Some people say that every human being can create art, others think only the people born with the ability can create art. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Some people say that every human being can create art, others think only the people born with the ability can create art. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
It is believed that the pieces of art can be produced by normal people. Some argue that only natural talents can generate complete master pieces. In my view, both viewpoints are justifiable but I lean toward the latter.
On the one hand, it is undeniable that every individual can make artwork. Nowadays, given the availability of hands-on courses, it is possible to anyone keen on learning about art. For instance, photography lessons will provide learners with fundamental techniques about adjusting viewpoint and camera angle so that learners can take the aesthetic pleasing photos regardless of aptitude. Moreover, to illustrate with have dedicated years of their lives, painters can master sketching stages and proceed to portray a complete picture.
Nevertheless, some opponents claim that only people with innate abilities, dexterity and ingenuity can create the classical pieces of arts. Because the greatest artists showcase their gift from an early ages. For example, Lang Lang, the Chinese piano prodigy, who shows interest in music at the age of two. Besides that, art is the expression of one's internal thoughts and feelings which can be taught or pass down from someone. It is clear that creature's unique perceptions and emotions among the main factors that set Mosa Lisa apart from other work of the same genre.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
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"normal people" -> "ordinary individuals" or "the general public"
Explanation: "Normal people" is a colloquial expression; using "ordinary individuals" or "the general public" is more formal and appropriate in academic writing. -
"complete master pieces" -> "masterpieces"
Explanation: "Complete master pieces" is incorrect. The correct term is "masterpieces," which refers to outstanding works of art. -
"both viewpoints are justifiable but I lean toward the latter" -> "both viewpoints are defensible, yet I favor the latter"
Explanation: "Justifiable" is slightly informal. "Defensible" is a more formal synonym. "Lean toward" can be replaced with "favor" for a more academic tone. -
"Nowadays" -> "Today" or "Currently"
Explanation: "Nowadays" is informal. "Today" or "Currently" are more suitable in academic writing. -
"given the availability of hands-on courses" -> "due to the proliferation of practical courses"
Explanation: "Given" is informal. "Due to" is more formal. "Hands-on courses" can be replaced with "practical courses" for greater precision. -
"keen on learning about art" -> "interested in studying art"
Explanation: "Keen on" is more informal. "Interested in studying" is a more formal expression. -
"photography lessons will provide learners with fundamental techniques about adjusting viewpoint and camera angle so that learners can take the aesthetic pleasing photos regardless of aptitude" -> "photography lessons impart fundamental techniques on adjusting viewpoint and camera angle, enabling learners to capture aesthetically pleasing photos, irrespective of aptitude"
Explanation: This revision makes the sentence more concise and formal. "Impart" is more formal than "provide." "Aesthetic pleasing" should be "aesthetically pleasing." -
"dedicated years of their lives, painters can master sketching stages and proceed to portray a complete picture" -> "dedicated years to mastering sketching techniques and creating complete artworks"
Explanation: The revised version is clearer and more formal. -
"Nevertheless, some opponents claim" -> "However, critics argue"
Explanation: "Opponents" is slightly informal. "Critics" is a more formal term. -
"Because the greatest artists showcase their gift from an early ages" -> "As the greatest artists demonstrate their talents from an early age"
Explanation: "From an early ages" is incorrect. "From an early age" is the correct phrase. -
"who shows interest in music at the age of two" -> "who showed an interest in music at the age of two"
Explanation: "Shows" should be past tense to match the rest of the sentence. -
"Besides that" -> "Moreover" or "Furthermore"
Explanation: "Besides that" is informal. "Moreover" or "Furthermore" are more formal alternatives. -
"creature’s unique perceptions and emotions among the main factors that set Mosa Lisa apart from other work of the same genre" -> "unique perceptions and emotions of the artist are among the primary factors that distinguish the Mona Lisa from other works in the same genre"
Explanation: "Creature’s" is incorrect; it should be "artist’s." "Set apart" can be replaced with "distinguish." "Mosa Lisa" should be "Mona Lisa."
These changes will help to maintain a formal, academic style throughout the essay, ensuring clarity and appropriateness of language.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Task Response: 6 – UNDER WORD
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay partially addresses all parts of the question. It discusses both viewpoints regarding the ability to create art but lacks depth in exploring the nuances of each perspective. While it acknowledges that some believe anyone can create art and others argue for innate talent, it could benefit from more thorough analysis and examples.
- How to improve: To enhance task response, consider delving deeper into the implications of each viewpoint. Provide more specific examples and elaborate on the reasoning behind each perspective. Additionally, ensure that the essay covers all aspects of the question equally.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position, stating that while both viewpoints are justifiable, the author leans towards the belief that only those with innate abilities can create classical pieces of art. This stance is maintained consistently throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To further strengthen clarity and consistency, consider explicitly stating the author’s position in the introduction and reiterating it in the conclusion. Additionally, provide more in-depth reasoning and evidence to support this position throughout the body paragraphs.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks thorough development and support. While it mentions examples such as photography lessons and Lang Lang, the Chinese pianist, they are not thoroughly analyzed or connected to the main arguments. The ideas are somewhat repetitive and need further elaboration.
