "the growing of the economic."

6. "the demand of the consumers increased" -> "consumer demand increased"
   Explanation: "Consumer demand" is a more concise and formal expression than "the demand of the consumers."

7. "the rise of the manufactures" -> "the rise of manufacturing"
   Explanation: "Manufacturing" is the correct noun form, and using it instead of "manufactures" corrects the grammatical error.

8. "the growth of the economic" -> "economic growth"
   Explanation: "Economic growth" is the correct noun phrase, and using it avoids the awkward construction of "the growth of the economic."

9. "necessaries" -> "necessities"
   Explanation: "Necessities" is the correct plural form of "necessity," aligning with the context.

10. "annual waste being released" -> "annual waste emissions"
    Explanation: "Annual waste emissions" is a more precise and formal term than "annual waste being released."

11. "multiple hectares of rainforest had been cut down" -> "numerous hectares of rainforest were cleared"
    Explanation: "Were cleared" is more specific and formal than "had been cut down," and "numerous" is more precise than "multiple."

12. "the unbalance of the local habitat" -> "the imbalance of the local habitat"
    Explanation: "Imbalance" is the correct spelling, and it is more formal than "unbalance."

13. "the accomodations of a variety of species" -> "the habitats of various species"
    Explanation: "Habitats" is the correct term for the environments of species, and "various" is more formal than "a variety of."

14. "fields required a high finacial" -> "fields require significant financial"
    Explanation: "Require significant financial" corrects the spelling error and uses more formal language.

15. "resultin in" -> "resulting in"
    Explanation: Corrects the spelling error and maintains the formal tone.