- How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, provide more detailed explanations for each example cited. Connect these examples directly to the arguments being made and explain their significance in relation to the viewpoints being discussed. Additionally, introduce new examples or perspectives to enrich the discussion and provide a more comprehensive analysis.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing both viewpoints on the ability to create art. However, there are some instances of slight deviation, such as the brief discussion on the uniqueness of emotions in art. While relevant, this point could have been more directly tied to the main arguments.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, ensure that all points made directly contribute to the exploration of the prompt. Avoid tangential discussions that do not directly support the main arguments. Instead, use examples and explanations that closely relate to the viewpoints being discussed.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization, with distinct paragraphs presenting arguments for both viewpoints and a clear expression of the writer’s opinion. Each paragraph addresses a different aspect of the topic, beginning with an introduction that outlines the two perspectives and concludes with the author’s opinion. However, there are some instances of awkward phrasing and unclear transitions that slightly disrupt the flow of ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea. Additionally, focus on improving the coherence between sentences and paragraphs by using transition words and phrases to guide the reader through the essay’s progression of ideas more smoothly.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs to separate different arguments and ideas. Each paragraph appears to address a distinct point of view or aspect of the topic, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. However, some paragraphs lack unity, containing multiple ideas that could be better organized into separate paragraphs for improved clarity.
- How to improve: Aim for greater paragraph unity by focusing each paragraph on a single main idea or argument. This will help maintain coherence and make the essay easier for the reader to follow. Consider revising paragraphs that contain multiple ideas to create more focused and cohesive structures.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases (e.g., "On the one hand," "Nevertheless," "For instance") to connect ideas within and between sentences. While these cohesive devices contribute to the overall coherence of the essay, there is room for improvement in the strategic placement and effectiveness of some transitions.
- How to improve: Continue to utilize cohesive devices effectively to improve the flow of ideas and coherence within the essay. Pay close attention to the placement of transition words and phrases to ensure they connect ideas logically and smoothly. Additionally, consider incorporating a wider range of cohesive devices to diversify the essay’s structure and enhance coherence further.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with varied expressions used to convey ideas. For instance, phrases such as "pieces of art," "natural talents," "hands-on courses," "innate abilities," "classical pieces of art," and "expression of one’s internal thoughts" contribute to lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, consider incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary and idiomatic expressions where appropriate. Additionally, aim for greater precision in word choice to convey nuanced meanings and ideas effectively.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay employs a range of vocabulary, some instances lack precision, leading to vague or ambiguous expressions. For instance, "complete masterpieces" could be more precisely described, and "creature’s unique perceptions" may benefit from clearer wording.
- How to improve: To improve precision, carefully select words that accurately convey the intended meaning. Use specific terminology relevant to the topic, avoiding vague or overused phrases. Additionally, consider the context in which vocabulary is used to ensure clarity and coherence.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy, with few notable errors. However, there are some instances of misspellings, such as "Mosa Lisa" instead of "Mona Lisa" and "from an early ages" instead of "from an early age."
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, proofread the essay carefully, paying attention to common spelling errors and ensuring accuracy in proper nouns and terminology specific to the topic. Additionally, consider utilizing spell-check tools or seeking feedback from peers to identify and correct errors effectively.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of sentence structures. It incorporates simple, compound, and complex sentences, although with some repetition. For example, it uses complex sentences like "Moreover, to illustrate with have dedicated years of their lives, painters can master sketching stages and proceed to portray a complete picture," but lacks diversity in structures throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, try incorporating more complex sentence structures such as conditional sentences, relative clauses, or inversion. Vary the lengths of your sentences to create a more engaging rhythm and flow in your writing.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates generally accurate grammar and punctuation usage, though there are notable errors present. For instance, there are issues with subject-verb agreement ("to illustrate with have dedicated years") and article usage ("to illustrate with have dedicated years" should be "to illustrate, individuals have dedicated years"). Punctuation errors include missing commas in compound sentences ("Moreover, to illustrate with have dedicated years of their lives, painters can master sketching stages and proceed to portray a complete picture"), and missing articles ("to illustrate with have dedicated years" should be "to illustrate, individuals have dedicated years").
- How to improve: Focus on improving subject-verb agreement by ensuring that the verb agrees with the subject in number and person. Review the rules for article usage and make sure to include articles where necessary for clarity and accuracy. Additionally, pay attention to punctuation, particularly the use of commas to separate clauses in compound sentences. Practice proofreading your writing carefully to catch and correct these errors before submission.
Bài sửa mẫu
It is a widely debated topic whether ordinary individuals possess the capacity to produce art or if it’s an innate ability reserved for the gifted. Both viewpoints are defensible, yet I favor the latter.
On one hand, it’s undeniable that anyone can engage in artistic endeavors. Today, due to the proliferation of practical courses, those interested in studying art can explore various mediums. For example, photography lessons impart fundamental techniques on adjusting viewpoint and camera angle, enabling learners to capture aesthetically pleasing photos, irrespective of aptitude. Moreover, individuals who dedicate years to mastering sketching techniques can progress to creating complete artworks.
However, critics argue that true mastery of artistry requires innate talent and creativity. As the greatest artists demonstrate their talents from an early age, such as Lang Lang, the Chinese piano prodigy, who showed an interest in music at the age of two. Moreover, art is often seen as the expression of one’s unique perceptions and emotions. These unique attributes are among the primary factors that distinguish masterpieces like the Mona Lisa from other works in the same genre.
In conclusion, while it’s true that anyone can engage in artistic pursuits with dedication and education, there is an undeniable advantage to those with inherent talent and creativity. Therefore, while both viewpoints hold merit, I believe that innate ability plays a significant role in the creation of true masterpieces.
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