16. "world poverty and hunger is likely to disappear" -> "global poverty and hunger are likely to diminish"
    Explanation: "Global" is more precise than "world," and "diminish" is a more formal synonym for "disappear," fitting the academic style better.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both sides of the argument regarding economic growth and its impact on poverty and the environment. The first paragraph introduces the two viewpoints, while the subsequent paragraphs discuss the negative consequences of economic growth on the environment and the positive effects on poverty alleviation. However, the discussion lacks depth in exploring the counterargument, particularly in terms of specific examples or evidence that could strengthen the points made.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could include more detailed examples or statistics that illustrate the negative environmental impacts of economic growth. Additionally, a more balanced exploration of both viewpoints would be beneficial, perhaps by providing specific instances where economic growth has led to environmental degradation alongside examples of how it has successfully alleviated poverty.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The writer states a partial agreement with the notion that economic growth is essential for alleviating poverty and hunger. However, the position could be clearer. The phrase "I partially agree" introduces ambiguity, and the conclusion reiterates this stance without fully committing to a clear position on the debate.
  • How to improve: The writer should consider adopting a more definitive stance in the introduction and conclusion. For instance, instead of saying "I partially agree," the writer could state, "While I acknowledge the environmental concerns, I firmly believe that economic growth is crucial for eradicating poverty." This would provide a stronger and more consistent position throughout the essay.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to both sides of the argument, but the support for these ideas is somewhat limited. For example, while the negative impact of economic growth on the environment is mentioned, it lacks specific data or case studies that would strengthen the argument. Similarly, the benefits of economic growth are discussed but not elaborated upon with concrete examples or evidence.
  • How to improve: To improve this aspect, the writer should aim to provide more substantial support for their claims. This could include citing specific studies, statistics, or real-world examples that illustrate the points being made. For instance, when discussing the benefits of economic growth for health and education, the writer could reference specific countries or programs that have successfully improved these areas through economic investment.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt effectively. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharpened. For instance, the discussion of environmental damage could be more directly linked to the implications for poverty and hunger, rather than being treated as a separate issue.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the central question of the essay. This could involve explicitly linking the environmental impacts of economic growth to their potential effects on poverty and hunger, thereby reinforcing the relevance of each argument to the overall discussion.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the prompt and presents relevant arguments, it could benefit from deeper exploration of both sides, a clearer position, more substantial support for ideas, and tighter focus on the topic. By addressing these areas, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their response and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the two opposing views on economic growth and its impact on poverty and the environment. The body paragraphs are organized to discuss each viewpoint separately, which helps in maintaining clarity. However, the transition between the two sides could be smoother. For example, the phrase "On the one hand" effectively introduces the first argument, but the transition to the second argument could benefit from a more explicit connection to the first, reinforcing the contrast.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly relate the two viewpoints, such as "Conversely" or "In contrast." Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea, which will help guide the reader through the argumentation more effectively.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs appropriately, with a clear distinction between the discussion of the environmental concerns and the benefits of economic growth. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, which is a strength. However, the conclusion could be more developed to summarize the key points made in the body and reinforce the writer’s opinion.
  • How to improve: Strengthen the conclusion by briefly reiterating the main arguments presented in the body paragraphs. This will not only provide a sense of closure but also reinforce the overall argument. Consider also ensuring that each paragraph contains a mix of evidence and explanation to support the claims made.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which effectively signal the contrasting viewpoints. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, phrases like "the result of this phenomena" could be better linked to the preceding sentence to enhance clarity.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases throughout the essay. For instance, use "Furthermore," "Moreover," or "In addition" to introduce supporting points, and "However," "Nevertheless," or "Despite this" to present counterarguments. This will help to create a more sophisticated and fluid narrative throughout the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents coherent arguments, enhancing the logical flow, developing the conclusion, and diversifying cohesive devices will contribute to a stronger overall performance in coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "global poverty," "starvation," "natural environments," and "detrimental effects." However, there are instances where the vocabulary used is somewhat repetitive and lacks variation. For example, the phrase "economic growth" is mentioned multiple times without synonyms or related terms to diversify the language.
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer could incorporate synonyms or related phrases, such as "economic development," "financial progress," or "economic expansion." Additionally, using phrases like "environmental degradation" instead of repeating "damaging the environment" could improve lexical variety.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains some imprecise vocabulary choices that can lead to confusion. For instance, the phrase "the growing of the economic" is awkward and unclear; it would be more precise to say "economic growth" or "economic expansion." Similarly, "the rise of the manufactures" could be better expressed as "the rise of manufacturing" or "manufacturing growth."
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using established collocations and phrases. For example, instead of "the demand of the consumers increased," a more precise expression would be "consumer demand has increased." Regularly consulting a thesaurus or vocabulary resources can help identify more accurate terms.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that detract from its overall quality. Notable examples include "enviroment" (should be "environment"), "finacial" (should be "financial"), "resultin" (should be "resulting"), and "accomodations" (should be "habitat" or "homes"). These errors indicate a lack of attention to detail in spelling.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools. Additionally, practicing commonly misspelled words and creating flashcards for challenging vocabulary can help reinforce correct spelling.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, improving the range, precision, and spelling of vocabulary will enhance the overall quality and effectiveness of the writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of "Some individuals argue that the only way to end global poverty and starvation is through economic growth" showcases a complex structure. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and a lack of more sophisticated structures that could enhance the essay’s overall fluency. For instance, phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" are effective transitions, but they could be complemented with more varied introductory phrases to avoid monotony.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more complex clauses and varied sentence openings. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "Some people" or "On the one hand," the writer could use introductory adverbial phrases or participial phrases, such as "Considering the environmental impact," or "While some advocate for economic growth, others highlight its consequences." This would not only improve the range of structures but also enhance the essay’s coherence.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity. For instance, "the growing of the economic" should be "economic growth," and "the rise of the manufactures is inevitable" could be rephrased for clarity. Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as missing commas in complex sentences. For example, "As the demand of the consumers increased, the rise of the manufactures is inevitable" could benefit from a clearer structure and correct tense usage. The phrase "resultin in better overall living quality" contains a spelling error ("resulting"), which affects the professionalism of the writing.
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and incorrect word forms. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers could help identify and correct these mistakes. Furthermore, practicing the correct use of punctuation, especially in complex sentences, will improve clarity. For example, ensuring that dependent clauses are properly punctuated can help convey the intended meaning more effectively.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents both sides of the argument, improving the variety of sentence structures and addressing grammatical and punctuation errors will enhance the overall quality and coherence of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals argue that the only way to end global poverty and starvation is through economic growth, while some believe that it is the reason leading to the damage of the environment and should be put to an end. I partially agree with the former statement, and I will shed light on the merits and demerits of this tendency in this essay.

On the one hand, it is understandable that many people consider that natural environments are being destroyed by the growth of the economy. As consumer demand increased, the rise of manufacturing is inevitable, leading to economic growth. The result of this phenomenon can be a surge in the number of vehicles, clothes, and other necessities, contributing to the annual waste emissions released into the ecosystem, causing detrimental effects. For instance, numerous hectares of rainforest have been cleared for the construction of factories, causing the imbalance of the local habitat and the destruction of the habitats of various species.

On the other hand, economic growth may eliminate some pressing matters in many countries around the world. Some fields require significant financial investment to improve the quality of individuals’ lives; an example of this tendency can be seen in the health and education systems. With government investment, citizens can have access to a higher level of education and medical treatment, resulting in better overall living quality. From my perspective, with the proper functioning of the mentioned systems, global poverty and hunger are likely to diminish.

In summary, while some argue that economic growth must be stopped because of its detrimental effects on the environment, I believe that the rise of the economy is the only effective way to eliminate poverty and hunger.